nuke Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 HI Please allow me to give you a little history. I am 42 years old and I was married 22 years until I caught my wife having an affair with her boss. I had been completely faithful the entire marriage and at any sign of trouble I would try and correct the problem by going to counseling to ensure our marriage was strong. She ended up having an affair with her boss because he gave her what she said she needed. That was in April 2009, and now he is back with his wife and my X-wife is alone. The affair crushed my self confidence and self esteem. You just feel so inadequate. I have a great job, great looking guy, and everything to offer but I feel so inadequate. Well a month after she left I started going out to have fun and meet folks. It was fun and I was coping very well. Shortly after that I crossed paths with the most extraordinary women I ever met. She was intelligent, beautiful, shared the same interest I have, and we got along perfectly. Granted she was going through a tough divorce due to an abusive relationship, but we managed great and our Love was growing. We both knew it was early, but it was like God put us in each other’s path and you could not ignore that. She made me feel so good about me. There were little things like text messages telling me how much she cared that made me feel whole again and I was starting to become my old self. Well over time I saw little things that told me she was pulling back and it scared me. Sensing that, I wanted to just walk away to prevent any other hurt. Granted I had no intentions of walking away because my love was very strong for her, but my words would hurt her. I know that was wrong but it was like a defense mechanism to protect me. When we were together we never argued and we both were so happy together. I experienced a love that I never felt in my entire life. The last week we have been apart and things really starting going downhill. She basically told me she did not know if she loves me anymore and that she needed time to heal herself. I fully understand her needing to heal because of her past relationship. The part that I do not understand is how does someone go from one month telling you how important you are to them and how much they truly love you, to this?? I know my feelings are the same. Yes, I have been frustrated but that does not change the way I feel. I knew this would not be easy for both of us and I knew it would take hard work but in the end things that take hard work usually pay great dividends!! I know I am not perfect. I would like some advice on how to deal with my fears of failure again and what I should do to try and win her love back?? I know there is not another woman like her in the world! I know this will take work on my part and that is why I am asking for advice and help! I do not want to push her away. I want her to know that I will always be there and my love for her is very real! I am going to send her a link to this and hope she will respond. Nuke
Author nuke Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Any input would be appreciated.
Exit Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 You're at high risk for just being a rebound for her, that explains how her emotions can change that fast. She gave you all her love and attention while trying to get over an abusive relationship, she wanted to believe that she could love and be loved again. Now maybe she's feeling a bit better about everything that has happened and may not need that crutch anymore. She may have just been using you to feel better about her situation. That's the worst case scenario, but it's possible. The worst thing in the world is getting involved with someone coming out of a relationship, it's just not worth it and you can't be sure of their intentions.
Author nuke Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Exit Thanks for the input. Yes that is possible but her feelings seemed so genuine. I know she really misses her X because it was such a controlling relaionship. I just can not see her using anyone. I know she has told me her mind is so scrambled up right now, but when we were close it seemed as if there was no doubt in what she wanted and I was part of it. Now she seems so distant. I am sure my actions have not helped her any. The more I think about it you may be very right in your assesment and I should chalk this up as a lesson learned in life. I guess you never know for sure what happens in realtionships.
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