yah Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Another post got me thinking, how many dates or how long after you meet someone off the internet do you expect to become exclusive with them? Also, do you expect 'the talk' or do you already assume you are exclusive after X amount of dates? I feel like, if the chemistry is there, 5 dates is reasonable. Dis/Agree?
New Again Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 That's all up to you and the people you date. Everyone has different ideas about this, and most people (I think) would agree that there's no hard and fast rule about what's appropriate.
Author yah Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 I'm not sure how that's going to make a difference to the answer... but the answer is no.
Star Gazer Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 That's all up to you and the people you date. Everyone has different ideas about this, and most people (I think) would agree that there's no hard and fast rule about what's appropriate. Agreed. But I will add that IME it seemed as though it took longer to reach exclusivity when I found someone online. Something about that pool of fish still being within a fingertip's reach tended to make it take longer to take oneself off the market. (Not for me, but for the guy.)
aerogurl87 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Another post got me thinking, how many dates or how long after you meet someone off the internet do you expect to become exclusive with them? Also, do you expect 'the talk' or do you already assume you are exclusive after X amount of dates? I feel like, if the chemistry is there, 5 dates is reasonable. Dis/Agree? Well I think 5 dates is reasonable if the chemistry is there. I'll give an example of my boyfriend and I, whom I met online. I knew after date 3 with him that I wanted us to be exclusive, although we didn't get to the talk until date 6 or 7. Anyway I don't think it's a good idea to just assume your exclusive with someone since people tend to have different perceptions on what constitutes exclusivity in a relationship. For my boyfriend it was just knowing that we were only seeing each other since I found out after we had the talk that he thought we were already exclusive. But for me I needed to hear it come straight from his mouth, I needed a verbal agreement I guess you could say.
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I'm not sure how that's going to make a difference to the answer... but the answer is no. Because to me I'm exclusive at the time I have sex with a woman.. That is why I asked.. To answer your question to the OP then 5 dates is way to quick to ask about being exclusive... This would of course also depend on the other person.. Why would anyone want to be exclusive after only 5 dates ?.. you don't even know someone yet and there are many people out there to date and learn about yourself with.
Devil Inside Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Hey OP...do you want to be exclusive? If so, then you have to communicate that. I think that nothing should be assumed in dating. IMO 5 dates is pretty quick..but hey...I guess that will depend on the two of you.
Author yah Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 good point. No, this is all hypothetical. I am seeing someone, I'm not sure if I want to be exclusive yet, it's only been like 3 dates. If it goes well, however, I just wished we could assume (or he would mention) we were exclusive instead of me bringing up the topic.
yongyong Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 you are being Deperate just keep dating and see how it goes. if you ask about it, you are taking a huge risk
Devil Inside Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 good point. No, this is all hypothetical. I am seeing someone, I'm not sure if I want to be exclusive yet, it's only been like 3 dates. If it goes well, however, I just wished we could assume (or he would mention) we were exclusive instead of me bringing up the topic. So let me ask you...if you are not even sure that you want to be exclusive why would you want for it to be assumed? What are you fearing about that conversation?
stepka Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I would have to ask how often you're going out with him too. If it's 1x/week or less, then you're not near exclusivity, unless it's a LDR.
Author yah Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Hmm... Well, if I did not like the previous date and/or enjoyed my date's company then obviously I would not agree to the next date. So I guess my original question would be, at what point (how many dates, or length of time in dating) before you would expect 'the talk' or exclusivity? Heck, if I'm willing to go out 5x (or 6 or 7, ect) with the same person and enjoyed myself each time, I would assume that being exclusive is not so far off in the future. To a previous poster, approx. 2x/wk with phone convos, text messages and online chatting. 3 "dates" but hanging out at each other's place and watching movies a few times (with him trying to put his arms around me, try to kiss me, etc.).
aerogurl87 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Heck, if I'm willing to go out 5x (or 6 or 7, ect) with the same person and enjoyed myself each time, I would assume that being exclusive is not so far off in the future. I would have to agree with you there. I'd expect someone to know by date 7 if they want to be exclusive with me or not. To a previous poster, approx. 2x/wk with phone convos, text messages and online chatting. 3 "dates" but hanging out at each other's place and watching movies a few times (with him trying to put his arms around me, try to kiss me, etc.). Yeah it seems to me like the "talk" may not be too far off into the future depending on how many weeks you've been seeing each other. And I think hanging out is just as vital in going on "dates" in order to determine whether or not you want a relationship with someone, so IMO those count too.
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