Aries77 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Hi LoveShackies -- One of my very good friends has already attempted suicide but thankfully failed. (OD-ed) She is seeking therapy and taking different meds, but in the meantime....What can I do to help her??? Anyone who has already been in a situation like this and has a suggestion would help a lot! (She is depressed, thinks she needs to be perfect, has broken up with the love of her life, has attempted suicide, has cut herself, has OD-ed, and has a mother and father who don't want anything to do with her.) Thanks.
Thaddeus Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 This has come up before (not with you or your friend specifically). And it's deadly - and I say that literally - serious. Unless you're a qualified psychiatrist or therapist, there's precious little you can do. Sometimes offering support can actually be enabling (listening patiently to their problems, etc. etc.) and may further drive her into despair. It's a complex issue and there are no easy answers. You might, however, take a look at this: What to do when a friend is suicidal.
Author Aries77 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Maybe just "being there" or just supporting them? Just simply listening to them? Someone suggested to me to just go for a walk with them. Simple, but yet, at the same time, bonding and open.
tinktronik Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Hi LoveShackies -- One of my very good friends has already attempted suicide but thankfully failed. (OD-ed) She is seeking therapy and taking different meds, but in the meantime....What can I do to help her??? Anyone who has already been in a situation like this and has a suggestion would help a lot! (She is depressed, thinks she needs to be perfect, has broken up with the love of her life, has attempted suicide, has cut herself, has OD-ed, and has a mother and father who don't want anything to do with her.) Thanks. This is such a tough one. I have been in a relationship with a man who has bipolar disorder and has become suicidally depressed and attempted suicide at least 2x. To be honest, I don't know what to do about it. We have been together for almost a decade and I have not been able to wrap my head around it other than to support him in getting outside help and to make sure I get outside help as well. I would tell you to not get overly involved, do not be her only support system; it could very likely crush you. Let your friend know that you are willing and there to be her friend. BUT DO NOT LET HER ISSUES BE YOUR FRIENDSHIP. Please head this and really think into what I am saying. Draw her out to do "normal" things but don't make her depression your topic. This is important for both you and her. This may not be what you wanted to hear but it is the way it is. Depression to the point of suicide is not something that "makes sense" to a person who is not depressed in that way. Good luck.
Lizzie60 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Hi LoveShackies -- One of my very good friends has already attempted suicide but thankfully failed. (OD-ed) She is seeking therapy and taking different meds, but in the meantime....What can I do to help her??? Anyone who has already been in a situation like this and has a suggestion would help a lot! (She is depressed, thinks she needs to be perfect, has broken up with the love of her life, has attempted suicide, has cut herself, has OD-ed, and has a mother and father who don't want anything to do with her.) Thanks.<< If she's already in counselling.. there is not much you can do.. except be there for her.. take her shopping, take her to a movie.. make her laugh.. I know it's not easy.. I've been in her shoes (for 6 years) .. I had great friends.. one especially... who was there for me.. even when I was bitchy.. she supported me.. friends are MUCH better than any therapist... trust me on that one.. Be patient..
tinktronik Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 This has come up before (not with you or your friend specifically). And it's deadly - and I say that literally - serious. Unless you're a qualified psychiatrist or therapist, there's precious little you can do. Sometimes offering support can actually be enabling (listening patiently to their problems, etc. etc.) and may further drive her into despair. It's a complex issue and there are no easy answers. You might, however, take a look at this: What to do when a friend is suicidal. I worry about referring to the tips on suicidal relationships or friendships Thad. As a person inside this "sitch" what they refer is active involvement-- the thing with that is that you cannot continue to do this day after day. The immediate referral should be to a local mental health lock-up (offer to drive your friend there or sit and wit while being processed or released). Or suicide hotline info. However a person cannot do this often enough to "police the friend." It puts a burden of responsibility onto the friendship that skews it into something else.
alphamale Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 i would say be there as a good friend and confidante
tinktronik Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I asked my SO and he had weighed in as well. Here is his advice: I've read what my SO wrote and I absolutely agree. Having been suicidally depressed in the past I can offer my observations as to how my friends responded and how I personally would like my friends to address this issue with me in the future. Number 1, make it clear that it is not okay with you that your friend wants to kill them self. Number 2, you do not understand why that person feels suicidal but you do understand that your friend is in a lot of pain. Number 3, that you are not a therapist, you are a friend. Keep some boundaries. If you want to help be supportive in the areas around that person; make a meal, do the dishes, ect. but let them know you cannot be their therapist to discuss their problems. Number 4, get the number for a suicide hotline and call it yourself. Talk to them to see what they are like so that when you refer that number you can tell your friend that the people on the other end of the line are okay to talk to. Number 5, take every threat seriously. Do not hesitate to call 911 and have your friend committed for evaluation. If your friend is talking about suicide with you it means they have been thinking about it a lot. So, by mentioning it they are actually voicing their intention; wether that is to actual commit suicide or to ask for help the response should be to always contact 911.
Author Aries77 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 I would tell you to not get overly involved, do not be her only support system; it could very likely crush you. Let your friend know that you are willing and there to be her friend. BUT DO NOT LET HER ISSUES BE YOUR FRIENDSHIP. Please head this and really think into what I am saying. Draw her out to do "normal" things but don't make her depression your topic. This is important for both you and her. Thanks! I guess I overlooked making the depression/suicide issue a big deal. Great advice - don't make depression the topic when hanging out/talking.
Author Aries77 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 << I know it's not easy.. I've been in her shoes (for 6 years) .. I had great friends.. one especially... who was there for me.. even when I was bitchy.. she supported me.. friends are MUCH better than any therapist... trust me on that one.. Be patient.. So you've been in her shoes, huh? I'll probably take your advice over anyone else's, then!
Author Aries77 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 I asked my SO and he had weighed in as well. Here is his advice: Number 1, make it clear that it is not okay with you that your friend wants to kill them self. Number 2, you do not understand why that person feels suicidal but you do understand that your friend is in a lot of pain. Number 3, that you are not a therapist, you are a friend. Keep some boundaries. If you want to help be supportive in the areas around that person; make a meal, do the dishes, ect. but let them know you cannot be their therapist to discuss their problems. AWESOME!! This list helps so much!! I was basically at my wit's end worrying about her, I just wish I had some magic potion to rid her of her horrible thoughts of worthlessness. I know I can't wave a magic wand, and that's the hard part. I wish I could!!!
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