Emilhon Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Help I need advice! My ex broke up with me and didn't return my keys. Maybe he forgot the day he was leaving but it's been 3 weeks now, he has to see them on his keychain. It's not unlike him to not text me or something and ask me what I want him to do with my keys. This is the first boyfriend who ever had keys to my place so I don't know what the protocol is. He broke up with me, I want him back so I haven't been texting or calling him like most advisers say to do. I just don't understand why he hasn't mentioned to me that OOoops I forgot to return this what do you want me to do? Advice? Please!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ecm Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 oooooh, this one is tough, b/c I don't really know the rules. I would say text him, telling him to please mail you your keys. That's it. Then, you can still kind of be on NC without having to really have any contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Help I need advice! My ex broke up with me and didn't return my keys. Maybe he forgot the day he was leaving but it's been 3 weeks now, he has to see them on his keychain. It's not unlike him to not text me or something and ask me what I want him to do with my keys. This is the first boyfriend who ever had keys to my place so I don't know what the protocol is. He broke up with me, I want him back so I haven't been texting or calling him like most advisers say to do. I just don't understand why he hasn't mentioned to me that OOoops I forgot to return this what do you want me to do? Advice? Please!!! Do you need the keys or want them back? Or are you trying to figure out if this is a clue/message he is sending? Because my answer is different based on what you're asking. If you are really concerned about him still having keys you can just ask back for them and if he refuses change your locks. If you want to read into it as meaning something else...I'd say, don't. The truth is..it MIGHT mean something or it might not and from experience it is better to think it doesn't mean anything unless the person says it does or blatantly without a doubt does something that clearly shows it means something else. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 I would say you have made it 3 weeks through the breakup. Just call a locksmith and get your locks changed. Link to post Share on other sites
ecm Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 tricky, tricky...both legit responses I would be annoyed to have to call a locksmith and spend money b/c this guy who just dumped me forgot. I've never thought about WHY you wanted your keys back. But, if you do just want the keys, you could always mail him a self addressed stamped envelope...he'll probably think it's a love note before he opens it...LOL Link to post Share on other sites
trueblue72ny Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 i would say just change the locks on your door. than you dont have to feel weird about contacting him over it. and you know that there is no one out there with keys to your place. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 I was never aware of the "control" issue that arises with possessions during a breakup until going through my own recently. It seems like people hang onto things because they know it will keep you thinking about them and keep you wondering, it's a pretty cowardly tactic. I told my ex-gf to give me my things back as soon as possible otherwise it would give me hope that she was going to get back together with me. 3 weeks later I still didn't have my stuff and had to go confront her to get it back. As you said, there's no way he looks at his keys every day and hasn't realized that he still has them. You can try texting him about it, that doesn't really count as breaking no contact as long as you don't say anything else. If he doesn't cooperate then you'll have no choice to just change the locks instead of playing this game with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Just have the locks rekeyed.. If you take the lockset off the door you can take it to a home improvement store and they will rekey it for you.. or just call a locksmith.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilhon Posted September 28, 2009 Author Share Posted September 28, 2009 Thanks for the responses everyone. I guess I should have elaborated more that I want him back. I'm not worried about my keys right this second. I trust him enough not to do anything however eventually as time passes and he becomes more and more a stranger from my life, I want my keys back. Here's a little more info. We broke up before. He said the same verbatim speech he said this second time however the first time I didn't have any hopes he'd be back. 3 weeks after our breakup he texts me about getting his things he left at my place (cologne and deodorant). He comes over to get them, stays for 2 hours talking to me just like normal day to day stuff nothing about "us". Anyways after that we slowly started texting and eventually he started calling me and we started hanging out, doing errands and watching movies ALL platonic of course no relationship talk until one weekend we sorta started to cuddle while watching the movie and presto we were back together. It took me a few months to ask him about our breakup because I was nervous it would change things but he told me he broke up with me because he wasn't sure what he wanted and I was the first serious girl in a long time and he has huge commitment issues but he's really happy now and I shouldn't worry about it anymore. That was 3 days before he broke up with me for the second time, same reasons he gave me the first time but this time he took his things (with the exception of one thing I don't even think he knows I have until he'll need it down the road). Now he has my keys and I can't help but wonder why he hasn't just said BTW what do you want me to do with your keys? He must know that I'll want them back. It's not like it's a DVD or something. Link to post Share on other sites
ATR Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Get the locks changed, that way you wont be thinking about it and wont have to contact him. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 I agree that keeping hold of possessions seems a pretty cowardly tactic. Normally you hold onto things to feel powerful or to ensure that your ex will need to see you again or continue to think of you. Its similar to when someone is dating someone and to snare a second date they will leave their jacket/make-up/ring/etc at your house (albeit this can happen accidentally). I recently broke up with someone I was seeing and the first thing I did was give his key back. There is simply no need to hold onto someones key. It seems sometimes our exes want to make a clean break from us and other times they find ways to elongate and draw out the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilhon Posted September 28, 2009 Author Share Posted September 28, 2009 But I'm glad he has my keys. I want him back. I just don't want to screw up getting him back if I do the wrong thing. How long should I wait before I text him about my keys? Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 But I'm glad he has my keys. I want him back. I just don't want to screw up getting him back if I do the wrong thing. How long should I wait before I text him about my keys? But you can't hold onto him having the keys as ammunition to getting him back. The best thing you can do, even if you don't feel it, is to go through the motions of breaking up. That's really the only way you may get someone back even potentially. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilhon Posted September 28, 2009 Author Share Posted September 28, 2009 I feel like I'm going through the motions. I haven't banked him coming back on the fact that he has my keys but him having them still is my last chance to see him with a reason. Last time this happend when he came to get his stuff... we started talking, texting, hanging out again. I want that again but I'm nervous because I've never had to get my stuff back it was him the fist time. What should I do just text and ask about my keys? Should I wait a certain amount of time? I'm devastated and feeling so neurotic about this whole thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Get the locks changed, that way you wont be thinking about it and wont have to contact him. I completely agree. If he wanted to contact you about the keys or anything else he would. Just change the locks and move on. I suggest you do not contact him because he will see right through the key excuse and you'll just feel bad and go through all the hurt and rejection again and that's the worst feeling ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 But I'm glad he has my keys. I want him back. I just don't want to screw up getting him back if I do the wrong thing. How long should I wait before I text him about my keys? I think the bigger question is why do you want a guy back who doesn't have strong feelings for you? If he doesn't feel that much for you now, then he never will. Even if he does come back, he may stay longer, waste more of your precious time, and break your heart even worse. You're begging for trouble by having such low standards and being willing to accept this guy back into your life. You're so focused on how YOU feel, you're totally ignoring how HE feels - which ain't much. This has all the makings of a disastrous relationship. And the way you described your last break up and getting back together - that's very common and there's nothing really remarkable about it. Except the he deserts you 3 days after you have a discussion about it. This guy is a real winner. If you're in an apartment and want to change the locks, tell the manager. They probably have someone on site who can take care of it, and they'll probably only charge you a small fee. And, as a sidenote, as a single woman on your own, you need to think about being more self-protective. It's a very bad idea to have keys to your residence floating around. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 But I'm glad he has my keys. I want him back. I just don't want to screw up getting him back if I do the wrong thing. How long should I wait before I text him about my keys? Why not just text him that you will be waiting for him on your bed at 10pm.. naked and ready for him.. Then tell him.. you have the key.. come right on in and ravish me.. Think he will ? Then the key means nothing..either ask for it back, change the locks or let it go but him having your key on his ring isn't going to get him back... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts