Beyond Broken Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Some of you know me and my story. To sum it up real quick. I was in a toxic relationship for 2 years. it has been over now for a few months. (still down in the dumps) But getting a little better each day... The most common advice i have been getting is "Take this time to get to know yourself". 1. What does that mean? 2. How the heck do you do that? 3. Where do I begin?
nobody's girl Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 To sum up in one line: don't think. Don't obsess over your current status. Don't think "oh it's Saturday night and I don't have a date" or things along that line. Enjoy spending time by yourself. Do things you may have wanted to do but never did because you were worried about what others think. Take a class, go for a long walk by yourself, etc. If you want to have cookies for breakfast, have cookies for breakfast. If you want to skip dinner, skip dinner. You don't have to prepare meals for anybody but you. If you spend time just doing instead of thinking, or over-thinking, you'll see patterns emerge and you'll find things out about yourself that you never knew before. Once you get to know yourself and know what you like/want/need, you'll be more open to finding the right match for you - if that's what you want.
carhill Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 1. What does that mean? Introspection 2. How the heck do you do that? Spend time alone, focusing only on yourself, your psyche, your spirit. 3. Where do I begin? I adopted a cat. Cats are very wise.Also, they are very independent, which is a good example for you during this process. If you can focus on yourself for six months, not expending energy on others except perhaps for a couple of close friends and your family, you will see your truth more clearly, IME.Dating and sexual pursuits will distract you from the process. Engage them at your own risk
Dooda Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 It means being yourself and not caring about how others perceive you. It means having the perception you have of yourself and only that perception, which means loving yourself for who you are, and doing what makes you feel fulfilled as a person. Sometimes, this is the hardest thing to do for me, but I know it's right. I just can't seem to get my mind straight. Don't let the worry loop get to you.
Trey Walter Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 1. There are quite some different ways to get to know yourself... I prefer thinking about myself, although this method tends to lead to a kind of perfectionism which can also have negative influences. You also get to know yourself better if you get yourself in situations that are new for you. Or situations that feel uncomfortable for you. So you will have to figure out for yourself which way is most effective for you. 2. I just think. I meditate before going to bed. And I write down most of my thoughts. (I got a special folder on my harddisk to store them.) I consider writing down your thoughts as really effective, you should give it a try. In addition, I read a lot about topics like psychology or philosophy. This way I not only learn about myself, but also about life as a whole. 3. I can't really tell you how you should start. I myself began with reading. Then the textes got me thinking and so I ended up doing both.
Author Beyond Broken Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 Good God you people are simply wonderful! Lots of good advice and help. Here is what I've done so far: well first off I have deleted her completely from my life.. ie myspace, cell phone, email. etc.. NC! 2nd: I joined flight school which is very exciting, and I look forward to it everyday. And it definetly keeps my mind focused. 3rd: I started a saltwater fishtank which requires alot of my attention. I have a cat and dog. I live alone in a big house with them. It gets a bit lonely at nights. I took up a new habit called drinking. It helps at nights. I also started on Anti-depressants (welbutrin). seems to be working so far... Along with the valiums... I'm a big ole mess. But I am determined to get better!
alphamale Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 you won't know yourself fairly well until you're around 40 and even after that you'll still be learning
GrayClouds Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I took up a new habit called drinking. It helps at nights. I also started on Anti-depressants (welbutrin). seems to be working so far If your taking anti-depressant, they you really should not be drinking it is only going to negate the what the welbutrin is trying to do. Alcohol is a depressant.
Author Beyond Broken Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 Ok. This morning I woke up feeling really bad, and sad. And I'm not talking about a hangover. I'm lucky enough not to get them. However, I have been drinking every night since May (our break-up) And I mean every night! So I may need to ween myself off of the alcohol. I would love to just totally stop. But I dont think I can, so I plan on only having half of what I normally drink tonight, and keep on trying to lower it as time passes. Alcoholism runs in my family, and I am aware that I can become one. So I will try to stop. And be very aware. I have learned that there are no answers at the bottom of the bottle... Thank you all again so much! I look forward to your responses all the time!
nobody's girl Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Skip the alcohol and find a different drink to become "addicted" to. Mine is green tea - Lipton's, Starbucks, it doesn't matter. I consume gallons of it but I know it isn't going to cause me to lose control, drink & drive, etc. If you've got a dog, get out and walk it daily. I love taking mine out to the local state parks and losing myself on the trails. Every once in a while I stop and think "there isn't a person on the face of the earth that knows where I am at this very second" I just love that feeling. You can also join some local meet up groups, or your local dog park if you have one, to socialize with other dog people. Or get yourself and your dog involved in a dog sport - flyball, agility, obedience, rally, etc. It's fun for both of you. And I guarantee while you're training you won't think of anything else.
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