brock9911 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 i didnt want to talk to my ex...i find out my so called "friend" sent her an email wanting to talk and he left her his #. so now instead of saying f it, i decide to confront my friend, who denies ever sending a message saying that he thinks its a few kids that dont like him who got on and are starting trouble. i than talk to my ex to figure this whole thing out, and instead of getting some satisfaction in hearing from her, all i got was a mixed mind and expecting more from the conversation. not one bit of how are you or hows life going. just coldness. it definitly left me feeling quite empty.
fabulous_chk Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Let's do this NC thing for real Brock. Nothing good came out of my contact with my ex- the most recent one left me crying my eyes out. They are not worth our time and effort. We should concentrate on moving on. Just keep imagining her cold and distant like that whenever the urge to contact her becomes great.
Author brock9911 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 yeah your right, im just a sucker...i was looking for a reason to contact her. and in the long run it was a bad decision. it was like she didnt give a sh*t about me. this was the first time in 5 months since the breakup that i made an effort to talk. b4 this it was her constantly texting me. this whole breakup thing is a total mind f*ck. i cant figure out what the hell im doing anymore
adamt Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 This is why i am able to stick to NC because i can not face getting a bad response from the ex. I just don't want to risk it and get all the feelings flooding back. It is not going to improve my situation. I have 101 questions i could ask but i know she will treat me like a stranger, give crap answers and then i have more questions. I am at the stage where no news or contact is good news. what i dont know cant harm me anymore. In the end she just wasnt as into me as was being made out, she wasnt prepared to make it work and i just feel a bit conned and let down as if it was all just an act
Author brock9911 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Yeah i didnt think getting a cold response was going to affect me but it deff did. all i keep thinking is who is she with, is she sleeping with other people. do i ever cross her mind. all sh*t i shouldnt care about but i do...i need to have another fling to keep her off my mind.
fabulous_chk Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 yeah your right, im just a sucker...i was looking for a reason to contact her. and in the long run it was a bad decision. it was like she didnt give a sh*t about me. this was the first time in 5 months since the breakup that i made an effort to talk. b4 this it was her constantly texting me. this whole breakup thing is a total mind f*ck. i cant figure out what the hell im doing anymore She probably has healed during the 5 month NC. And may I say that's pretty impressive!!! My longest lasted only 18 days. My ex is not cold and distant- he was actually brutally honest and very warm and caring. But no matter how they act, we are bound to hurt if we continue contact because, obviously, we are still hurting over the devastation they inflicted on us. NC is the motto.
adamt Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 my ex was was very blunt when we split up. it crushed me and i just dont want to risk going there again. She said we had nothing in common(how the hell do you last 3 years then?) we had stopped having sex and when i asked if she didnt fancy me anymore she said yes aswell as other things. I could see in her eyes and bidy language there just was no hope. it felt like a stranger telling me someone close to me had died. The only way for me woul dbe we bump into each other and have a chat and get on together. But i cant see it happening. I am just not looking in that rear view mirror.
Author brock9911 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 true, my relationship didnt deteriorate the way yours did. it kinda ended very abruptly. i mean she cheated on me, but we stayed together for about a year. and one night she packs my bags and kicked me out cuz i got really drunk and decided to sleep in my car instead of driving. she didnt believe me and thought i was with another girl. than about a month later she broke up with me saying she thought i cheated on her because i took pictures with another girl. its the frustration level that gets to me. i NEVER cheated and she had to break up wit me cuz of her guilty conscience. as for the sex, that deminished also. we both were on anti anxiety and depression medication which totally f*cks with your sex drive. so that sucked.
adamt Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Sometimes people who cheat on their partner then start to think their partner is cheating too. Which isnt always true. I could have done things differently but my ex changed a lotin the last 6-8 months of relationship. I think losing her mom effected her. but i cant put al the blame in just. She got into facebook and told her a few times to not go on it as much when i am sat with her. Facebook kills the conversation
Author brock9911 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 yeah facebook is a trouble maker. thats how my ex saw pictures of me with another girl. but it wasnt like i was all over her or doing anything. and my ex new this girls, it wasnt some random girl at some bar. it was a friends. she was just looking for a reason to release the burden in her mind cuz the only way she can feel good about herself is knowing i did something wrong to make things "even". what ever i hate getting blamed for something i didnt do. i honestly would have broken up with my ex when i found out she cheated, but my father had passed away right when it happened so i was emotionally week. i needed the comfort of having her around i guess. losing an ex of 8 years and my father was a lot to bare.
adamt Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 My ex lost her mom after a long illness. But she was the opposite to you. she seemed to get more distant with me and not letting me get closer. I found that difficult to be able to help. I just thought it was her way of dealing with it. she was quite independent person. then the day they buried her moms ashes she dumped. Since then she seems to have a different outlook on life. she was in her mid 30s and looking to settle down but now she wants to just be on her own and go do things. changed her appearance. unfortunately for me she looks better too. life is just no fair. just hoping someone better is just around the corner.. I miss the girl from the first 2.5 years, but dont really know the girl from the last 6 months.
Author brock9911 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 i here ya man. i had only been talking to my father for about 3 years when he died. we went about 4 years without talking cuz he had a huge falling out. im only 26, so i didnt have many years to warm up to him so to speak. but he died suddenly of a drug overdose so i wasnt expecting it at all. i was pretty messed up in the head after that. having her around helped alot. actually i probably would have been ok with any kinda of female support haha. i kinda put her cheating on me in the back burner cuz my mind was swamped with the loss of my father. trust me when i say theres another girl around the corner. you just have to have an open mind and not lock everyone out. dont let ur ex jade you. iv had a few little flings, but nothing that lasted. im enjoying and hate being single at the same time haha. oh well
adamt Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Sorry to hear about how it was with your father, but it is good you made up before it was too late. I can see how these become life changing events. I have a friend who lost his mother and his girlfriend was being selfish and want his attention. they split up and she was cheating on him. So when it happened with my ex i just gave her all the space she wanted and didnt put any extra pressure on her. I thought we were a good trusting couple and this would be only a short term thing. maybe it backfired a bit, i will never know. It makes me realise that you can never get complacent, take for granted or comfortable in a relationship. I hope in my next relationship i can fix any mistake i made in the past. been split upo 4 months and just been focusing on myself. I miss her sometimes and think about what she is doing a lot but i am ready to start looking for a new person. Although i will not lower my standards and just get someone for the sake of it, but at 38 there are less opportunities. I am in the process of joing a dating agency, there seems some nice women on there. Never thought i would join one! I think you reach a situation whre you jsut think you cant let your ex rule your life anymore and you have to get back out there. I have another friend who girlfriend died 6 years ago, but he has never really recovered and has not had a girlfriend since. that feels very sad
Author brock9911 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 yeah. i just cant shake the thoughts of my ex. shes always on my mind. i dont want her to be but i just cant help it. and i think dragging someone into what im going through wont be fare. my self esteem isnt exactly up there. what really sucks is i feel like i had more opportunities when i was in a relationship. i dont know if its because i was more confident and not looking for a relationship and thats what girls were attracted to. i dont know...i think about and into things way to much.
adamt Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Isn't it case of people wanting what they cant have or like it is easier to get a job when you already have a job. If you have a job then you are more attractive to employ. Less of a risk, i mean they might think why hasnt he got a job already?
Author brock9911 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 yeah, well if i knew the kinda of ending the relationship was gonna be than maybe i shoulda taken advantage of the fact i had girls interested. f*ck it, i was blamed and got dumped for cheating. as they say if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck....its a duck.
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