Jambalaya Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I took a risk this morning and expressed my needs to my boyfriend. Something I rarely do, but despite previous efforts, we don't spend enough time together. Things get in the way. I don't want my boyfriend to feel he has to spend time with me. I want him to want to spend time with me. I can't make him reorganise or reprioritise his life or desires. The fact of the matter is, that after nearly a year and a half, we rarely spend quality time together anymore - even if it's just a walk in the park - and as a couple that's invaluable. He suggested recently that we move in together, but for me moving in together should happen because both parties are happy and settled and it's the right time and thing to do. Not because it'll solve a problem. We could live together and still not see each other or spend quality time - where's the point in that? I want him in my life and in my future. I want to have fun and adventures and explore and feel love, security and happiness with him. I try to make these things happen by including him in as much as possible, even if it's just going for a drink with friends. Whether he wants to be involved or not is up to him. But if he can't or don't want to, he can't and I can't make him LOL Yes relationships require work, compromise and effort, but not in a way that makes either party unhappy or stressed. You do these things because you want to, not just for the sake of a quiet life, or just to make the other happy. So after stating these things, happily he says he wants the same things I do. However, as weird as this sounds, he says he doesn't know how to incorporate our lives together and improve the situation without my help! I feel that I've opened up my life, my interests, my friends and family to him, yet he doesn't seem able to prioritise his life to include me equally, but wants to. Are we at a stalemate? I can only do so much planning and organising. It has to be a two way street. What else can I do? How do I 'help' him? He's full of good intentions, but no ability to realise those intentions into actual actions.
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