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Dating Multiple People

midawg

By midawg
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midawg Member

midawg

Posted
Posted (edited)

Question for the group. I met someone via (EH). We have had two great dates. We have date #3 scheduled for Wednesday. I got a bombshell in a e-mail this morning of ... "I am still seeing other people, if we continue to have a good time we will make a joint commitment at a future date.".

 

Needless to say I was surprised due to her attention, and our chemistry. I canceled my other dates to focus exclusively on this lady. Should I go back and open up communication with another lady is dying to go out with me, or sit back and see how things work out on this one. I am torn, as I like this girl a lot, but I am not going to get jerked around.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Lizzie60 Established Member

Lizzie60

Posted
Posted

It's really up to you.. at least, she was honest about it..

 

How can you expect someone you met on an Internet dating site to be exclusive after 2 dates... this is beyond me.. really.

 

My advice.. get out there and check them AAALLLL out.. that's what she's doing and I don't blame her.. ;)

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

Definitely see other people also. If she wants to be exclusive she will tell you so. If she already told you she is dating other people she expects you to do the same. Lizzie is right. I wouldn't want to get serious with a guy after just 2 or 3 dates either.

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Lauriebell82 Established Member

Lauriebell82

Posted
Posted

I agree with the other posters, get out there and date other women! If you two happen to hit it off and it turns into something THEN would be a time to stop seeing other people.

 

Like Lizzie said, at least she was honest about it.

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carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
"I am still seeing other people, if we continue to have a good time we will make a joint commitment at a future date."

 

Sounds like a business arrangement. Cold. I'd pass :)

loveslife Established Member

loveslife

Posted
Posted
Sounds like a business arrangement. Cold. I'd pass :)

 

I know. I was thinking the same thing. Maybe sex talk can go something like this, "I enjoy kissing you and if we continue to progress through the bases we can expect a homerun in 3.5 weeks."

 

I'd definitely continue seeing other people. If for no other reason, then it seems you're not on the same page as this woman. :bunny:

SierraRose Established Member

SierraRose

Posted
Posted

So, go out on your date and make it clear you want her and only her. See what her responce is....if she isn't willing to commit to you right now, then by all means go out with others!

pandagirl Established Member

pandagirl

Posted
Posted

Yeah, kudos for her being honest, but she looses major point for her delivery. lame!

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

LOL, I'm talking to Medicare right now and their automated female phone voice is more friendly :)

Lauriebell82 Established Member

Lauriebell82

Posted
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Does she have a business degree? :laugh:

 

I agree with carhill that her statement did sound a little like a business transaction.

Thaddeus Established Member

Thaddeus

Posted
Posted

I'm gonna be the odd one out here (no surprise there, I imagine) and suggest that while her reply was pretty business-like, I think that's not all bad. She's speaking what I understand: short, clear, to-the-point without emotion-laden language. Personally, that works for me.

 

Definitely continue seeing other people, though. Fewer things are more difficult than a raging case of one-itis with someone who's not on the same page.

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midawg Member

midawg

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Thanks for the responses. Yes, she is not a emotional person (maybe the fact she is a RN in the ER). I am going with the notion if it is meant to be it will happen. Wish me luck. Thanks!

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
Yes, she is not a emotional person
This is important information if you know it to be true. I married someone like that. I'm divorcing someone like that. You must be comfortable with and accepting of that personality style. I was/am not, but was too ignorant prior to getting married to understand that.. YMMV :)
Thaddeus Established Member

Thaddeus

Posted
Posted
I am going with the notion if it is meant to be it will happen.
Then you're living in a dream world.

 

Nothing is "meant to be." It has to be created between you and her. It will take effort and understanding and a meeting of the minds as far as the relationship goes. But don't believe that you can just sit back and let stuff just happen because you think it was "meant to be." Life does not work like that, regardless of what you might otherwise believe.

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loveslife Established Member

loveslife

Posted
Posted
Thanks for the responses. Yes, she is not a emotional person (maybe the fact she is a RN in the ER). I am going with the notion if it is meant to be it will happen. Wish me luck. Thanks!

 

Ouch. I wouldn't be able to live with someone who is cold. :eek:

Shygirl15 Established Member

Shygirl15

Posted
Posted

I agree. Not sure why OP would still be interested in someone that cold. The idea that she's multidating would have been enough to turn me off completely too.

Phateless Established Member

Phateless

Posted
Posted
Question for the group. I met someone via (EH). We have had two great dates. We have date #3 scheduled for Wednesday. I got a bombshell in a e-mail this morning of ... "I am still seeing other people, if we continue to have a good time we will make a joint commitment at a future date.".

 

Needless to say I was surprised due to her attention, and our chemistry. I cancelled my other dates to focus exclusively on this lady. Should I go back and open up communication with another lady is dying to go out with me, or sit back and see how things work out on this one. I am torn, as I like this girl a lot, but I am not going to get jerked around.

 

Reopen communication with the other women. This lady has made it VERY CLEAR what she wants. Until the two of you explicitly agree on being exclusive, you are free to date other people, AND YOU SHOULD!

 

EDIT - what's wrong with multi-dating? I have no problem with exclusivity but until I commit myself to one person, I'll date whoever I want, simultaneously. As long as nobody is being deceived, there is nothing wrong with it.

  • Like 1
Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

Posted
Posted
Question for the group. I met someone via (EH). We have had two great dates. We have date #3 scheduled for Wednesday. I got a bombshell in a e-mail this morning of ... "I am still seeing other people, if we continue to have a good time we will make a joint commitment at a future date.".

 

Needless to say I was surprised due to her attention, and our chemistry. I cancelled my other dates to focus exclusively on this lady. Should I go back and open up communication with another lady is dying to go out with me, or sit back and see how things work out on this one. I am torn, as I like this girl a lot, but I am not going to get jerked around.

Your response to her should be "Any future discussion about exclusivity, will require the presence of legal counsel, to vet documentation and verbal commitments. In the interim, we can both continue doing business with third parties." :laugh:

 

And yes, keep on dating around. The way she couched it was really odd, although I fully respect that she did divulge.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

LOL, good one TBF...

 

Everyone is different. OP, what is your history in relationships/friendships, etc? Do you tend to gravitate towards people who are less expressive emotionally and, if so, does that mesh well with how you express yourself? Do you feel comfortable with that? Are you sensitive to those triggers?

 

BTW, I agree that her directness should be appreciated. I would feel similarly, and, in my case, move on, simply because of incompatible styles. You will necessarily view things in your unique way.

 

Have fun dating! :)

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

Posted
Posted
I know. I was thinking the same thing. Maybe sex talk can go something like this, "I enjoy kissing you and if we continue to progress through the bases we can expect a homerun in 3.5 weeks."

 

:lmao:

 

It was cold and very business like.

 

As for dating multiple people, I always urge people to assume that the other person is dating other people until "the talk" occurs, if ever.

Thornton Established Member

Thornton

Posted
Posted

This multi-dating seems to be an American thing. In the UK we usually try one person on for size at a time, and if we don't like that person then we dump them and date someone else. It seems kind of disrespectful to date more than one person at a time - you're not giving things a decent try with that person if you're simultaneously dating other people.

 

I would tend to assume that if someone asks me out they're not currently seeing anyone else and they genuinely want to get to know me better. I'd feel insulted to be one of many girls he was dating at one particular time. Finding out that a guy was dating someone else, even if we only had one or two dates so far, would be a dumping offence - no matter how nice he was, I'd never want to see him again.

aerogurl87 Established Member

aerogurl87

Posted
Posted
This multi-dating seems to be an American thing. In the UK we usually try one person on for size at a time, and if we don't like that person then we dump them and date someone else. It seems kind of disrespectful to date more than one person at a time - you're not giving things a decent try with that person if you're simultaneously dating other people.

 

I live in the USA and I have to agree with Thorton. I don't get this whole multi-dating thing. If I go on a date it's because I'm completely single and not seeing anyone at the time. Maybe it's me but I can't split my attention up between guys like that. I'd feel like I wasn't giving whoever I was with everything needed to see if something could even be there. Plus I'd feel bad having to break things off with all the other men I was seeing. I guess kinda like I was leading them all on. But that's just me. So OP I say if you want to date one woman exclusively to just move on now because that's obviously not what she wants at the moment. Plus, that email was really cold.

loveslife Established Member

loveslife

Posted
Posted
This multi-dating seems to be an American thing. In the UK we usually try one person on for size at a time, and if we don't like that person then we dump them and date someone else. It seems kind of disrespectful to date more than one person at a time - you're not giving things a decent try with that person if you're simultaneously dating other people.

 

 

I'm American and I feel the same way.

samspade Established Member

samspade

Posted
Posted
Question for the group. I met someone via (EH). We have had two great dates. We have date #3 scheduled for Wednesday. I got a bombshell in a e-mail this morning of ... "I am still seeing other people, if we continue to have a good time we will make a joint commitment at a future date.".

 

Needless to say I was surprised due to her attention, and our chemistry. I cancelled my other dates to focus exclusively on this lady. Should I go back and open up communication with another lady is dying to go out with me, or sit back and see how things work out on this one. I am torn, as I like this girl a lot, but I am not going to get jerked around.

 

She tells you she's dating around, so you cut back on YOUR opportunities?

 

Come on, man. Grow a pair. She's signaling low interest to you, while simultaneously ***** testing your insecurity levels. You should be spinning more plates and not focusing on one woman.

 

I'll add that her audacity and presumption reeks of alpha-female b*tchiness and a bit of sluttiness. She wants to be in control (red flag #1 - she either sees herself as masculine or you as feminine) and she wants you to be okay with her banging other guys (red flag #2 - she sees you as a cuckold or f*ck buddy at best).

 

Of course, we all know that women we date are probably banging other guys - but one who has high interest level will not blatantly TELL you this. That is, unless she wants your walking papers.

 

If you want to ratchet up her interest in you, ignore her email, and cut short your third date (suddenly) because you have to be somewhere.

 

Yes, communicate with the other lady. Path of least resistance (provided you're not over-compromising on physical attraction). Don't suffer fools gladly.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

I don't see anything wrong with a young, single woman dating more than one guy. How else are you going to see what's out there? Now you don't have to sleep with them; but going out and getting to know different men is healthy in my opinion. Then, you will meet the guy you really like and tell the others good-bye and then sleep with your chosen guy. I think if you don't meet and greet different people you may settle down and feel like you missed something or should have dated more. And, yes I am American.

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