Dark-Farmer Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I don't think what you did was all too wrong. It was a mistake given but that's all. I've been there. I would never cheat on someone i was with too. By the sounds of it you where with him for a long time and had a lot of emotional investment. he hurt you and it has probably been hard for you, and i know how it feels to have one last swim in the pool before you leave for good. trust me it happens to the best of us. The other girl may not have known about you (initially) but im sure she knew your ex Just got out of a relationship. That zone is always shakey ground for a new partner, becuase you could be a rebound. You were single and he wasn't. that's the bottom line. it might be different if he wasn't your ex and you were purposely ruining someone else's relationship. which i'm 100% sure wasn't your intention.
Author Lishy Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Thanks DF, you are right I would not actually want to hurt their relationship as when he is seeing her he leaves me alone. At one point I wanted to cause destruction for them as I was hurting so badly, but I am over that now! Saturday night was about sex and a cuddle with someone I could trust in my house. I couldnt trust him for much now but I can trust him not to overstep the mark with me and probably payback was in the mix somewhere if I look deeper! When we split up I did not think love could hurt so much and I htought I would never get over him. I now know I would never have him back
Dexter Morgan Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I know I made a huge mistake, I would never ever trist him or get back with him, I cannot explain why I did it as I dont know myself, all I know is that I felt really lonely that night and I was really drunk and I called him! you could have found ANY guy that night to take home.....why him? I think there is more to the reason you called him than you are telling us. When you say you'll never get back together with him, I don't think you can say that with all certainty...afterall...you called him that night didn't you?
Phateless Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 you could have found ANY guy that night to take home.....why him? I think there is more to the reason you called him than you are telling us. When you say you'll never get back together with him, I don't think you can say that with all certainty...afterall...you called him that night didn't you? Because he's a known entity. Some stranger is a much higher risk and there's no way to know if he'll even be good in bed. I see where she's coming from.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Because he's a known entity. Some stranger is a much higher risk and there's no way to know if he'll even be good in bed. I see where she's coming from. you do? he treated her like crap, cheated on her....and damn if this playa wasn't just sitting around minding his own business when the woman he played dialed a booty call into him. Like I've said before. I need to take some lessons from cheaters and become a playa with no respect for anyone.
Phateless Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 you do? he treated her like crap, cheated on her....and damn if this playa wasn't just sitting around minding his own business when the woman he played dialed a booty call into him. Like I've said before. I need to take some lessons from cheaters and become a playa with no respect for anyone. Not saying I agree with it, just saying I see where she's coming from. I've never got weak and called my ex, no matter what.
Author Lishy Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 you do? he treated her like crap, cheated on her....and damn if this playa wasn't just sitting around minding his own business when the woman he played dialed a booty call into him. Like I've said before. I need to take some lessons from cheaters and become a playa with no respect for anyone. Would you be happy being a booty call Dexter? Is that your aim in life? My ex will always just be used and thrown away because of his shoddy treatment of women! What does he have now? Nothing! I dont want him and nor will any woman. He will go though life being picked up and dropped and played right back. He will not be a happy man in years to come let me tell you. And did I not already explain why I did not pick up a complete stranger? Phate was completely right with his anology of how it was and you just didnt read what I wrote obviously! So instead of taking lessons on how to cheat and play, take lessons on reading what is in front of you as that will hold you in much higher stead!
loveslife Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Ya know, Lish, I'm kind of surprised that you seem surprised that all people aren't all in your corner about this. You seem kind of defensive. But please don't think I'm criticizing you. I've been in similar situations and it is dumb. Just learn from it. Not only about not seeing this guy again but about why you let him touch you after what he did to you. A lot of people get lonely, drunk and horny and don't have sex with people who disrespected them. Again, not trying to criticize you, just trying to offer one perspective. And I doubt he really regrets what he did. By contacting him and having sex with him after what he did on some level he figures he can get away with anything with you now. He's a liar and a cheat. I wouldn't take his words of remorse now at face value. But you are so right when you say he has a sorry future ahead of him. He has to live with the results of his actions and that's a pretty shameful place to live.
Dark-Farmer Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 damn if this playa wasn't just sitting around minding his own business when the woman he played dialed a booty call into him. Like I've said before. I need to take some lessons from cheaters and become a playa with no respect for anyone. I think your just looking at this wrong. In the past he did use her. But this time it wasn't him getting a booty call, it was her. Women are just as sexual creatures as men, sometimes more. She wanted some and he jumped to his feet to service her. If a guy were to call an ex and she raced over to sleep with him i think you would be singing a different tune. Although at the time it was just sex, i think lishy put more emotion in it than that. Probably felt bad or even sad after a day or so. What ever though can't always quit cold turkey
Author Lishy Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 Hey Loveslife, I guess I do feel a bit defensive and I also think that the tone in Dexters post rubbed me up the wrong way. I have said I felt bad the next day, not about having sex with him as it was just about sex BUT about the fact that he has a form of girlfriend in the pipeline. They are not in a serious relationship but that does not make it any better really. I used him for sex and I do not feel guilty on myself. I did what I wanted to do and he is the one left wanting more, not me! After what he did to me, no I do not feel bad on him at all! The way you wrote LL I do not take offence at all but the way Dexter spewed out his hateful words did rub me up the wrong way. You said just what he did but you worded in differently and I make you right in what you have said to be honest! I know I would feel bad about bringing a complete stranger home and shagging him! I would feel awful beyond belief and he was a better option at the time. He wont get an action replay as I have had a barrage of calls from him since with the I love you's and lets get married crap. I dont believe he is one bit sorry and I am not taking on board his lies
Dexter Morgan Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Would you be happy being a booty call Dexter? Is that your aim in life? no, it was sarcasm. My ex will always just be used and thrown away because of his shoddy treatment of women! and that just might suit him fine. he is a cheater, he is going to like having women fall at his feet because he is a bad boy player. What does he have now? Nothing! I dont want him and nor will any woman. He will go though life being picked up and dropped and played right back. He will not be a happy man in years to come let me tell you. well I'm on the other side of it. I have been out on dates with women that cater to these bad boys, give them the booty calls, then all of a sudden say they are looking for a decent man and I have to hear them complain about these men when they made their own bed. I've had 2 dates like this, and since they like the bad boys for sex, I was no longer interested. I just gotta wonder what runs through women's minds that keep going back to these idiots, whether it be just for sex, or whatever else....then complain about them? If one is going to complain, its rather dumb to hook up with them again.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I think your just looking at this wrong. In the past he did use her. But this time it wasn't him getting a booty call, it was her. So now she is no better than him. And to add to it, he was seeing someone, she knew this, and called him anyway. so if she wants to call him for a booty call....fine, just don't complain about him being a cheat if she is gonna do that. What I really take exception with is that for all the complaining about cheating, and rightfully so, that she has done in this forum...she NOW was the initiator in getting him to cheat on someone else. Women are just as sexual creatures as men, sometimes more. She wanted some and he jumped to his feet to service her. If a guy were to call an ex and she raced over to sleep with him i think you would be singing a different tune. nope, and if you have been around enough to know me, you'd see that I despise this in men just as much. And again, we aren't talking about booty call with an X. We are talking about a booty call to a cheating jerk, and she called him knowing he was with someone else.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Hey Loveslife, I guess I do feel a bit defensive and I also think that the tone in Dexters post rubbed me up the wrong way. I have said I felt bad the next day, not about having sex with him as it was just about sex BUT about the fact that he has a form of girlfriend in the pipeline. but why just the next day? you KNEW he had a girlfriend, yet you called him anyway. you only felt bad after you got what you wanted? They are not in a serious relationship but that does not make it any better really. I used him for sex and I do not feel guilty on myself. I did what I wanted to do and he is the one left wanting more, not me! After what he did to me, no I do not feel bad on him at all! and I don't feel bad for the d!ck either, except that he could treat you like crap and still get sex off of you. this is why players can be players....they have enablers.
Author Lishy Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 OK Dexter now I understand that the sternness in your post was down to your own exasperation of how you have been treated. My situation is a whole different ball game though. I was in a LTR with this guy and he treated me really good throughout or so I thought UNTIL I found out he was cheating on me. I loved this man Dexter, I really did and he dumped on me from a huge height! I did not call him beause I missed him or want him back, I did my grieving for him and whilst I grieved he never got one call from me and Saturday night was about SEX! Nothing else, no pining, no reminiscing, no begging him back ... just SEX! So even though you may think I am putting myself down by calling him after what he did, if you see it from where I am standing ... well, the playa got played!
Dark-Farmer Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 So now she is no better than him. I disagree. She's a single girl. She's free, free to do what she pleases. Perhap to sleep with an ex is not the best move, but she is not committed to anyone. She is definately better than him, he sounds like a scum bag. She just had sex with an ex boyfriend, and as a single girl (as long as she's safe) that completely fine; if that's what she wants. she didn't break any rules.
Author Lishy Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 but why just the next day? you KNEW he had a girlfriend, yet you called him anyway. you only felt bad after you got what you wanted? Ok back to the old "read what I write" scenario:rolleyes: I was DRUNK when I called him! Get it? and I don't feel bad for the d!ck either, except that he could treat you like crap and still get sex off of you. this is why players can be players....they have enablers. Who got played Dexter? I got sex off of him! You just dont get this do you!
loveslife Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 well I'm on the other side of it. I have been out on dates with women that cater to these bad boys, give them the booty calls, then all of a sudden say they are looking for a decent man and I have to hear them complain about these men when they made their own bed. I've had 2 dates like this, and since they like the bad boys for sex, I was no longer interested. I just gotta wonder what runs through women's minds that keep going back to these idiots, whether it be just for sex, or whatever else....then complain about them? If one is going to complain, its rather dumb to hook up with them again. I'll tell you from personal experience what went through my mind... I told myself it was just for sex when I called a cheating ex for a booty call. And to me it was. But then I found out he betrayed me after our little booty call and it still hurt. Did I feel like I had the right to complain? No. And that's what did me in really. I couldn't tell anyone and get sympathy because I had made my bed good and well. I lied to myself, displaced blame and was a hypocrit. It came from a lack of self-respect. It made me grow up a bit when I had to face that. So, yeah, I understand what you're saying
Dexter Morgan Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I disagree. She's a single girl. She's free, free to do what she pleases. Perhap to sleep with an ex is not the best move, but she is not committed to anyone. I was mainly referring to her knowing he had a girlfriend, didn't care, and called him anyway.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 OK Dexter now I understand that the sternness in your post was down to your own exasperation of how you have been treated. My situation is a whole different ball game though. I was in a LTR with this guy and he treated me really good throughout or so I thought UNTIL I found out he was cheating on me. I loved this man Dexter, I really did and he dumped on me from a huge height! I did not call him beause I missed him or want him back, I did my grieving for him and whilst I grieved he never got one call from me and Saturday night was about SEX! Nothing else, no pining, no reminiscing, no begging him back ... just SEX! So even though you may think I am putting myself down by calling him after what he did, if you see it from where I am standing ... well, the playa got played! So what went through your mind knowing he had a girlfriend and called him for sex anyway?
Trialbyfire Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 So what went through your mind knowing he had a girlfriend and called him for sex anyway?Dexter, so you know, the current g/f was the OW, while Lishy and her ex were together. The OW didn't know at first, the ex was two-timing. After she found out, she stayed with the cheater, so there are no innocent parties in this triangle.
Author Lishy Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 So what went through your mind knowing he had a girlfriend and called him for sex anyway? There is much more to this Dexter. She is not his girlfriend, they have the kind of relationship where they meet once a month if that but they call each other and stuff they do not get on at all and she was the one he cheated on me with. I would never in a million years have anything to do with a man in a LTR or married but he was with me well before he ever laid eyes on her and in a way I guess I felt I had the right in my drunken state of mind. Sober I felt that she is welcome to him! I dont want to split them up, I have her number and I could clal her and tell her but I wont and I am sure he wont tell her either. I am getting tired of explaining myself to you dexter so if you want any more answers just read my posts carefully, it is all there!
Dexter Morgan Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Who got played Dexter? I got sex off of him! You just dont get this do you! Oh I get it. What puzzles me is a guy can cheat on a woman, treat them like dirt....and still get sex. Sure, he may be acting like a puppy dog now, but he'll still be glad that no matter what he did to you in the past, you still called him for sex. but again, to me its more about betraying a fellow female, do unto her as you would want done unto yourself kind of thing.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Dexter, so you know, the current g/f was the OW, while Lishy and her ex were together. I know, but Lish said that the current gf didn't know she was the OW and had no knowledge of Lish. The OW didn't know at first, the ex was two-timing. After she found out, she stayed with the cheater, so there are no innocent parties in this triangle. I agree that she was stupid to stay with Lishy's X after finding out he was a cheater, but I wouldn't consider her to not be innocent. She just someone who was played by this guy as well. Both Lish and the gf should slash his tires.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 There is much more to this Dexter. She is not his girlfriend, they have the kind of relationship where they meet once a month if that but they call each other and stuff they do not get on at all and she was the one he cheated on me with. oh, well that changes everything. its all good!
Phateless Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I just gotta wonder what runs through women's minds that keep going back to these idiots, whether it be just for sex, or whatever else....then complain about them? If one is going to complain, its rather dumb to hook up with them again. Women are attracted to these guys because they are CONFIDENT. They lead, they take control, they don't get all clingy and whiny about the girls they couldn't have. Bad boys don't require emotional maintenance. If you are going to be the whiny, clingy guy who complains about girls being attracted to the confidence of the bad boy, you will have a hard time getting play. Instead you should be the fun and confident guy who makes life almost as exciting as the bad boy, but without the drama.
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