Lishy Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I have messed up on a grand scale! Ok so I went out on Saturday night, even though it was supposed to be a calm easy night my friend and I ended up bumping into her ex and his friends and we got absolutely drunk! I dont know why and I have asked myself all weekend why but I called my ex when I left the bar and he ended up coming around and we had sex all night! I dont want him back, he cheated on me and I had a feeling he was still with the girl he cheated on me with. The next morning he told me that cheating on me was the biggest mistake of his life and can we get back together, he asked me to marry him and told me he beats himself up every day for what he did to me. I dont want him back as he is a cheating liar! I think that night I just wanted that close feeling and he is like a comfy pair of shoes if you know what I mean? Anyway, I was ok about it yesterday, didnt feel bad as I saw it as 2 adults doing what they wanted to do UNTIL he called me last night and told me that the girl he cheated with had been texting him and he was ignoring her and that he had not spoken to her for a week as they had had an arguement because he had called her my name 3 times in one night. Now I feel bloody terrible! I dont want him back, I would never get back with him but what he has done is cheat on her with me! She had no idea he was with me when he cheated with her so I have never blamed her for what happened but now I have put myself in a position and he has not stopped calling and texting me telling me how much he loves me and all I can think is that I did it just for sex and this girl obviously loves him if she is putting up with crap from him, she also found photos that he had of me on his phone and that must hurt:o He has told me that she is really insecure about me as he talks about me alot so this is just rubbing salt in the wounds and this was not my intention at all I feel bad!
stace79 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Well, at least you feel sorry for what you did. That is a relatively good sign. I would say you need to tell him exactly what you wrote here -- that you had fun, you were drinking and you made a poor decision. You appreciate his apologies, but you have no desire to get back with him. Then you leave him alone, and delete all contact info so you are not tempted to drunk dial him again. I agree, he has cheated on you and now someone else, so he probably will always have this type of problem. It apparently is not very difficult to tempt him. Whether he tells this other girl or continues to be with her is completely up to them. You just need to extricate yourself and be brutally honest that you have no desire to be with him again. Then work on moving on and not calling up exes when you drink!
Lucky_One Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Well, at least you feel sorry for what you did. That is a relatively good sign. I would say you need to tell him exactly what you wrote here -- that you had fun, you were drinking and you made a poor decision. You appreciate his apologies, but you have no desire to get back with him. Then you leave him alone, and delete all contact info so you are not tempted to drunk dial him again. Yep. I would add that blocking him from emailing or calling is also a good idea, after you tell him to not contact you again.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I have messed up on a grand scale! Ok so I went out on Saturday night, even though it was supposed to be a calm easy night my friend and I ended up bumping into her ex and his friends and we got absolutely drunk! I dont know why and I have asked myself all weekend why but I called my ex when I left the bar and he ended up coming around and we had sex all night! I dont want him back, he cheated on me and I had a feeling he was still with the girl he cheated on me with. then for the love of pete, WHY???? Not only are you giving this cheating jerk a terrific ego boost, you are now a party to him cheating on his gf. WTF?? The next morning he told me that cheating on me was the biggest mistake of his life and can we get back together, he asked me to marry him and told me he beats himself up every day for what he did to me. I dont want him back as he is a cheating liar! but.....uh...you'll have sex with him though?? and betray a fellow female? Sure, he'll cheat on her anyway, but why be the one to help him do it? I think that night I just wanted that close feeling and he is like a comfy pair of shoes if you know what I mean? no, I don't know what you mean. A comfy pair of shoes would be to hook up with a decent guy. damn, I bet this guy just thinks he is the s##t!! I mean, he cheats on you and you call him up and he gets sex from you. WOW!!! Anyway, I was ok about it yesterday, didnt feel bad as I saw it as 2 adults doing what they wanted to do UNTIL he called me last night and told me that the girl he cheated with had been texting him and he was ignoring her and that he had not spoken to her for a week as they had had an arguement because he had called her my name 3 times in one night. Now I feel bloody terrible! why? you knew he had a gf, why do you only feel terrible now?
Leia Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Let me see if I understand this correctly, this is your ex and you called him around knowing that he IS seeing someone else?? Knowing that, you had sex anyway?
boldjack Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Jeez LIsh, WTF? YOU called him, did the bump all night long, KNOWING he was with somebody else? So now, he has cheated WITH and ON, both of you:confused:. YIPPEE!! This is a train wreck in the making. This Guy sounds like I used to be. This kind of stuff, sort of takes me down memory lane. So what do you do now? Do you be honest and tell the other girl about this, or do you cover it up and hope it goes away? And how does this make YOU a better person? IMO. you should talk to BOTH of them. Tell him that there is no chance of a reconciliation, and tell her so she will know what an ass he is. Then get the hell away from both.
samsungxoxo Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Don't buy the sorry behind lines he's telling you. If now he cheated with you on the other girl, that's the big sign he'll never change. Cheating on you was already the end of the relationship for you but now you got involved with it being the OW. Keep this to yourself, don't mention anything to the girlfriend and just don't talk to him again. Total NC with him...
Author Lishy Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Yes I screwed up royally! Big time! Huge mistake! There is so much more to the story so far but I cant type it out as it would take up pages! He is not in a relationship with her like how it was when we were together, its a casual thing but that is just me making excuses I guess! Guys, making sarcastic comments at me is not helping ok? I know I made a huge mistake, I would never ever trist him or get back with him, I cannot explain why I did it as I dont know myself, all I know is that I felt really lonely that night and I was really drunk and I called him! It has been done now and I cant change it He just came around with a huge bouquet of flowers I have told him there is no going back and now he is saying that we WILL get back together and how he can change blah blah blah I have made my bed so now I guess I had better lay in it and try to crawl myself outta this mess!
stace79 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Yes I screwed up royally! Big time! Huge mistake! There is so much more to the story so far but I cant type it out as it would take up pages! He is not in a relationship with her like how it was when we were together, its a casual thing but that is just me making excuses I guess! Guys, making sarcastic comments at me is not helping ok? I know I made a huge mistake, I would never ever trist him or get back with him, I cannot explain why I did it as I dont know myself, all I know is that I felt really lonely that night and I was really drunk and I called him! It has been done now and I cant change it He just came around with a huge bouquet of flowers I have told him there is no going back and now he is saying that we WILL get back together and how he can change blah blah blah I have made my bed so now I guess I had better lay in it and try to crawl myself outta this mess! Just try to ignore the horribly rude comments. I think it's good that you've admitted it was a mistake and you are sorry for it. So many people cheat or help someone else cheat, and they don't even think they've done anything wrong! He can't force you to be back with him, so you've just gotta get a backbone and cut him off. If he refuses your request to leave you alone, then involve authorities. It's that simple now.
Author Lishy Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Thank you Stace Yup no contact from this moment on
boldjack Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Sorry for being flippant, Lish. I'm just trying to show that it isn't the end of the world. I really think that you should try going NC on this guy, though. Because of what happened, this guy is starting to feel a sense of entitlement about you, and you should nip it in the bud, before it gets any stronger. A good way to do this would be to tell his GF about the other night, then go NC with him. JMO.
Leia Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Guys, making sarcastic comments at me is not helping ok? Ok. No contact is good. Just make sure you stick to it this time
Lucky_One Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Did you accept the flowers? If you did (mistake, but too late now), then take them to a nursing home, or put them on the receptionists desk at work, or take them to the hospital, or take them to a small church that is struggling ot make its flower budget. And when he contacts you again, tell him that you gave the flowers away, that you want no reminders of him or Saturday night, and to please NC. Then block his calls, don't accept any more presents, and don't talk to him if he comes to where you are.
Author Lishy Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Sorry for being flippant, Lish. I'm just trying to show that it isn't the end of the world. I really think that you should try going NC on this guy, though. Because of what happened, this guy is starting to feel a sense of entitlement about you, and you should nip it in the bud, before it gets any stronger. A good way to do this would be to tell his GF about the other night, then go NC with him. JMO. I have already told her what he is like Jack and I wont do it again. As far as I am concerned he shows her time after time what he is like and she sticks around so she is not in the dark about him at all. He hurt me so badly I cant explain, I didnt eat or sleep for weeks over him and in a way it feels good to know he regets what he did ... Saying that, I would NEVER get back with him in a million years and only called him because I was so drunk and felt really low and lonely. If I had someone else I cold have seen he would not have come into it at all. After what he has done to me emotionally and the scars he has left it may sound malicious but it feels good to use him right back. I wont get hurt over this as I am over him, it was just sex! Ok. No contact is good. Just make sure you stick to it this time I am going to Leia, I think this could have been my final hurdle if you know what I mean? I used to love this guy and now he means nothing. I dont want to hurt the girl he is seeing now and that is why I feel bad. I know how it is to get cheated on and even though they are not serious it would still hurt her and I am too blame for that 50% this time:o
Star Gazer Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I don't know why, but I'm tempted to say that you should give the fool a chance... Ugh, can't believe I'm condoning returning to a cheater, but something just feels different here.
boldjack Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I know where you are coming from, Lish. I would be drinking, get lonesome, and end up calling one of my exes, for some lovin. It meant nothing to me, except for a night's diversion, but sometimes the woman would interpret it that we were getting back together, and so start up the whole breakup thing , all over again. Just don't want that to happen to you.
marlena Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Lsishy darling, Stop bashing yourself over this. We've all done stupid things when drunk. And you are right. You are two consenting adults. If you really don't want him back, just tell him so and write him off. As for him cheating on his g/f, well, that shouldn't surprise you and it is not your problem. It is hers. What's done is done. Period. Forget about it.
Leia Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I am going to Leia, I think this could have been my final hurdle if you know what I mean? I used to love this guy and now he means nothing. I dont want to hurt the girl he is seeing now and that is why I feel bad. I know how it is to get cheated on and even though they are not serious it would still hurt her and I am too blame for that 50% this time:o Being drunk is not an excuse but it's over and done with. Take this as a lesson learned and move on.
Lizzie60 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Lishy.. I agree with Marlena.. You agree that you've done a big mistake.. just move on.. block him.. or tell him it was a huge mistake and it won't happen again.. Avoid drinking if it makes you feel weak and miserable about him..
Trialbyfire Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 It's done so there's nothing that can undo it. I don't think you want to look very hard at why you did it, Lishy, but I think you should, before making any decisions of what you're going to do. Otherwise, there will be more rubberbanding in the future, and that's not healthy for you.
Author Lishy Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Aww thanks guys!!!!!! You have made me feel a little better. Star ... He is a cheating liar hon and I could never go back, he hurt me too badly and I would never forgive him for what he did Jack ... I am glad you did it too!! lol ... Marlena .... Thank you soooo much you always make me feel better!! I know it was a mistake, I dont regeret the sex as that was what I wanted and sex with him was always great, I just regret lowering my standards and maybe hurting his gf in the process! She wont hear anything from me Leia ... Yup you are right! Lesson learned, I will remember that drunk or sober! Lizzie ... I was not all drunk and pining over him, I wanted sex and a cuddle and it was always great with him so in my drunkeness he was the one who got the call! He was asleep and he had his shoes on before I could count to 3! I ahev not spoken to him for a long time and have ignored all of his calls for ages and ages! he kept telling me he could not believe I called him I told him the next day that it was what it says on the tin and that we will not be back together ever and he said that was hurtful that I used him for sex and I said that I agreed but it was not as hurtful as what he did to me!
Author Lishy Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 It's done so there's nothing that can undo it. I don't think you want to look very hard at why you did it, Lishy, but I think you should, before making any decisions of what you're going to do. Otherwise, there will be more rubberbanding in the future, and that's not healthy for you. No I am sick of thinking about him TBF, sick of going over it all and analysing it all BUT what I do know is that I always wanted to pay him back for all of the upset he caused me so that could be an underlying factor???? But really it was sex and a cuddle I wanted and I cant do one night stands with strangers
Phateless Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I have messed up on a grand scale! Ok so I went out on Saturday night, even though it was supposed to be a calm easy night my friend and I ended up bumping into her ex and his friends and we got absolutely drunk! I dont know why and I have asked myself all weekend why but I called my ex when I left the bar and he ended up coming around and we had sex all night! I dont want him back, he cheated on me and I had a feeling he was still with the girl he cheated on me with. The next morning he told me that cheating on me was the biggest mistake of his life and can we get back together, he asked me to marry him and told me he beats himself up every day for what he did to me. I dont want him back as he is a cheating liar! I think that night I just wanted that close feeling and he is like a comfy pair of shoes if you know what I mean? Anyway, I was ok about it yesterday, didnt feel bad as I saw it as 2 adults doing what they wanted to do UNTIL he called me last night and told me that the girl he cheated with had been texting him and he was ignoring her and that he had not spoken to her for a week as they had had an arguement because he had called her my name 3 times in one night. Now I feel bloody terrible! I dont want him back, I would never get back with him but what he has done is cheat on her with me! She had no idea he was with me when he cheated with her so I have never blamed her for what happened but now I have put myself in a position and he has not stopped calling and texting me telling me how much he loves me and all I can think is that I did it just for sex and this girl obviously loves him if she is putting up with crap from him, she also found photos that he had of me on his phone and that must hurt:o He has told me that she is really insecure about me as he talks about me alot so this is just rubbing salt in the wounds and this was not my intention at all I feel bad! Understand how you feel guilty, but you don't need to. He made his own bed, he can lie in it. He's telling you what you want to hear, but don't believe him.
Trialbyfire Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 No I am sick of thinking about him TBF, sick of going over it all and analysing it all BUT what I do know is that I always wanted to pay him back for all of the upset he caused me so that could be an underlying factor???? But really it was sex and a cuddle I wanted and I cant do one night stands with strangersYup, it was a power play. You wanted to know if he would hop to, if you crooked your finger. He did so you told him you used him for sex. Power and payback, which regains power. As well, as you stated, there's the human physical contact, aspect. You get to have your cake and eat it too. I'm the last person to "blame" you for wanting some back. I'm just concerned about what this does to your emotional health. So what happens if you're feeling down again in the future? Will you try it again? What if he doesn't jump next time? What will it do to you? If you did this with no remorse or regrets, then I wouldn't be concerned at all. It's your life.
Author Lishy Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Oh there wont be a next time. I did enjoy it as I always do with him but it has left me having to deal with him all over again so now I know the repurcussions. This wont damage me as I have done all of my grieving for him in the recent months. I dont want him in my life, I know he is poison and yes you are so right TBF, it could well have been a power play on my behalf. when I spoke to him today he was adament we would get back together ... just not as adament as I am that we will not!!
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