Author fabulous_chk Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 yeah you are right...and good memory remembering my name haha. i never liked the club or manhattan scene all too much until i get dragged there. personally i enjoy the manhattan bars that have a $40 all you can drink for like 3 hours...that makes me happy haha. but yeah being single is a lot less stressful, but my mind still wanders and thinks about my ex. in time i guess right. i do have to look forward to not spending hundreds upon hundreds on my ex for christmas....YES!! god that will be nice to spend on myself haha Yes, you gotta treat yourself as number 1!!! I see a lot of my single friends who enjoy life as bachelors. They hang out together every Thursday-Sunday, flirting with girls and having fun. They are the same age as you. Most would not want a serious gf lol. Just keep an open mind about things. Being alone doesn't have to mean you are lonely.
Author fabulous_chk Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 its quite clear, that you feel this way because you went straight into a friendship instead of giving each other the time you desperately needed to get over the break up, and to get over it, you need to realise how hurt you are by him and how angry it truly makes you feel.. It was devastating and I have talked my family and friends' ear off about the break-up. I have acknowledge the devastation and upheaval his betrayal brought me. My ex and I have had countless conversations about this, and he always said the most wonderful things to me. That's why I could not stay angry with him for long. His recent words are what's troubling me. But then he is depressed, his father died four months ago, his relationship with the other girl fizzled, and he has been fighting even with his own brothers and best friends. He is just an angry man right now. i know your angry because you want revenge on him - by showing him who he gave up. As a dumpee, that's the most natural reaction. My ex knows who he gave up. I am still surprised by who he replaced me with. She is not pretty. A very plain girl, who sleeps around, from what I heard from him. Nothing makes sense there. But that's his cross to bear. You need to loose your ex. ESPECIALLY if you have another relationship going!! it's just bad news all together. Does your current partner know that you talk to your ex, and that he tells you the things he does, and that youre really affected by this? Yes I told my bf everything, and he has told me twice not to speak to my ex right now. I am on day 4 of NC. Out of deference to his feelings, I stopped communication. Although I do want to communicate at some point. Not right now. you havnt let yourself grieve yet. and i dont know if you are superhuman that can go on with life without the need to grieve but judging by the sounds that you are in still hurting i would a) get rid of him. he is your ex for reason, and b) he continues to tell you things that are TOTALLY inappropriate and hurtful He is in the future a possible friend. He and I endured so many things together. I will always care about what happens to him. And I've seen his good side. But you are right, no more contact for now. No good will come out of it. girl you need to honour what youre feeling and let it all come out. its not about him its about you being hurt, its about you being rejected, its about you and your heart being broken and all the emotions that come a long with it whether you think you can control them or not i refused to cry for a long time. i have sudden bursts of tears but my tears dry up too quick. it is weird. I want to cry about it but I can't. Something is holding me back. its not about him. you dont need him, you dont want him, you dont need to be in a toxic revenge game. so get rid of him. you are right, I have an underlying reason why i want to keep contact, mainly because i want him to see how i am having a good time even without him in my life. he doesn't need this, he already has admitted to me he has depression and that he is a mental mess right now. Thank you for making time to reply to me, it has clarified a lot of things for me. ((hugs)) Jmina
Author fabulous_chk Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 I realized that i'm gonna need therapy lol! I had hypnotherapy sessions which helped greatly for me to function in the first few weeks but now I realize some facets of my personality are coming out, unraveled by this break-up, and they are not all good. I think I might have an avoidant personality, as a way if coping, on top of having a mild depression. A therapist might help me correct my behavior before it becomes a bigger problem. It already has delayed my healing. It's almost 7 months post-break-up, I have a new love in my life, but I'm still obsessing on what went wrong, still reading threads in the infidelity and cheating forums. As soon as I get a job, that's the first appointment I will make. A therapy session. I am already exhibiting avoidant behavior with my new bf and I don't want this to screw us up. Also, an update on the ex situation: It is Day 6 of NC today. I have no strong urge to call him. I am daring myself to last a month. It is now a game for me, a test of will. I am not the pitiful person I was 7 months ago. I just gotta let go. We'll see how it goes! =)
Author fabulous_chk Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 LOL I BROKE NC on Day 7. I sent ex a text asking him if he's ok. He's ok. Hanging in there yada-yada. He resents that I blocked/deleted him from fb. Then in the wee hours of the morning this was our conversation: Ex: "Hey. Are you up?" Me: "Yes, what's up?" Ex: "Nothing much. I was just thinking about you. I miss you." Me: "Well, I miss you too =) " Ex: "I know this sounds f*ck*d up, but I really wish you were here." Me: "Why, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Ex: "Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just starting to realize what an ******* I am." Me: "We all make mistakes. Don't look back, just look ahead." Ex: "That's not true. We all have to learn from our mistakes. I just want you to know that I appreciate everything about you. It was not all a waste. ( I told him last week that our four years was such a waste of time and that he was unworthy of the love I gave him). I will never regret anything we did at anytime in our relationship. My only regret is that I hurt such a sweet amazing person." Me: "It's okay Ex, I'm a big girl =) It definitely hurt me, that way it ended...but I can only hope that you will be careful with somebody else's heart." Ex: "F**k them. It's your heart I'm worried about...because yours is a good one." Me: "I am honestly okay now, Ex. Do not worry about me. Trust me on this." He didn't reply after that. He has always shown remorse when he's feeling lonely, but I know that the moment the other girl contacts him he will be right there at her side in a heartbeat. But yeah it's good for the ego that I was not such a piece of crap to him. In fact, I know that I'm the only one who has ever treated him like this. He comes from an abusive family and like other abused people, he will always seek to be with someone who will abuse him emotionally, because that's the only way he knows how to live.
PinkToes Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 There was a rush for me to find somebody to love me because I was trying to prove to myself that he's not the only one in the world, that there are countless guys who can fall in love with me. So I dated and dated and dated. You sound like you've got a pretty good sense of what's going on for you, and what you need (and don't need!) but the words above made me wonder about a couple of things. First, how much of your self esteem do you think might come from other people, and how they treat you? That might be why your ex's criticism still stings, even though you've moved on. And also, here's a little gut-check that I've asked myself at times: If you knew for sure that you would always be single, how would you feel right now? Scared? Disappointed? In a panic? Not what you had in mind, but you'd be OK? Dating a lot can be a great way to move on after a breakup, but it can also keep you from making peace with yourself. Just a thought!
Author fabulous_chk Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 If you knew for sure that you would always be single, how would you feel right now? Scared? Disappointed? In a panic? Not what you had in mind, but you'd be OK? Dating a lot can be a great way to move on after a breakup, but it can also keep you from making peace with yourself. Just a thought! I actually want to be single right now! I wish that I didn't meet my bf yet...that he will come to my life when I'm all ready and settled with no issues....but he came to my life and he is such a great person that I would be the stupidest thing in the world to let him go. Even if it was bad timing really. I asked my bf if I can put off not meeting him and if I can come back to his life later but he is determined to stay in my life no matter what.
PinkToes Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Right, I do get the part about timing having a mind of its own, and I didn't mean to suggest that you dump someone you care about. I guess my questions were more philosophical than specific.
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