JaggedRoad Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Dear Christine, The last time we spoke, I told you that I had something to tell you. I realized that I wasn’t yet ready to say what I intended to, so I disappeared without saying a word. You have been such an integral part of my life for the past 4 years, and I’m glad to have known you so well. You changed my life in so many ways and taught me so much. You truly have been a gift to me and I am grateful for everything while it lasted. And knowing what it is like to be with you, I simply cannot remain just as a friend; I want more than that. I’ve always told you that I will always be here for you no matter what, and that’s why I’ve been having difficulty maintaining no contact. I tried several times to ask for your input on whether or not I should stay around, but you never gave me a straight answer. You should know by now that I do not like vague answers. I wanted you to be honest with yourself and with me when I asked you that question. I cannot take you seriously if you cannot give me an answer other than a basic yes or no. I would love nothing more than to stay with you, but our circumstances have changed and our relationship is no longer there. You need to understand that your decision to end the relationship without allowing me to have any say in the matter was very immature and demeaning. It is not the issue of whether or not I would have allowed you to go through with your decision. I was as much apart of the relationship as you were. You did not respect me or yourself enough to tell me about your decision. You need to have more respect for yourself; that’s something that I have always told you, but you never listen to me. I cannot respect myself if I simply stay in contact with you following break-up, especially with the way it happened and the way you have treated me. It is with great regret that I have to do this, but it is something that has to be done. You will never learn that the choices you make will always have repercussions unless I do this and make you aware of it. Running away from a difficult situation and feigning how you have “moved on” does not change anything. Choosing to ignore the consequences only hinders your personal growth and guarantees that the same thing will happen again. This is one reason the relationship failed three times. I have contributed to the failure of our relationship as well, but I am aware of them, and I am working to improve myself so it will not happen with my future relationships. I hope you will seek counseling to resolve the lasting issues that you have with your life. I know what they are and you know what they are, so I do not need to mention them here. I do not like making decisions without the involved party’s consent, but I do not see you ever giving me a straight answer without getting caught in an argument with me. I am tired of arguing with you. Our arguments have never been productive and you always try to attack me rather than the matter at hand. In short, it is pointless to argue with you. It has always been my intention to share much more with you and spend many more years with you, but that cannot be anymore. If and when you resolve your issues, I still will not want to speak with you. I will never be able to trust you again regardless of how you change. It is unlikely that we will ever cross paths again, so this is the last time you will ever hear from me. I wish you well. Goodbye, Capricorn. ---- So... should I send this in two months or should I just keep it on my computer to rot?
JL911 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I wouldnt....I sent the parting letter and it did nothing for me and certainly didnt open her eyes at all...I have another 8 page hand written letter full of complete bull**** sitting on my desk at home too that I am glad I never sent. It's all for nothing man...Trust me on this one....Just be glad that if she is as selfish and demanding as you say that you got away now...I know how hard that is to hear and know how hard it is to do that when you feel like someone threw you away like you were worthless. It is a terrible feeling... You loved the person that you thought she was only to find out sometime later what she really is...Its hard to accept when you see someone as being perfect for you when in reality there true colors show that they just incapable at working through the tough times of a relationship and bail when things get a little tough...And we all go through this! No relationship is problem free and perfect...And if it seems that way get ready because some serious **** is about to happen... I know how much it hurts....I really do....There is so much you want to say and try and its all in vain. And since you cant fix things now you blame yourself for everything you could have done different in the past. These words will not heal your wounds, but only make them deeper if you dont get a response you had hoped for. You may be speaking the truth, but its not going to help your situation and will hinder you in moving forward if you are counting down the days to send this letter. In 2 months you may read this and feel very very very different about everything you have written in there. I know I do about the ones I sent and those I did not...I wish I had just immediatly disappeared forever, and that is my plan from here on out... Life just has a way of dealing out our BS that we must get through. Karma is a bitch though...Just to tell ya a quick story...I had an ex in Highschool and Beginning of college who lied cheated on me ect ect ect...I found out this year she had to divorce her husband cause he cheated on her multiple times with multiple people...Kinda funny in a sick sort of way...She contacted me this year for the first time in 7 years. I think in the end you get what you deserve....
adamt Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Dont send it! Goodbye letters are a waste of time. subconciously people send them hoping the ex changes their mind if they think you are disappearing. they don't. the best goodbye you can do is dont send it and disappear from their life unannounced All it will do is give the ex a massive ego boost. They may even have a laugh about it and show other people it. It wil make you look a bit sad. Just keep it in draft to read back in a few months
Author JaggedRoad Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Yeah... there is a part of me that is hoping that she will change her mind if I send the letter. And JL, I'm afraid karma might come around for her soon. I'm not supposed to care, but it's hard when it concerns someone who has been so close to you. I apologize for still being clingy to her. Thanks for your help.
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Letters do nothing but cleanse the soul of the person doing the writing and set a false expectation for contact It doesn't matter who writes them or which side does the writing.. In the end.. they don't even get read most of the time and one thing they don't do is change or alter the outcome of a breakup
northstar1 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Yeah... there is a part of me that is hoping that she will change her mind if I send the letter. And JL, I'm afraid karma might come around for her soon. I'm not supposed to care, but it's hard when it concerns someone who has been so close to you. I apologize for still being clingy to her. Thanks for your help. Don't do it man. Trust me. A month after my breakup last year, I composed a 3 page letter that might have been from the "Notebook". I mean this thing was a piece of work that I was sure would bring tears to her eyes, and make her miss me, wonder about what we had etc. Based on the advice on here (Caliguy, Fox, and others), I left in it Drafts. A year later, boy am I glad I didn't send it. It would have done nothing other than make me feel idiotic for having sent it. It would not have changed things, nor had her come running. Feelings are transient. I look back in fondness now, but not with anger or sadness. Keep that in draft. I guarantee in 6 months you'll be glad you didnt' send it.
adamt Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 It is not like in the movies whre the dumpee poors their heart out and the dumper is touched by it and realise the mistake they have made and they get back together and live happily ever after. if only movie endings reflected real life!
CaliGuy Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 If it makes you feel better and gives you closure, sure. The problem with "farewell/goodbye/bugger off" messages like this is that almost always the dumpee expects a reply and hangs on hoping for something positive to come from it. You want positive? Move on without sending this. You want closure?! Make your own. Honestly, most of the time people regret sending these
JL911 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Yeah... there is a part of me that is hoping that she will change her mind if I send the letter. And JL, I'm afraid karma might come around for her soon. I'm not supposed to care, but it's hard when it concerns someone who has been so close to you. I apologize for still being clingy to her. Thanks for your help. There is no need to apologize when your heart is in pieces man...There really isnt. You dont know when Karma will rear its head...But life certainly isnt about all fun and games...and Love isnt about having mushy lovey dovey feelings forever. Eventually life stabalizes and people grow together into a comfortable place where love is supportive and friendly...
adamt Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I made to emails in draft for my ex. once was saying the usual stuff about how you mean everything to me and best thing to happen to me and i can change and so on. that will stay as draft. I will be interested to read in 1 or 2 years when i have moved on. then another one of a list of what i could have done differently or better and a list of what the ex could have done differently. So when you start your next relationship you should keep that list to remind you not to make the same mistakes. But whatever you do, do not send anything. It doe smore damage than good. Do nothing and you have no damage to create
Author JaggedRoad Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 I'll do my best to stop myself from sending that letter or contacting her again. I sent her perhaps 5 letters already (one through snail mail), and I doubt she read them. Sending them made me feel better momentarily, but like you have all said, nothing good came out of them.
adamt Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I'll do my best to stop myself from sending that letter or contacting her again. I sent her perhaps 5 letters already (one through snail mail), and I doubt she read them. Sending them made me feel better momentarily, but like you have all said, nothing good came out of them. There is your answer. You sent 5 already and nothing good came out of it.
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