deadboy666 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 how do you do it? im not giving up on my ex yet (not even a week, 48 hours NC so it's pretty fresh) but i have to be prepared for the worst. after going through a breakup are you more defensive when it comes to opening up to someone?
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 It just takes lots of time and analyzing your relationship and yourself. The first thread I started is about a particularly heartbreaking breakup that happened to me. But.. I moved on. Honestly, it took a good year before I was really ready to try something new. Not a year before I STARTED moving on, a year before I was %100 ready to put myself into a new relationship. Pretty long considering the relationship itself didnt even last a year. But I did move on, and the girl I was with after that blew my ex away. It takes time but it does happen.
Exit Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 The most important relationship you can form at this time is with yourself. Doesn't matter if your ex comes back down the line or if you meet someone new, you'll do better if you worked hard to improve yourself and to be happy with yourself. I'm slowly getting back to remembering that I've always been my own best friend, I really lost myself during my relationship and then the months I spent chasing after her. I'm starting to remember who I am again and it feels nice.
rp123 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 The most important relationship you can form at this time is with yourself. Doesn't matter if your ex comes back down the line or if you meet someone new, you'll do better if you worked hard to improve yourself and to be happy with yourself. I'm slowly getting back to remembering that I've always been my own best friend, I really lost myself during my relationship and then the months I spent chasing after her. I'm starting to remember who I am again and it feels nice. Just beginning to learn this myself......Crucial advice..
JL911 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 You are also your biggest critic as well. So you really do need to get yourself to a place where you feel good about who you are...
Beeotch Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 The most important relationship you can form at this time is with yourself. Doesn't matter if your ex comes back down the line or if you meet someone new, you'll do better if you worked hard to improve yourself and to be happy with yourself. I'm slowly getting back to remembering that I've always been my own best friend, I really lost myself during my relationship and then the months I spent chasing after her. I'm starting to remember who I am again and it feels nice. Ditto But in response to the initial query: You admitted it has been 48 hours...it is normal to feel the way you do. It is super super fresh. For the first couple months more or less the wound is going to be fresh. AT this time you have NO PERSPECTIVE. Trust me. You are not a good judge of anything right now and clarity comes as time goes by. NONE of us feel/think the same 3 months later as when it first happened and usually the more sensible thoughts come the farther away from the breakup. All of us has have felt physical pain, migraines, menstrual cramps, stomach aches, wounds etc and we all know that feeling like all we can see is pain and we feel like it lasts forever but then once you feel better it is almost like you instantly forget the pain. It just disappears.If you have every gotten charlie-horse or a muscle contraction, that to me is the pain and experience of a break up. It is sudden and super painful but then it goes away and you go on about your life. Now this is a VERY simplified version but I'm using those examples to say that...you do make it through, sometimes you don't know exactly how, sometimes you don't feel any improvement, sometimes you do but sure enough one day you're with someone else and when you think back to your ex you can't even remember the pain that much. My current ex....I am not 100% over him but 96% there. And even me thinking back to like 1 1/2 months ago I feel DRASTICALLY different. At the time it was torture and even reading maybe some of my old posts you can see the shift in how I feel....it happens. I feel nowhere like that anymore and I do not even remember the exact point which I began to go on an upward climb and stay there. But I am proof that it happened. Then thinking of my ex before this...oh please....I have ZERO feelings of pain and hurt or pining after him. NONE and I was inlove with him too. He was my first love...and see I am over him and I was happy with my ex. So it really does happen....there is no formula on how you do it...but we humans are VERY resilient and we do bounce back esp if we surround ourselves with positive people and things and adopt healthy attitudes and mindsets. We're born survivors and you really do survive and THRIVE after.
Nikki Sahagin Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Its been 5 months and I haven't fallen in love yet... but I have had butterflies... I have had someone give me the keys to his place... And I have had someone say they want to marry and have kids with me... Am I saying this to boast? No. I am saying that other people DO notice the good things about you. Other people do want the things you want. Other people can give you that feeling. I denied that when I was with my ex because I was in a relationship and I wanted only him. But when it ends, you notice the urges and butterflies and interest naturally emerge for new people and even though it can be somewhat sad to move on, its also hopeful.
EmperorR Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Funny thing when you least expect it. After my ex cheated and left me, like 5 months later I was in a relationship, I still thought of my ex every day etc., I know o wasn't ready then I got dumped moved on from that , realized I did not need anyone enjoying single life then boom met a girl out of nowhere almost 4 months together now, and things could not be better. I wasn't expecting anything wasn't looking and boom, just be patient in due time you will love again.
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