Author pandagirl Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 I can say being 41, having been through a divorce that tore me up for a while and a couple other relationships that didn't work out make me more careful than I was. I've noticed the same thing about women close to my age. A bit jaded, quicker to bolt at the first little bump in the road. It's like we get extra picky right at a time when we need to be more open. I think this is a good perspective on this topic. It goes for both men and women. Years of experience and several failed relationships will make anyone gunshy. I think women may *seem* or be more ready to commit, because of our want/need to have children, and we have our ovaries to think about. A little story: my friend's father is 62. Never married, just a series of relationships his entire life, many very long-term. My friend FOR THE FIRST TIME introduced his current girlfriend to her. She said, "It seems like he's finally ready to commit. Whatever it was within himself that he had to fix, he finally did."
sumdude Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 They tend to be deeper thinkers than older men whereas I think women become more comfortable with their intellect after their 20s. LOL.. find this hard to believe. Most guys in their 20's are thinking more about nookie, beer and more nookie.
shadowplay Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Panda, I agree with you, but I think this has more to do with aging in general than bad love experiences. There's a reason people idealize the young. They're more passionate and full of life, and they experience the world with fresh eyes. This is also true if you compare how a child reacts to the world with how a young adult does. While I appreciate the increased rationality that (sometimes ) exists in older adults, I've always been disturbed by the hardening that often accompanies with it. This isn't true for all people, though. There are those who are "young at heart" and can still get excited about small things, be spontaneous and also let themselves experience emotions that make them vulnerable to pain. I like to think I'm one of those people, and I couldn't imagine being with somebody who didn't have this quality. Honestly, any trace of jadedness in a guy is a huge turn off for me, and I'd actually rather date someone who is a bit too vulnerable than the opposite extreme (though neither is ideal). The guys in this entry who have crawled into their shells can make excuses for themselves all they want (being burned by past girlfriends, whatever), but they're the ones who suffer in the end by decreasing the richness of their lives.
Woggle Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 The guys in this entry who have crawled into their shells can make excuses for themselves all they want (being burned by past girlfriends, whatever), but they're the ones who suffer in the end by decreasing the richness of their lives. I am sure most men have experienced the richness of getting the I love but I am not in love with you speech by the wife they treated like gold because she needs to go find herself or getting dumped by girlfriend they treat like gold to go back to her ex that treated her like garbage. Most men have experienced this richness and we don't like it very much.
Woggle Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 LOL.. find this hard to believe. Most guys in their 20's are thinking more about nookie, beer and more nookie. Very true. Most young men don't know anything while older men who have been through grinder and survived tend to have that wisdom that only life experience can give a person.
Author pandagirl Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 I am sure most men have experienced the richness of getting the I love but I am not in love with you speech by the wife they treated like gold because she needs to go find herself or getting dumped by girlfriend they treat like gold to go back to her ex that treated her like garbage. Most men have experienced this richness and we don't like it very much. The same exact thing can be applied to women being left by men.
Trialbyfire Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I am sure most men have experienced the richness of getting the I love but I am not in love with you speech by the wife they treated like gold because she needs to go find herself or getting dumped by girlfriend they treat like gold to go back to her ex that treated her like garbage. Most men have experienced this richness and we don't like it very much.Well no, I can guarantee you that wasn't the case in my ex-marriage. Here's an excerpt from one of many post D-day convos, discussing love: Get out of my sight, you lying, cheating piece of scum. I despise you. Don't ever come near me again. Notice there's no reference to the I love you but not in love speech? Notice there's no ambiguity in it? I'm guessing that this kind of convo happens for a goodly portion of relationship cessations, since cheating is "apparently" so rampant.
shadowplay Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I am sure most men have experienced the richness of getting the I love but I am not in love with you speech by the wife they treated like gold because she needs to go find herself or getting dumped by girlfriend they treat like gold to go back to her ex that treated her like garbage. Most men have experienced this richness and we don't like it very much. With the good comes the bad. If people don't take risks and they never open themselves up to others, they'll miss out on life's most rewarding experiences.
shadowplay Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I am sure most men have experienced the richness of getting the I love but I am not in love with you speech by the wife they treated like gold because she needs to go find herself or getting dumped by girlfriend they treat like gold to go back to her ex that treated her like garbage. Most men have experienced this richness and we don't like it very much. Don't you realize that there as many crap men as crap women? Some people just suck. Why do you have to make it gender specific.
grogster Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Don't you realize that there as many crap men as crap women? Some people just suck. Why do you have to make it gender specific. No common sense and discriminating judgment allowed on this public message board. People have agendas to pursue and reality and facts best not get in their way.
sumdude Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 The guys in this entry who have crawled into their shells can make excuses for themselves all they want (being burned by past girlfriends, whatever), but they're the ones who suffer in the end by decreasing the richness of their lives. I don't know about crawling into any shell.. But I've seriously upgraded my Bullsh** Beacon, Drama Detector and All About Me Alarm. Beyond that I'm still a more open person than most.. which is a double edged sword.
Woggle Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 The same exact thing can be applied to women being left by men. This is true and there are good faithful women who get screwed over but look at the divorce forum on this board or any divorce forum for that matter and you will notice a pattern. The walkaway wife thing is a big trend and many men are scared it will happen to them. I am sorry but it is true. It is often the available men who wear their hearts on their sleeve who end up the losers in the dating world. If more women want men to be more available and open up they need to start matching their words with their actions.
Woggle Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Well no, I can guarantee you that wasn't the case in my ex-marriage. Here's an excerpt from one of many post D-day convos, discussing love: Get out of my sight, you lying, cheating piece of scum. I despise you. Don't ever come near me again. Notice there's no reference to the I love you but not in love speech? Notice there's no ambiguity in it? I'm guessing that this kind of convo happens for a goodly portion of relationship cessations, since cheating is "apparently" so rampant. You and I often do not see eye to eye but you actually seam like one of those women who truly does believe in equality and truly can appreciate a good man.
Recommended Posts