So depressing...

[SierraMarie]

I don't even really know what to write. Im just so depressed about the whole relationship/breaking up with my ex. This has been going on since well when did I register here? Yeah that's how long. It just sucks so much. It's sickening. I feel like I'm never going to get over it. It's just this big depressing lump of my life that is never going to go away. My life has been a complete wreck ever since this happened. I haven't been myself and I definitely haven't been happy. I just broke up out of another relationship only to realize that the whole thing was just a big thing to cover up my feelings. This is not going away and I don't know how to deal with it. It just hit me that I am still dealing with this after all this time. I'm not over it at all, I may have more perspective but that's it. I can't pretend that I'm over it anymore I have to deal with it. I feel so nauseous just writing this. This is the cause of my depression and panic attacks and I feel like I'm going to have one right now. I just can't get over it. But I can't keep doing what I've been doing. I have to figure out a way to get over this. Thanks in advance for any help... I just want to crawl up into a ball and never do anything again.

[Exit]

So you've been this way since July 2007? That's not good, life is too short.

 

Have you tried getting help from a doctor, or reading any self help books on your own?

 

What is so great about this person that they're worth missing for two years? You probably put them on a pedestal after the breakup and never got around to taking them down.

 

I may have to go research your older threads to dig up some information but regardless of what happened I hope you can find some healing soon.

[SierraMarie]

Yeah Ive been this way since July 2007. Thanks for making me feel like a loser. I do feel like a loser. It's ridiculous that I'm still not over this.

 

I don't know what is so great about this person honestly. I haven't talked to them for so long that if I did now I would probably have whole new feelings about it. Idk. It's just, hard to explain and would take too long to tell you all the reasons I feel like this. I'm not even sure I understand completely why I think they're so great. I'm sure I have put them on a pedestal. But not all people are so horrible that they need to not be put on a pedestal. What I mean is maybe there are valid reasons that I think this person is so great but I don't really know anymore. Like I said I haven't talked to them for so long. The only thing I have to go off of is my 18-year old memories. Not a very good source probably.

 

Of course I've been to a doctor, to the hospital, a therapist everywhere. All doctors want to do is put you on antidepressants which I hate and don't work after I reluctantly agreed to try them. I tried like 3 different ones I think and I absolutely hate them. So going to the doctor doesn't help. All they want to do is drug you up.

 

Maybe I will start trying to read a book or something. My therapist (one of them) gave me the name of a book to get but I didn't get it and finally decided I was over it and threw the paper away. I just want it to go away on its own.

 

I'm not even sure if it's that I want to be with this person as to why I can't get over it. I mean that is part of it obviously I still think about that every once in a while. But it's just everything. it's what Ive become because of this and how screwed up my life has been. It's just so horrible and the worst part is that its my life. And no matter what I do I can't get over it. I've tried everything. Don't get me wrong its not like Ive been weeping and crying and cant get out of bed so depressed about it this whole entire time. Ive pretended that Im okay( and I think that's where the panic attacks come in). Ive tried to distract myself with other things(i.e. a new guy) didn't work. I've tried pretending that I'm okay. Ive tried *trying* to forget about the whole thing. And obviously nothing works because Im still here posting this.

[Maxwell Sage]

Wow. I'm soooo sorry to hear about your case. =(

I've been super depressed since my first love ended in July of this year. My ex found someone new in the beginning of August. Thinking about it just tears me up... We created SO many amazing memories just enjoying each other's company around town, so no matter where I go, I'm reminded of great times we had. I honestly can't cope with this. The only thing that provides a bit of solace is thinking about becoming asexual. I just feel extremely pessimistic about the chance of ever really being happy again. Sure, I have a good amount going for me, and there are girls I know who would jump at the chance to be with me. Sadly, none of them are intelligent enough for me to consider viable options. One thing that has helped a bit has been talking on aim with someone I met through this forum. We offer each other support and share coping mechanisms with one another, in addition to keeping each other company and providing distraction. If this sounds cool to you, feel free to IM me, my aim is "Maxwell Sage". I sincerely hope you feel better....

[SierraMarie]

Wow, freshness...

 

Yep, I totally understand. I've been through everything you just described. Thankfully, those parts of it do fade away. I have yet to see them GO away. But do any memories in life really just go away? No we just forget about them. But it's hard to forget about something like this. It really sucks. And this is why my life is stuck...here.

[Exit]

K first of all I wasn't trying to make you sound like a loser, don't get so defensive when people are dedicating their time to try and help you.

 

I like to pay close attention to the words people use when they speak and I see you talking a lot about your life, and not being happy with it, more than really missing your ex or the relationship. Maybe you just miss the happiness you felt when you were in love, commonly people use it as a crutch to overlook other areas in their lives where they aren't completely happy, I know I'm guilty of doing that. I think your time and energy would be better spent analyzing your life and figuring out what would make you happy instead of missing this ex. It seems like happiness is eluding you in your life, and your using your ex as a convenient focal point to place the blame, you feel like if you had them you'd be happy, and you're convinced that's the source of all your problems, when it probably isn't.

 

I don't blame you for not being a big fan of doctors or medication, neither am I. But then you really have to take up the responsibility on your own to figure out what's wrong and what would make you happier.

 

I've been reading a book about abandonment and one of the exercises is to just imagine your life two years from now. Two years is a decent amount of time, enough time to fix just about any problem. Where would you be? What would you have? What did you accomplish? Imagine that you are sitting, looking out a window, feeling happy. Fill in the blank about what you accomplished in those two years that brought you this happiness. A career? A new relationship? Reaching some other personal goal?

[SierraMarie]

K first of all I wasn't trying to make you sound like a loser, don't get so defensive when people are dedicating their time to try and help you.

 

I like to pay close attention to the words people use when they speak and I see you talking a lot about your life, and not being happy with it, more than really missing your ex or the relationship. Maybe you just miss the happiness you felt when you were in love, commonly people use it as a crutch to overlook other areas in their lives where they aren't completely happy, I know I'm guilty of doing that. I think your time and energy would be better spent analyzing your life and figuring out what would make you happy instead of missing this ex. It seems like happiness is eluding you in your life, and your using your ex as a convenient focal point to place the blame, you feel like if you had them you'd be happy, and you're convinced that's the source of all your problems, when it probably isn't.

 

I don't blame you for not being a big fan of doctors or medication, neither am I. But then you really have to take up the responsibility on your own to figure out what's wrong and what would make you happier.

 

I've been reading a book about abandonment and one of the exercises is to just imagine your life two years from now. Two years is a decent amount of time, enough time to fix just about any problem. Where would you be? What would you have? What did you accomplish? Imagine that you are sitting, looking out a window, feeling happy. Fill in the blank about what you accomplished in those two years that brought you this happiness. A career? A new relationship? Reaching some other personal goal?

 

Of course I'm talking about my life and not being happy with it. Yes, I'm fully convinced this is the source of most of my problems. Because I was happy before this relationship ever happened. I've never had to deal with anything like this before. Anyway, I don't know. You do make some good points. But a lot of it does have to do with my life because I feel like this whole thing has CHANGED my life so much. It's complicated and would take me an hour to tell you all about it. Obviously this relationship has left me so depressed and with panic attacks which I never had before. Do you understand what I'm saying? I feel like my life is like this because of the relationship because I never had these problems before. I was so happy. I don't how many times I've wished I could go back in time and just have my old life back. And I can sit and think of x and x in my life that are the way they are because of this. It's not like I've always been like this and I'm just taking a stab in the dark as to what the cause is. I've actually sat and thought about it. And I've had plenty of time, obviously.

 

I don't know. i probably shouldn't come on here and burden you all with my problems. I guess I'm just trying to find some way to get out of this. I appreciate you trying to help.

 

I just wish I had a zapper to zap all of my memories! Wouldn't that be great?

[logitech]

SierraMarie I feel your pain. I often wish I could blow away the memories but then I question where that would get me. Everything mellows with time, the trouble is it's not worth waiting for it to happen.

[adamt]

I am sorry to hear you are going through this. But you do really need to find a way to help you move on after all this time. Until you have convinced yourself you want to move on, you will not be able to move. I hope you speak to a professional to help you get to the bottom of this.

 

Everyone has gone through a break up on here. My break up was 4 months ago and the worst thing ever to have happened to me. But i am improving and starting to move on. But to move on you have to want to move on. I still have tough days.

 

You need to rebuild your life and focus on yourself only and what you enjoy. take up lots of hobbies. Reclaim your life.

 

I am sorry for the harsh words but my intention is for only the best for you.

[SierraMarie]

Thank you guys. I feel a little better. It's just hard to deal with sometimes. I can feel fine about it for a while and then something will happen and I'll just be like oh I wish we could be together and then I start thinking about it. I think maybe it's taken me this long because I keep holding on to it. Like seriously Ive been on here since 07 but the last time we actually broke up was in 08. So yeah I tend to drag things out. And then I was in another relationship right after that so Ive just been avoiding it. So really Im just now dealing with some of it. Pushing your feelings away really does not work. But it just get so tiring to be depressed all the time you know. But I think Ill be alright if we're meant to be together then it will happen I suppose. And I'm not going to worry about it.