Author whattodonow12 Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 I really, really do hope so. However, after reading some of the posts here, I wonder if I should say something to the W. She sent me such a venom spewed email (and I understand because she was hurting... thinking that I am some "stalker chick" as someone put it above that is actively pursuing her husband and trying to break up her marriage). I honestly believe that she is buying the lies that he told her. She really thinks that we were not having an affair. Was she waiting for me to respond even though she said don't respond? I am sure that she just wanted to lash out and get the last word, but should I just let it go on and not, at least, try to explain how I was possibly deceived in the beginning and then it was just too late? That she is really, really being deceived now if she believes that. That I am not some pathetic person that he has pitied... one that needs mental therapy. Is she really THAT blind? By the way, I came here to write that instead of writing it to her. Honestly, I wouldn't have been that "mean" in writing it to her. I couldn't imagine writing an email like she wrote me to anyone. (And, everyone, I know that I sickenly deserve everything that I am feeling... all of the pain that I have and will have).
Devil Inside Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I really, really do hope so. However, after reading some of the posts here, I wonder if I should say something to the W. She sent me such a venom spewed email (and I understand because she was hurting... thinking that I am some "stalker chick" as someone put it above that is actively pursuing her husband and trying to break up her marriage). I honestly believe that she is buying the lies that he told her. She really thinks that we were not having an affair. Was she waiting for me to respond even though she said don't respond? I am sure that she just wanted to lash out and get the last word, but should I just let it go on and not, at least, try to explain how I was possibly deceived in the beginning and then it was just too late? That she is really, really being deceived now if she believes that. That I am not some pathetic person that he has pitied... one that needs mental therapy. Is she really THAT blind? By the way, I came here to write that instead of writing it to her. Honestly, I wouldn't have been that "mean" in writing it to her. I couldn't imagine writing an email like she wrote me to anyone. (And, everyone, I know that I sickenly deserve everything that I am feeling... all of the pain that I have and will have). I do not know if there is really anything to be gained from communicating with her at this point. Who knows what he told her, but she had the story that she can handle in her head now...and she will probably not let that go because of anything you say. Besides it is only fuel for drama at this point.
Author whattodonow12 Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 Thanks, DI. I read some of your posts today. You sound a lot like my MM. The things that you say. (well, at least, up to the point of last week) I do appreciate your insight.
fooled once Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 I really, really do hope so. However, after reading some of the posts here, I wonder if I should say something to the W. She sent me such a venom spewed email (and I understand because she was hurting... thinking that I am some "stalker chick" as someone put it above that is actively pursuing her husband and trying to break up her marriage). I honestly believe that she is buying the lies that he told her. She really thinks that we were not having an affair. Was she waiting for me to respond even though she said don't respond? I am sure that she just wanted to lash out and get the last word, but should I just let it go on and not, at least, try to explain how I was possibly deceived in the beginning and then it was just too late? That she is really, really being deceived now if she believes that. That I am not some pathetic person that he has pitied... one that needs mental therapy. Is she really THAT blind? By the way, I came here to write that instead of writing it to her. Honestly, I wouldn't have been that "mean" in writing it to her. I couldn't imagine writing an email like she wrote me to anyone. (And, everyone, I know that I sickenly deserve everything that I am feeling... all of the pain that I have and will have). What do YOU hope to accomplish if you choose to write her back? What is your motivation for doing so? To set the record straight - to tell her that you were in an affair with him? And do you think this will make him fess up and come running to you? Do you realize that IF you do this, you will most likely END the Affair? He may not forgive you. So what would make you write her back and what would you say?
Author whattodonow12 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 Fooled once, That is just it. I don't know. I know what I did was wrong. There won't be any contact with him. I am not working in any way to have him come back to me. I see his actions as somewhat cowardly. I know that he doesn't want to lose everything he has worked for, and he definitely has a lot of characteristics in the Martyr thread. .... well, even said those things. He told me once that he didn't believe that he "could break the spirit of his wife by leaving her to make himself happy, no matter how unhappy he is with her." But, honestly, I am getting hang up calls at work... weird things like that. I don't think that I have anything to accomplish on my end, but it makes me wonder if she really believes everything that he has said. And, would she be the one doing that. Would the truth really help? But, then again, in my position as the OW, she probably wouldn't believe a word that I have said. I haven't ever emailed her or spoken with her. I have only received the one email from her. (outlined previously) The affair is ended... And, no, I don't think that will make him fess up and come running to me. (to answer some of your questions ) I guess that because I believed him and believed everything that he has ever told me. We have gone through phases of just emailing and talking as friends to the affair stuff. This has been going on for about 10 months, and we were friends previously but had not been in contact for many years. I think because I was fooled that I just want all of the lies to stop. I also feel like a victim (whether it is right or wrong, I do) And, to have her thinking of me as a persuing crazy person that has pretty much targeted her husband and family is crushing. I guess as long as she doesn't contact me again that I should not worry. She has the background of a reporter. If she really wants the truth, then she could probably figure it out. I dunno. I know that he is just completely scared of losing everything he has, especially the children.... how they would view this. And, when we got involved, he was leaving... that is what I was told. Thanks for making me question myself and thinking things through. I would much rather get insight from those that have experienced similar pains as me and just pour out my thoughts here, than to email her back. Maybe she will see the truth herself.
VictoryisMine Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 WTDN, You should demand he tell her the truth. You should be furious at him, furious. I know your heart is breaking, i wish you strength.
Devil Inside Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Thanks, DI. I read some of your posts today. You sound a lot like my MM. The things that you say. (well, at least, up to the point of last week) I do appreciate your insight. Gosh if only I had a quarter every time I reminded someone of their MM. I guess in the end we MMs are pretty typical...which should tell yuo something. Anyways...how are you coping? Are you still getting the harassing phone calls? Has he tried to contact you? Sorry for your pain.
2sure Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Gosh if only I had a quarter every time I reminded someone of their MM. I guess in the end we MMs are pretty typical...which should tell yuo something. The patterns and the typical-ness of infidelity ring true for most of us. The confused victim OW, the crazy train BS, etc....lol. Ive been all of them. But the good thing about meeting these stereotypes (as insulting as they can be to our individuality)...is that the patterns can also show us what to expect, what works, what to do next.
Author whattodonow12 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 I am doing ok. Just trying to take this one day at a time. The phone calls have stopped. And, I found out the person that thought they "outed" us is a vindictive coworker of mine that was snooping on my laptop. I am going to be talking with her tomorrow. I am pretty much a gentle, meek person, but she does not want to mess with me like this. I will stand up for myself. I posted an update in a new thread. Thanks again to all of you. I honestly look forward to continuing to read.. read... read and think.. think ... think here.
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