SierraRose Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 So, it finally happened 2 weeks ago. Home run! Since then only one other attempt was made, and he lost his erection....he still says it is nerves... He dropped the "L" word, yet other than an occasional kiss, there is nothing. Hardly any affection, other than cuddling on the couch AFTER he gets all of his "chores" done. He is constantly involved in something when I come over. Our alone time is very limited, due to our children. I went over to his house the other night, kid free for 24 hours! I was excited! Well, he spent like 3 hours cleaning his fish tank. I feel like I am the last on his list. Now let's throw this angle into the mix...I am a giving person at heart. Bottom line is he is broke. He has a job, but no overtime. All his money goes to child support, rent and food. Now, we have been involved for 6 weeks. The only time he took me out was for 2 drinks. That's it. No dinners, no flowers nothing. Now I am very understanding with the economy and all. I get that he is financially strapped. I have brought over food, cooked, bought him cigarettes, I bring over wine---basically I never come over empty-handed. I was raised to bring something when u come over someone's home. He never asks me to bring anything either. The night of the fish tank incident, I brought over wine, and there was NO SIGNS of any kind of dinner, not even a PBnJ..(he does have pasta, jarred sauce in the house) I mentioned I was getting hungry...He turned to his kitchen, with open arms and said if I could find something in the cabinet, then I could make it...WTF.. finally I caved--ordered and paid for take out from a local Italian Restaurant. I had to practically beg him to stop working on the fish tank to eat. I have never felt so unattractive in my life. He was expecting me to stay the night, but I left. I mean, if he really cared...couldn't he have cracked open a jar of sauce, some pasta then maybe offer to go for a walk, or sit by the beach? There are PLENTY of things to do in our area that doesn't cost a dime. To me it's quality, not quantity.. He says he loves me, his kids, dogs all adore me and I adore them. I don't know what is going on. I feel like there is ZERO effort on his part. And one more thing....last night i ran out of cigarettes..he offered to go. I gave him my debit card and he asked for my PIN#. I said no, you don't need it, just pay as if it were credit. He asked for the PIN like 2 more times. I felt very uneasy. He went, paid like a credit card. I looked at the receipt, and he bought me 2 packs and bought himself a pack too. He didn't even ask. He just bought one for himself. As I re-read this post, I feel like I have "SUCKER" tattooed on my forehead... WTF
ashleigh422 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 That would not fly with me. You deserve better than this. He needs to pay attention to you. When you give up your time to be with him he should do the same and if he isn't then there is a problem. If the errection thing wasn't enough.. his behavior is fishy. I would say.. don't let him run you through the ringer and get out now.
Author SierraRose Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Something isn't sitting right with me and I can't place my finger on it. He has me around both his kids. His oldest son is a high functioning special needs child. He is 16. This boy and I have a connection. I adore this boy. His dad even commented on how his son is acting with me...his boy is usually shy, quiet and reserved. Around me he laughs, shows a great sence of humor and is very talkative. He is always asking for me. Why would a father allow his child, especially a special needs child to bond with me if there is no "real" feeling there from Dad?
Jilly Bean Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 And the reason you keep seeing him is because..... ?
Author SierraRose Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 He wants a wife. Not a girlfriend. What makes you say that?
Author SierraRose Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 And the reason you keep seeing him is because..... ? Things were going just fine up until the last 2 weeks or so. It's almost as if it happened once he said "I love you." He also said in the next breath he was terrified of getting hurt... I dunno what is going on... I even said to him, this weekend....things changed..I feel like he just wants to be friends...I gave him the opportunity for an out. His reply?? "If there is something I am doing wrong, tell me so I can change it.."
Jilly Bean Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Just move on, hon. Things with this one will only get worse, and unless you want drama, frustration, and being taken advantage of, you won't waste another minute on him.
Author SierraRose Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Just move on, hon. Things with this one will only get worse, and unless you want drama, frustration, and being taken advantage of, you won't waste another minute on him. I was going to back off a bit, stop the generosity and see what happens within the next week or so.
johan Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 What makes you say that? I wouldn't be quite as quick to condemn as certain others here, but I will say that he seems to want to hurry toward the relaxed, past-the-honeymoon stage. Or else he just doesn't quite know how to act, and doesn't want to treat you too good so that you'll appreciate him more. Some guys do that kind of thing. Whatever the reason, you might have to spend a little extra time and energy training this guy. Chances are he'd be open to it if you decided to go for it. It's pretty hard to classify this guy though with only the information we have so far.
Author SierraRose Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 I wouldn't be quite as quick to condemn as certain others here, but I will say that he seems to want to hurry toward the relaxed, past-the-honeymoon stage. Or else he just doesn't quite know how to act, and doesn't want to treat you too good so that you'll appreciate him more. Some guys do that kind of thing. Whatever the reason, you might have to spend a little extra time and energy training this guy. Chances are he'd be open to it if you decided to go for it. It's pretty hard to classify this guy though with only the information we have so far. He has only been involved with 2 women in the past 20 years. One was his ex-wife ( she ended the marriage after 16 years), then his ex-fiancé(she was the rebound relationship and he broke it off with her). He has been single for almost 2 years and wants a relationship. He almost acts like a teenager would. Hesitant to show his feelings, then when he does he is scared he revealed himself too much... He seems nervous....
Curious-One Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 So, it finally happened 2 weeks ago. Home run! Since then only one other attempt was made, and he lost his erection....he still says it is nerves... He dropped the "L" word, yet other than an occasional kiss, there is nothing. Hardly any affection, other than cuddling on the couch AFTER he gets all of his "chores" done. He is constantly involved in something when I come over. Our alone time is very limited, due to our children. I went over to his house the other night, kid free for 24 hours! I was excited! Well, he spent like 3 hours cleaning his fish tank. I feel like I am the last on his list. Now let's throw this angle into the mix...I am a giving person at heart. Bottom line is he is broke. He has a job, but no overtime. All his money goes to child support, rent and food. Now, we have been involved for 6 weeks. The only time he took me out was for 2 drinks. That's it. No dinners, no flowers nothing. Now I am very understanding with the economy and all. I get that he is financially strapped. I have brought over food, cooked, bought him cigarettes, I bring over wine---basically I never come over empty-handed. I was raised to bring something when u come over someone's home. He never asks me to bring anything either. The night of the fish tank incident, I brought over wine, and there was NO SIGNS of any kind of dinner, not even a PBnJ..(he does have pasta, jarred sauce in the house) I mentioned I was getting hungry...He turned to his kitchen, with open arms and said if I could find something in the cabinet, then I could make it...WTF.. finally I caved--ordered and paid for take out from a local Italian Restaurant. I had to practically beg him to stop working on the fish tank to eat. I have never felt so unattractive in my life. He was expecting me to stay the night, but I left. I mean, if he really cared...couldn't he have cracked open a jar of sauce, some pasta then maybe offer to go for a walk, or sit by the beach? There are PLENTY of things to do in our area that doesn't cost a dime. To me it's quality, not quantity.. He says he loves me, his kids, dogs all adore me and I adore them. I don't know what is going on. I feel like there is ZERO effort on his part. And one more thing....last night i ran out of cigarettes..he offered to go. I gave him my debit card and he asked for my PIN#. I said no, you don't need it, just pay as if it were credit. He asked for the PIN like 2 more times. I felt very uneasy. He went, paid like a credit card. I looked at the receipt, and he bought me 2 packs and bought himself a pack too. He didn't even ask. He just bought one for himself. As I re-read this post, I feel like I have "SUCKER" tattooed on my forehead... WTF Wow that is seriously scary.. Him asking for your pin is very strange and whats even stranger than that is him asking you again 2 times after you told him that he doesnt need the pin. Than he goes to buy you 2 packs of cigs, decided to purchase one for himself and not even tell you about it???? WTF !!!!!!!!! I wonder what would have happend if you gave him the pin lol...you prolly would be missing some money from the bank. Based on everything you said abut this guy i would RUN , RUN FAST AND FAR AWAY from this guy..
GiveAndTake Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Things were going just fine up until the last 2 weeks or so. It's almost as if it happened once he said "I love you." He also said in the next breath he was terrified of getting hurt... I dunno what is going on... I even said to him, this weekend....things changed..I feel like he just wants to be friends...I gave him the opportunity for an out. His reply?? "If there is something I am doing wrong, tell me so I can change it.." He asked. Now tell him.
Author SierraRose Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 I am really sitting on the fence with this guy. I get mixed messages, my gut says not cut him off, but back off a bit. I am not trying to justify his actions, but something is telling me he is accustomed to being in a relationship; going from the honeymoon stage to the settled in stage. I on the other hand, am used to manipulative relationships. I certainly don't want to screw up something that can be great based on my past experiences. I dunno....this is why I hate dating
seoa Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Hardly any affection, other than cuddling on the couch AFTER he gets all of his "chores" done. He is constantly involved in something when I come over. Our alone time is very limited, due to our children. I went over to his house the other night, kid free for 24 hours! I was excited! Well, he spent like 3 hours cleaning his fish tank. I feel like I am the last on his list. Why didn't you feel that you could say something - at some time during those 3 hours...? Now, we have been involved for 6 weeks. The only time he took me out was for 2 drinks. That's it. No dinners, no flowers nothing. I mean, if he really cared...couldn't he have cracked open a jar of sauce, some pasta then maybe offer to go for a walk, or sit by the beach? There are PLENTY of things to do in our area that doesn't cost a dime. To me it's quality, not quantity.. Be careful of the "if he cared" syndrome... He is not psychic, he is not used to dating... Assumptions can be dangerous, cut him a little slack... When I started dating my ex, who had previously been married, we started out by doing a lot of staying in (we just wanted to talk & gaze into each others' eyes, so might as well stay on the sofa!), and once that phase was over, I had to explain to him the concept of dating... "we are acting like a married couple already and we are not married - we are dating, and i want to enjoy dating you" - took me three goes at the conversation before he got it, but the "building memories that we can look back on later" seemed to swing it... Once he got the concept, he took charge and we were out & about a lot - mostly free or very cheap stuff, lots of picnics, coz neither of us were flush at that point... I have never felt so unattractive in my life. He was expecting me to stay the night, but I left. I'm assuming you didn't explain why - so he's probably thinking it's to do with the impotence... Ouch...! He asked for the PIN like 2 more times. I felt very uneasy. He didn't even ask. He just bought one for himself. This is not acceptable - you should have said something... Something isn't sitting right with me and I can't place my finger on it. His oldest son is a high functioning special needs child. his boy is usually shy, quiet and reserved. What kind of special needs...? I'm just wondering if it's something on the autistic spectrum (maybe aspergers), and maybe it's inherited... This would explain why dad needs things explaining...!! Although could also just be dad hasn't dated much, as usual on the internet, there's not enough info to do more than make some assumptions...
bac Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Why do you date him? Is there anything good about him? You have mentioned only that he is an old man with erectile disfunction, 2 kids, no money, no attention for you, asked your pin for no rational reason?
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