loveslife Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Okay, so I'm enjoying being single and finding it productive to focus on my career and learning from mistakes with past relationships. I'm pretty content. I also know that there has always been another man who has come into my life. But what do you do during those moments when you question yourself - will there really be another one? It's a weird feeling. Intellectually I know there has ALWAYS been another and another and another. And truthfully there are guys showing interest in me now. Just nobody I really click with. So, what if I never click with a guy again? Haha it sounds so silly just typing that out. But I kinda needed to get it out there.
alphamale Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 So, what if I never click with a guy again? you just buy 10 cats and live out a life of solitude
Author loveslife Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 you just buy 10 cats and live out a life of solitude Hahahaha will you call me now and then to check on me that I'm okay?
carhill Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I got my cat already. There probably won't be another for me. Cat, that is
littlewhiterose Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Seriously? I have those same fleeting thoughts. (HAHA, and now that I see Alphamale's post, I'm reminded of my 40 cats/Cabin post from earlier:p ). I think it's just the "dark" side of our minds trying to counter balance the glimmers of hopefull-ness we all have in our journey in finding true love. Love is emotional, so your brain kicks in and is like- wait a minute, let's think with our heads, here. I think when those thoughts come up, you gotta kick 'em out. That's my take anyway. Realistically though, do you know what it would take to never really click with someone again?
Author loveslife Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Seriously? I have those same fleeting thoughts. I think it's just the "dark" side of our minds trying to counter balance the glimmers of hopefull-ness we all have in our journey in finding true love. Love is emotional, so your brain kicks in and is like- wait a minute, let's think with our heads, here. I think when those thoughts come up, you gotta kick 'em out. That's my take anyway. Realistically though, do you know what it would take to never really click with someone again? Thanks for taking my fleeting paranoia thoughts seriously littlewhiterose. I think it's a good sign that they are fleeting thoughts for the both of us. It shows that we lead full lives. But yeah it is probably a dark side. Probably normal, eh. It's like, wait, should you really be hopeful? Is that wise? Maybe it's just because there is nothing in front of us and it requires just believing. And that's something that isn't always available?
Author loveslife Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 I got my cat already. There probably won't be another for me. Cat, that is Well, I click with you carhill and you already have a cat. So maybe if I buy nine more we can live together?
Lauriebell82 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I think everyone who is single feels that way at some point. It's fairly normal. You do eventually "click" with someone, but unfortunately even then it's a gamble who you will chose as your life partner. But don't give up hope..get yourself out there!!!
Hkizzle Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 You buy a rabbit, and not the furry kind.
littlewhiterose Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 You buy a rabbit, and not the furry kind. hahaha BBBBZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Lauriebell82 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 You buy a rabbit, and not the furry kind. Oh my goodness..my poor little ears *covers ears* OP, what is it about these guys that are interested in you that you feel you don't "click."
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I think everyone who is single feels that way at some point. It's fairly normal. You do eventually "click" with someone, but unfortunately even then it's a gamble who you will chose as your life partner. But don't give up hope..get yourself out there!!! Yeah... What LB said...She speaks the truth...
carhill Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Well, I click with you carhill and you already have a cat. So maybe if I buy nine more we can live together? LOL, if it were up to my best friend's wife, I'd be running a cat farm out here with all the runaways/abandoned's she picks up. She's given me a great example of the kind of woman I won't let get by me in the future. They've been a great support during a difficult time. The funny part is, and I don't know if others have experienced it this way, there has been no rhyme or reason for those 'clicks' I've had in my lifetime. No pattern, neither in appearance nor personality nor outward attributes. Inexplicable. Life is nothing if not an adventure
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Life is nothing if not an adventure Carhill.. it gets better after everything is all sorted out too.. you will see how good life feels when that happens.. Cats and all..
Author loveslife Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Oh my goodness..my poor little ears *covers ears* OP, what is it about these guys that are interested in you that you feel you don't "click." Well, when I say I don't click it's either chemistry or they're unavailable in some way or there's an incompatibility (i.e. large age gap). I'd like to meet someone I have chemistry and compatibility with and who is available. That's my order to the Universe!
Author loveslife Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 The funny part is, and I don't know if others have experienced it this way, there has been no rhyme or reason for those 'clicks' I've had in my lifetime. No pattern, neither in appearance nor personality nor outward attributes. Inexplicable. Life is nothing if not an adventure Yes, I know exactly what you mean. It's like what I've said when people ask what my type is, I say, "my type is generally the guy I'm interested in." It's not the other way around. In this thread broadened my definition of "no click" to include incompatibility and unavailable but I think it's just that maturity has made it so I just don't click with those people. Ya know? I'm past the point where it's like "oh, we really click, but he has a girlfriend," or "oh, we really click but he has a lot going on in his life that he has to deal with," etc. etc. The availability factor has become a part of the "click."
carhill Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I acknowledge those potentials (the unavailable ones) but just process the dynamic differently, investing different emotions (not the ones of bonding and intimacy) and apply lower expectations. I've experimented with this while going through divorce and it works pretty good. The only difficult one remaining is the one from my journals, since it occurred long before gaining such awareness. Re-classifying that potential will be the next major job in the healing process, accepting that I may not 'click' in that fashion ever again.
Author loveslife Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 I acknowledge those potentials (the unavailable ones) but just process the dynamic differently, investing different emotions (not the ones of bonding and intimacy) and apply lower expectations. I've experimented with this while going through divorce and it works pretty good. The only difficult one remaining is the one from my journals, since it occurred long before gaining such awareness. Re-classifying that potential will be the next major job in the healing process, accepting that I may not 'click' in that fashion ever again. The bolded part - that's a good way of putting it. And maybe that has to do with what I'm noticing lately. On the one hand, I feel more positive than before because I know how to discern emotionally, or I have more control over my emotions in the way you mention above. But then there's the part of me that feels how new all of this is and is still processing. I haven't read about the person you're mentioning, carhill, but I'm sure there's a solution. And actually, I think if you stay focused on the reclassifying in your life in general the solution to the issue with the person from the past will probably naturally present itself.
SummerLady Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Okay, so I'm enjoying being single and finding it productive to focus on my career and learning from mistakes with past relationships. I'm pretty content. I also know that there has always been another man who has come into my life. But what do you do during those moments when you question yourself - will there really be another one? It's a weird feeling. Intellectually I know there has ALWAYS been another and another and another. And truthfully there are guys showing interest in me now. Just nobody I really click with. So, what if I never click with a guy again? Haha it sounds so silly just typing that out. But I kinda needed to get it out there. I so get this question. Dating is one thing, I always knew I would date after my divorce but finding that connection, that chemistry is what I was curious about. I was negative about it. I thought in a way I may never find that again. I had set myself up so I would not be disaapointed and just thought go out have fun and don't count on it. Low and behold I found it and was not really looking, it took me by surprise really. So don't lose hope. You will find it when and where youleast expect it.......
Author loveslife Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 I so get this question. Dating is one thing, I always knew I would date after my divorce but finding that connection, that chemistry is what I was curious about. I was negative about it. I thought in a way I may never find that again. I had set myself up so I would not be disaapointed and just thought go out have fun and don't count on it. Low and behold I found it and was not really looking, it took me by surprise really. So don't lose hope. You will find it when and where youleast expect it....... Aw, SummerLady, that's such a nice message! I'm glad you found someone. Yeah, even though I know there's every chance I'll find "it" again it's just so weird right now. There's nobody I'm dating, no exes I'm thinking about, nada. And yeah I have very low expectations of EVER finding something again. But I like surprises so I'll keep an open mind.
SummerLady Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Aw, SummerLady, that's such a nice message! I'm glad you found someone. Yeah, even though I know there's every chance I'll find "it" again it's just so weird right now. There's nobody I'm dating, no exes I'm thinking about, nada. And yeah I have very low expectations of EVER finding something again. But I like surprises so I'll keep an open mind. I hear you. Whether you lost someone you loved or just grew out of a relationship its hard to imagine being happy again. I actually had a very negative phrase,"That part of my life is over, time to focus on other things." I believed this to the core. I started to focus on my career, kids, health and just being content and just like that I met him. I think I was in a good place when I met him. I was like I got nothing in this arena so I got nothing to lose. I have had my moments on here as some of you know. I have trust issues and an ex pain the azz. But overall I met someone who is a good fit for me. I would say soul mate but Thaddeus will yell at me, Ha!! You know you will.......
splintered thing Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Okay, so I'm enjoying being single and finding it productive to focus on my career and learning from mistakes with past relationships. I'm pretty content. I also know that there has always been another man who has come into my life. But what do you do during those moments when you question yourself - will there really be another one? ... So, what if I never click with a guy again? That's not a moment (or even a question any more)--that's all the time. I don't think I'd know what to do if I did start imagining that clicking with someone was a realistic possibility. Regardless, though, there's always more to do than there's time for...and this way I can focus on the things that are productive.
Author loveslife Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 I hear you. Whether you lost someone you loved or just grew out of a relationship its hard to imagine being happy again. I actually had a very negative phrase,"That part of my life is over, time to focus on other things." I believed this to the core. I started to focus on my career, kids, health and just being content and just like that I met him. I think I was in a good place when I met him. I was like I got nothing in this arena so I got nothing to lose. I have had my moments on here as some of you know. I have trust issues and an ex pain the azz. But overall I met someone who is a good fit for me. I would say soul mate but Thaddeus will yell at me, Ha!! You know you will....... I find it encouraging that you were in the same place as me and found someone so good for you (I believe soulmates can be romantic or otherwise and are not always romantic, BTW). But then I do still feel that that part of my life is over anyway. It's just a part of me that recognizes that now would be a good time to meet someone because I am in a good place within myself. Haha then I think, well, I'll believe it when/if I see it! "When I counted up my demons, saw there was one for every day, with the good ones on my shoulders, I drove the other ones away." ~ Coldplay "Everything's Not Lost"
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