He's just not that into you if...

[Island Girl]

Dealing with facts in hand - writergal are the facts as stated true?

 

Because there is a lot that can be learned from that. It is a jumping off point to better relationships, etc.

 

I feel for you - I know you see yourself as being attacked but in reading the thread I don't see where posters are really coming at you that way.

Nearly every post has specifics about wanting you to be better or have more success in your dating life.

 

There is always a Yin-Yang in relationships. And if a person is not getting what they really want a change from within can make all the difference.

But a person has to be willing to look at themselves critically.

[ecm]

this is exhausting.

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

I made a comment earlier on in this thread about the guy simply wanting sex from WG. While that may be true, I think I may have been incorrect in part of my analogy.

 

When I set out to make my statement it was under the impression that he was acting like a jerk to her, or blowing her off ALL the time. I guess that's my fault for not reading through everything first (which is exhausting...), but I got that effect because of the vibe WG had been giving off. She was clearly upset so I assumed hey, the guy must be being a dick.

 

But looking at it a little clearer now, four dates, 4. I stand by my statement that she should be able to tell and FEEL that he is into her after 4 dates, because really how long does one need in order to guage that? However, you are particular hard to satisfy in that regard, that may be the problem... which is what I'm guessing now.

 

So here is where the assumption that he's been a jerk throughout this 4 date time period comes in. Obviously if after 4 dates of him putting her off and things like that, nothing changes, yes it's safe to assume he's not into her.

 

However, if by normal standards he has in fact NOT been a dick, or putting her off- she merely FEELS like he is- THAT is a different story.

 

If a certain person requires a substantial amount of attention and reassurance in order to feel like the other person is 'into them', that could throw a wrench in things. I guess I missed that perspective.

 

So, WG, if this guy has been just fine, and has in fact been a gentleman up to this point, I definitely see a problem in YOUR outlook of the relationship, not his. If he had been a jerk from the get go to you, I can see how that would make you feel insecure or clingy; however, if he's been a good guy up to this point then there is absolutely no reason to feel like this. Especially if he warned you communication would be limited over vacation.

 

So in short, if he's been a distant jerkish kind of guy since you've met him, then yes you have a right to feel that way, and yes he's probably not that into you. But, if this is the first time communication has been limited, because of his vacation (which he warned about), and you are acting like this, then yes, you are in fact needy and clingy.

 

I know I wrote a lot but... that's what I'm reading from this. I tend to agree with others now that you may be on the clingy side.

 

This isn't a bash on you, it just means you need to RECOGNIZE it, and either teach yourself not to be that way; or, find yourself a guy that is the needy/clingy type as well- there ARE a good amount of guys out there like that.

[leap83]

I think distracting yourself for a while would help. I would advise you NOT to care because it's been only 4 dates. Start caring after 10.

[Pink Cupcakes]

He's not interested. You gave it up before there was a relationship and now the interest is lost for him.

Now at least you know for next time.

[deux ex machina]

I think distracting yourself for a while would help. I would advise you NOT to care because it's been only 4 dates.

 

Start caring after 10.

 

...and stop caring after 4 years. Just like the rest of us.