He's just not that into you if...

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

Yes, this is the same guy from my previous dating forums thread I posted about.

 

And I'm not going to apologize for IM'ing him. I like him. I wanted to say hi. And when he didn't respond, I called him.

 

I'm with UrKillinMeSmalls on this one: I don't think he's that into me. The morning he left, I sent him a text that said "thanks for a great date, have a safe drive and call from the road to let me know you're safe. Yours <my name>." He waited until late that night to call me, and the call lasted a few minutes. That's when he told me he couldn't talk to me during his vacation b/c he'd be focused on spending time with his family. But seriously! My ex-boyfriend last year spent time at home and still called me every day at night to tell me about his day. The fact that this new guy isn't doing that with me, shows me by his actions, that he's not that interested in me. I found his IM insulting, "see you when I get back."

 

My feelings are hurt because I really like this guy and he knows this. Why wouldn't he want to hear from me while he's on vacation? To screen my call today was insulting to say the least. But he was also like that between our 4 dates in the past few weeks...no follow-up communication in between our dates. All the communication between our dates I've initiated which is not a good sign, is it? No matter how I overthink this, it comes back to me thinking he's just not showing me enough interest...and I can't shake that feeling.

 

Don't get discouraged. He's either indecisive (a femenine trait), a bad communicator (a warning sign), or inconsiderate (another warning sign). In other words, he's no catch. Throw him back and toss out another line.

[leap83]

I think ALL of you are just assuming. You actually have NO IDEA why he never called you back or what happened. You could be right OR wrong. He could be playing it cool because that's the way he is. You said that he was like this before so there wasn't really a sudden change in his patterns. Some men are just like that - they love their space.

 

I think you should step back. Don't do anything rash. Let him come to you. And when he does say something along the lines of "I was just wondering where this relationship is going because I'm not used to not talking every single day and I would like to know where I stand." In all honesty, I think communication is THE KEY factor in this whole scenario. You're NOT communicating. So, step back. Calm yourself down.

 

Besides it's been only 4 dates. You're over-analyzing this way too much. If it was after like 3 months, then this would be okay. However, 4 dates is still the territory of "getting to know each other." Since you've already slept with him, you're emotionally connected. I would take a step back. He might not want to rush into things and he might not be comfortable in saying this to you. So, I would take it slow and start talking - don't accuse him of anything. Don't say he's a jerk. Just act normal and try to gather as much info as you can CALMLY. That's the key.

[writergal]

I think he's all 3...and I'm hurt and disappointed now. What a jerk. No one treats someone they're really into the way he's treated me these past few days.

 

Dating is SO frustrating!! And I'm not getting any younger, either...

[leap83]

I think he's just not complementing your needs. That's the problem here. Even if he's into you, some men don't want to come off as clingy so they choose to stay distant - it's good enough for them. You need attention. You want attention. He might not want that. Food for thought.

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

I think he's all 3...and I'm hurt and disappointed now. What a jerk. No one treats someone they're really into the way he's treated me these past few days.

 

Dating is SO frustrating!! And I'm not getting any younger, either...

 

That's why I believe in marrying young, and plan to. Call me old fashioned.

 

I have to wonder how the girls ive dated in the past are going to end up (I rarely end the relationship). I wonder if they will be among the "in my 30's and still looking for a man" crowd. Who knows!

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

I think he's just not complementing your needs. That's the problem here. Even if he's into you, some men don't want to come off as clingy so they choose to stay distant - it's good enough for them. You need attention. You want attention. He might not want that. Food for thought.

 

Another example of carefully trying to play by those invisible dating rules and walk that fine line, like most people in the dating world do- because they think they have to. Ironic how it ****s everything up isnt it?

[leap83]

It's not the rules. It's the personality type. If we were all the same, the world would be a very boring place. He might be personality B and she might be personality A. I know of plenty of men and women who love their space, which is great. I know others who can't spend a second without talking with their mate. I think a fine balance goes a long way.

 

That's why communicating is the key. Setting the boundaries is the key. Telling them up front that "you know what? I'm really busy and sometimes my life gets a little out of hand so I won't be able to contact you as often as you might want. Is that okay with you?" It's all about working it out so that both people are comfortable. We can't read each other's minds. So the best is to tell each other what our needs/wants are without having to over-analyze what went wrong and what that person is thinking, etc.

 

Another example of carefully trying to play by those invisible dating rules and walk that fine line, like most people in the dating world do- because they think they have to. Ironic how it ****s everything up isnt it?

[writergal]

We slept together in my bed, yes, but we did not have sex.

 

I agree. Communication is what's lacking here. I need more information. That said, the female intuition is rarely wrong...but it can be clouded by self-doubt. And I have a lot of self-doubt right now about this guy.

 

I know what I'm used to when dating a guy at 1 week or 1 year; mutual interest. When a guy makes an effort without any pushing from me, I know he cares.

 

This guy has been on radio silence since he went to visit his family, except for his brief response via IM today. But that doesn't change the fact that it was really inconsiderate and rude of him to not follow up with me afterwards, to validate my feelings. He just left me with more silence. And that to me, is a warning sign of things to come if I were to get serious with this guy. Its a sign of not being emotionally available to me.

 

I'm trying to stay calm about this. But I'm not a passive person, either. I'm an outspoken 38 year old woman who knows what she's looking for in a romantic partner. I just haven't found him yet.

 

No, he's definitely not complementing my needs. And at this early stage, he should be doing just that! I do want attention. I deserve attention. Are you suggesting he may not want to give me that attention? Because that's what he's doing now...not giving me the attention I deserve.

 

Im telling you, once you get close to 40, if you're still single, the dating pool is few and far between, with regards to eligible bachelors.

 

This guy contacted me through match.com, which I now regret ever joining. I think I may cancel my membership and try to get more involved in other social groups. After all, Mother Nature existed before Match.com, and the human population has thrived regardless of technology's invasion into the human dating pool. And if Mother Nature does not provide me with a suitable partner, well, I'll just have to sign up for the next layman space station visit. I'd rather live in a space capsule and orbit the earth, than be single and lonely for the rest of my life on earth. That, or seek true revenge by becoming a stand-up commedianne, and tell the horror dating stories to the public in a very sarcastic and entertaining way, because everyone can relate to what I"m going through. I have to do something.

 

I swear. I bet he doesn't call me back for another week or two. I bet you!

[leap83]

I wouldn't go on match.com. I was on it before and in all honesty, all of those men were such losers. If you really want to join something more credible, join eharmony. I met plenty of decent men on there (including my ex who turned out to be commitment phobic but he is a decent man nevertheless) and I find that on eharmony people tend to look for LTR and marriage (in comparison to match.com).

 

Eharmony matched me up with quite a few incredible individuals and it did it again 2 weeks ago, by matching me up with a guy I met at this store in September but never saw again after the meeting (even though we hit it off quite nicely) - so I was really happy to find out it matched me with him and now I'm really looking forward to maybe going out with him. So, it works wonders in that sense. It really does match you with someone who is compatible with you - I speak from experience.

 

Wait until he comes back. That's all I'm going to say. Don't write him off just yet. You've got to hear his side before you do that. And if he's bull****ting then, then walk away. If you walk away now, you'll always wonder wth happened. I'm assuming you don't want that.

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

We slept together in my bed, yes, but we did not have sex.

 

I agree. Communication is what's lacking here. I need more information. That said, the female intuition is rarely wrong...but it can be clouded by self-doubt. And I have a lot of self-doubt right now about this guy.

 

I know what I'm used to when dating a guy at 1 week or 1 year; mutual interest. When a guy makes an effort without any pushing from me, I know he cares.

 

This guy has been on radio silence since he went to visit his family, except for his brief response via IM today. But that doesn't change the fact that it was really inconsiderate and rude of him to not follow up with me afterwards, to validate my feelings. He just left me with more silence. And that to me, is a warning sign of things to come if I were to get serious with this guy. Its a sign of not being emotionally available to me.

 

I'm trying to stay calm about this. But I'm not a passive person, either. I'm an outspoken 38 year old woman who knows what she's looking for in a romantic partner. I just haven't found him yet.

 

No, he's definitely not complementing my needs. And at this early stage, he should be doing just that! I do want attention. I deserve attention. Are you suggesting he may not want to give me that attention? Because that's what he's doing now...not giving me the attention I deserve.

 

Im telling you, once you get close to 40, if you're still single, the dating pool is few and far between, with regards to eligible bachelors.

 

This guy contacted me through match.com, which I now regret ever joining. I think I may cancel my membership and try to get more involved in other social groups. After all, Mother Nature existed before Match.com, and the human population has thrived regardless of technology's invasion into the human dating pool. And if Mother Nature does not provide me with a suitable partner, well, I'll just have to sign up for the next layman space station visit. I'd rather live in a space capsule and orbit the earth, than be single and lonely for the rest of my life.

 

Now that I know how far you've been with him I can give more input as to why he's acting like this.

 

Get ready, here's your answer: No sex.

 

He met you on match.com, and has invested 4 dates into you with no sex to come out of it. That's why he's not interested anymore. He probably put in what he thought would be enough time to test out the goods, and when he didn't get it, he lost interest.

 

Im guessing he's younger than you too, if he's going on family vacations and showing his daddy your profile. That being said, he probably wants something different than you- a sexual relationship. He has probably pushed for it and you have denied him, which is why there has been physical action but no sex.

 

My guess is he gets back from vacation and has brief contact with you to test the waters and see if there's any hope of getting in those pants. My advice, deny him. In fact forget about him- ei: ignore him.

 

I would get off of match.com and any other dating site you might be on. it's not a place for women seeking lasting love. As you said, nature was at work long before the internet, it will be at work long after it's gone.

 

Besides, if you're not out and about instead of pandering away on dating sites, how's God supposed to have any opportunities to hit you with cupid's arrow?

[writergal]

I have tried eHarmony but the guy I met and dated on there, well, after 3 months I broke up with him because he had no social skills (he was too introverted for my extroversion) and just wanted to stay in all the time and not be social. And do you know what he did when I broke up with him, he called me a slew of nasty names. Luckily I broke up with him in public, because he went cuckoo on me verbally bashing me. This from a guy who did his undergrad at Stanford (not that ivy league schools are supposed to be freak-free, but one can hope) in economics.

 

My friend met her current boyfriend on eHarmony and they've been together for 5 months. Of course, he is divorced 2x, with 2 children under the age of 12 and she was never married.

 

But I do agree with you about the difference in dating pedigree between eHarmony and Match.com.

 

But I have to restore my faith in Mother Nature's ability to match me up with a mate SOMEHOW devoid of electronic devices and monthly payments. It will be cheaper and hopefully less stressful. "Organic" dating versus "electronic" dating. But I dunno. Everyone seems to be dating online these days.

[writergal]

UrKillinMeSmalls:

 

I agree 100% with you. No sex is the problem. Well, there's probably more too it than that, because I only went on 4 dates with him so I don't have his complete dating history or psychological profile worthy of a Love Connection via Chuck Willery (back in 2 and 2).

 

He's 39 by the way. So he's actually a year older than me.

 

And you're right about his character. In fact, he did tell me he broke off his engagement to his fiance last year because of the lack of their sex life. HA! How's that for calling a spade a spade.

 

The man wants to get in my pants and although I teased him in every way possible, I still refused him entry. No way. No how. Not gonna happen at this juncture Mr. Doesn't mean I"m a nun, but old habits die hard and I'm not about to get all chaste and wear a chastity belt that will rust with me as I age. Hell...to the...no. If i can have fun without going all the way, I will frankly, because a woman's sex drive speeds UP the older she gets and peaks around the late 30s. And my biological clock is tickin here, My Friend.

 

My guess is I won't have to play these reindeer dating games much longer with this guy. He's not interested in me anymore. He's shown me his true colors since we first met. Now that he's away on vacation, and today's incident, well that's a lot of circumstantial evidence to go off, but I'd say the case is a clear one of "he's guilty of wanting sex, but no relationship" with me, your honor. His life sentence: No sex from me.

[leap83]

Dating online is for those who are busy. The only reason why I joined eharmony was because I don't have time to get out really (I have my own business and do school at the same time on top of trying to help around the house). There will be a free communication weekend in October (during Thanksgiving).

 

It's one guy. Try dribbling 2 or more. I have come up with this idea of going out with a couple of them and then picking the best ones for the next round and then finally choosing the one I would like to extend to a relationship or ditching all of them. However, right now, I'm interested in only one guy and have no interest in dating or going out with a few of them.

 

You know when love comes your way? When you least expect it. It's always been true for me. Whenever I would go and search, it would never work out. So, in September after the break-up, I kind of let it go. I was like "Me? Dating? No. I'm going to concentrate on the rest of my life." And the moment that happened - BAM.. I meet a guy at a store. Again I didn't put much emphasis on that meeting - I was actually clueless as to why he was talking with me for good 1.5 hours about pretty personal stuff. Anyway, I continued with my life and then BAM - eharmony matches me up with him. It's when I least expected it.

 

Maybe you should stop searching. Sign up for eharmony for the kicks. Free communication is coming up so you don't have to pay. Review your matches. Talk with a couple. See where that leads you. But I think it's when you stop thinking about it... that's when it hits you.

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

UrKillinMeSmalls:

 

I agree 100% with you. No sex is the problem. Well, there's probably more too it than that, because I only went on 4 dates with him so I don't have his complete dating history or psychological profile worthy of a Love Connection via Chuck Willery (back in 2 and 2).

 

He's 39 by the way. So he's actually a year older than me.

 

And you're right about his character. In fact, he did tell me he broke off his engagement to his fiance last year because of the lack of their sex life. HA! How's that for calling a spade a spade.

 

The man wants to get in my pants and although I teased him in every way possible, I still refused him entry. No way. No how. Not gonna happen at this juncture Mr. Doesn't mean I"m a nun, but old habits die hard and I'm not about to get all chaste and wear a chastity belt that will rust with me as I age. Hell...to the...no. If i can have fun without going all the way, I will frankly, because a woman's sex drive speeds UP the older she gets and peaks around the late 30s. And my biological clock is tickin here, My Friend.

 

My guess is I won't have to play these reindeer dating games much longer with this guy. He's not interested in me anymore. He's shown me his true colors since we first met. Now that he's away on vacation, and today's incident, well that's a lot of circumstantial evidence to go off, but I'd say the case is a clear one of "he's guilty of wanting sex, but no relationship" with me, your honor. His life sentence: No sex from me.

 

 

Well I may have been incorrect about his ACTUAL age, but his TRUE age? I'm probably spot on.

 

But there you have it. Now get out there and find yourself a MAN you fiesty fox!

[writergal]

I agree that love hits you when you aren't looking for it. And I wasn't expecting to hear from this guy, certainly. So, I assumed his pursuit of me at first was a sign that finally, Cupid has sent a good egg my way. So either I'm jumping to lots of conclusions right now, by overanalyzing, OR everything everyone's posted about is spot on, and that this guy is NOT interested in me for the prize catch that I am (but don't advertise enough).

 

HA! UrKillinMeSmalls...you made me laugh out loud with your comment. Thanks for that!

[marlena]

That he let it go to voicemail, and never followed up after that with text or email (i.e. to explain why, and make sure I didn't misinterpret his action), is what bothers me most.

 

 

If nothing else, it was rude not to return your call. I'm with you on that one. Personally, I, too, would be furious. .. furious enough never to initiate contact with him again. Give him a taste of his own medicine, ignore him and see what he does. You should get your answer very soon. Good luck!

[writergal]

Thanks Marlena! It was totally rude of him not to call me back tonight! Thank you for that validation!

[Island Girl]

I'm with UrKillinMeSmalls on this one: I don't think he's that into me.

 

 

The morning he left, I sent him a text that said "thanks for a great date, have a safe drive and call from the road to let me know you're safe. Yours <my name>." He waited until late that night to call me, and the call lasted a few minutes.

 

That would have been a clue to back off.

 

Seriously, if a guy I was seeing waited until late night to call me (after 4 dates a guy doesn't call me late at night but anyway) then that right there tells me -- if he isn't that interested then me scrambling after him won't make him more so, so that'd be pointless.

And if he DID really like me then he can make time in his day to call me, IM me, or talk to me.

 

And I'm not going to apologize for IM'ing him. I like him. I wanted to say hi. And when he didn't respond, I called him.

 

Okay. You wanted to and you did. But you ended up feeling worse because you IMed and he didn't respond. Then you called him and that made you feel even worse and more anxious.

 

Set yourself up for success not failure.

 

And I'm not going to apologize for IM'ing him. I like him. I wanted to say hi. And when he didn't respond, I called him.

The fact that this new guy isn't doing that with me, shows me by his actions, that he's not that interested in me. I found his IM insulting, "see you when I get back."

 

Exactly! So if he isn't stepping up to the plate why would you chase him??

 

My feelings are hurt because I really like this guy and he knows this. Why wouldn't he want to hear from me while he's on vacation?

 

Why wouldn't YOU wait and see if he contacted you while he was on vacation?

You like him. He knows this. That doesn't mean he likes you back.

And no amount of chasing him or contacting him is going to make him care if he doesn't.

The proof is in the actions. You should have let him show you how into you he is.

 

To screen my call today was insulting to say the least. But he was also like that between our 4 dates in the past few weeks...no follow-up communication in between our dates.

 

And you don't like that -- the no follow up. Yet you are falling for him anyway. WTF?? You really like him (why?) and he already knows this (um why and how?).

 

All the communication between our dates I've initiated which is not a good sign, is it?

 

Nope. It isn't. It never will be a good sign. And why would you reach out to someone for follow up when he doesn't? Maybe once I can understand but you have had 4 dates and you have made the effort each time?

Learn a lesson from this and don't do that again.

 

No matter how I overthink this, it comes back to me thinking he's just not showing me enough interest...and I can't shake that feeling.

 

Yep. And then you IM him though he can see you are online too and doesn't reach out to you - then while he is ignoring you - you call him so he can ignore that too.

Please just stop that altogether. It isn't accomplishing what you want to accomplish and you just end up the one feeling awful.

[writergal]

Island Girl: True. I set myself for failure with this guy from the very beginning, not success.

 

When he waited to call me late the night he left, I knew he was avoiding me. Like you said, if he really did like me, he would have made time in his day to contact me before he left. But he didn't. Clue #1 he's not into me.

 

Clue #2: His lack of communication between dates.

 

Clue #3: His lack of communication while on vacation.

 

Clue #4: Ignoring my online status by not reaching out to me (he claimed he was showing his dad my online profile, when the truth is he was probably online on match.com for his own viewing purpose), next, by ignoring my IM for quite a few minutes, then ignoring my phone call, and not following up afterwards with his own phone call.

 

Clue #5: Chasing after him. Big mistake. Common mistake.

 

And finally, he insults me with his IM message: "see you when I get back."

 

Now I feel like a complete idiot when I break it down like this and look at it from this perspective.

 

Want to know something ironic about today? Before I went online and IM'ed him, I got a text from a guy I went out on 2 dates with, whom I was repulsed by and rejected. His text today asked, "Can you forgive a wayward soul and offer a second chance?" I completely ignored his text and just deleted it. If I had responded, that would have misled him. But I didn't.

 

I wish this new guy had just sent me a "I'm not interested" email. Would have been the mature thing to do, rather than lead me on...although not a very good job of leading me on. I had blinders on so I made his job a lot easier. That's where LS comes in handy. I come here when in doubt to get confirmation and advice, and fresh perspectives from other people's own similar experiences. And thank god for that!

[writergal]

by Joni Mitchell

 

If you can keep your head

While all about you

People are losing theirs and blaming you

If you can trust yourself

When everybody doubts you

And make allowance for their doubting too.

 

If you can wait

And not get tired of waiting

And when lied about

Stand tall

Don't deal in lies

And when hated

Don't give in to hating back

Don't need to look so good

Don't need to talk too wise.

 

If you can dream

And not make dreams your master

If you can think

And not make intellect your game

If you can meet

With triumph and disaster

And treat those two imposters just the same

 

If you can force your heart

And nerve and sinew

To serve you

After all of them are gone

And so hold on

When there is nothing in you

Nothing but the will

That's telling you to hold on!

Hold on!

 

If you can bear to hear

The truth you've spoken

Twisted and misconstrued

By some smug fool

Or watch your life''s work

Torn apart and broken down

And still stoop to build again

With worn out tools.

 

If you can draw a crowd

And keep your virtue

Or walk with Kings

And keep the common touch

If neither enemies nor loving friends

Can hurt you

If everybody counts with you

But none too much.

 

If you can fill the journey

Of a minute

With sixty seconds worth of wonder and delight

Then

The Earth is yours

And Everything that's in it

But more than that

I know

You'll be alright

You'll be alright.

 

Cause you've got the fight

You've got the insight

You've got the fight

You've got the insight

 

© 2007; Crazy Crow Music

[Island Girl]

The truth is this guy -- the one on vacation didn't tell you he wasn't interested because he is. He is interested in sex no matter what - and he may enjoy your company. He just isn't THAT into you.

 

You didn't lead that other guy on because he repulses you. You wouldn't hop into bed with him or even spend a moment with him to get there.

 

That illustrates the BIG difference between guys and gals.

 

There are plenty of guy out there who'd adore you. But you can't be wasting the time on the guys that don't.

 

You said you had lots of things you could have been doing but you have put them aside because of this guy. Why on Earth would you? What do you know about him that makes him a priority in your life at all whatsoever?

Because to me, the first requirement that a guy becomes a priority in my life is that I am a priority in HIS. And that is demonstrated through action.

 

Why would you buy in if you aren't even sure or have conflicting (or very clear) signs that the two of you aren't even on the same plane of attraction?

 

I just think this could be a huge learning experience for you because you are going to be dating other people too.

[boogieboy]

I wish this new guy had just sent me a "I'm not interested" email. Would have been the mature thing to do, rather than lead me on...although not a very good job of leading me on. I had blinders on so I made his job a lot easier. That's where LS comes in handy. I come here when in doubt to get confirmation and advice, and fresh perspectives from other people's own similar experiences. And thank god for that!

 

 

Youre a WOMAN. You guys invented the "hintanese" language. How is it that this guy sends you all these hints of non interest and you still need him to tell you straight up, and you cant walk away? Guys dont even speak hint, he just did it. You wont even tell the OTHER guy that texted you that day that youre not interested in him, you ignored his text. You think thats the mature thing to do? Dont you think he wants to know too, instead of you ignoring him?

 

I know this is off topic, but I propose that YOU dont deserve to demand an "Im not interested" text from the guy you like, until you give one to the guy that youre NOT interested in. If you cant take the pressure of sending that text, why should your 4 date guy be any better?

[writergal]

Island Girl: Are you sure you aren't related to my favorite singer/songwriter Joni Mitchell?!? (Her songs are chock full of sharp insight into life's experiences...)

 

I think I eschewed my studies and other commitments because I got caught up in the romance (he is very charming which was to my detriment), and wanting the attention. The physical attraction is strong within us, like the force (albeit the dark side, eh heh). He is the Han Solo to my Princess Lea (c'mon, we all know she likes bad boys). Only, I should have used my light saber on him the moment he exposed that bad boy glint in his eye to me on our first date, which was by all accounts...TOO LONG (see other post for gory details).

 

I agree. Action speaks louder than words. Had he called me in between our dates, not tried to pull my pants off on the first date, and called me while on vacation just to show me he's thinking of me and how much he likes me, well...then YES I would know I was a priority in his life, and then justify giving up some of my daily responsibilities, so I could sit and daydream a little about this new love I've found.

 

I'm not sure why I was so quick to "buy in" before I take the time to get to know his interest level. I know my personality is such that I tend to rush things full steam ahead when I get excited...rather than look before I leap, I jump off the cliff only to realize, whoops, I forgot my parachute in my car, having thought I didn't need to prepare ahead of time for the risks I take in dating. If I could learn to slow down, appreciate my own self worth more WITHOUT external validation (that some of us are guilty of pursuing every now and then) from men as I often do (I know, BIG mistake), then i would have better dating/coping/life skills, and as a result, my screening process would be more accurate when it comes to potential Mr. Dates.

 

My Buddhist meditation teacher would tell me that this guy's treatment of me is actually an opportunity, rather than a negative experience. I can view it as just an experience and choose to learn from it and not repeat it (which is not always easy).

[writergal]

I know this is off topic, but I propose that YOU dont deserve to demand an "Im not interested" text from the guy you like, until you give one to the guy that youre NOT interested in. If you cant take the pressure of sending that text, why should your 4 date guy be any better?

 

Fair play to you, Boogieboy. BUT...I told the texter guy in PERSON on our 2nd date that I didn't want to see him again. I even explained that I didn't feel the chemistry with him that I'm looking for.

 

And you're right. Who am I to demand this new guy put it down in writing, when the writing was on the wall (albeit, in scribbles!) about his lack of interest in me. I ignored the signs because I wanted to believe he was different....don't shoot me for being hopeful...or delusional now, as the case may be, about his interest level in me. He may be interested in me for sex only, but not THAT interested in me as a person.

 

.

[boogieboy]

Fair play to you, Boogieboy. BUT...I told the texter guy in PERSON on our 2nd date that I didn't want to see him again. I even explained that I didn't feel the chemistry with him that I'm looking for.

 

And you're right. Who am I to demand this new guy put it down in writing, when the writing was on the wall (albeit, in scribbles!) about his lack of interest in me. I ignored the signs because I wanted to believe he was different....don't shoot me for being hopeful...or delusional now, as the case may be, about his interest level in me. He may be interested in me for sex only, but not THAT interested in me as a person.

 

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As for the guy who you already told you arent interested in, he obviously needed to be told again. Typical that hes under the impression that he needed to give you time to rethink your position on him.

 

I just hope that the next guy that doesnt give you the attention you want doesnt get a second date. I hope you learned from this. You dont want this guy blowing you off, after sex, and after you already got emotionally invested months later.

 

I would normally say that you are a little needy with the attention, but I also believe in congruency. So I cant suggest to you that you ease off in the beginning ,and then let loose demanding more attn from him down the line. So all you can do is keep weeding though until theres a guy that wants to give you all the attention you need. I need my space, I cant handle that type of neediness, I cant even imagine a guy that can hang with that sort of thing.