EricaH329 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 i cant take this. i swore to her i would not contact her but i cant do this. i said if i broke my word to consider me a lost cause of a human being. but it's driving me crazy. im almost at 48 hours again and im starting to go crazy i j ust want my sweetheart Are you actually reading any of the advice being given?? There is some really good advice posted here for you. You are allowing yourself to wallow in this. Take a step back, breathe. You are the only one causing this insanity! It might seem as if it's from the loss of her, but no... the loss of a relationship doesn't cause insanity. You allow it to get to that point. Stop!!!! Seriously, stop! It doesn't feel good, right?? You don't want to feel this way anymore, right?? Then cut it out!! Try re-reading some of the advice posted on here... the advice alone should bring you a little positivity. No one can help you if you don't want to help yourself.
adamt Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 No one can help you if you don't want to help yourself. exactly, you can't move on until you are prepared to admit it is over and want to let go. You should not put your life on hold for anyone who has dumped you. I've had a tough 4 months, but after a couple of weeks i realised it was over. so began to be determined to move on. now i am ready and looking forward to meeting someone new. yes i do still miss my ex but she does not have a hold on me anymore. all those deep thoughts are way in the back of my mind and will stay there now. go NC and cut all ties with them to start with. If someone kept punching you in the face would you keep going back to them? no! mental hurt is no different. Remember why they use electric fences for farm animals? they soon learn to keep away because it hurts.
Author deadboy666 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 i am reading all of the advice and believe me thank you for it all. im leaning on my family and friends and hitting the gym super hard during all of this, but everything i do reminds me of her. from the clothes i wear, to the things i eat, EVERYTHING! i just keep blaming myself for everything that happened and want to apologize and try and make everything better. but i swore to her on tuesday that i wouldnt contact her until she did. if i broke contact again, i feel it would be permanent damage
adamt Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 but everything i do reminds me of her. from the clothes i wear, to the things i eat, EVERYTHING! Hey, i have been there. Going to a particular supermarket, going to the airport,driving down particular roads, going in certain shops, hearing a song, seeing a film on tv..etc all these things reminded me of my ex. You will hit emotional walls, but you have to break through them to move on. You can't avoid them forever.you wil have moments and days where you have a set back but over time you are getting better. the memories fade and the emotions attached to them disappear.
Author deadboy666 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 That's fantastic that you are already in school and on your way to getting your bachelors degree! Way to go! Now... we need to stop with the excuses. She was the one who motivated you? Read that sentance a few times if you need to. No one should be the main motivation for you to do anything, you should be your main motivation. You want this for yourself right?? That should be enough! If you don't want it for yourself, maybe you should reconsider what you want. yes, she was the one who motivated me. i had dropped out originally; i was stuck in a **** job and she was in school when we first started dating. i more or less got motiavted by her to want to go back because i saw all the things that she had ahead of her and that i was in a dead end and wanted to better myself to be a better person for myself and her. she encouraged me to do it and to take a lot of sacrifices in my life to go back again. when i was unmotivated and didnt want to do work she was there to cheer me on and get me back on track.
Nedved Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 i am reading all of the advice and believe me thank you for it all. im leaning on my family and friends and hitting the gym super hard during all of this, but everything i do reminds me of her. from the clothes i wear, to the things i eat, EVERYTHING! i just keep blaming myself for everything that happened and want to apologize and try and make everything better. but i swore to her on tuesday that i wouldnt contact her until she did. if i broke contact again, i feel it would be permanent damage I think its good that you swore you won't contact her again and i really hope you stick to NC because right now your an emmotional wreck and making yourself look very weak to her. You do know that don't you? You really need to let that sink in because your pushing her further away contacting her even though being weak is prob out of character for you. Your very hurt and of course you miss her and its understandable but she's not the person you should be pouring your emmotions out to right now. Do you expect her to contact you again and if so why? has she given any indication to you that if she makes contact there's a chance you'l get back together because to be honest unless she's willing to give it another try with you and asks to get back there's no point in having contact until such a time comes your over her. A Friendship or any contact with her right now is impossible. Not in your current state of mind. You really need to focus on the the future now prepare yourself for a life without her. Sounds tough dose'nt it and i felt the same when i was told that but unfortunatley thats the reality. Your gonna be hoping she calls and waiting around the phone and checking emails, texts constantly for a while and thats natural but believe its for your own good if she dose'nt contact you anymore because if she still cares for you as a person and remembers the great times you had she'l allow you to heal and won't give you false hope. She knows you still love her. You don't need to prove anything to her by contacting. Just step away now and what will be will be.
Confused_Chump Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 i am reading all of the advice and believe me thank you for it all. im leaning on my family and friends and hitting the gym super hard during all of this, but everything i do reminds me of her. from the clothes i wear, to the things i eat, EVERYTHING! i just keep blaming myself for everything that happened and want to apologize and try and make everything better. but i swore to her on tuesday that i wouldnt contact her until she did. if i broke contact again, i feel it would be permanent damage Like most posters have said, we've all been through the phase that you're currently going through. But in order for you to start your process of healing, you'll have to be open to that idea. Ask yourself, are you tired of the pain you're feeling? Are you tired of having everything remind you of her? Are you tired of not being able to sleep, eat and function properly? If your answer is yes, then start you're process of healing. Why let yourself continue to suffer when you can start doing things to end your pain. The advice given by the posters are a great start, especially the ones listed by EricaH329. I also highly recommend books that deals with break ups since they may provide you with insight that aren't provided elsewhere. Hang in there with all your might because brighter days are waiting for you ahead...
Author deadboy666 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 broke contact yet again to talk to her and i think i may have gotten what i needed and can hopefully finally move on. she's always going to have a place in my heart and i cant predict the future but i can definitely see her being at least a friend if we don't find ourselves again. this still hurts, and my heart is still in pieces but i think ive finally come to acceptance of what happened 11 days ago
adamt Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 You have to start following through with actions. Talk is cheap. Do you really want to be like this in 6 months time. take control of your life. start by deleting her number. You should not even be thinking of her as a friend until you have moved on fully. You only want her as a friend so you can keep an attachment to her and hope she comes back. She isn't coming back. You are only kidding yourself that you want to get over her. You have to really want to move on. You have to really face upto the fact it is over. the sooner you see this and start moving on then the sooner you get your life back and meet someone new. Believe me i know it hurts like hell but you have to let go and begin to move on.look after yourself because no one else will
Nedved Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 broke contact yet again to talk to her and i think i may have gotten what i needed and can hopefully finally move on. she's always going to have a place in my heart and i cant predict the future but i can definitely see her being at least a friend if we don't find ourselves again. this still hurts, and my heart is still in pieces but i think ive finally come to acceptance of what happened 11 days ago I really hope this is the last time you break NC because as i said to you in earlier posts your making yourself look very weak to her breaking NC all the time. You can't keep putting off NC. If she wanted to get back together with you she would have told you so whats the point in conacting her? Your not even giving her a chance to miss you or your relationship because you keep contacting her.
jv032889 Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 I don't want to sound mean, but I'm going to tell you like it is. You're not with her anymore. Move on. Keeping in contact with her will make it worse. You take one step forward and when you contact her its as if you're taking three steps back. If and when she texts, calls or emails you hit the DELETE button. You deserve to be with someone who loves you. Give it time and you will feel way better. I'm speaking from experience. Good luck!
Confused_Chump Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 You have to start following through with actions. Talk is cheap. Do you really want to be like this in 6 months time. take control of your life. start by deleting her number. You should not even be thinking of her as a friend until you have moved on fully. You only want her as a friend so you can keep an attachment to her and hope she comes back. She isn't coming back. You are only kidding yourself that you want to get over her. You have to really want to move on. You have to really face upto the fact it is over. the sooner you see this and start moving on then the sooner you get your life back and meet someone new. Believe me i know it hurts like hell but you have to let go and begin to move on.look after yourself because no one else will Agreed. In order to move on, you yourself must be willing to move on. I understand that you still care for her, let that be. You don't have to despise her if you don't want to. But just take time away so that you can heal yourself. The idea of becoming friends will have to take a backseat until you've fully recovered. First and foremost, you have to worry about your own wellbeing. Take this time away to do things for yourself. Many of the advice I've received usually revolves around self improvement during this time of healing. Get involved in a hobby that will make you feel good about yourself. I for example started cooking/baking, which was something I really wanted to learn. Being able to accomplish something new and different in life is a great feeling. The journey to self healing will be hard and the pain will be excruciating, but day by day little by little things will start to get better. Remember, the most important factor in all this is that you must be willing to allow yourself to heal. If that talk you've had with her recently was enough for closure, then let it be and start healing. You don't have to feel the way you do now if you don't want to.
adamt Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 (edited) I know i keep saying these things to people but here is a list of what i have done in the last 4 months to help me move on. I had a bad today thinking about her but i know i am making progress in the bigger picture. you will have good and bad days biut stay on the path. this is what i did to help me, i recommend you do the same. you need to start pushing yourself bit by bit. 1) Your ex knows how you feel, so any contact will not change their mind. So do not contact them. nothing will come of it. They could be laughing behind your back at you if you keep contacting them. Keep your self respect and dignity. dont let them have the satisfaction of thinking they control you 2) remove them from social network websites, dont tell them you are going to do it, just do it 3) go through your contact lists and catch up with old friends. Talk about the ex if you feel like it. They will help you and comfort you.make effort to meet up and catch up with them. 3) try not to spend many nights in the house alone. get out and about. plan todo something each day. 4)you will be struggling to eat and sleep. Join a gym and set yourself some targets like losing weight or running 5km/10km over a few months. this will help you focus on yourself,give you self confidence and get your appetite back. and de-stress you and tire you out. 5) To help you sleep better, read a book before going to bed. this will take your mind of the ex jsut before sleeping 6) if you feel like crying then let it out. 7) take up new hobbies, see what you like. you might be surprised what you enjoy. try to pick one which involves meeting other people 8) go out with friends, bit don't drink too much and don't feel you have to find someone else. just concentrate on having a good time. 9)be as busy as possible 10) do things you couldnt do when you were in a couple but always wanted to do 11) go on a weekend break or vacation with friends. 12) make sure you have someting planned at weekends. 13) rather than sit at home get out and go for a walk in the hills or along the coast 14) dont look back in that rear view mirror, remember the ex knows how you feel so there is no doubt in their mind. their decision is final 15) to meet someone else you have to get your confidence back, be happy, have a smile on your face and have a swagger when you walk. people can sense it, who wants to go out with a sad person who feels sorry for themself. people who enjoy like get the best partners. 16) if there is a small chance your ex comes back then you have to be mentaly strong, so that you can deal with it without emotions and lay the rules down. But maybe by then you have found someone better. 17) get a new wardrobe. if you have been going to the gym you wil need new clothes anyway. get clothes that are better fit. get a new haircut. pay more attention in your appearance. 18) most of all be selfish good luck and remember to focus on yourself. it is a marathon not a sprint. dont rush things Edited October 2, 2009 by adamt
angelface78 Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Hang in there. I am 3 months after the breakup of my 5 year relationship.. and have broken NC once in three months. Its not worth breaking. It just changed the pain for me...but its still pain. When you contact them you are just in denial. We all have to accept that this is reality. You have to be strong. If i can do it you can do it. Plus you are just going to push her away more if you keep calling her. If she loves you she will come back if not then there are better things for you in store im sure. Hang in there..NC is hell but its good for you it protects you from more pain in the long run.
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