almost 48 hours NC

[deadboy666]

i am a wreck. i can't stop crying, i have no appetite, im getting sick, and i can't sleep. i just want to try and call her or text her but I KNOW it will push her away further and make the chances of getting back with her even smaller. im devastated...

[adamt]

I know exactly what you are going through, I was there 4 months ago with the exact same symptoms. What ever you do dont contact her. just get through the next few weeks and you wil begin to feel better. take tiny steps to push yourself to do things, dont stay in alone at night. get out and about. catch up with friends. stay strong.

 

See my thread below :-

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t203232/

[DustySaltus]

I know how you are feeling. I didn't sleep for almost two days. Today is excatly three months since the breakup. You can read my threads if you like, I've been through hell and continue to go through it. But I do feel A LOT better.

 

A couple things you need to do:

 

1. Make a list of things that you didn't like about the relationship and things she did that you didn't like. Every time you want to contact her READ THE LIST and repeat it like a mantra.

 

2. Delete her from your phone, facebook, myspace, emails..etc. No contact means, no contact.

 

3. Do something for someone that makes you feel like you are important and feel like you are giving back. Whether it's reaching out to an old friend or family, it helps.

 

4. Exercise, don't crawl into a bottle just get out there and take your anger out on the weights or a good run or the heavybag.

 

5. Remember, it's not your fault. There is someone out there for you. We all have gone through it. I was in serious relationships before and I though my life was OVER when we broke up. Then eventually, when I was ready...the butterflies come back. They always come back and when they do it will be because you meet someone that loves you as much as you love them. You just need to learn from this and apply what you've learned to the future.

 

I have been EXACTLY where you are right now. IT DOES GET BETTER. Stay strong and more importantly, stay NC. Give YOURSELF a chance to heal. In time everything will sort itself out.

 

Good luck.

[deadboy666]

it's hard to completely cut her off tho... we went out for 4 and a half years, she was my first relationship AND my first love. i dont feel like it's over and that's what's killing me so bad

[logitech]

Deadboy I know exactly how you feel. I am still going through it over 2 months on. We keep seeing each other but it just keeps reopening the wound for me. From today is my first chance to truly go NC for at least a month.

 

You just have to keep soldiering on and do anything to occupy yourself.

[deadboy666]

made it just about 60 hours with NC. broke down to tell her that my sister was pregnant again. i merely said "my sister is pregnant again, i thought you should know." im kicking myself, but then again it wasnt anything having to do with me saying i still love her or how much of a mess i am

[Broseph]

Hang in there buddy, we all know where you are at and how much it suckS!!!!

 

Definetely go back and look at logitech posts, adamt posts, graycluds posts, exit posts, my posts, NSW268 and anyone else. What I am trying to show you here is that things get better. It is so hard to not stew in your sadness but it will get better and there is a lot of really nice people here to look after you.

 

I feel for you mate, keep your head up

[EricaH329]

I feel for you. I really do. I think we've all been there at some point. All in all, I lost about 26 pounds, got maybe 4 hours of sporadic sleep a night, and couldn't muster up the energy to do absolutely anything. I thought my life was over. All I wanted was for him to be back in my life again.

 

Then, I got my wish. I thought I was the luckiest person alive. Until I realized that the lack of eating, sleeping, and energy continued. I noticed that it was continuing because I was unhappy. I was miserable. With and without him.

 

We broke up again, for the final time, and in the past week alone i've gained 5 pounds back!! I'm sleeping a full 8 hours a night, and i've been so energized that I actually mowed the lawn (not normal for me).

 

I realized that I needed to make myself happy. Putting all my energy into another person wasn't healthy. You are allowing that person to control your life... even when they aren't in it! Sounds absurd, right?

 

The only person you have right now is yourself. You are feeling all these emotions, pain, anger, hurt, confusion... and you think that your ex is the only person to take it all away, but in reality... you are the only person that can take it away.

 

I know it's much easier said than done... and I know it's still really fresh so it's a much harder idea to fathom... but try getting to know yourself better. Try making yourself feel better. Try being happy for yourself, whatever that may mean to you.

 

It's a long, hard journey... but you'll come out alive at the other end, and much more satisfied if you focus all of your energy on yourself instead of this other person.

 

Hang in there... we are all here to help you out in any way we can. Stay strong!

[Nedved]

Totally agree with all the above posters and believe me its best to get this over with now!! I know its surreal and horrible and i to know how you feel but trust us when we tell you that its gonna get better. Keeping in contact with her is only gonna prolong the pain and make your recovery harder.

 

I to was you 4 months ago. I was also with my ex gf 4 years. The pain and torment is still very fresh in my mind but 4 months down the line and the sting and hurt is almost gone thanks to NC. The days and weeks after the break up were dark dark times and i don't ever wanna go back there again. What your going through is hell and i know its not easy but trust me NC is something you gotta do. Tell yourself when you feel like contacting her whats the point? Is it gonna bring her back? unfortunatley in most cases the answer is no. It'l just be a quick fix for a few hours and you'l want more contact soon after. take every day as it comes and work at it. try and make it to a week NC and take it from there. If there is gonna be a small chance of getting her back you need to disapear out of her life for now to clear your head!! stay strong!!!

[EmperorR]

It gets easier trust me I remember those first few dys, checking your phone every few minutes hoping for contact that does

not come. But trust me it gets easier, I'm at over a year of nc, time really flies,. It gets much easier I feel nothing to contact my ex and never will again, just keep strong we've all been there , the worst thing u can do is contact her, you will just get set back

[deadboy666]

this is still hurting me so much. i contacted her twice today. once asking her why she wasnt wearing the ring i gave to her the first christmas we were together and the other was a little more in depth of me talking to her, and telling her how ive been

 

ive tried to stay strong. went weight lifting last night, been TRYING to bury myself in school work and do other things to get my mind off of it. but it STILL comes back and haunts me. im still not sleeping and i still dont have an appetite

 

i need her so bad right now. i keep saying to myself that i dont need her but i feel like i do so bad. this is killing me inside

[EricaH329]

this is still hurting me so much. i contacted her twice today. once asking her why she wasnt wearing the ring i gave to her the first christmas we were together and the other was a little more in depth of me talking to her, and telling her how ive been

 

ive tried to stay strong. went weight lifting last night, been TRYING to bury myself in school work and do other things to get my mind off of it. but it STILL comes back and haunts me. im still not sleeping and i still dont have an appetite

 

i need her so bad right now. i keep saying to myself that i dont need her but i feel like i do so bad. this is killing me inside

 

Ah yes, lieing to yourself never works. Ever. So let's try a different approach.

 

How about you realize, and accept, the fact that you really care about this girl. Ok, now that's done... the next step is figuring out how you can go about your life while knowing that you care about her, but not allowing it to hold you back.

 

First course of action -- Begin NC immediatly!! "But I really want to talk to her." "But I want to know how she's doing." "But I want her to know how this whole thing is making me feel." That's all well and good, but have you noticed that every single one of those sentances has the word "her" in them?? NC is about taking the word "her" out of those sentances. Start focusing on yourself.

 

Second course of action -- Staying strong through your weak moments. We all think about our ex's from time to time, especially when the break up is new and fresh. But... there's a difference between thinking about them, and letting it run your life. Contact is allowing it to run your life. No more of that. When the thought of her comes, allow it in and embrace it for what it is, then continue on doing what you were already doing. Do not go out of your way to think about her. Don't dig up old pictures, letters, memorablia, etc. If you haven't already, box those things up. Store them away. Do not allow yourself to become your own worst enemy. It'll only make you feel worse.

 

Third course of action -- Beginning the journey of life without her. You are on your own now (might sound scary, but it's actually quite exciting). What are your goals/plans/dreams?? Have you finished school?? Did you get that promotion at work you wanted?? Have you visited that new city you always wanted to visit?? Time to start recognizing your wants and needs. You need to begin making yourself happy. Take a goal, for example: finishing school. Ok, so you have that goal in mind. Now, what are the steps towards accomplishing it? Do you need to take out a loan? Do you need to work to pay for it? Do you know what major you want? That's just an example, but you can do that with any goal you have in mind.

 

Begin working towards making yourself a better you. The bigger the goal, the better. Once you begin focusing all your time and energy into yourself, you'll realize that you haven't been spending any time focusing on all the negative things that seem to be holding you down right now. You must think positively and become optimistic.

 

This will pass, but not without the help from yourself. Do you like feeling sad and miserable?? Do you like feeling helpless and insecure?? Of course not! That's rediculous, no one likes to feel that way. So... let's start making a change!! No more negative thoughts! Only positive ones!

 

You can do this if you really really want to. You are the only person preventing yourself from being happy.

[deadboy666]

Ah yes, lieing to yourself never works. Ever. So let's try a different approach.

 

How about you realize, and accept, the fact that you really care about this girl. Ok, now that's done... the next step is figuring out how you can go about your life while knowing that you care about her, but not allowing it to hold you back.

 

First course of action -- Begin NC immediatly!! "But I really want to talk to her." "But I want to know how she's doing." "But I want her to know how this whole thing is making me feel." That's all well and good, but have you noticed that every single one of those sentances has the word "her" in them?? NC is about taking the word "her" out of those sentances. Start focusing on yourself.

 

Second course of action -- Staying strong through your weak moments. We all think about our ex's from time to time, especially when the break up is new and fresh. But... there's a difference between thinking about them, and letting it run your life. Contact is allowing it to run your life. No more of that. When the thought of her comes, allow it in and embrace it for what it is, then continue on doing what you were already doing. Do not go out of your way to think about her. Don't dig up old pictures, letters, memorablia, etc. If you haven't already, box those things up. Store them away. Do not allow yourself to become your own worst enemy. It'll only make you feel worse.

 

Third course of action -- Beginning the journey of life without her. You are on your own now (might sound scary, but it's actually quite exciting). What are your goals/plans/dreams?? Have you finished school?? Did you get that promotion at work you wanted?? Have you visited that new city you always wanted to visit?? Time to start recognizing your wants and needs. You need to begin making yourself happy. Take a goal, for example: finishing school. Ok, so you have that goal in mind. Now, what are the steps towards accomplishing it? Do you need to take out a loan? Do you need to work to pay for it? Do you know what major you want? That's just an example, but you can do that with any goal you have in mind.

 

Begin working towards making yourself a better you. The bigger the goal, the better. Once you begin focusing all your time and energy into yourself, you'll realize that you haven't been spending any time focusing on all the negative things that seem to be holding you down right now. You must think positively and become optimistic.

 

This will pass, but not without the help from yourself. Do you like feeling sad and miserable?? Do you like feeling helpless and insecure?? Of course not! That's rediculous, no one likes to feel that way. So... let's start making a change!! No more negative thoughts! Only positive ones!

 

You can do this if you really really want to. You are the only person preventing yourself from being happy.

 

i am in school. i have one year left and ill have my bachelor's but she was the one who motivated me to go back in the first place. it's been hard in the last week to get myself back on track with my studies. i have a presentation, an exam and a paper all due on monday and ive barely started thanks to this

 

i set a goal to run the marine corps marathon next year and drop 50 pounds by hitting the gym hard and going on a diet. i lost 12 pounds in the last week, and while it isnt healthy it was a nice kick in the right direction to change my eating habits (from not having any desire to eat, hah!) and i want to do a century ride(100 mile bike ride) in a couple weeks. so im definitely working towards making myself a healthier person

 

but it's just my mind that keeps wandering. what if i get her back? what if i dont? what if she moves on faster and finds something better than me? etc etc etc

[EricaH329]

i am in school. i have one year left and ill have my bachelor's but she was the one who motivated me to go back in the first place. it's been hard in the last week to get myself back on track with my studies. i have a presentation, an exam and a paper all due on monday and ive barely started thanks to this

 

That's fantastic that you are already in school and on your way to getting your bachelors degree! Way to go! Now... we need to stop with the excuses. She was the one who motivated you? Read that sentance a few times if you need to. No one should be the main motivation for you to do anything, you should be your main motivation. You want this for yourself right?? That should be enough! If you don't want it for yourself, maybe you should reconsider what you want.

 

Also, I understand that after a break up, things might be out of whack for a little while. Harder to concentrate, finish things, etc. But that excuse only works for so long. I'm not, by any means, trying to dumb down your situation. I know how hard break ups are. Like I said, I just got out of an engagement. But, it all goes back to letting it run your life. It's alright to sulk. Once it starts getting in the way of your responsibilities, it becomes unacceptable. And that should be your way of thinking. She will not ruin what you have going for you. When you sit down to do school work, do just that. Focus yourself on the things that need to get done. If you allow yourself to falter on your responsibilities, that's just one more thing she's taken from you. Don't let her do that to you. You are much stronger.

 

i set a goal to run the marine corps marathon next year and drop 50 pounds by hitting the gym hard and going on a diet. i lost 12 pounds in the last week, and while it isnt healthy it was a nice kick in the right direction to change my eating habits (from not having any desire to eat, hah!) and i want to do a century ride(100 mile bike ride) in a couple weeks. so im definitely working towards making myself a healthier person

 

That's great!!! Makes you feel a little bit better huh??

 

but it's just my mind that keeps wandering. what if i get her back? what if i dont? what if she moves on faster and finds something better than me? etc etc etc

 

Your mind is a powerful thing. You need to set it in your mind that you are going to focus on yourself and the things that you need to do and accomplish. You need to believe it. You need to want it. You'll be surprised that once you begin doing things for yourself, how much easier it is to remain on that path. The hard part is getting yourself into that mind frame. But once you do... it's all downhill from there.

 

There need to be no more "What if..." thoughts and more "That's what happened. Now what am I going to do to better myself?" thoughts. It's a change of thinking. It's never easy, but it's possible. I did it!! And I know that if I did it, anyone can do it. Including you. So... time to get out of the self-pity and self-doubt mind frame, and into the determination and focused mind frame. Works every time, and it makes you feel better about yourself.

[adamt]

Ah yes, lieing to yourself never works. Ever. So let's try a different approach.

 

How about you realize, and accept, the fact that you really care about this girl. Ok, now that's done... the next step is figuring out how you can go about your life while knowing that you care about her, but not allowing it to hold you back.

 

First course of action -- Begin NC immediatly!! "But I really want to talk to her." "But I want to know how she's doing." "But I want her to know how this whole thing is making me feel." That's all well and good, but have you noticed that every single one of those sentances has the word "her" in them?? NC is about taking the word "her" out of those sentances. Start focusing on yourself.

 

Second course of action -- Staying strong through your weak moments. We all think about our ex's from time to time, especially when the break up is new and fresh. But... there's a difference between thinking about them, and letting it run your life. Contact is allowing it to run your life. No more of that. When the thought of her comes, allow it in and embrace it for what it is, then continue on doing what you were already doing. Do not go out of your way to think about her. Don't dig up old pictures, letters, memorablia, etc. If you haven't already, box those things up. Store them away. Do not allow yourself to become your own worst enemy. It'll only make you feel worse.

 

Third course of action -- Beginning the journey of life without her. You are on your own now (might sound scary, but it's actually quite exciting). What are your goals/plans/dreams?? Have you finished school?? Did you get that promotion at work you wanted?? Have you visited that new city you always wanted to visit?? Time to start recognizing your wants and needs. You need to begin making yourself happy. Take a goal, for example: finishing school. Ok, so you have that goal in mind. Now, what are the steps towards accomplishing it? Do you need to take out a loan? Do you need to work to pay for it? Do you know what major you want? That's just an example, but you can do that with any goal you have in mind.

 

Begin working towards making yourself a better you. The bigger the goal, the better. Once you begin focusing all your time and energy into yourself, you'll realize that you haven't been spending any time focusing on all the negative things that seem to be holding you down right now. You must think positively and become optimistic.

 

This will pass, but not without the help from yourself. Do you like feeling sad and miserable?? Do you like feeling helpless and insecure?? Of course not! That's rediculous, no one likes to feel that way. So... let's start making a change!! No more negative thoughts! Only positive ones!

 

You can do this if you really really want to. You are the only person preventing yourself from being happy.

 

 

Excellent post by EricaH329!

 

Believe me if you follow her advice you will be in a far better place in 4 months. Its 4 months since i broke up, i was all over the place and couldnt eat or sleep..etc but now i am ready to find someone else. But i do still think about my ex even though we have had no contact. But i have learnt to keep those deep thoughts at the back of my mind

 

But to do this you have to take control of your life, be selfish, focus 100% on yourself. get in shape,join a gym, take up hobbies and sports, try new things, you will be surpised what you enjoy. be busy. Focus on things that are postive or make you feel good.

 

No one can fix your life, you have to do it yourself. You have to want to move on. Not want your exz to control your life. you have to be happy again and have a smile on your face. you wont meet someone else if you look sad.

[Nedved]

Yes i agree with adamt regarding EricaH329's excellent post and yes folllow what she said and you won't go far wrong. You were us 4 months ago and in 4 months time you'l prob be here with us giving advice. I know it seems like a million miles away right now and you just want the whole world to swallow you up but you'l be fine.

 

I gave this advice a few weeks ago and i'l say it again. its like a boxing match. Ever see a boxing match where a guy is losing the fight and has no chance of winning but keeps his guard up and although he absorbs a lot of punishment he keeps breathing and stays strong. Now the referee will either stop the fight or he'l make it to the final bell but either way it'l be over. Yes he's lost but he's showed great heart and bravery keeping his guard up and refused to be knocked out. His opponent respects him for that. That has to be you!! everytime you break NC your letting your guard down and she's knocking you out and she'l keeping knocking you out!! that final bell won't come and there'l be no end to the pain!! She'l respect you for being more for being strong believe me.

 

You've gotta be brave my friend. Very brave. Okay like the fighter thats lost the fight you've lost her but you'l be proud of yourself after you got through this and it'l make you so much stronger in every area of your life. It'l take heart and courage but you can do it.

 

Sticking to NC you'l keep your guard and that final bell will come for you.

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

i am a wreck. i can't stop crying, i have no appetite, im getting sick, and i can't sleep. i just want to try and call her or text her but I KNOW it will push her away further and make the chances of getting back with her even smaller. im devastated...

 

The pain doesn't subside completely until you find someone better.

[adamt]

just take everyones advice who have been what you have been through. You think you will never recover but you will if you really want to. Last night i had a dream with my ex where we went for coffee and she said she made a mistake breaking up and wanted to try again. I then woke up but i felt fine. a couple of months ago it would have made me feel sad and depressed. Time and keeping busy is a healer

[PinkToes]

Hey, I'm so sorry you're going through this. The only advice can give is for you to keep doing whatever you need to do in order to just get through it, one day at a time. And sometimes all you can do is take things one hour at a time. For this one hour..... I won't contact her, or I won't let myself dwell on "what ifs"; that sort of thing.

 

Looking ahead and investing in your own future are important, of course, but if you're still counting NC in hours and struggling to eat and sleep, try not to expect too much of yourself. Treat yourself as you would treat a younger brother who got beat up at school; the lessons can wait for another day, what you need now is a little peace and comfort. You will know when it's time to take those personal growth steps.

 

For the racing thoughts, try to distract yourself. Put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you find yourself thinking about her (or just give yourself a little slap in the face!) and immediately turn your thoughts to something else: a vacation you've taken (without her) or one you'd like to take. Think about something you've done really well in school or at work. Think about something fun you did when you were a kid. Maybe even make a list of these things to refer to when the monkey-brain thoughts take over.

 

And if the thoughts are hanging on so tight that you can't distract yourself, tell yourself you will think about that particular issue later. That night, or the next day, or in the shower. Put it on hold. Know you'll get back to it later, to process it or dismiss it or whatever you need to do to let that one thought go.

 

Meanwhile, just be gentle on yourself. Eat something, even if all you can stomach are smoothies. Exercise enough to make yourself tired at night. And every day, plan something that will help you survive that one day: have dinner with a friend, rent a movie, write in a journal.

 

Your heartbreak is so fresh, I really feel for what you're going through. But you will get through it. The days will get easier. All you really need to do right now is survive, a little at a time. Take care.

[adamt]

If you are having trouble getting to sleep then read a book. I've never read books but i started to recently and it helps to take your mind off the ex last thing at night. It makes a difference and can help make you sleep.

[PinkToes]

If you are having trouble getting to sleep then read a book. I've never read books but i started to recently and it helps to take your mind off the ex last thing at night. It makes a difference and can help make you sleep.

 

Or turn on C-SPAN, that can be a real snoozer.

[NSW768]

u know your situation seems very similar to mine. i had this kinda dream this morning when i was laying in bed and sort of missing her.

 

and it was i have this emptiness in side of me. i can feel it. so what is it? its the love ive given to her but I havent taken back. like the hole i feel is that love i have to take back and put back into myself. she doesnt deserve it anymore. and then you can start feeling good about yourself. you get it. because she doesnt feel the same anymore. and thats sad. and horrible. and it sucks. but u face it. it makes you teary in the eyes. and then you get up and go do something.

 

idk man. its tough.

 

i know it sounds corny but it kinda made sense to me all day. and thats what it is about is one day at a time. i broke up a month ago(!) i cant believe it. but time fly's and if u want to make her feel something besides empowered, and her to stop thinking your super clingy then you have to stay NC. believe me i put myself so much in the hole by breaking it every 3-4-7 days over this month.

 

its really like a drug addiction. u send her a text or email and she responds and its like you got ur fix. but u didnt solve anything. she didnt come back. and with girls man, they just dont. im finding this out slowly.

 

i read this place when i first got here and was like, nah, my girl is different. nah she wants to hear from me. maybe if i remind her of that ____(song,movie,tv show, joke) she'll come back.

 

its just not going to happen. but...well it sucks man. im still hurting bad.

 

but wtf are we going to do. we gotta be strong and man up.

[hoping2heal]

it's hard to completely cut her off tho... we went out for 4 and a half years, she was my first relationship AND my first love. i dont feel like it's over and that's what's killing me so bad

 

I know it's really difficult to go NC but if it makes you feel better, remember that being in contact with her WON'T bring back the relationship EITHER. Remember that, it's hard not having contact with her but what you're really mourning is the loss of love between you two. Being in contact with her will make the pain of that loss exacerbated and just as obvious in a short time. Except it will hurt more.

[adamt]

You have to go through cold turkey to come out the otherside in better state of mind. Short term pain for long term gain. Stick at NC and keep yourself as busy as possible and it will eventually get better. Keeping in contact just prolongs the pain and puts yourlife on hold. Then when the ex finds someone else you are in a big world of hurt and screwed up anyway. Best to go through the pain now then it is out of the way.

[deadboy666]

i cant take this. i swore to her i would not contact her but i cant do this. i said if i broke my word to consider me a lost cause of a human being. but it's driving me crazy. im almost at 48 hours again and im starting to go crazy

 

i j ust want my sweetheart