angelface78 Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 My exfiance and i were together 5 years and its been 3 months since we broke up. I went into NC cold turkey i never called him again. About a month ago he found himself a little rebound. I know she was just a rebound he was hoping i would call but as time went on he saw i never called...and he is too proud to call. At what point is a rebound not a rebound anymore?? Like how long do rebounds last?? Will he end up staying with this girl?? She is 19 with a 2 year old...hes 28. She is not his type at all ive seen her myspace. Is this no longer a rebound its lasted a little over a month now.
Tony T Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Since you know so many minor details about your ex fiance's life and you are wondering about his "rebound" I am led to believe you are not doing such a great job with NC and moving on with your life. Maybe you haven't been talking to him but you have certainly been working hard on receiving reports about what he's doing. That is a DIRECT VIOLATION of NC! Rebounds can last hours or lifetimes. There is no particular published table for determining that amount of time. My prayer is that you will stop delving into your ex's life and concentrate on making yours more fulfilling. Good luck to you!
fofiffs Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Not sure maybe it could last for a while or not at all. My ex was with the rebound for 3 months and she moved on to another guy right after that and he ended up cheating on her ass. And you seriously have to stop worrying about your ex. Its not healthy for you, your only hurting yourself. And like Tony said you gotta concentrate on you and not him.
GrayClouds Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Dear, dear Angleface your not just picking the scab, your cutting new wounds. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it.
Exit Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Angelface what happened to letting go... you posted a thread saying it was time to let go. You are so desperately trying to hang onto him and I think it only shows that you aren't happy with yourself or your own life. The easy road would be for this person to come back and make you feel complete again, but sometimes you have no choice but to take the hard road and find happiness and meaning away from this person.
Author angelface78 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Yes i know im trying to let go...it was just a question. I am no longer going to look at their myspaces...NO MORE. i JUST CANT STOP THE THOUGHTS.
GrayClouds Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Angleface I highly recommend you pick up this book: The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: There is some good information and some worth while exersises to help you redirect your thinking to the person that matters, you.
Author angelface78 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Thanks gray clouds..ill check it out!! Everybody here is so helpful!!!
Nikki Sahagin Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Mine lasted 5 months. I started meeting up with him at the end of May, to kissing, to sex, to going out, then just seeing again, to ending it. It did help me deal but also I felt guilty because he was a good guy and I hurt him a LOT. From the beginning we both wanted casual but he fell in love with me and obviously I still reserved feelings for my ex but also knew that in the long-term, new guy wasn't suitable. All in all the rebound experience was a bad one though I wouldn't change it. I met a wonderful guy who treated me well and reassured me someone would do all those nice things for me again. It was almost like a guardian angel giving me a sign. But I am sorry that I hurt someone in such a way, especially as I can relate now to his feelings. Its funny how we learn to see things from both sides; the one thats hurt and the one that hurts so you learn and develop a more balanced picture of how to treat others.
quarterlifecrisis Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I think it really varies. You can't assume that it is a rebound. My ex quickly got with another guy and I hope it's a rebound, but it could very well not be. She got with me just a few weeks after she left her last ex and we stayed together for a year, then on-and-off for a second year. I think you should assume it's game over until proven otherwise. Also, just because it's a rebound, doesn't mean that after the fact they will return to you. They may move on to a third person...depressing I know. I'm in similar shoes as you.
4givrnt4gtr Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 weeeelllll Im gonna have to agree with the rest....FORGET ABOUT HIM AND STOP CHECKING UP ON HIM Been there done that wore the shirt its not pretty. Now, regarding rebounds...they can last as long as he needs the poor soul. Trust me, Im a surviving reboundee. same story, he had been with the girl for five years, 6 months later he asked me out, swore up and down he was over her. We were together for 8 months, took me home to his family, made plans that put long term couples to shame. Then he got better and left me in the dust...So really....rebounds can look nice and shinny for a while, but as soon as the rebounder gets over the ex, the reboundee is shown the door. Thats bad news for the reboundee, but also for the ex (well that depends, if the ex doesnt want the rebounder back then its good news for them too). In any case, the point is that your ex is rebounding cuz he wants to get over you...and he will. so when that relationship ends you best believe he is very likely over you. Again..MOVE THE HECK ON! is the best thing you can do for yourself.
marlena Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 One rebound I had lasted 15 years and led to marriage and the birth of my daughter. Asking this type of thing will get you nowhere. It might last and it might not. That's not what is important. What is, however, important is that you face reality, he is with someone new, and as painful as that is, you need to accept it and and move on to the best of your ability. This means flushing him out of your mind forever and you can not do this if you keep obsessing over him. Like Tony said, NC means willfully avoiding anything or anyone that is even remotely connected with him. It's hard, I know, but it is the fastest and most definitive way to get over someone. Good luck!
fabulous_chk Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Mine lasted 4 years. Rebound romances can develop into a LTRs. LOL don't wait 4 years. You are just one of his exes at that point. Best thing to do is move on and start with a clean slate. Good luck!
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