Anxiouswreck Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Hi, I am in a total nightmare at the minute, separated from my hsusband of 8 yrs and together 16 yrs, he has never grown up and thought partying, staying out, taking money from joint account for drinking and not spending time at home with kids (2) was important, we finally separated and i got advice from a slicitor re money he is due to get from a pay off, he went mad, told me i'm a money grabber wasnt paying me maintenance and has been a nightmare to me, all because of money, not because we are over or becuase of the kids just becaue of money. Oh and he told me he did not love my anymore and he only realised when he left how unhappy i made him!!! I gave him so many chances whilst others thought i was mad, i was loyal to him and i feel like i dont know him now, the money is what the kids are entitled to and i knew if i had of left it he would of squandered it so thats why i took the route i did, because i had to, now i'm regretting it as i feel initimidated by him, like i always did, i just want it to go away, he makes me feel like i'm silly and stupid. I'm left with the kids one of whom has autism. Will it get easier and will i get the power from within to stand up for myself?? I have great support from my family and friends, just dont know why my husband grew to hate me so much
trippi1432 Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Hi, I am in a total nightmare at the minute, separated from my hsusband of 8 yrs and together 16 yrs, he has never grown up and thought partying, staying out, taking money from joint account for drinking and not spending time at home with kids (2) was important, we finally separated and i got advice from a slicitor re money he is due to get from a pay off, he went mad, told me i'm a money grabber wasnt paying me maintenance and has been a nightmare to me, all because of money, not because we are over or becuase of the kids just becaue of money. Oh and he told me he did not love my anymore and he only realised when he left how unhappy i made him!!! I gave him so many chances whilst others thought i was mad, i was loyal to him and i feel like i dont know him now, the money is what the kids are entitled to and i knew if i had of left it he would of squandered it so thats why i took the route i did, because i had to, now i'm regretting it as i feel initimidated by him, like i always did, i just want it to go away, he makes me feel like i'm silly and stupid. I'm left with the kids one of whom has autism. Will it get easier and will i get the power from within to stand up for myself?? I have great support from my family and friends, just dont know why my husband grew to hate me so much He doesn't hate you, he is projecting his own self hate onto you. You can't change him or fix him, he has to do that for himself.
Mrs. Ambivalent Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Hi. So sorry you're going through this. Sorry to take the thread in a new direction, but I have a son with Asperger's (Autism Spectrum) and the more I know about it the more I think my husband has traits of it also. The 2 things that grabbed me in your post was the anger and money issues. My therapist went to a class by Tony Attwood and apparently it's very common for men with Asperger's traits to be highly focused on money and to be angry. You did not cause this either way! My H is so difficult to live with because of his focus on money and his anger. Hope things get better for you!
Author Anxiouswreck Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Yes i have heard that he is saying the things to me cause he feels that way about himself, and yes i do believe he has traits of Autism/Aspergers in him, better of out of it then, xx
Auroracoladybug Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I find it seems to be the men who always squander money for a hobby (my H was online gaming and buying movies and games) and lack the interest in their children are the ones who blame us...(My H thinks I am just a money grabber and wants 50/50 custody...what about the fact that he doesn't even have his head out of the games and money?) sorry didn't mean to thread jack there... Anxious, He just thinks that you were making him unhappy...now he can't control you you have already started to stand up for yourself and the kids and don't feel intimidated or regret doing things that support your kids when his past behavior has proven his inappropriate choices... My support to you cause I am still there dealing with it...
Phedre Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 it is going to take time for you to feel empowered becuase you are so used to backing down because he has always twisted stuff around to be your fault, but you are already making huge strides by being and STAYING separated. You are showing so much courage and strength by being a great mom and doing what you needed to do for your kids to get their share of the money even though you knew in the back of your head your ex was going to react like this. I may be wrong, but my guess would be you were accused of 'spending all his money' or he has voiced opinions about women being 'money grubbers' before now. Just guessing from my own arguments with my 'emotionaly abusive alcholic partying is the most important thing cheater'soon to be ex husband. You are neither silly nor stupid. You are very logical (you've had to be as you have been running the household while he has been playing and the fact you stayed with him for so long doesn't make you less logical, it makes you in love with someone) and smart, as shown by your knowing you needed to get the money before he spent it all (and he would have!) Don't let him bully you anymore. He is acting like a child and probably always has. So be the adult for just a little bit longer and take heart and get through this then guess what... you won't have to worry about him and his lack of attention or wasting money ways again Be strong, you know you are RIGHT and he is wrong! You know it in your heart and in your head, don't let him tell you otherwise.
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