smelly Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 my boyfriend and i have been together for about a year and a half. things were going amazing, we clicked on a level that neither of us had experienced before. a few months after our anniversary, he started being more distant from me emotionally. when he saw that it was upsetting me, he said that we were moving too fast and that he doesn't want to move forward. which is understandable, as we are still young. I said that i don't want to move forward either. But this did not seem to fix things. Another episode of me being upset, ended in him saying he wanted us to stay put. I just didn't understand what i was doing to give him the impression that i was hinting at moving forward. When i asked him what i was doing he just said, "youre not doing anything wrong." school started and that means that we don't get to see each other as often, as we both have busy schedules. after a few weeks i started to feel neglected, because even last school year we made plenty of time to talk, even if we didn't get to see each other. Yes, we talked every night but it seemed short and rushed. Everytime i have us talk about things, in order to "fix" the situation, things just get worse. I don't know what to do. Do i pull away and give him more space? Do i give him more attention?
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 As painful as it may be, he is ending your relationship in degrees - at a pace where he is comfortable letting go. When he has reached the point where he is ready, he will simply let go. When a relationship starts down this road, there is nothing that you can do to stop it from ending when one person is determined not to work on things. The best you can do is to pull back at the same pace he is doing. If you try to move forward, he will simply move backward away from you that much faster. The best thing to do would be to simply end it now, but I can understand wanting to give it your best shot to keep it going.
Author smelly Posted September 27, 2009 Author Posted September 27, 2009 I'm having a hard time believing that. I suppose I should have mentioned that when we do get to see each other, things are usually better than ever. he's very attentive and loving. and i know he's just really really busy. But i can't help but be hurt when he cant make time for me. everytime i bring it up he just says he's giving me all that he can that he feels its not enough.
broken umbrella Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 He is being honest in saying that he is giving you all that he can. If it is not enough for you then you need to accept that and move on. There is no "fixing" something that he does not want to work on. He has let you know that he essentially wants things to slow down, that means spending less time talking to you, paying attention to you, and working on the relationship. If you continue to persue this as an issue, then you will only push him away quicker. You need to decide if you are okay with getting less from him, you also need to think about why he is saying that he doesn't want to move forward. It is not because he is too busy... there is more to it than that.
Author smelly Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Thank you for your advice! I told him I would no longer pursue making things right, but act how i wanted things to be. He told me he was being distant because he is scared of commitment. After telling him that I was scared too (I am, I mean, there's no reason to be thinking about the "next step" if you're a teenager...hah I have a few sweet months left of saying I'm a teenager), we came to the conclusion that we will focus on just having fun and not worrying about things. So with any luck things will improve
boogieboy Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Scared of commitment? uh boy, that is the death knell right there. Seen it too many times on this board. He really is letting you go slowly. Hes gonna break it off, I say break it off with him now before hes ready. It will throw him for a loop. He got tired of you or he's looking at a new girl, but whatever it is, you should get used to the idea of breaking up. Im sure theres another guy out there that is into you, start talking to him now.
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