NSW768 Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 i saw her the last weekend and when we talked she said some things. she said im not ready to start dating you again, that she still loved me that we became to comfortable as a couple. she also is not seeing anybody and told me she's lonely. she said she doesn't know what her heart wants right now. and that if were meant to be we will find ourselves together. she also acted very weird and said things that she needs to "feel empowered" right now. also she couldnt tell me strait off if there was ever going to be a 2nd chance. i havent done NC for longer than a week. i completely blame the breakup on my not doing NC. (we went from space to its over because i couldnt chill out) i need some tough love here. actions speak louder then words i know. but i feel like she is fighting with her independence. she cried a lot when i saw her. and i cant help but thinking shes going to come back, but then i think i wouldnt even want to take back a person like that who would hurt me so much, then i think i need to just work on me, actually i know this. my mornings are much easier and nights and i find myself smiling and laughing more and not dwelling. however, i just cant stop thinking she will call after 3-5 weeks of NC (its been 7 days). i know she misses us. but i know i cant think like that at the same time because she probably isnt coming back. her social life is lacking and spends most time by herself, even though she is very attractive.. sorry i know u guys are going to give me the advic to just move on. its just sundays are tough. maybe i just need to hear it.
ebab83 Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 If you seem happier mostly now, doesn't that tell you, that that is what you need? I would say you have managed the first 7 days, focus on the next seven etc. Eventually it will get easier and things will be come clearer. Don't worry so much about what she is doing i.e. being on her own etc. Worry about how you can fill the time in the most fun way possible. Once you have managed no see life can be equally or more fun without her then you will see you don't need her.
Author NSW768 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Posted September 27, 2009 i almost wish (although it would hurt a lot) that she would say i dont love you, dont call anymore and ive met someone else. i should probably act like thats what happened.
JaggedRoad Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Face the truth, but don't lie to yourself just to make things easier to cope with. Facades only last so long before they break and break you.
angelface78 Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Tust me if she said she didnt love you and found someone else....you would feel worse. Just chill out. Keep NC...im on 3 months and i dont know how the hell ive done it. If she wants you she will call you.
GrayClouds Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 we became to comfortable as a couple. Sorry but that line is BS. That is the goal to achieve a level of intimacy that allow you to feel comfortable to discuss anything, try new things, and the ability for each to grow personally within the relationship. Did she suggest new things to add to the relationship, did she discusses this issue before it became a deal breaker, I suspect not, because likely it is not true. What she is likely saying she missing the excitement of a new relationship and what to find one. Read the first post of this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2406655#post2406655 i think i need to just work on me, actually i know this. my mornings are much easier and nights and i find myself smiling and laughing more and not dwelling. Sounds like you miss being in a relationship rather then miss being in this relationship. Good luck
Author NSW768 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Posted September 27, 2009 wow that link made me really feel good. i was already leaning that way (like she was reaching with her rationale), but that link is right. she did bring up stuff that was menial and from 2 years ago.
Author NSW768 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 i def do miss the relationship above all else. and the sex (just being honest) but being single for a bit will be good for me i think.
northstar1 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 i def do miss the relationship above all else. and the sex (just being honest) but being single for a bit will be good for me i think. That is a good realization. I know after my breakup, the lines became blurred between whether I missed HER, or the feelings of the relationship (being loved, companionship, etc). As such, I transfered the feelings of what a relationship provdes you onto her, and she became 'bigger' than life so to speak. Once I was able to disentangle the two, I was able to move on easier.
Author NSW768 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 good advice in here all around. glad i posted this one. . .
Author NSW768 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 trying to motivate myself with NC. today is actually 6 days. i wrote that down. then i changed it to 18. setting goals. then i changed that to 44.. crossed it out and made it 100. i checked when 100 days of NC would be (94 days from now) and it turns out its my bday/NYE. what a coincidence. sounds like a goal i can look forward to.
Author NSW768 Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 Tust me if she said she didnt love you and found someone else....you would feel worse. Just chill out. Keep NC...im on 3 months and i dont know how the hell ive done it. If she wants you she will call you. i keep reading this post. it gives me strength. thank you for it...
boogieboy Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I cant believe she is playing the role. I cant believe she told you all that horse shyt just to keep you on the hook. Its all lies.
quarterlifecrisis Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 NSW, glad to see you are making a commitment. I've also been trying to make a commitment to not talk to her for at least another 2 months. It's tough roads ahead, but it will get easier. Btw, it hurts 10x worse when she tells you she is over you and that she has found someone else. I'm living that world now and you go from being sad to completely depressed almost instantly. That is way way more painful than her just not wanting to be with you. I would say that there is ALWAYS a chance, but you cannot hold out for that chance. I've heard of many cases of couples reconciling after months or years, but in almost all those cases, it was not because they expected or hoped for it. Circumstances changed, the people changed, and they could start fresh. I think that's what our former partners need for us to have any chance at all. They need the space and the time to grow/reflect (just as we do) so that if we do start with them again it's fresh and exciting rather than a constant reminder of pain and lack of fulfillment.
Author NSW768 Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 I cant believe she is playing the role. I cant believe she told you all that horse shyt just to keep you on the hook. Its all lies. i know right. i got home from our convo and felt really great because the stuff she was saying was untrue and trite and i know, i just KNOW she will regret this. f' her...
Author NSW768 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 at 1 point in the dinner i said, ; "i shouldnt have contacted you after the break up, i wouldve made you miss me" or something like that and she was like "you're right" just funny what NC wouldve/couldve done. maybe 8 days!
Author NSW768 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 i think i need to break NC. im freaking out right now. why would she cry? why would she say i made her so sad? i think i should contact her soon. idk wtf to do. we were contacting each other the previous week (although i was intiating all of it). she said at dinner she was confused with how my texts were making her feel (i miss you, etc.) does she know the balls in her court? i know i said i wouldnt. ****!! i feel so weak right now. this is scary. im mad at her. just needed to vent. staying NC...i think i need to take a LS break.
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