redant Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 One partner reads alot and the other gets the feeling he feels that she should read. They go to a bookstore and he buys a new novel. She does not. She mentions how she may read it also. He then says how people who read are wealthier or more cultured. She gets offended and tells him he's not a genius and trys to prove that she does read just not as much. Any way she reacts strongly defensively then she feels bad about it for a long time then assumes he doesn't like her or will hold her overreacting against her and leave her. They discuss a bit the next day share feelings but he is still distant. Should she leave him alone? Focus on herself instead of worrying about him. She does plan to stop taking things so personal as this causes issues in other relationships. Any advice in this is appreciated!
Kamille Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Should she leave him alone? Focus on herself instead of worrying about him. She does plan to stop taking things so personal as this causes issues in other relationships. Yes, that's exactly what she should do.
boogieboy Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Some people like to sit and read a good book, she isnt one of them. Its not something she should be trying to prove if it isnt her. Shes not a book reader and she should own it. I'm not a book reader, and if people start talking about all the books they read, I tune out. I cant sit in bed and read books, I could be doing something more productive. It depends on your personality. She shouldnt have to prove herself to him. If he insists she reads because he does, then hes not the man for her.
Trialbyfire Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Partners need to either respect their differences or realize there's a compatibility issue. Attempting to change the other person, for that person's "own good", is an exercise in frustration. When things have settled down and are going well, have a calm and respectful discussion about...respect.
Art_Critic Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 He then says how people who read are wealthier or more cultured. It sounds like she was offended over the left handed slight taken at her instead of the fact he reads and she doesn't. Tone is everything and since tone is missing from this post I would suspect that you made her feel belittled with your comment. and yes.. she should leave him alone.. while it is always nice when couples have shared interests it isn't necessary for a good relationship.
Author redant Posted September 27, 2009 Author Posted September 27, 2009 Thankss!! Greatly appreciated!!
Author redant Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 I'm back. I wanted an opinion on something. I'm still feeling bad about my overreacting to what I thought was pompousness on his part. Once he went on about how people who read are more cultured etc etc I felt he was insulting my intelligence and I told him "you are no smarter than anyone else" and "you are not a genius". I don't know but I think that hurt his feelings, maybe he wants me to think he is. I just think it was wrong of me to say. I did apologize and he did say he was way over it. But now I think I was so wrong and maybe he does not trust me and that I hurt his ego. I was talked bad to as a child at times and hurt and I don't want to repeat bad patterns so when I say something that may hurt someone I feel tremendous guilt. We also talked and I told him I take things personally and I want to change that. Anyway I am hoping that I haven't not ruined this relationship or deflated his ego. Maybe I did because I felt mine was.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I did apologize and he did say he was way over it. Dude. Drop it. You apologized, he said he was over it. Women way overanalyze things. He probably had forgotten about it until you brought it up again. The more you bring it up, the more it will reek of insecurity. Just let it go, make a mental note for the future. Everybody makes mistakes. While I'm not a fan of the comment he made (it was a little insensitive), I agree that in the future simply asking him to clarify what he means by making the comment before reacting would be a good idea.
Author redant Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 Yea after writing it I felt better just letting my insecurities out on LS works better. Thanks Soul I appreciate the directness.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 YW, Redant. I did a lot of overreacting in my x-marriage, so I know how it feels. AND I'm master at overanalyzing. I do my best not to let HIM (whoever I'm dating) know I'm doing that, though. LOL I think you're doing alright. At least you're aware of it.
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