onthebrink Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Firstly, i am not the one with cold feet, my fiance is the one that is pulling the rug from me. I dont blame her but this is the story... Also i am going to be totally honest with everything i say, i know it is the only way for me to get the best advice, what i say you may find hard to believe but i am not going to fabricate one word. my partner and i are 6 weeks from the big day. I had been looking at porn without her knowing and she has found out. I made a promise to her that i would not do it again but i did. I dont pleasure myself with the porn, i ONLY watch it and get a thrill. After the second incident she gave me the final warning, one more and i am out. this was about 3-4 months ago. Since then i have not looked at porn nor have i desired it. She constantly goes through my computer to look up history and cookies etc and whatever else she can do to find if i have been lieing to her again. I swear i have not done anything of the sort because my relationship with her is far more important. At this stage i would like to point out that her ex did something similar and was found out too and she left him. she did tell me from the start that if i was to look at porn to come clean with her. She does mind it but has some understanding if i do with her knowledge. I just couldnt come out to say i do. so i hid it. i am ashamed of it and i have stopped. We are in therapy at the moment with issues of arguing and fighting, we decided to go to therapy before we got married so our petty issues could be resolved. I have had 2 sessions on my own and the last session i had i spoke to my therapist about my lies and my problems. She acknowledged it was hard for me to admit what i told her, but i could not blame my partner for not trusting me. I dont blame my partner for a second. i blame me. i chose to lie to her, she was there for me to support me. I know i have wronged her, i cant take that back, but i want to work on the trust. When we get into a heated conversation she will lash at me and say im nothing like what u look on the computer. and this gets me worked up because i have stopped looking and i have been trying to be more intimate with her which has increased. She thinks i have a secret email address(s) and no matter what i say she doesnt beleive me when i tell her i dont have any. She was on my computer for about 6 hours trying to find accounts of mine and you can imagine how many hits on that websit there would be, and she now is saying i looked at a page 200+ times. i told her a don;t have an account there and the hits would have had to come when u were tying to find out my alleged account details. i dont want to lose her and she is my essence for life. i chose her to be my wife because i cannot go a day without her and she does fulfill me. we do have a son together as well which makes it hard as well. i wish i could show her i have not looked at anything since the last 3-4 months. i wish i could get a print out of every site visited and show her the truth i tell her. i know its hard for her, because i would be hurt too, but how can i show her i am faithful and i only desire her?
seibert253 Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Firstly, i am not the one with cold feet, my fiance is the one that is pulling the rug from me. I dont blame her but this is the story... Also i am going to be totally honest with everything i say, i know it is the only way for me to get the best advice, what i say you may find hard to believe but i am not going to fabricate one word. my partner and i are 6 weeks from the big day. I had been looking at porn without her knowing and she has found out. I made a promise to her that i would not do it again but i did. I dont pleasure myself with the porn, i ONLY watch it and get a thrill. After the second incident she gave me the final warning, one more and i am out. this was about 3-4 months ago. Since then i have not looked at porn nor have i desired it. She constantly goes through my computer to look up history and cookies etc and whatever else she can do to find if i have been lieing to her again. I swear i have not done anything of the sort because my relationship with her is far more important. At this stage i would like to point out that her ex did something similar and was found out too and she left him. she did tell me from the start that if i was to look at porn to come clean with her. She does mind it but has some understanding if i do with her knowledge. I just couldnt come out to say i do. so i hid it. i am ashamed of it and i have stopped. We are in therapy at the moment with issues of arguing and fighting, we decided to go to therapy before we got married so our petty issues could be resolved. I have had 2 sessions on my own and the last session i had i spoke to my therapist about my lies and my problems. She acknowledged it was hard for me to admit what i told her, but i could not blame my partner for not trusting me. I dont blame my partner for a second. i blame me. i chose to lie to her, she was there for me to support me. I know i have wronged her, i cant take that back, but i want to work on the trust. When we get into a heated conversation she will lash at me and say im nothing like what u look on the computer. and this gets me worked up because i have stopped looking and i have been trying to be more intimate with her which has increased. She thinks i have a secret email address(s) and no matter what i say she doesnt beleive me when i tell her i dont have any. She was on my computer for about 6 hours trying to find accounts of mine and you can imagine how many hits on that websit there would be, and she now is saying i looked at a page 200+ times. i told her a don;t have an account there and the hits would have had to come when u were tying to find out my alleged account details. i dont want to lose her and she is my essence for life. i chose her to be my wife because i cannot go a day without her and she does fulfill me. we do have a son together as well which makes it hard as well. i wish i could show her i have not looked at anything since the last 3-4 months. i wish i could get a print out of every site visited and show her the truth i tell her. i know its hard for her, because i would be hurt too, but how can i show her i am faithful and i only desire her? Get rid of your computer. When you need to use one, use hers. Make sure she has it password protected, so only she can give you access. There, problem solved. Now, what are you doing to solve your addiction to porn? That's the bigger issue.
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