allie24 Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 This is my first time using this forum, so just to give a back story: My ex and I dated for only about five months but we got along really well for the most part. Towards the end of the r'ship he was getting really frustrated about the physical distance between us (about an hour by unreliable public transport), which caused emotional distance between us. He was also really stressed about a major project at uni. He broke it off 8 days ago giving a combination of these factors as a reason. He also said we were losing our "spark", probably because of the distance. I asked him to wait until after the project to make this decision because I thought stress was playing a big role. First he said maybe we can try again in a few weeks/months, but then when I pushed the topic he said he honestly can't see that happening. I went NC for a week and texted him last night to congratulate him on finishing the project and to ask him how he felt about things. I also said I really didn't want to lose him as a friend. His reply went something like, "we're friends but not much more. i only just handed the project in". Does this mean that further down the track he wants to be together again? Should I reply to his text? It seemed unnecessarily cold for him and I was just trying to be nice, I honestly wasn't trying to push for a second chance. I'm worried that if I don't reply at all he will think I don't want us to try again. Any advice MUCH appreciated. Thanks for reading such a long post from a first-timer
smookie Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 we're friends but not much more he is saying you guys are only friends, read the bold part that I put here from your post. best wishs HUgs
Lisalisa2 Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 when someone is really into you they make the time to be with you, distance doesn't matter...
ebab83 Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 I would say I agree with everyone, that he is trying to stress that you are friends and only friends. I think it seemed cold as it's very difficult once a relationship has broken down, no matter how good friends you were before, or how amicably it ended for the first few weeks. It is a very big shift, and dynamics need to be re established and you both need to find what is appropriate for you as friends. I'm guessing at this point he is unsure just what to say and wasn't sure if going into a lengthly conversation about his project was a good idea. He replied though right? He also answered your question.
Limbo21 Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 I'm sorry allie your going through a tough time. I'm also going through a breakup so for what it's worth I'm on your side. I felt compelled to answer this because of the above, if I felt about you the way I did (and do) for my ex then I wouldn't have responded like that to you. I also wouldn't let distance get in the way, if he truly wanted to make it work he would go that extra mile (excuse the pun) I'm sorry to say but he's not your future. Go complete no contact, grieve him & move on. Easy for me to say sat here but chasing him is not gonna help your situation. Even if he did come back I feel it'd be pretty one sided. Do all the things advised on this forum to help fill your day. If he does want you back make sure it's on your terms, your worth as much as you allow others to treat you & I think were all worth unconditional love from the partners we choose good luck & keep us updated
AliBlack Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 I'm sorry but it sounds clear that he wants to be just friends
Leia Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Oh sweetie, move along. He doesn't want to get back together in the future. Time for you to forget him and start having more fun with your friends!
Beeotch Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 His reply went something like, "we're friends but not much more. i only just handed the project in". Does this mean that further down the track he wants to be together again? Should I reply to his text? It seemed unnecessarily cold for him and I was just trying to be nice, I honestly wasn't trying to push for a second chance. I'm worried that if I don't reply at all he will think I don't want us to try again. Some messages are ambiguous or can easily be seen to be more than what they appear, however, this one is not one of those from what I can see. You asked him about how he felt and he said you guys are nothing more than friends....then he went on to discuss his project. The message was short, curt and to the point. Nowhere was there a hidden message saying he wants to get back together...absolutely no part of that message said that... Some exes are confusing and do say confusing things but in your case he doesn't seem confusing at all...so this might be a case of you applying wishful thinking to what he is saying. If you were not pushing for a second chance then why are u worried about not replying causing him to think u don't want a second chance? My advice to you is: continue NC and doing you. From what you said he is not concerned about getting back together, and if he isn't, neither should you be. If he does want to get back together there will be much larger clues and signs. Contrary to what some people think, people don't always spell things out they usually give small hints and 2 things happen: they do small hints and if you don't get it they finally spell it out or they give hints and if u don't get it they back away. You want someone to want you enough to do the first. Sooo yea....there was nothing to interpret. Things are clear. You should go forward and CLOSE the door. If his feelings change he'll try harder to let u know but don't dwell on it.
Recommended Posts