Would it still be cheating to you if....

[loveslife]

I think if she didn't think it was cheating she wouldn't go to such great lengths to hide it from the bf. That alone is a betrayal of trust.

[Dexter Morgan]

Your SO during your relationship or marriage was exchanging emails or ims with deep written materials in it and actually tells the person they will meet them finally to screw them, that they're single or any other invention.

 

yes, its cheating. physical contact doesn't have to happen for it to NOT be cheating.

 

 

However your SO only does it to make fun of the other person (within themselves they are like ''Boy he/she is an idiot, can't you see I'm only playing with you, I'm in my relationship/marriage). They never wanted to meet them, instead while the person gave them the real address your SO made a fake address as well as fake number (even give them false name if possible).

 

a likely story. sorry, I call bullsh#t on that. If I'm in a committed relationship, what the hell am I doing the social networking thing and teasing someone else? its pathetic.

 

 

Basically your SO led them with false expectation to tease them....feels absolutely no emotional bond nor feelings for them, they just a complete joke about it...

 

then your SO doesn't have anything better to do.

[samsungxoxo]

If I'm in a committed relationship, what the hell am I doing the social networking thing and teasing someone else? its pathetic.

I guess it's because one just likes to tease the other person and totally made a fool out of them. Even more if the person is a LDR (long distance relationship) that is. Usually done as online attention seeking and see who fools for your talks while laughing as you're sitting there inventing stuff and the person goes along with it. I guess ego booster can be an explanation like one poster mentioned before.

then your SO doesn't have anything better to do.

Nope guess not but seek online attention. Somewhat the same as going to yahoo chat rooms and telling people a fake age along with fabricating a story, for example of having a childhood friend, LOL. While you're sitting facing your screen laughing and seeing the amount of people believing you. It's like you online chatting as a total joke.

[Lucky_One]

What does your LDR BF think of your habit?

[Trimmer]

I guess it's because one just likes to tease the other person and totally made a fool out of them. Even more if the person is a LDR (long distance relationship) that is. Usually done as online attention seeking and see who fools for your talks while laughing as you're sitting there inventing stuff and the person goes along with it. I guess ego booster can be an explanation like one poster mentioned before.

Nope guess not but seek online attention. Somewhat the same as going to yahoo chat rooms and telling people a fake age along with fabricating a story, for example of having a childhood friend, LOL. While you're sitting facing your screen laughing and seeing the amount of people believing you. It's like you online chatting as a total joke.

Now I know why you talk in the second- or third- person, and present your question as a hypothetical. It's embarrassing to hear you talk like this, and I imagine that it would be embarrassing for you to say:

 

I guess it's because I just like to tease the other person and totally make a fool out of them. Even more because I'

m

in a

LDR

(long distance relationship) that is. Usually I'

m

online attention seeking to see who fools for my talk while I'

m

laughing as I'

m

sitting there inventing stuff and the person goes along with it....

 

While I'

m

sitting facing my screen laughing and seeing the amount of people believing me...

Frankly, although the specific issue of "is it cheating" is important in the context of your relationship, I would consider that to be just a subset of a more worrying issue: why are you spending your time defining yourself (this is how you "get attention" and boost your ego...) behind a computer screen, deceiving others, instead of fostering real, genuine, face-to-face, caring relationships with real people, present in your life?

 

You isolate yourself from this fact by speaking of your situation is hypotheticals, and second- or third- person descriptions, just as you isolate yourself from caring, personal relationships by toying with unsuspecting people online, and having a LDR with someone you don't treat with respect or honesty.

[samsungxoxo]

What does your LDR BF think of your habit?

Clueless about it. Guess this is just my online fantasy, to myself. Not sure up to what point are you suppost to tell all your details of yourself or even wild fantasies to your SO if I don't even share this with my parents. They still want to believe (esp my father) in seeing me as the straight laced, innocent daughter. I guess no parent want to hear about their child engagement in online activities esp. not girl doing it. Fact they long ago freak out when I was discovered once, 3 years ago flashing on cam. I only flashed and they still freak out. I feel that ever since that, my online lying and short fantasy never stop. And this was way before meeting my boyfriend, when I was still a virgin.

 

So I guess like another poster stated who knows, maybe my boyfriend might as well have a fantasy of his own that he keeps to himself and would never tell anyone. In the end everyone keeps one thing to themselves, so that means we don't know the person completely... Like he doesn't know I fantasize about catching him doing that online and if he had a cam.

[Lucky_One]

My point is this. You KNOW that there is a huge possibility that others would construe your obsession with leading strange men on online as cheating as well as morally wrong - if you didn't KNOW this, then you wouldn't have posted it with the title "Is this cheating?"

 

Cheating is very important to some people - a dealbreaker to many. It MIGHT be important to your BF. He deserves to know of your (cavalier, IMHO) stance towards your behavior. Then he can decide for himself whether it is acceptable behavior for his GF to talk smack about him to other men online for whatever reasons and to talk sexually with them.

 

But as it is now, you are making a decision for him that could be VERY important to him, on a deep and emotional issue.

[samsungxoxo]

Frankly, although the specific issue of "is it cheating" is important in the context of your relationship, I would consider that to be just a subset of a more worrying issue: why are you spending your time defining yourself (this is how you "get attention" and boost your ego...) behind a computer screen, deceiving others, instead of fostering real, genuine, face-to-face, caring relationships with real people, present in your life?

I guess it was fun for a while. I first started trolling on yahoo chat rooms when I was 16 and off course single then (now I'm 22). I invented the story of a girl cheating or other stories so for the thrill of it. Then I stopped for a long time as it got bored. Then 3 years later when I was then 19 (before meeting my bf who would then become my first experience), I got back to it but this time it was in a sexual manner. I guess I just wanted to have online fun and keep lead him on to it even lying that I had been in relationships before when I knew nothing at the time.

Now it's like once in a while when I'm soooooooo bore plus I tired of my country already, going back to the US and I don't got many real friends I can actually hang out with here. So yes I'll be traveling back where I was raised almost all my life as I'm tired already of my birth country.

[samsungxoxo]

I believe this is where the whole thing about not stopping this fantasy started... the origin of it.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t92514/

My point is this. You KNOW that there is a huge possibility that others would construe your obsession with leading strange men on online as cheating as well as morally wrong - if you didn't KNOW this, then you wouldn't have posted it with the title "Is this cheating?"

Yes I notice. It's like you have to be real careful else they will cry over the drop of a hat for anything. So it's like being living up to certain rules society makes, thus you're not being your complete self at times.

Cheating is very important to some people - a dealbreaker to many. It MIGHT be important to your BF. He deserves to know of your (cavalier, IMHO) stance towards your behavior. Then he can decide for himself whether it is acceptable behavior for his GF to talk smack about him to other men online for whatever reasons and to talk sexually with them.

Yes it would be a dealbreaker for me too if he cheated (base on what I consider cheating in my terms that is). He does know a bit of dirty talk but not the whole extend of it nor me smack talking about him. My guess is he would see that as talking behind his back and consider me a hypocrite that never cared about it when it's my fantasy within me so thus why I'm not risking saying one bit about it. He hates people smack talking about him, so for sure that would be over. So no, gonna keep it to myself and just try finding some ways to focus on other things.

[Dexter Morgan]

I guess it's because one just likes to tease the other person and totally made a fool out of them. Even more if the person is a LDR (long distance relationship) that is. Usually done as online attention seeking and see who fools for your talks while laughing as you're sitting there inventing stuff and the person goes along with it. I guess ego booster can be an explanation like one poster mentioned before.

Nope guess not but seek online attention. Somewhat the same as going to yahoo chat rooms and telling people a fake age along with fabricating a story, for example of having a childhood friend, LOL. While you're sitting facing your screen laughing and seeing the amount of people believing you. It's like you online chatting as a total joke.

 

its not the same. getting on a site luring someone into thinking you are going to meet them for sex...or wanting you to believe that is what they are doing when they actually wanted to meet that person for sex, is different from getting on a site purely as a joke.

 

maybe someone like this is playing with some guy out there....but there will come one that she may say she is playing with, or that might be her intention, but it will be one that she seriously considers meeting.

 

but I don't believe that to be the case.

 

guess I'm confused...are you the one on the sites doing this to other men?

[samsungxoxo]

guess I'm confused...are you the one on the sites doing this to other men?

Yup, I'm the one trolling with them esp. when I'm sooooo bored, playing by myself even gets bored at times. One guy on my im even thinks I'm actually going to meet him in North Dakota, Dickinson. It's like I indulged into fantasy world and make it a believable story only I'm playing with them. Even if it's about talking smack about my bf, it's only a like an online game. Then I proceed on to the next ''idiot'' I should say and he falls for it. I have long ago told this guy I'm single (it was a lie) and we wrote somewhat heavy sexual context (never cam but only writing) and our fantasies but after the chatting was over, I never talked to him again. Basically I played with him...then got on playing by myself sometimes..

[Dexter Morgan]

You know what's more disturbing than what your bf would think if he were to find out?

 

exactly...and if a gf of mine gave me a lame story that, "oh I was just playing with the guy, I had no intentions of meeting him", I'd say...."sure ya didn't......the door is thataway"

[Lucky_One]

I just don't GET it.

 

There is so much confusion and angst and hurt and fear of honesty already at play in relationships today - WHY would anyone want to cause more of it, just for fun?

 

Fun? I thought that bowling was fun. Not trying to screw around with other people's emotions and lives?

 

Where am I, and why am I in this handbasket??

[samsungxoxo]

exactly...and if a gf of mine gave me a lame story that, "oh I was just playing with the guy, I had no intentions of meeting him", I'd say...."sure ya didn't......the door is thataway"

I see, even if it was true indeed and there never was an intention of meeting the guy up, only used it as a prank for either ego boost, boredomness or to playing with herself later on. In order words she's into teasing the men online only to seek attention from complete strangers. Basically trolling all the time but she never was seriously about it.

 

But yes Lucky_One never really thought online was taken so seriously that now it's like I gotta be careful who I'm dealing with. I'm trying to get this outlet off. By the time the chatting is over, back to reality, still bore with hardly any friends here. I tend to have more acquaintances in the previous job I worked but no actually real friend I can hanged out with. Only got one friend here but I hardy hanged out with her plus she has a kid so it's hard.

[Dexter Morgan]

I see, even if it was true indeed and there never was an intention of meeting the guy up, only used it as a prank for either ego boost, boredomness or to playing with herself later on.

 

yes, even if it was true you were only doing it for "fun", whether you think nothing will come of it or not.

 

Would you believe a guy if you caught him telling another woman that he wants to meet her in real life? Of course you wouldn't.

 

 

In order words she's into teasing the men online only to seek attention from complete strangers. Basically trolling all the time but she never was seriously about it.

 

 

if you need attention from strangers, then you don't need your boyfriend.

[samsungxoxo]

Would you believe a guy if you caught him telling another woman that he wants to meet her in real life? Of course you wouldn't.

I would go by what he said and no further questions unless there was prove he was giving the real address and it procceeded to talking on the phone on when he will be there. But if it's only done as a fantasy then I just basically leave it at that.

if you need attention from strangers, then you don't need your boyfriend.

Oh wow, making your own assumption through your experience. Can't you see maybe everyone has their very own secret fantasy. Like a poster stated who knows, maybe my bf might have a weird fantasy that I don't know. Same thing here, it's my fantasy. Plus I'm in a long distance relationship. So there's my boyfriend and maybe my own dream fantasy.

So I can never get excited online but only fantasize about my boyfriend? I have tried, tried hard thinking but my mind goes to thinking at random.

 

In a way if you have a deep fantasy from the very start way before you enter a relationship isn't that part of you? What makes you, you as a person? Apart from your relationship. Like some people can fantazise about eating ice-cream, others fantasize about making up stories with online stranger, and so on.... Different onlets.....

[Trimmer]

I see, even if it was true indeed and there never was an intention of meeting the guy up, only used it as a prank for either ego boost, boredomness or to playing with herself later on. In order words she's into teasing the men online only to seek attention from complete strangers. Basically trolling all the time but she never was seriously about it.

See, the thing for me would not be "whether you were serious" or not. The thing that would give me pause would be what your behavior reveals about your own character: that, knowing that there are real people at the other end of your chats, you intentionally tease them and get enjoyment from making them look (to you) and feel (to themselves) foolish, and stupid.

 

Questions of whether it constitutes cheating aside - that's a character flaw that I would find very unattractive.

 

See, it's not just about you "having a fantasy". It wouldn't seem out-of-the-world unusual to me if a woman said: "Sometimes I think about talking to men on the internet and meeting up with them for sex."

 

Now if she said: "And sometimes I actually can't stop myself from doing it, but I'd never actually meet up with one, and I feel bad about it..." then I'd think she had a control problem, but still basically knew right from wrong in the real world.

 

But someone who says: "I have the fantasy, and I do talk to men on the internet, and I don't have any intention of meeting them ...AND... I get enjoyment from how foolish I make them look." That's just twisted and cruel.

 

You keep going back to the idea that it's "just a fantasy" and not real, and you aren't serious. But you continue to sidestep the issue that, on the other side, you are affecting real people and getting amusement from their distress and confusion; you don't even seem to see anything wrong with it, and your inability to see this would be the most distressing thing to me, if I were in a relationship with you.

[Island Girl]

You know what I think?

 

I think it is possibly one of the most juvenile and cruel things that a person can do to another human being.

 

There was a woman in my small hometown who had never had a satisfactory relationship with another man as an adult. She was a bit large (like a really good softball player, muscular and sort of square) and a bit brash and boyish, but a sweet heart and a loving personality. And a few of the guys that we all hung out with got together and would get drunk and made up some fake guy, and used to send her emails and tell her how much he loved her, and talk about how they were meant to be together. She got completely hung up on this imaginary guy and used to stay at home, just to be by the computer in case he emailed.

 

Long story short, one of the guys felt guilty, and eventually confessed. She was humiliated by the fact that she had been the butt of so much cruelty, by the fact that she had told so many intimate secrets that were now public jokes, and by the fact that she had been so needy.

 

She quit her job, asked her parents for some money, travelled abroad for a few months, and settled in DC with a new job. I haven't seen her in years.

 

Toying with someone's emotions is classless, cruel, and shows a level of immaturity and psychological deadness of the soul.

 

What exactly do YOU get out of this? I can't even imagine the perversity that must complete your psyche.

 

I would agree and if my SO did something like this I would seriously be reevaluating the relationship and who I was actually with.

Because I wouldn't be with someone who would do such a thing - and if I was he must have snowed me but good.

[Dexter Morgan]

I would go by what he said and no further questions unless there was prove he was giving the real address and it procceeded to talking on the phone on when he will be there.

 

oh puuulease. you'd be on him like stink on s##t

 

 

Oh wow, making your own assumption through your experience.

 

no

 

 

Can't you see maybe everyone has their very own secret fantasy.

 

having a fantasy is one thing.....starting to play it out, whether online or any other way is quite another story.

 

But you said this wasn't like that, that you were just messing with these guys. And the point was that it doesn't matter what your intentions are, if caught, it aint going to look good for you and now you would give him reason to be even the slightest bit suspicious of you.

 

I could see it now, if I was doing the same thing as you, and a gf of mine caught me doing it....I'd be raked over the coals...and justifiably so. I wouldn't expect her to believe I was just messing with someone.

 

 

Like a poster stated who knows, maybe my bf might have a weird fantasy that I don't know.

 

he probably does....but question is, does he take a step in the direction and start to play it out somehow?

 

 

Same thing here, it's my fantasy.

 

what is? teasing guys? And fantasy stays in the mind, you don't act it out.

 

 

Plus I'm in a long distance relationship. So there's my boyfriend and maybe my own dream fantasy.

So I can never get excited online but only fantasize about my boyfriend? I have tried, tried hard thinking but my mind goes to thinking at random.

 

ok, sorry, but now I have to call bulls##t on you. Excited online? You are going from, playing with these guys, playing with their emotions and getting them to meet you when your intention is to stand them up.........to being "excited". Which is it? You are having cybersex or an online relationship with these guys?.....or are you just toying with them?

 

 

In a way if you have a deep fantasy from the very start way before you enter a relationship isn't that part of you?

 

yes, but I don't act them out...online or otherwise.

[Dexter Morgan]

I would agree and if my SO did something like this I would seriously be reevaluating the relationship and who I was actually with.

Because I wouldn't be with someone who would do such a thing - and if I was he must have snowed me but good.

 

well, and that is actually a secondary issue there in bold. You probably wouldn't believe he was just messing with a woman's head online. You'd be thinking he actually intended to meet this person before he got caught by you.

[loveslife]

I have to say the OP is one of the most disturbing indiividuals to come on this board in some time. She talks like a sociopath, which is someone with no conscience. Many people have tried to get her to see it from the perspective of how cruel and juvenile it is to play with people's feelings but she just doesn't care one bit.

 

I say stop trying to convince her. She doesn't get it.

[Island Girl]

well, and that is actually a secondary issue there in bold. You probably wouldn't believe he was just messing with a woman's head online. You'd be thinking he actually intended to meet this person before he got caught by you.

 

You are probably right about that but IF -- a very big if - he convinced me that it was all just a joke, etc. Then I would think he is not only a moron but heartless and cruel. I would really question our relationship or being with such a person and it'd more than likely end at that point too.

So either way it'd be over.

[samsungxoxo]

what is? teasing guys? And fantasy stays in the mind, you don't act it out.

Yes I'm trying to stop this already. After the chatting ends, I tend to get bore again and so play by myself. I don't want this to become a habit. Wish there was an easy way to stop this. Or maybe it's the fact that I don't work anymore nor help much in the house and I'm in my room most of the time. I assume when my boyfriend finally comes visit me, this will all be over and no need to get excitement from teasing them. I'll then be focusing on my bf.

Excited online? You are going from, playing with these guys, playing with their emotions and getting them to meet you when your intention is to stand them up.........to being "excited". Which is it? You are having cybersex or an online relationship with these guys?.....or are you just toying with them?

I'm not having neither of them. I don't do anything on cam with these guys. It's only the way we write down things that it then proceeds in a sexual manner. When I meant excited, it means that after the chatting ends, I then go on play by myself.

[samsungxoxo]

She talks like a sociopath, which is someone with no conscience.

I do have a conscience else I wouldn't even be questioning. Who do you think you are to putting labels, are you the judge or something?

Many people have tried to get her to see it from the perspective of how cruel and juvenile it is to play with people's feelings but she just doesn't care one bit.

Perhaps if you were bored with hardly any friends in your native country, no one to hang out with (the last you hanged out it was weeks ago), got recently fired from your job, long distance relationship for more than 2 years, your parents arguing (mainly your mother) and you get no more answer from your job resumes along with sometimes inability to keep up a conversation for too long in real life (yes terrible social skills) then you'll see it from my point. It's like you got no life at all. Plus you're dying to go back to where you were raised the most, tired of your native country.

And you really think I'm having fun just being on my room, with no job, not helping that much at home, the university is expensive here, and I'm not used to the environment in my country....Don't like it... Point is there's a lot going on through my head.... I'm so bore to the point sometimes, I believe I don't have a life.

Maybe you hardly ever get bore in your life. Well good for you.

[loveslife]

I do have a conscience else I wouldn't even be questioning. Who do you think you are to putting labels, are you the judge or something?

Perhaps if you were bored with hardly any friends in your native country, no one to hang out with (the last you hanged out it was weeks ago), got recently fired from your job, long distance relationship for more than 2 years, your parents arguing (mainly your mother) and you get no more answer from your job resumes then you'll see it from my point. It's like you got no life at all. Plus you're dying to go back to where you were raised the most, tired of your native country.

And you really think I'm having fun just being on my room, with no job, not helping that much at home, the university is expensive here, and I'm not used to the environment in my country....Don't like it... Point is there's a lot going on through my head.... I'm so bore to the point sometimes, I believe I don't have a life.

Maybe you hardly ever get bore in your life. Well good for you.

 

How do you know I'm not bored today and just playing a game with you for fun? But don't be upset. I know it's wrong.

 

According to you that makes it okay.

 

Is that what you would tell one of your "playmates"?