jessy1 Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Hey I was wondering if you could help me with something. There is this guy I really like who is driving me mad with confusion!! As you can probably guess by the title he is doing the 'hot and cold' thing with me and im so confused. Some days he seems to really like me, goes out of his way to come and see me, messages me all the time sends me small gifts etc then other days he acts like I dont exsist!! Just Yesterday he told a mate of mine he was really keen on me, then the next day he told the same mate he wasn't interested at all and hasnt talked to me since .... Im really confused with the hot and cold behaviour. Its made me go off him a bit so you probably dont have to reply telling me not to go there. My question is why do guys (and even girls) do this hot and cold thing? Its so confusing!! If anyone could give me an insite into why people do this that would be just awesome Thanks soooo much!
You'reasian Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 You'll probably get a better answer if you ask him face to face.
Author jessy1 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Posted September 27, 2009 Ya well I have tried, I cant seem to get a straight answer, 1 moment hes keen, next he isnt .... Its confusing!
You'reasian Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Ya well I have tried, I cant seem to get a straight answer, 1 moment hes keen, next he isnt .... Its confusing! Your answer is confusing. What does he say?
Author jessy1 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Posted September 27, 2009 Im sorry, I know its confusing! It confuses me to. He seemed really into me to start with, but some days he would just plain act like I wasnt there We had a conversation one day and he said he was really keen and really into me (I didnt ask directly it just came up in conversation) He then ignored me and acted strange for a bit so I asked what was going on, to which he replied he wasnt actually keen. Some how he chaned his mind over night and I didnt do anything! Since then he has been messaging me heaps and coming to see me all the time, then all of a sudden it stops and he acts like I dont exsist ... It just confuses me
hannie_1988 Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 This is extactly what I feel towards this guy! He is driving me nuts lol. But sometimes you just gotta learn how to be patient with him and give it more time. If you rush into things, it may not work out at the end. We as women always feel insecure about men. it's normal don't worry, you're not the only one out there. Guys can always change their mind about girls later and always inform them. Read my post and find out what you think if you wish.
marlena Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 As you can probably guess by the title he is doing the 'hot and cold' thing with me and im so confused. This "hot and cold" thing is reason enough to walk away. I know that I would. No one with serious intent would play these sort of games.
Left in a Lurch Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Well he has peaked your interest, excited you a bit, provided a challenge for you, and played up the mystery. I'd say mission accomplished. You're probably more hooked on him now than you would have been if he had laid his cards on the table.
Thaddeus Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Well he has peaked your interest, excited you a bit, provided a challenge for you, and played up the mystery. I'd say mission accomplished. You're probably more hooked on him now than you would have been if he had laid his cards on the table.CRH nailed it. It's no different than a woman stating that men only pursue women that are unavailable/a challenge/busy with their own lives. Sounds like this fellow has been doing his homework. It's not my style, personally, but obviously it's working for him.
loveslife Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 I don't think the hot and cold thing is always a game to get someone interested. Sometimes they're just messed up. Whatever the case, it's best to avoid them.
Hkizzle Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 My question is why do guys (and even girls) do this hot and cold thing? Its so confusing!! If anyone could give me an insite into why people do this that would be just awesome Thanks soooo much! Like chat room hero and Thaddeus mentioned. People do it because it works, even if they are not consciously planning it in a strategic way. It unbalances the other person so they start to seek validation and want them more. It stings the victims ego and makes them slightly insecure and that lowers their own value vs the person doing the hot and cold, so they start to chase. Hot and cold is a red flag behavior btw, I would say this guy is a jerk.
deux ex machina Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Im sorry, I know its confusing! It confuses me to. He seemed really into me to start with, but some days he would just plain act like I wasnt there We had a conversation one day and he said he was really keen and really into me (I didnt ask directly it just came up in conversation) He then ignored me and acted strange for a bit so I asked what was going on, to which he replied he wasnt actually keen. Some how he chaned his mind over night and I didnt do anything! Since then he has been messaging me heaps and coming to see me all the time, then all of a sudden it stops and he acts like I dont exsist ... It just confuses me Run. Like. Hell.
boogieboy Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 I think when he ignores you he is giving his attention to another girl. Then when she ignores him, he falls back to you. He says all the right things to keep you on the hook. Or, hes doing this because you havent shown him enough interest, have you guys fooled around yet? If you have then he has another girl on the side. If you havent fooled around yet, then he is just as confused as you.
carhill Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Is the mate you've been getting this second-hand information from male or female? For yourself, move on. A healthy man doesn't whisper to mates, he whispers in your ear, and consistently.
Trialbyfire Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 This "hot and cold" thing is reason enough to walk away. I know that I would. No one with serious intent would play these sort of games.Yup, he has a lot of growing up to do.
Hkizzle Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Yup, he has a lot of growing up to do. Just curious and I don't mean this in a critical way. Why do so many people say, "he needs to grow up"? I mean I don't see being a good man or integrity as a growing up issue. There are CEOs of companies and heads of state that are aholes. They're grown enough, they're just selfish.
Quest Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 The hot-cold thing is about control, IMO. He wants to call the shots and have you where he wants you, even if it's not conscious. Not a good sign!
loveslife Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Just curious and I don't mean this in a critical way. Why do so many people say, "he needs to grow up"? I mean I don't see being a good man or integrity as a growing up issue. There are CEOs of companies and heads of state that are aholes. They're grown enough, they're just selfish. For many people, being a mature adult includes a measure of personal responsibility. Which can be interpreted as being responsible for how your actions affect others.
carhill Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Those 'a-hole's and selfish men have their following, mainly consisting of the motherly types who want to 'fix' them. 'If he only knew how much I loved him, he'd change his ways, it would all be better and we'd sail off into the sunset' (or some such cr@p). The OP isn't signing on for mom duty here, right?
Left in a Lurch Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 The hot-cold thing is about control, IMO. He wants to call the shots and have you where he wants you, even if it's not conscious. Not a good sign! It is just keeping the upperhand in the relationship. Most relationships starting out have the chaser and the chasee. I see no reason why men always have to chase. Someone will always have the upperhand in a relationship and this guy is doing just that, keeping the upperhand. Someone will always be more interested than the other. Call a girl a lot when you are just starting out dating and it may be fine, but hold off on calling a few days because you are busy (especially on a Friday or Saturday) and she will wonder why you are not calling, what you are doing without HER, what could be more important than her, and she will eventually call you. Even the ones that never suggest any plans or have ideas for things to do will suddenly come up with an idea for something to do with you. You shift a little of the responsibility and gain a little of the power in the relationship. It just equals things out a bit. I don't think it is wrong that this guy is moving some of the burden of showing interest on her. It always seems the guy has to 'prove' his interest as the woman sits back and decides if he is worthy or else he needs to "grow up" - translation-grow into his stereotypical male dating role. If she is interested she should chase him and 'prove' her interest to him, but I realize most women would not be comfortable doing that because it's not their role in the game. Of course he could just be a dick. In that case she is probably already hooked forever so none of it matters.
You'reasian Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Maybe you don't know the guy enough? Some of us guys are under the assumption that women need the chase and to some degree its true - think about it - when most guys approach women directly head on with their interest in a women, they'd freak out. Maybe he's just a dick? Maybe he needs time to recoup after being with you for so long...lol;) When a guy and girl are meant to be together, you can feel it. No games. No silly manipulation. Just two folks enjoying each other
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