I realize ...i finally have to let go.

[angelface78]

Today i awoke around 6 in the morning on a Saturday with a small anxiety attack. Its been 3 months since the breakup...and i went into NC cold turkey. Since the day of the breakup i have never spoken to him again. It has been so difficult. We were together 5 years and were engaged the last 6 months. He is now seeing somebody..dont know how serious it is. He has played games with my head on myspace to get me to call him. His pride has not let him contact me. I have been in hell these last 3 months..so hard..everyday its like im living a nightmare. I feel like im walking around like a zombie just going through the motions. This morning i was about to break NC.. yet again. In my heart of hearts i know he still loves me. I called my friend instead of contacting him. I jumped in my car and got out of the house. She said you need to accept that its over. I am going to try to do this. I realize i am torturing myself with hope and i suppose i am not alone in this. Im going to kill every shred of hope that he will ever contact me again. I keep hoping that he will pick up the phone, text or email atleast saying hes sorry but i see that im just torturing myself. I need to let it go. I dont know how im going to make my heart understand this. Im going to ask the good Lord for strength. Im going to try to bury the hope and realize that he is never going to call me. I know he still loves me..but i realize now that he doesnt love me enough. If he loved me he would be here. I am going to let go...even if i die trying. I AM GOING TO STOP HOPING AND TRY TO ACCEPT. Im going to leave it in Gods hands. He knows the plans he has for me and who am i to try to change God's plans. Im going to let the Lord help me carry my burdens and when i feel anxious im going to get down on my knees and pray for strength and am going to read his holy word. With God nothing is impossible. Sometimes there is nothing left but to throw in the towel. I have to accept it...even though my heart is breaking into a million pieces...breaks on top of breaks. ITS OVER...HE DOESNT LOVE ME ENOUGH ;(

[Surfer Girl]

Angelface....

 

I think it is very hard to accepted that it might be over....We really expected that person to want to connect us....and when they don't it hurts...... and we want to contect them for any reason.... just for a response..... I am so proud of you for not contacting him.... But as both of us know.... He needs to contact us if he really wants us.... So stay strong.!!!!

[wondering_girl]

hi angel, i cried reading your post...... i get those anxiety attacks too, you're not alone, i wake up super early, i hate this.... when i get weak, i'm going to read your post...

 

i really need to let go too, and NEED to accept the FACT, it' REALITY, i feel like i'm in a nightmare.

[angelface78]

Its sooo hard..but theres nothing left. Hes gone and all i am left with is memories! I feel so alone. Wondering girl...i know how you feel. I hope someday we can get through this...i hope we will someday. I will pray for both of us ;(

[rp123]

Today i awoke around 6 in the morning on a Saturday with a small anxiety attack. Its been 3 months since the breakup...and i went into NC cold turkey. Since the day of the breakup i have never spoken to him again. It has been so difficult. We were together 5 years and were engaged the last 6 months. He is now seeing somebody..dont know how serious it is. He has played games with my head on myspace to get me to call him. His pride has not let him contact me. I have been in hell these last 3 months..so hard..everyday its like im living a nightmare. I feel like im walking around like a zombie just going through the motions. This morning i was about to break NC.. yet again. In my heart of hearts i know he still loves me. I called my friend instead of contacting him. I jumped in my car and got out of the house. She said you need to accept that its over. I am going to try to do this. I realize i am torturing myself with hope and i suppose i am not alone in this. Im going to kill every shred of hope that he will ever contact me again. I keep hoping that he will pick up the phone, text or email atleast saying hes sorry but i see that im just torturing myself. I need to let it go. I dont know how im going to make my heart understand this. Im going to ask the good Lord for strength. Im going to try to bury the hope and realize that he is never going to call me. I know he still loves me..but i realize now that he doesnt love me enough. If he loved me he would be here. I am going to let go...even if i die trying. I AM GOING TO STOP HOPING AND TRY TO ACCEPT. Im going to leave it in Gods hands. He knows the plans he has for me and who am i to try to change God's plans. Im going to let the Lord help me carry my burdens and when i feel anxious im going to get down on my knees and pray for strength and am going to read his holy word. With God nothing is impossible. Sometimes there is nothing left but to throw in the towel. I have to accept it...even though my heart is breaking into a million pieces...breaks on top of breaks. ITS OVER...HE DOESNT LOVE ME ENOUGH ;(

 

This has made me cry. God bless you! (and i'm an atheist!) you sweet, sweet, broken hearted girl. I empathize completely......

[Exit]

This is the best thing for you. I didn't know how to let go until it was too late. I hope you stick with this plan. Leave it up to God or whatever power you believe in. Find some happiness in your life, there is plenty out there to be had aside from this guy that you miss.

[Mixitup123]

Hi, all we should think is that we are not the only ones going through this horrible time in our lives. I too have just broken up with my boyfriend, ....after 1 year fiance....then boyfriend again (a little insight to show we were going backwards not forward). It happened about 3 weeks ago..I gave up my..well my life for him really..even though he never saw it like that. I followed him in his dream, and gave up everything I wanted..job, security, and home, a family, all I wanted, i gave up for him. And he was willing to let me too. But it all ended in tears. Because 1 night I opened my eyes to the realisation he doesn't really love me or even care about me..all he cared and loved was himself. He treated me like an enermy of his, instead of the women he loved. I realise now it has been this way for the last 2 years of our relationship, but I loved/love him deeply and didn't want to realised the truth. I forgave him for a lot already in the relationship. But a few days later I was wavering..like always..wondering whether we could work it out..so we met up and talked and he has decided in 1 day that it is better we split and that he doesn't want the relationship..he was so cold..no emotion in his face or body, there I was crying my heart out and falling apart in front of him, but still nothing. Then I saw (via the help of Facebook) he'd actually been out with a group of people the night we broke up and the night after and was drinking and getting drunk and to me looked like he was having fun..while i was left on my own with only my heart breaking to keep me company. I had gone far away from home with this man..the man I'd been with for over 4 years..who i trusted to look after me..I needed help with getting home..so I emailed and emailed for help, 3 or 4 times pleading with him to help me.....HE NEVER ANSWERED ME....he just left me to get back on my own, and it wasn't just a few kilometers, more like thousands. I never thought anyone could do that, let alone the man I had trusted and been with for 4 years. Hard lessons to learn and get over. He never even called or emailed to ask if I'd got home okay. Nothing. The only thing I have had was yesterday he sent an email..saying nothing he only put a full stop i.e. (.) in the message!!!! whatever that means..I think he is just hoping for a reaction from me..not believing that I haven't emailed him probably, because I normally would. But between then and now..the pain has been immense! sometimes to hard to take..panic attacks are the worst..and the feeling of loss, and never seeing or being with him again, the plans we spoke about (but would probably never have come true). But the last 2 days I've been reading about break ups and reading peoples stories on here and I have started to feel better. Understanding that it really is for the best, and that my life in the long run will be better, and that there is someone out there who is for me, who is a good person too. And if this hadn't happened now then i would have wasted more time and in the end it would have happened anyway. I know it is his lose..I can't imagine that he'll ever find another who cared, loved and gave up what I wanted for him. This experience has taught me some hard and valuable lessons in life and love..not to take people at face value, but to get to know them (him) and see people for who they really are before making any commitments, people aren't aways as they seem. But for you..keep thinking of you, what you want, because you are the most important person right now.

[wondering_girl]

hi angel, i had panic attacks again today at 6 am and tried to go back to sleep and dreamed about him twice - how are you doing today? i'm crappy as usual.... i'm having chest pains again.....

 

hi mixitup i'm sorry we're all going through this, my bf of 4 years left me too, just with the memories he didn't even bother or had the decency to say goodbye........ he just left in complete silence and decided to stay that way..

 

today i feel like he broke my heart - i was trying to pick up the pieces then he pushed me on the ground while i was trying to pick it up and shoved me in it - i need to leave him in the past...... but i guess only time will heal me now and like angel said, our faith. (easier said than done) i need a delete button for that dumb HOPE

[angelface78]

Wondering girl...im sorry you had another anxiety attack. I had chest pains this morning too ;( I wonder why that happens?? I hate mornings. Im going to try my hardest. We have to try. Im gonna get up and try to eat a decent breakfast. Ive lost weight..i went shopping but whats the point i never get out of the house to wear these cute outfits i buy ;( I woke up and prayed...im gonna do it every day. Dont know if you guys are religious but the love of God can help us. Wondering girl i wish i could get rid of the hope quickly but it will take time. Thanks guys for your support. Mixitup im sorry this happenned to you. My ex did something similar to me. I had locked my keys in my car and i called him and he wouldnt answer the phone and when he finally did he said he could not come and help me that i was not his responsibility. This was during our second breakup. He left me stranded. I know how it feels...but i know all this pain im feeling is in part my fault. I didnt value myself enough..and he took advantage. I shouldntve been at the table begging for bread crumbs...but thats what i did ;( NONE OF US SHOULD DO THIS!!!!

[LakesideDream]

Angelface... You may be correct. He may love you dearly, however he's decided that you two aren't an item, and is still in NC. That's his choice and you need to respect it. Turn it around, wouldn't you want him to respect your decisions ?

 

It's hard, very hard, maybe the hardest thing you can imagine. It's not life threatening, or the end of the world. Just do the best you can everyday. Take pride in that.

[angelface78]

Yes Lakeside Dream...i understand and respect that he wants to move on. I am trying...trying so hard but sometimes feel like im going crazy. Acceptance is hard!