Do you think my plan will work for NC?...LONG

[SouthernLady]

I have been struggling back and forth with unsuccessful attempts at NC w/MM for about a year now. Our mostly EA and PA throughout the last 7 years is so difficult. I really do love him and I know for both of us, my BF and his W, the best thing is NC. Usually, he will break the NC, but deep inside I want him to, while at the same time I don't. However, I am NOT blameless. I have found serious reasons to contact him just to talk to him. For instance, asking if he could be a reference on a job application.

 

One thing I have had difficulty with for the past two months is the fact that he said "I really care about you and deep down, I love you." I love him more than anyone else and more than I thought I could love anyone else, and as a woman I must remember that he didn't say..."I love you so much I want to be with you." He didn't say..."I am in love with you or I am going to get a divorce." Just because I feel a certain way does not mean he does.

 

He is the type of man that normally would not cheat and that is one reason we have never had sex. He does deserve a medal for that. He has a conscious and says he feels bad about what he has done to both me and his W. I believe him because sometimes when we have spoken he will say..."I was going to call, but you told me not to."

 

Anyway...BACK to the real question. First, I must say that he lives 5 hours away now...used to be 45 min and used to come into my work as a customer every two days or so. Primarily most of our contact is by phone, text message, or in person (rare).

 

I have already changed my VM on my phone to say you have reached the ###. My plan if he calls is to just let it go to VM and not call back. My plan if he text me is to pretend like he got a wrong number and ask him...

 

"who are you looking for? You prob. have the wrong #, I just got this number a few days ago." Of course, I think he will just say he is sorry and not try to text back or call.

 

I do not have a home phone and he does no know my work number. We have only communicated through e-mail, maybe 3 times...I know his W has full access and he told me never to e-mail him unless he did first. I don't think e-mail should be an issue even if he tries, because it is a lot easier to ignore.

 

One reason I don't really want to change my number is because I have had it since 2001. I would not call him back, even using *67 b/c then he will ask for a new number I don't have and I do not think I will be desperate enough to text him and let him know I lied about the whole phone number thing.

 

It sucks b/c I know the best thing to do is just forget about it, but part of me hopes that he will try to track me down and e-mail me and I really want that, but only for validation...only to know that he still remembers/cares....but it's all messed up b/c I know that is just insane and of course he won't forget...so I shouldn't need validation just to have the feeling that he misses me.

 

The messed up part is that when I see his number come across the phone, adrenalin rushes through my skin just like when you feel like you were going to have a wreck and can't stop it. When I talk to him or hear his voice, my smile won't disapear and my jaws hurt! I am so afraid that I will never get over him, even if we don't talk. I am afraid that part of me will always long for him and always hope that something will happen where we might be able to be together. AFFAIRS SUCK!!!

 

A few weeks back, I asked him if we never spoke again if he would forget me. He said that he never would and that he still thinks about how much he used to enjoy coming into my work and all of our conversations. He said that he would not be able to forget some of the best experiences ever (this being part of the PA).

[SouthernLady]

Although, no one has responded to my thread...I sort of understand since I am the only one to know if my plan for NC will work.

 

I will say I feel an empowerment and feeling of control by pretending like he got the wrong phone number. See, the whole A has been experience of extreme highs and lows. I am tired of being the one who waits for him to call.

 

In a sense, he has always had the control knowing I will be there to answer the phone whenever he calls.

 

Well, not this time! I am exciting just waiting to receive the last phone call, knowing the roll-a-coaster will finally be finished.

[fooled once]

So you have not heard from him in the last several days?

 

Can I ask -- why play the phone game? Why not just not answer or respond to the text?

[SouthernLady]

Well...it's not all about the game, but I have known for a long time that the only way I will ever move on from the relationship is to have NC permanently. However, it has been the worst struggle for us both. One of us gives in and calls the other. As of late, he is usually the one who ends up calling, but I always answer...I am always so weak.

 

I do not want to change my phone number, and he owns several business that requiring advertisement and such, so I know he would not change his. The main reason I am going to pretend like he has the wrong number is so he will think that I changed my phone number on purpose and will never try to contact me again. Unfortunately, just trying to maintain contact in a normal way has not been possible up to the point and I know that is both of our faults.

 

I know this is terribly immature, but I have looked at his picture and just been telling myself that I hate him...just to help make not talking to him easier for now. I know I just need to delete everything from my life that has to do with him. Seven years is such a long time, but I know in my heart I don't want to continue on another seven years in the same old situation.