Rylle Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 There seem to be a lot of threads posted by women who "don't have a problem with porn" but who manage to "stumble across" their bf's or date's porn stash/computer history, and then check every single picture/video to see what it is and when he downloaded it and last accessed the file. I have never once "stumbled across" a bf's or date's porn on his computer. Nor have I intentionally gone looking for it. Once, I was on my bf's computer and I checked his history to find a website for a house we were looking at earlier. I happened to notice he had looked at porn that day (when we had plans to hang out later...and when he was on a break from working "getting groceries." I was sad for a minute, and thought it was weird, but then I shrugged it off. Sometimes if I'm home in the middle of the day I'll check it out also.); however, I felt no desire to check out what he looked at, for how long, or how many. I know that my bf finds me sexy and is attracted to me. Therefore, I have never felt any need to "check up on his porn use" to see "what else" turns him on. Plus, I would hate if he ever checked to see what porn I liked. I would hate if all of a sudden he had a complex about the size of his d*ck or something. Especially cuz he turns me on. A lot. (He's a really sexy guy.) My question is, should I be checking up on him? I'm wondering what weird stuff he's into, and feeling a little insecure. What if he's into threesomes or something and he's bored with me? It's my right to know what he's up to, isn't it?
anne1707 Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Both you and your boyfriend look at porn - fine But you feel insecure because he does - hypocrisy You want to check up on him when it is something you also do - very, very wrong Do you consider it a threat to your relationship when you look at porn? Are you thinking your boyfriend is inadequate or boring? How would you feel if your boyfriend reacted like this if he found out you watched porn? How would he react if he found you were checking up on him because you do not trust him for doing the same thing as you?
CarrieT Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 In my best relationships, I openly ask about my BF's porn -- I ask him to show me what turns him on and vice-versa. It helps expand the sex life and creates more openness and honesty in the relationship. If you were to find that your BF is all about porn with redheads and he was able to share that fact with you, and you are a blonde, you could offer to get a red wig to turn him on. Wouldn't that be establishing a more interesting relationship than this sneaking and subterfuge?
CLC2008 Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 I think your reaction is perfectly normal but shouldn't be a cause of concern unless it is overly excessive. Males look at porn (women too), so I don't see anything abnormal about it really. Think of it this way, would you want to know every instance your bf had an erection, or every time he masturbated? I mean certain things are private, regardless of how close the two of you are within your RL.
boogieboy Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 If your bf doesnt bring up anything that youre worried about, then your insecurity is coming from you and not him. Youre riling yourself up. So, if you would hate it if he checked up on what you like, then you have no right to check up on him. Why cant you just ask him what kind of porn he likes? Ask him what his fantasies are. You tell him what you like, and maybe he will reciprocate. Sometimes one person cant satisfy all of one persons fantasies, so you cant feel insecure about things he hasnt told you about. Ignorance is bliss. Instead of worrying about the porn, how about trying new things with him and finding out what he likes from you? That will create a better bond. The way youre going about it is bound to ruin your relationship if its done the wrong way.
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