Never take an ex back if they have been with someone else after you split?

[tryagaintoday]

Hi,

I'd read this line "Never take an ex back if they have been with someone else after you split." from another thread and do not wish to "hijack" it.

 

I'm interested in discussing it. I believe it was posted by ATR. Do you agree, do you disagree? And why?

 

I can't answer my own question yet because I am still confused. I might be able to someday.

[EricaH329]

I think that's nonsense. What the other person does when you are not with them, is none of your business. If two people want to be together, they need to focus on the problems at hand. Not what happened in the past.

 

I'm not only saying this because I had done the same thing myself when my ex and I broke up the first time (which I regretted), but because I believe it to be true.

 

I don't break up with someone (or if they break up with me) and think that we are getting back together. I do whatever I need to do to make myself happy again. I am officially independant and have to answer to no one.

 

Just my thoughts.

[mimiminx]

I agree for the most part, unless of course it's been over a year or something and fate brings you back together.. but in the first few months, maybe even stretching to 6 months, I would say absolutely not. I can't imagine being with someone else and it's been 2 months since my breakup... because I love him. If they are able to be with someone else so quickly, they don't really love you.

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

I disagree %100. In a fairytale land couples would not date anyone else when broken up and eventually get back together and be perfect; but if it's a fairytale land they wouldn't have broken up in the first place, would they?

 

I'm talking in a literal sense ofcourse.

 

Besides, how are they going to ever see your quality if they don't have someone else to compare you with? It's not healthy to avoid other relationships after a breakup- I'll agree that you need a few months to recollect yourself and make sure your ready, but talking in absolutes like that is kind of rediculous.

 

I know more than one couple that were broken up for years, saw a number of people in between, and then ended up marrying each other in the end.

 

That line is not realistic.

[WiseOne1]

I 100% agree that you don't take someone back after they've been with someone else sexually, but there are some exceptions.........

 

Yes take them back If -

 

1. If you caused the breakup by cheating or doing something terrible.

 

2. They attempted to get back with you mutiple times, and for some reason your refused.

 

3. If you cheated and they slept with another person in return after breaking up. "2 wrongs don't make a right, but it's only fair"

 

Don't take them back if -

 

1. If they sleep with someone in the first 6 months of the breakup, and they wanted the break or wanted to see if the grass was greener.

 

2. If she gets pregnant by another dude.

 

3. If she/he catches a std or such.

 

4. *RARE SISTUATION* - I've noticed on loveshack sometimes a couple might break up never having sex with eachother, most of the time the female wants to wait until marriage to have sex and then has it with the first dude she meets after the break up. Never take someone back after he/she refused to have sex with you, but did it with someone else!!!

 

96% of the time there going to lie and not give details as far as the last relationship, so it really depends if you can find it in your heart to take them.

[Darren09]

My ex left me also last year March 2008 after 5 years of been together. She was constantly with this other guy and after 5 months of been apart she told me she missed me so much and she wanted a future with me! i still loved her and ended up getting back with her!! i brushed everything aside and things were back to normal!

 

July 2009 - She left me again for another guy! i tried so hard to keep her i didnt want to lose her again. Turns out she aint the girl i thought she was!

 

Simple fact is if they do it to you ONCE!!!! they will do it to you AGAIN!

 

No matter how perfect you think they are people who love you really dont hook up!

so no dont take them back! find someone new

[reservoirdog1]

I went through this. It depends on the circumstances (how long the two of you have been apart), why you're getting back together, and the personalities of both you and the person you're contemplating getting back together with.

 

Three years ago, I broke up with a woman I'd been seeing for four months (I'll call her XGF). We didn't live together but we were only dating each other. I initiated the breakup; the reason was towards the end of those four months, I'd started to find her behaviour to be excessively controlling. For instance, I have a few female friends who it just so happens I've slept with in the past. I have other female friends who I went on a date or two with but never slept with, and we remained friends. For XGF, however, continuing to have any kind of ongoing interaction with those women was a huge issue, and she found it "disrespectful". I wasn't prepared to simply cut several people out of my life for neurotic reasons. That, coupled with some other examples of excessively controlling behaviour, led me to terminate things with her.

 

We were apart for two months, during which she called me with considerable frequency. During those two months apart, I slept with another woman. After those two months, XGF suggested we get together as "friends" one evening. We did, and then did again, and one thing led to another and we got back together as a couple.

 

Very early on after we got back together, XGF asked me if I'd slept with anybody else while we'd been broken up. I answered honestly, and told her that I had.

 

The fact that I had done so hung over the relationship like a cloud until we finally broke up in July of 2008 (during which time we lived together). She basically wanted me to acknowledge that I'd "cheated on her", which I refused to do because I hadn't done so. The relationship had good times, for sure, but also had a lot of fighting and half a dozen or more near-breakups and numerous counselling sessions in the nine months that we lived together.

 

If she'd slept with another guy while we'd been broken up for those two months, I'm not sure if it would bother me or not. Honestly, I'm not sure it would. But for her, it was something she simply could not (or would not) get beyond. It came up, over and over and over again, until (coupled with other things) I just couldn't take it anymore.

 

So, I don't think you can make a hard-and-fast rule about it. In my case, it was a bad idea because XGF couldn't deal with it and leave it in the past.

[fiser360]

I disagree. My ex and I were together all through high school and the first 2 years of college. After we broke up 3 months ago, she started dating a new guy. Completely opposite of me...and I don't blame her one bit. I think that she still loves me, but maybe she just wanted to see what else there was because all she had ever known was me...I think that's understandable. And I would still take her back.

[icecreamland]

We add value to experiences, so its a matter of how you see it.

[JohnP82]

Nope! Never!

[ATR]

Wow, I didn't think I'd get a thread posted on a comment that I had made the other day

 

Anyway, I stand by what I said.

"Never take an ex back if they have been with someone else after you split."

 

I maybe should have worded it slightly better, what i'm getting at is that if someone dumps you for someone else, it clearly shows you're second best and that the dumper had no respect for you. To have someone else lined up, whilst your already in a relationship, it shows that they are 1. Unfaithful 2. Crap at communicating (unable to let you know when things start going downhill) 3. Cowards - unable to handle a break up, so therefore jump onto the nearest person interested.

 

They would rather be with someone else than be with you... why would you want to be with someone like that?

[harmfulsweetz]

Depends on the circumstances. If say you agreed to go on a break not a break up, and you mutually agreed you would remain exclusive for this part, then no I would never take them back. That, for me, would be undermining the point of the 'break' although I could understand how one may come to be in that situation.

 

If we were broken up, then heck, it's up to him if he wants to sleep around etc. Not my business. It's a pretty bad line really isn't it? No one breaks up and plans to get back together, so why should they still hold a responsibility to their ex? Jeez, even after break ups you still owe them faithfulness to a memory. People shouldn't hold on to a glimmer of hope, they should be encouraged to move forward.

[WiseOne1]

Wow, I didn't think I'd get a thread posted on a comment that I had made the other day

 

Anyway, I stand by what I said.

"Never take an ex back if they have been with someone else after you split."

 

I maybe should have worded it slightly better, what i'm getting at is that if someone dumps you for someone else, it clearly shows you're second best and that the dumper had no respect for you. To have someone else lined up, whilst your already in a relationship, it shows that they are 1. Unfaithful 2. Crap at communicating (unable to let you know when things start going downhill) 3. Cowards - unable to handle a break up, so therefore jump onto the nearest person interested.

 

They would rather be with someone else than be with you... why would you want to be with someone like that?

 

I agree, never take a ex back if they have been with someone else after you split.

[Art_Critic]

They were with someone before you so why would it matter if they were with someone after you ?

 

There was always someone there before us.. no matter how you look at it..

[WiseOne1]

It's clear that everyone has there own idea's of how relationships should work, just like everyone likes diffrent things and have diffrernt expectations of a partner, so therefore in the end it's up to the individual that is the sistuation.

[th0997]

I would never take an ex back. Although they may have had someone before me, that was before they met me. Now after meeting me and things didn't work out, when the relationship is finished, it's finished for good.

[Art_Critic]

I would never take an ex back.

 

In reality I would never take an ex back either.. but it has nothing to do with who they were with after me..

Who a person has sex with would never bother me for the reason I gave in my other post..

 

When a breakup happens I believe that it is broken and they happen for a reason.. So we can go out and find the person who we can love..

 

My signature line is the reality of my life..

[harmfulsweetz]

They were with someone before you so why would it matter if they were with someone after you ?

 

There was always someone there before us.. no matter how you look at it..

That's a great way to look at it-there is always someone else that precedes us, so what is the real difference?

 

Each to their own I guess, but I think as others have said, an ex is an ex for a reason and unless you agree it's a break with total exclusivity (sp?) there shouldn't be a rule on that.

[ATR]

They were with someone before you so why would it matter if they were with someone after you ?

 

There was always someone there before us.. no matter how you look at it..

 

It's not about that.

If they break up with you for someone else, they already know what you're like - but would rather be with someone else.

They do not know you before, so therefore they have no opinion on your worth.

By breaking up with you for someone else you know how much they value you - very little. And who wants to be with that.

[harmfulsweetz]

Of course, if a person breaks up with a person with someone already lined up before the break up, that's wrong, and course, no one should go back to that. If it happens that the couple breaks up, unknowingly to one partner (or maybe both) they go out have fun and meet someone, why should that affect whether or not they get back together? No one plans on breaking up and reuniting.

[Trialbyfire]

A break up means that you're no longer in a relationship. This means that people are free to do whatever they want to do.

 

Having said that, if someone immediately hops in the sack with another, they weren't really terribly in love with you or used another person for band-aid sex. Not good form, if it happens within a month's time.

 

If all they do is to date other people, no big deal. You're broken up so there are no bonds to tie.