rp123 Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 After 8yrs we've split. She has met someone that has offered her everything (marriage, Kids, Living together...) all the things that I didn't. I done my pleading, offered everything, and fought as hard as I could to keep her. But its over. How do I really come to accept its over in a total and complete way? I'm on day 15 of NC. I've joined a dating website, I'm exercising, keeping busy etc.. But the pain is massive. And I only believe it will recede when acceptance that the relationship is over has happened. How do I bring myself to to this point?
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Well I would ask when, how, why, and by whom the relationship ended... but really the recovery process is all the same no matter how you spin it. So I won't ask that, it's irrelevant. My advice bro... Get off the dating website, the cons outweigh the pros. Everytime you look at a girl on there you'll just be comparing them to her. If you do find a girl you might like you'll just screw it up because your messed up right now. Girls can detect a relationship wound from a mile away and will most likely stay clear of you, which will not help your self esteem at all. Furthermore, you might start relying on it to meet new people, substituting your life for an online one, you need to get out not stay in. So just get off the sites, atleast for now. Keep exercising. Lay out goals that you think are impossible to reach and chase them relentlessly. Bust your ass. What have you got to lose? Visit your family and go out with friends more often, but avoid the alcohol- it will just **** with you trust me. Careful not to constantly be the victim though, people can only support you for so long. Everything you do will remind you of her in one way or another, so you just have to push past it. Become a force at your workplace. Earn extra money with overtime or special projects if you have to- and then save that money for yourself. Work ethic builds self worth and everyone could use extra money. If you don't have a job, now is the time to find one. And lastly, get right with God. Walk with him and you will see. He loves you more than anyone and will teach you more about yourself than you ever thought possible. He's waiting and listening. Even if you don't believe in him, he believes in you. Trust me. Anyway this is what worked for me. It can and will work for you too if you want it to. Only you can choose when to stop hurting and start moving.
Author rp123 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 Well I would ask when, how, why, and by whom the relationship ended... but really the recovery process is all the same no matter how you spin it. So I won't ask that, it's irrelevant. My advice bro... Get off the dating website, the cons outweigh the pros. Everytime you look at a girl on there you'll just be comparing them to her. If you do find a girl you might like you'll just screw it up because your messed up right now. Girls can detect a relationship wound from a mile away and will most likely stay clear of you, which will not help your self esteem at all. Furthermore, you might start relying on it to meet new people, substituting your life for an online one, you need to get out not stay in. So just get off the sites, atleast for now. Keep exercising. Lay out goals that you think are impossible to reach and chase them relentlessly. Bust your ass. What have you got to lose? Visit your family and go out with friends more often, but avoid the alcohol- it will just **** with you trust me. Careful not to constantly be the victim though, people can only support you for so long. Everything you do will remind you of her in one way or another, so you just have to push past it. Become a force at your workplace. Earn extra money with overtime or special projects if you have to- and then save that money for yourself. Work ethic builds self worth and everyone could use extra money. If you don't have a job, now is the time to find one. And lastly, get right with God. Walk with him and you will see. He loves you more than anyone and will teach you more about yourself than you ever thought possible. He's waiting and listening. Even if you don't believe in him, he believes in you. Trust me. Anyway this is what worked for me. It can and will work for you too if you want it to. Only you can choose when to stop hurting and start moving. Thanks for taking the time to offer this advice. It means soooo much when people take the time to listen to my pain. Blessings to you!!
splintered thing Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 How do I really come to accept its over in a total and complete way? I just remind myself that they're happier and have what they want, and I'm happy that my exes are happy. If they need me to still be there for them as a friend, that's great and I have no problem doing that...or if the best thing I can do for them is to leave them alone, I'm okay with doing that, too. It comes down to knowing that if I still care about them (and I do), then I want them to have the lives that they want more than I want them to be with me.
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