knaveman Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 I have a lot of fear. I've come to realise this in the past weeks. I am scared of being alone but am also scared of rejection and humiliation, so I stay alone because it's easier. I'm scared of risks in general. I have a hard time not drinking because I'm scared of the boredom and ridicule(from my "friends") if I quit. I have a hard time breaking out of my comfort zone because I don't like to lose control. I don't like to be uncomfortable, and uncomfortable means no control to me. I'm not a control freak, but I like to know. I don't like surprises. I have routines because they're comfortable, but I hate them. The best thing I have ever done was to get a puppy. Threw my life into chaos, and once I adjusted it was awesome. I need more of that. I'm just having a hard time taking that first step.
Dooda Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Knaveman, when have you started feeling like this? Have you always felt this way? I kind of feel the same way. I'm not so much scared of rejection, I'm just scared of being myself. It's like this feeling I can't shake off, and the more I think of it the more it grows. Are you shy with people? Like do you try your best to push people away when they confront you or just start talking to you? Do you constantly monitor what they do? If you like that switch of routine, than keep doing it. Find new things that keep throwing your life into chaos, and eventually you'll just enjoy them and forget that 'chaos' part. Stay out of the routine. I know the worst thing for me is thinking about my problem. What if this will never go away? What if I'm sick? It's these questions I ask when I can't think of anything else. They come when I start enjoying myself and it's like a devil is whispering his thoughts to me. Don't give up alcohol completely, but try and dumb it down a bit. You don't want to grow dependant and think the only way you can enjoy yourself is by drinknig alcohol.
TaraMaiden Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Knaveman.... meditation helps, hun, doesn't it.....?
RedDevil66 Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 It's sounds to me like you have social anxiety. It's not abnormal to feel the way you do. I suspect you not over 30 yrs of age? What you need to do is build your self confidence by breaking your comfort zone. The fear of being alone and rejection are human fears that EVERYONE has. No one is exempt from them. I've had anxiety for over 30 yrs so I know your struggle. People with anxiety HATE to feel uncomfortable. What really helped me was Cognitive Behavior Therapy. This will teach you how to work through the uncomfortable feelings. It really is about control by the way and letting go is not a bad thing. There is actually A LOT of peace when you can learn to let go. hugs
indie22 Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Im so curious...how old are you? I am in my early twenties and I have this problem too, I am still in college but at the moment its a two year college...so Im not really experiencing college life like I want to. Here is my advice and it has worked for me, do not allow yourself to think about how afraid you are when you want to confront a situation, just do it. Don't even think about it, my example is that I have problems with approaching people who I know share the same interests as I do. So there was this girl in my class that I wanted to walk up to and start talking to. It took a few weeks to go up to her, I thought she'd think I was weird or something, lol. We have a lot in common and I know that if I get to know her well enough we could even grow to be really good friends. I just say hi to her occassionally because she usually seems busy and hopefully go from there later on. I have had some bad experiencings with attracting friends that are negative or bad for me in some way:rolleyes: Either way, I hope you keep us up-to-date on your situation...
Author knaveman Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 Knaveman.... meditation helps, hun, doesn't it.....? Thanks sweetie, sometimes the simplest is the best.
Author knaveman Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 For everyone else, more info I guess. I am 33 and always been a bit of a loner. Never had many close friends, but have always had lots of aquaintances. I don't think I have any sort of social anxiety or anything like that. I just prefer to avoid the things that may make me uncomfortable. If you like a girl/guy people always tell you to suck it up and ask them out and if they turn you down at least you tried. Would you rather know how they feel about you or spend the rest of you life wondering? I have always chosen the latter. I know all the reasons why I am like this, they aren't hard to figure out. What is important is that I know all this and am now trying to fix some of it. Like today, for instance. I went to a movie by myself for the first time. I've always wanted to, but was never able to do it. I was always afaid of getting used to doing things alone and never wanting it to change. I was afraid of getting too comfortable alone and never having the motivation to find someone. So today I just did it. I survived. Wonder what I'll try next.
You'reasian Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 For everyone else, more info I guess. I am 33 and always been a bit of a loner. Never had many close friends, but have always had lots of aquaintances. I don't think I have any sort of social anxiety or anything like that. I just prefer to avoid the things that may make me uncomfortable. If you like a girl/guy people always tell you to suck it up and ask them out and if they turn you down at least you tried. Would you rather know how they feel about you or spend the rest of you life wondering? I have always chosen the latter. I know all the reasons why I am like this, they aren't hard to figure out. What is important is that I know all this and am now trying to fix some of it. Like today, for instance. I went to a movie by myself for the first time. I've always wanted to, but was never able to do it. I was always afaid of getting used to doing things alone and never wanting it to change. I was afraid of getting too comfortable alone and never having the motivation to find someone. So today I just did it. I survived. Wonder what I'll try next. Baby steps. I'm the exact opposite of you and it can create discontent. I do all kinds of activities - and since its hard to find people with similar diverse interests, its hard to keep close company - people are in fact more like you than me - they prefer the comfort of certain routines and groups of people rather than taking risks and doing different things. Also I don't really drink. I do sometimes because I like a good beer from time to time or a glass of wine, but not frequently.
whichwayisup Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Yoga and deep breathing, mediation is definately the way to go.. Also, PUSH yourself to do things that are out of your comfort zone.. Yeah so it's uncomfortable but you will cope..It won't kill ya... Just don't let fear and worry take over and stay in control. GET MAD at what you feel and why! Fight it when you need to, but don't look at it as a negative..
Glenn5 Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Yoga and deep breathing, mediation is definately the way to go.. Also, PUSH yourself to do things that are out of your comfort zone.. Yeah so it's uncomfortable but you will cope..It won't kill ya... Just don't let fear and worry take over and stay in control. GET MAD at what you feel and why! Fight it when you need to, but don't look at it as a negative.. I agree too.
Alan430 Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 It's sounds to me like you have social anxiety. It's not abnormal to feel the way you do. I suspect you not over 30 yrs of age? What you need to do is build your self confidence by breaking your comfort zone. The fear of being alone and rejection are human fears that EVERYONE has. No one is exempt from them. I've had anxiety for over 30 yrs so I know your struggle. People with anxiety HATE to feel uncomfortable. What really helped me was Cognitive Behavior Therapy. This will teach you how to work through the uncomfortable feelings. It really is about control by the way and letting go is not a bad thing. There is actually A LOT of peace when you can learn to let go. hugs Listen to this. This is so true. I am exactly like you OP. it has destroyed every relationship in my life including my 10 year marriage, it even takes a toll on your children. What you feel now maybe just avoiding unconfortable situations but life is about social interactions, this dcould eventually turn into social anxiety. From what you wrote you have probably turned into a Very negitive person (as i did). It took me a while to identify what the core issue with me were and maybe mine could be similar to yours. 1). im a huge perfectionist - So i am really hard on my self image and have/had very low self esteem 2) the Lack of risk creates a lack of reward which makes for the negitivity. You have to work on these two and brain wash yourself. When ever i feel a negitive thought come into my head i point out to myself the positive of the situation. Learn to love and accept yourself as you are, you will never be able to change. take risks you dont have anything to loose expecially once you love yourself, you feel like there is really nothing anyone can say or do to tear you down. Good luck, Prayers going out to you man, I know that prison where you live, gotta break out and enjoy life for what it is. Seize the day!
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