Author mksk Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Thank you Scott, I will keep your words in mind. To Lauriebell - I perfectly understand your point. Which is why I mentioned earlier that it was me who was changing, not her. My own tolerance has gone down... the curtains covering my eyes have been lifted. I am not here trying to point fingers or blame someone else for my misery. I am sincerely here trying to find a solution to the hole I dug myself into. *will do Giotto
Lauriebell82 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Thank you Scott, I will keep your words in mind. To Lauriebell - I perfectly understand your point. Which is why I mentioned earlier that it was me who was changing, not her. My own tolerance has gone down... the curtains covering my eyes have been lifted. I am not here trying to point fingers or blame someone else for my misery. I am sincerely here trying to find a solution to the hole I dug myself into. Ah, okay good. I know these guys are telling you to lose her, but what do YOU think. I know you said before that you don't want to let your marriage go but you can't go on. What about marriage counseling? Or encouraging her to seek individual therapy? I often try to encourage married couples (I am a counselor) to speak with their husband/wife without counseling. The two of you know your relationship the best, you are capable of working out your differences.
tinke Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Are you open to the idea of seeking counseling, just for yourself? May help to know why you would tolerate such outrageous behavior from your W. Don't mean to sound crude, but it seems your self-esteem can use a lifting. You are equally important in that relationship, remember to treat yourself as such. Hopefully with that example, she will follow suit. You may be too close to the situation to see it clearly, so allow me to ask----are there situations you keep hidden, too ashamed to share with family/friends? That's a red flag, ask why? It may help to ask yourself, what would your closest friend, parents, family say about the situation? I say this, because they truly have you at interest, think about what their views may be; they are not as immeshed in the relationship. Yes, love is a strong emotion, but if you step back and look, does it seem emotionally healthy to have to get on all fours begging to be noticed/heard? Trust me, there is so much better! Quite honestly, I would cringe at the thought of having her in my extended family, and there would be chaos if I was aware of how she disrespected you. But, truthfully, it must come from you first! How can someone be in a new marriage and choose to join the military without speaking with you first? It all sounds extremely selfish and immature, doesn't sound at all like a healthy unity. Hope you find the courage, wisdom you are seeking. But do take care of yourself, you are precious to your loved ones.
Recommended Posts