Divorce? Only 2 years in and I feel miserable!

[mksk]

There are so many issues that I just don't know where to start.

 

I have been married for about 2 years now, but what I took in as "cute" and charming slowly turned into outright annoyance. To simply put, my wife has always been the bratty, hot-tempered, self-serving/preserving women that I fell in love with... it is my own tolerance level that has changed.

 

I just cannot put up with this. I am no angel, but at times, she appears to be the devil. To explain our current relationship, she holds the dominant throne as the alpha and the omega. Her temper is on the shortest fuse, with the slightest touch setting off a nuclear reaction. I sometimes hate the fact that I see myself having to "suck up" to her just to be on her good side. It's demanding and it taxes the **** out of me.

 

Yes, I want to be the all-understanding, humble, and caring husband, but there is just so much that I can take. I too am a volatile bomb and after one too many bitching, I lose my head as well. I hate this part of me. I have never physically hit her, but after the switch in my head goes off I say things that hurt her emotionally (I have NEVER onced cursed at her - i.e. you bitch, etc.)

 

Last year we had our first "big" argument that lead us to being separated for about a month. During that month my wife decided (on her own) that it would be best if she joined the military. I only found out AFTER she already signed up to join the Army. She practically announced it to me, rather than discussing this with me - BIG difference!

 

I am also a recent undergrad graduate (June '09) and had to move out from the San Francisco/Sacramento area to live with her in the military base at Louisiana. The military base here is isolated from any major city by about 4 hours drive - something that I have never experienced. I am lead to believe that I have sacrificed my career (or rather, soon to begin career) for the sake of hers.

 

When we first dated, she blamed her temper problems to her hyperthyroid condition, which can make a person impatient, easily irritated, etc. However, since about last year, blood tests have showed normal levels but her temper tandrum still continues. She literally SCREAMS at the top of her lung like a 5 year old child whenever things do not turn up exactly the way she wants to. When she did this today, I stepped outside and jogged for about an hour to calm myself down (I told her calmly that I needed some fresh air and that I'd brb). I went back in the house and she continued her emo-raging.

 

What should I do? I sometime feel like I'm living with a tyrant and can't stand to be under the same roof. Yet, I still do deeply love her.

 

Oh yes, did I mention aside from foreplay, etc. we never had intercourse before? Yes, it's been 4 years since we first met. What bothers me more is that she wants a child before she's 30, so AT HER CONVENIENCE, she's willing to have sex sometimes next year for the sake of producing a baby. What am I? A sperm bank?

 

I am usually passive, but at times, I wish I was more aggressive/assertive. By no means am I looking for a male dominated relationship, but at the moment, my wife has full control of the cockpit. Sometimes I wonder... is she taking advantage of this?

 

I am in an emotional dilemma. I JUST graduated from a university, and while I love my wife dearly, I also want my life back. I'm tired of sucking up, not to my teacher or my boss, but to my very own wife. What should I do? Please, I need some sort of advice!

[KikiW]

Wait, wait wait...

 

You have known her for four years, have been married for two year and have never had sex? Am I reading that right?

 

Far be it from me to criticize a lifestyle, but REALLY??

 

This doesn't sound healthy on SO many levels, and I am sorry to say I am at a complete loss to offer any advice. I hope someone else can.

[mem11363]

HERE IS THE DEAL. THE LINK BELOW IS TO A STORY BY A GUY WHO IS 2 KIDS AND 8 YEARS AHEAD OF YOU IN THE MISERY CYCLE. IF YOU READ HIS BLOG YOU WILL LEARN WHAT IS COMING.

 

IF YOU CHOOSE THIS PATH - I WISH YOU LUCK - JUST KNOW THAT YOU ARE CHOOSING SEVERE GRINDING MISERY. YOU MAY LOVE HER - BUT SHE ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT RESPECT OR LOVE YOU. SO SHE WILL NEVER STOP TREATING YOU LIKE DIRT.

 

 

http://marriageofone.wordpress.com

 

 

 

 

 

There are so many issues that I just don't know where to start.

 

I have been married for about 2 years now, but what I took in as "cute" and charming slowly turned into outright annoyance. To simply put, my wife has always been the bratty, hot-tempered, self-serving/preserving women that I fell in love with... it is my own tolerance level that has changed.

 

I just cannot put up with this. I am no angel, but at times, she appears to be the devil. To explain our current relationship, she holds the dominant throne as the alpha and the omega. Her temper is on the shortest fuse, with the slightest touch setting off a nuclear reaction. I sometimes hate the fact that I see myself having to "suck up" to her just to be on her good side. It's demanding and it taxes the **** out of me.

 

Yes, I want to be the all-understanding, humble, and caring husband, but there is just so much that I can take. I too am a volatile bomb and after one too many bitching, I lose my head as well. I hate this part of me. I have never physically hit her, but after the switch in my head goes off I say things that hurt her emotionally (I have NEVER onced cursed at her - i.e. you bitch, etc.)

 

Last year we had our first "big" argument that lead us to being separated for about a month. During that month my wife decided (on her own) that it would be best if she joined the military. I only found out AFTER she already signed up to join the Army. She practically announced it to me, rather than discussing this with me - BIG difference!

 

I am also a recent undergrad graduate (June '09) and had to move out from the San Francisco/Sacramento area to live with her in the military base at Louisiana. The military base here is isolated from any major city by about 4 hours drive - something that I have never experienced. I am lead to believe that I have sacrificed my career (or rather, soon to begin career) for the sake of hers.

 

When we first dated, she blamed her temper problems to her hyperthyroid condition, which can make a person impatient, easily irritated, etc. However, since about last year, blood tests have showed normal levels but her temper tandrum still continues. She literally SCREAMS at the top of her lung like a 5 year old child whenever things do not turn up exactly the way she wants to. When she did this today, I stepped outside and jogged for about an hour to calm myself down (I told her calmly that I needed some fresh air and that I'd brb). I went back in the house and she continued her emo-raging.

 

What should I do? I sometime feel like I'm living with a tyrant and can't stand to be under the same roof. Yet, I still do deeply love her.

 

Oh yes, did I mention aside from foreplay, etc. we never had intercourse before? Yes, it's been 4 years since we first met. What bothers me more is that she wants a child before she's 30, so AT HER CONVENIENCE, she's willing to have sex sometimes next year for the sake of producing a baby. What am I? A sperm bank?

 

I am usually passive, but at times, I wish I was more aggressive/assertive. By no means am I looking for a male dominated relationship, but at the moment, my wife has full control of the cockpit. Sometimes I wonder... is she taking advantage of this?

 

I am in an emotional dilemma. I JUST graduated from a university, and while I love my wife dearly, I also want my life back. I'm tired of sucking up, not to my teacher or my boss, but to my very own wife. What should I do? Please, I need some sort of advice!

[giotto]

what are you doing in this marriage? Ah, yes, the doormat syndrome. No sex? Wow! Wake up, mate!

[giotto]

 

http://marriageofone.wordpress.com

 

wow, man, that made me cry...

[BUENG1]

There are so many issues that I just don't know where to start.

 

I have been married for about 2 years now, but what I took in as "cute" and charming slowly turned into outright annoyance. To simply put, my wife has always been the bratty, hot-tempered, self-serving/preserving women that I fell in love with... it is my own tolerance level that has changed.

 

I just cannot put up with this. I am no angel, but at times, she appears to be the devil. To explain our current relationship, she holds the dominant throne as the alpha and the omega. Her temper is on the shortest fuse, with the slightest touch setting off a nuclear reaction. I sometimes hate the fact that I see myself having to "suck up" to her just to be on her good side. It's demanding and it taxes the **** out of me.

 

Yes, I want to be the all-understanding, humble, and caring husband, but there is just so much that I can take. I too am a volatile bomb and after one too many bitching, I lose my head as well. I hate this part of me. I have never physically hit her, but after the switch in my head goes off I say things that hurt her emotionally (I have NEVER onced cursed at her - i.e. you bitch, etc.)

 

Last year we had our first "big" argument that lead us to being separated for about a month. During that month my wife decided (on her own) that it would be best if she joined the military. I only found out AFTER she already signed up to join the Army. She practically announced it to me, rather than discussing this with me - BIG difference!

 

I am also a recent undergrad graduate (June '09) and had to move out from the San Francisco/Sacramento area to live with her in the military base at Louisiana. The military base here is isolated from any major city by about 4 hours drive - something that I have never experienced. I am lead to believe that I have sacrificed my career (or rather, soon to begin career) for the sake of hers.

 

When we first dated, she blamed her temper problems to her hyperthyroid condition, which can make a person impatient, easily irritated, etc. However, since about last year, blood tests have showed normal levels but her temper tandrum still continues. She literally SCREAMS at the top of her lung like a 5 year old child whenever things do not turn up exactly the way she wants to. When she did this today, I stepped outside and jogged for about an hour to calm myself down (I told her calmly that I needed some fresh air and that I'd brb). I went back in the house and she continued her emo-raging.

 

What should I do? I sometime feel like I'm living with a tyrant and can't stand to be under the same roof. Yet, I still do deeply love her.

 

Oh yes, did I mention aside from foreplay, etc. we never had intercourse before? Yes, it's been 4 years since we first met. What bothers me more is that she wants a child before she's 30, so AT HER CONVENIENCE, she's willing to have sex sometimes next year for the sake of producing a baby. What am I? A sperm bank?

 

I am usually passive, but at times, I wish I was more aggressive/assertive. By no means am I looking for a male dominated relationship, but at the moment, my wife has full control of the cockpit. Sometimes I wonder... is she taking advantage of this?

 

I am in an emotional dilemma. I JUST graduated from a university, and while I love my wife dearly, I also want my life back. I'm tired of sucking up, not to my teacher or my boss, but to my very own wife. What should I do? Please, I need some sort of advice!

 

You should file for divorce immediately, your very lucky your life isn't ruined already. You only graduated a couple of months ago, I know guys who graduated from college and 2008 and are still unemployed. Your career is far from over. A lot of people from your class don't have jobs, its far from a red flag. You just graduated from college and you imply you don't have a job, so you probably don't have much money or assets so this excuse is out the window. Maybe I'm wrong though, my assumption isn't meant to be offensive.

She joined the military and expects you to follow her to base without even consulting you that shows how much she respects you and the respect you will get throughout the marriage.

I would divorce. I don't know how they work for military folk but you should look into it and do it.

[mksk]

Well here's the thing. We're both virgins and my wife is afraid it'll hurt. No means no and I respect that. Coming from this stand point, I don't think it's as much of a problem with her mental state, rather, it just makes the partner go nuts (in this case, me). It seems I have 200% of the sex drive (including hers) and she has 0.

 

I only know tidbits about her childhood, but she was also lead to believe that sex was a horrible deed, a work of Satan. Something that has plagued our marriage for quite a while now.

 

Anyways, although important, sex is at the bottom of my issues. I've learned to suppress my drive and it's fine now. It's the fits she goes into that really worries me. And she does these screaming fits 4-5 times a week, so I'm constantly on guard as to when the next one's coming.

 

I have asked her multiple times to calm down, but this has NOT worked. She blames her fits on her thyroid problem (which is nonexistent today), than her period, than work, than something as little as being hungry or annoyed by the weather. Every fit has an excuse, with having us reconcile things with "admitting" that it was me who was at fault and that I was the one that started everything. Can you imagine? Being screamed at for every little thing? From not properly folding away my clothes to not being able to pickup the phone on time. When I'm on her good side she can be adorable, but when I'm not, I feel like crying out of frustration and despair. Just yesterday I surprised myself when my brain couldn't handle it and screamed out to "SHUT UP!" No, not STFU, just SHUT UP. "SHUT UP, stop screaming and listen..." Than she went into another rage and told me "How dare you to TELL ME to shut up." At this point, I exited the house before she completely lost it.

 

The worst of the problems occur when she insults my mother and my family. I just don't know how other couples handle this issue. Do I insult my own parents with her, just to make her feel better? I have never bad-mouthed her parents, so I don't know why she has a free ticket to do so.

 

Fun times are fun times, but on the whole, I have to agree that I am unhappy with this marriage. But even without a child (and sex) I already feel committed to this. The solution I came up with was me joining the military as well. This way during the basic/officer training I can have some time away from her, and maybe try to reconcile things afterwards. I brought this suggestion up with her and I was met with firm opposition. Yes, you heard right. While she went headstrong and enlisted without my consent or knowing, she perfectly rejected the idea of myself joining. Which would be sortuv funny (or ironic?) because I would join as an officer with a B.A. degree, and herself as an enlisted would technically make me her superior officer, something that would be impossible to accomplish inside the household.

 

So here I am now, out in the boonies. Stuck in the middle of nowhere. Can't get a job (aside from local fastfood chains and grocers), no money, a wife that eats my organs out for breakfast, and no friends. Yes, with all these factored in, including my wife having the money, the house (funded by the military housing allowance), and friends (her fellow soldiers), I feel like I'm out in the dark held by an iron grip. It's suffocating at the very least... and on top of this, she lets me experience hell on earth inside our very home. Maybe I'm making myself look like the most unfortunate man on Earth... and maybe I'm right. I should look at things at a different, more positive light.

 

Anyways, thanks for hearing me out folks. I just needed to vent off some of my frustration going on in my life. Divorce? Not completely out of question, but I'd rather salvage this marriage somehow. Maybe a way I can view things optimistically? Since I am, by no means the perfect husband.

[Tayla]

your marriage qualifies for annulment. Yes even after that many years, it qualifies. Seek legal counsel. Also seek Therapy. You've endured on levels that are not healthy. Give yourself a break and love yourself enough to leave.

 

read the following:

annulment:

Legal invalidation of a marriage. It announces the invalidity of a marriage that was void from its inception. It is to be distinguished from dissolution or divorce. To justify annulment, the marriage contract must have a defect (e.g., incompetence of one party because of age, insanity, or a preexisting marriage). Continued absence of one party may also justify annulment. Generally, annulment is easier if the marriage is unconsummated. Both secular law and Christian canon law have annulment procedures.

[mem11363]

It made me sick reading this. The guy calls it marriage without compromise. He has compromised every single thing he wanted, she compromises on nothing.

 

I didn't cry - only because this guy had many years of his wife being a total sexual disaster, a completely selfish self absorbed person and a general nightmare and AFTER all that he very deliberately spent a year and a half trying to get her pregnant even though she found sex with him so distasteful she would ONLY have sex with him on the one day a month she thought she was ovulating.

 

I cry for the guys whose wives are fine mates for years and years until suddenly for no apparent reason they are not fine and everything is a mess.

 

 

wow, man, that made me cry...

[mem11363]

How women treat men that they dislike and don't respect. You have let her treat you like this way too long. You cannot break this cycle, either accept it or leave.

 

 

 

There are so many issues that I just don't know where to start.

 

I have been married for about 2 years now, but what I took in as "cute" and charming slowly turned into outright annoyance. To simply put, my wife has always been the bratty, hot-tempered, self-serving/preserving women that I fell in love with... it is my own tolerance level that has changed.

 

I just cannot put up with this. I am no angel, but at times, she appears to be the devil. To explain our current relationship, she holds the dominant throne as the alpha and the omega. Her temper is on the shortest fuse, with the slightest touch setting off a nuclear reaction. I sometimes hate the fact that I see myself having to "suck up" to her just to be on her good side. It's demanding and it taxes the **** out of me.

 

Yes, I want to be the all-understanding, humble, and caring husband, but there is just so much that I can take. I too am a volatile bomb and after one too many bitching, I lose my head as well. I hate this part of me. I have never physically hit her, but after the switch in my head goes off I say things that hurt her emotionally (I have NEVER onced cursed at her - i.e. you bitch, etc.)

 

Last year we had our first "big" argument that lead us to being separated for about a month. During that month my wife decided (on her own) that it would be best if she joined the military. I only found out AFTER she already signed up to join the Army. She practically announced it to me, rather than discussing this with me - BIG difference!

 

I am also a recent undergrad graduate (June '09) and had to move out from the San Francisco/Sacramento area to live with her in the military base at Louisiana. The military base here is isolated from any major city by about 4 hours drive - something that I have never experienced. I am lead to believe that I have sacrificed my career (or rather, soon to begin career) for the sake of hers.

 

When we first dated, she blamed her temper problems to her hyperthyroid condition, which can make a person impatient, easily irritated, etc. However, since about last year, blood tests have showed normal levels but her temper tandrum still continues. She literally SCREAMS at the top of her lung like a 5 year old child whenever things do not turn up exactly the way she wants to. When she did this today, I stepped outside and jogged for about an hour to calm myself down (I told her calmly that I needed some fresh air and that I'd brb). I went back in the house and she continued her emo-raging.

 

What should I do? I sometime feel like I'm living with a tyrant and can't stand to be under the same roof. Yet, I still do deeply love her.

 

Oh yes, did I mention aside from foreplay, etc. we never had intercourse before? Yes, it's been 4 years since we first met. What bothers me more is that she wants a child before she's 30, so AT HER CONVENIENCE, she's willing to have sex sometimes next year for the sake of producing a baby. What am I? A sperm bank?

 

I am usually passive, but at times, I wish I was more aggressive/assertive. By no means am I looking for a male dominated relationship, but at the moment, my wife has full control of the cockpit. Sometimes I wonder... is she taking advantage of this?

 

I am in an emotional dilemma. I JUST graduated from a university, and while I love my wife dearly, I also want my life back. I'm tired of sucking up, not to my teacher or my boss, but to my very own wife. What should I do? Please, I need some sort of advice!

[Athena]

Well here's the thing. We're both virgins and my wife is afraid it'll hurt. No means no and I respect that.

Why not look into the possibility of filing for an annulment of the marriage, due to no sex -- as far as I have heard that is a legal ground to get one, not having 'consummated' the marriage with sex, allows for annulment.

 

Anyways, although important, sex is at the bottom of my issues. I've learned to suppress my drive and it's fine now. It's the fits she goes into that really worries me. And she does these screaming fits 4-5 times a week, so I'm constantly on guard as to when the next one's coming.

either she is one helluva spoilt brat, or else she is consumed by fear, or some other mental issue, like anxiety disorder perhaps? She should seek help for her lack of anger management skills too.

She sounds a mess.

And -- as much as you obey her and respect her right down to not making love to her -- your WIFE !!!! -- I think you have a very bad deal here... you have allowed yourself to be content/satisfied/ with very little indeed... Why? Perhaps you two should go into marital counseling if you refuse to walk out on the M now.

 

Can you imagine? Being screamed at for every little thing? From not properly folding away my clothes to not being able to pickup the phone on time. When I'm on her good side she can be adorable, but when I'm not, I feel like crying out of frustration and despair. Just yesterday I surprised myself when my brain couldn't handle it and screamed out to "SHUT UP!" No, not STFU, just SHUT UP. "SHUT UP, stop screaming and listen..." Than she went into another rage and told me "How dare you to TELL ME to shut up." At this point, I exited the house before she completely lost it.

Are you trying to be a saint? Be a MAN instead, it's more suitable for a young male your age! You have heard the expression "you teach others how to treat you" ? You are part of this messed up equation, you have completely enabled her to do this.

Time to step up and tell her NO. And she better shape up or else you are shipping her out.

 

Do you want to find yourself further emasculated without a job or prospects while you stay tucked away at home folding clothes just the way she likes? If this was a female poster asking advice, I'd say her H was abusive and she best get away from him.

You have settled for breadcrumbs from her. Why?

 

The worst of the problems occur when she insults my mother and my family. I just don't know how other couples handle this issue. Do I insult my own parents with her, just to make her feel better? I have never bad-mouthed her parents, so I don't know why she has a free ticket to do so.

Surely your family can tell her to ef off? I mean, they have nothing to lose here... why would they let her disrespect them? Unless, of course, they realize she is mentally unstable and is not to blame for her illness?? What are you staying with her for?

 

but on the whole, I have to agree that I am unhappy with this marriage. But even without a child (and sex) I already feel committed to this.

how is your self-esteem?

 

The solution I came up with was me joining the military as well. This way during the basic/officer training I can have some time away from her, and maybe try to reconcile things afterwards. I brought this suggestion up with her and I was met with firm opposition. Yes, you heard right. While she went headstrong and enlisted without my consent or knowing, she perfectly rejected the idea of myself joining.

well, you do know you don't have to get her permission right? Do what you want. Stop treating her as a special-needs child and sacrificing for her... you have your own needs to take care of.

 

 

So here I am now, out in the boonies. Stuck in the middle of nowhere. Can't get a job (aside from local fastfood chains and grocers), no money, a wife that eats my organs out for breakfast, and no friends.

.

 

It's what you have passively allowed to happen to you. Why are you not actively planning your life?!

 

Really, you have settled for a pittance.

[Athena]

I am curious -- did she take on your last name when you got married? Or did she just add it on to hers, or just keep hers?

 

She sounds unstable, and also like a power, control freak, and you need to stand up and be a partner to her in the full sense of the word, and not a doormat, being submissive is only making her worse, and you unhappy. While you cannot change her, you most certainly can change the way you react to her.

[giotto]

she has no respect for you... she is driving you insane. Get out before it's too late. You are commited to a nutcase...

[mksk]

I am curious -- did she take on your last name when you got married? Or did she just add it on to hers, or just keep hers?

 

She sounds unstable, and also like a power, control freak, and you need to stand up and be a partner to her in the full sense of the word, and not a doormat, being submissive is only making her worse, and you unhappy. While you cannot change her, you most certainly can change the way you react to her.

 

Actually, it's one of those REALLY common last names and we both had it. No relations whatsoever though.

 

She did point out before the marriage however, that had our last names been different, I would be the one to change it to fit hers. I took this as a joke, but she insisted this "joke" about 5-6 times later on as well, which leads me to believe it has some hidden truth behind them.

[bzowk]

I am in the EXACT same situation as you and just registered with this site after finding it on Google. After making my first post, I by chance choose to look at yours. I have no idea what to do. Do you know if we can PM on this forum?

[bzowk]

Okay - Guess i got excited after the first couple paragraphs - sorry. The whole things is not exact, but the first part is!

[tinke]

MKSK, go back and read your posts as an outsider, what do you see?

 

Misery is an understatement- married or not, no one should have to deal with the tantrums and screaming. It seems very disrespectful, AND to include your mother/family is appauling.

 

I am surprised you would even want to have sex with her.

 

The whole thing sounds much more than just some sporadic disagreements, it sounds miserable! If not already, you may develop some physical illness from the daily drama.

 

Seems so self-centered and disrespectful, I can't imagine wanting to salvage it.

Do you really want her and to make the marriage work or do you feel commited?

Do you truly believe she will see her faults in this and put forth the energy to change?

 

For me, much too much drama---I would be running out of there!

Does she communicate with her family in this manner?

 

Just not for me, and I would lose all respect for her and not be invested on sticking around.

Just my thoughts! At some point you will have to start thinking about your health and sanity. It is YOUR home also and you are entitled to a calm, welcoming environment.

 

Don't continue enabling this fiasco.

[mark982]

buddy,you both have problems! her w/ her temper--spoiled brat stuff. you with no self esteme and being a door mat. not to wish you no ill will, but this reminds me of the movie "burning bed" but reversed.

[Athena]

mksk, you still here with us?

 

You have to stand up to bullies (and your W is a bully), that is the only time they will respect you enough to stop their crap.

[WalkInThePark]

Isn't it amazing? I am a 44 old single woman, never married. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the question: "How come you have never been married?" I hate this question because it always gives me the feeling that never having been married means that something is wrong with me. But I usually answer that not being married is not a handicap and that there are plenty of fools who are married. Well your story proves that once again. Your wife is a nutcase. Get the hell out of that marriage and yes, you have plenty of reason to have it annulled.

[seibert253]

Dude, get out now while you can.

 

Your wife is selfish, manipulative, and self-serving. She's not going to change, so you need to ask yourself this question:

-Are you willing to live like this for the rest of your life, to put up with everything she does to you?

 

I hope not, because you deserve better. You're young and you do not have too much time invested in this. GET OUT NOW.

[Lauriebell82]

Dude, get out now while you can.

 

Your wife is selfish, manipulative, and self-serving. She's not going to change, so you need to ask yourself this question:

-Are you willing to live like this for the rest of your life, to put up with everything she does to you?

 

I hope not, because you deserve better. You're young and you do not have too much time invested in this. GET OUT NOW.

 

Yes, but he knew this about her before they got married. Expecting a mate to change after marriage is a horrible idea and will backfire in your face.

 

So OP: why did you marry her if she has always been this horrible woman? In defense of your wife, by marrying her she probably was under the impression that you accepted her as she is.

 

Sorry to say but it takes two people to make a relationship work/not work so I don't think you should be blaming your wife for all of your misery. It could have been avoided...

[mksk]

Thank you everyone for your support.

 

Yes, when I think about if I can take this sort of treatment for the rest of my life, no... I cant. That's why I am going to make my last ditch effort here while I'm with her. Be it marriage counseling or me taking a firm stance, I'll see to it that something is finally done.

 

The last time I did this we were seperated for about a month and she enlisted in the military... this is when I finally gave in, went down on all fours, apologized, and begged her not to go. It was already too late.

 

It is not that I want to be a doormat, but I care for her too much to let her go. However, I also realize this cannot continue... its better if we part ways now than later in the road when we have to worry about our children.

 

Anyways, I thank everyone in the forums here... you are all caring and wonderful people. I hope all your relationships, soon to be relationships, or the choice of leading a single life will lead to the fruit of happiness.

[Scottdmw]

Your situation sounds as bad as anything I've heard. I'm a very serious Catholic, my church teaches that divorce is always wrong and I take that seriously. But in your case, I think it's clear that you would totally meet the grounds for annulment. Contrary to widespread misconceptions, my church also teaches that sex has two equally important purposes, one of which is emotional bonding between husband and wife. It is ridiculous to believe that you can have a good marriage without that. I believe it is completely contrary to God's plan.

 

The only way your marriage is going to work is if you stand up to your wife and be a man. She must respect you or it is not possible for her to love you. Don't answer anger with anger, but don't stand there and take anger and don't accept responsibility for her problems.

 

Scott

[giotto]

keep us posted!