pdq Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I met someone through Chemistry.com. We went on our first date and spent a lot of time together. We both found strong chemistry. On the second date we were passionate toward each other. We had a difficult time coming up for air. All this time, I was a complete gentleman. I was affectionate, empathetic and generous. I thought we were both doing very well. We had talked about getting together for the weekend. She just emailed me with the following: "At first it seemed we were good match, but I don’t think that any more. Not because of “moving too fast “ or chemistry between us. Best lack in your search!" I am totally, totally baffled!!! What went wrong? Please help?
carhill Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Something better came along. She was faking. It's a full moon. Point is, it doesn't matter. Next time, enjoy the moment but don't invest in the future. Let it happen. Gentleman is nice (I'm one too) but blacken the edges a bit. Be a bit selfish. You're not running a charity. Try again soon, with someone else. She might call back. Never know. They usually do once you've moved on. It's a female thing
Author pdq Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 I replied to her email with the following: "I am sorry. I am totally baffled. I thought you were happy. I was happy. Is it the way I kiss? I had specially ordered the 1996 version of "Shall We Dance" as a gift for you and was looking forward to giving it to you this weekend. I do wish you luck in your search. I am hoping that you can tell me what it was that turned you off, perhaps it is something I need to work on for future relationships." Good idea? Not a good idea?
Odyssey Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 After 2 dates?!? I wouldn't get hung up over this girl. Her lost. I wouldn't bother sending it, comes across like you're making her feel guilty.
Author pdq Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 She loves Ballroom dancing and saw the 2004 version of "Shall We Dance" and liked it. So I thought I get her the 1996 Japanese version - which is so much better - as a first gift on our 3rd date. It is difficult to find in stores so I had to order it. I mentioned this gift in the last email because I wanted to leave a little splinter in the back of her mind. A token. She may never again meet a guy who is as thoughtful. I would like to think so. I want her to wonder what she is missing. I guess I get a little vindictive. >
boogieboy Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 She loves Ballroom dancing and saw the 2004 version of "Shall We Dance" and liked it. So I thought I get her the 1996 Japanese version - which is so much better - as a first gift on our 3rd date. It is difficult to find in stores so I had to order it. I mentioned this gift in the last email because I wanted to leave a little splinter in the back of her mind. A token. She may never again meet a guy who is as thoughtful. I would like to think so. I want her to wonder what she is missing. I guess I get a little vindictive. > You dont go offering a woman things until you officially start dating seriously. And if she blows you off, you dont offer her things in an email, and you dont email her asking her about your shortcomings. You pushed her off for good, but it doesnt matter, sheblew you off to be with someone she likes more. She used you because she doesnt like to be alone. Shes one of those. You are way too giving of yourself too soon, thats why she ran off. You cant wear your heart on your sleeve, a woman wants to earn your heart, she doesnt want it handed to her. You need to be more mysterious. So the next date you get from the dating site, you can be the good guy, but dont be so generous with your feelings and gifts. Got it? They want to earn it. As do you.
Author pdq Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 You dont go offering a woman things until you officially start dating seriously. And if she blows you off, you dont offer her things in an email, and you dont email her asking her about your shortcomings. You pushed her off for good, but it doesnt matter, sheblew you off to be with someone she likes more. She used you because she doesnt like to be alone. Shes one of those. You are way too giving of yourself too soon, thats why she ran off. You cant wear your heart on your sleeve, a woman wants to earn your heart, she doesnt want it handed to her. You need to be more mysterious. So the next date you get from the dating site, you can be the good guy, but dont be so generous with your feelings and gifts. Got it? They want to earn it. As do you. I have read that a gift can be given on the second or third date and that it should be thoughtful and reflective of something about them. But I guess you are right, I gave myself to early even though she reciprocated.
boogieboy Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 I have read that a gift can be given on the second or third date and that it should be thoughtful and reflective of something about them. But I guess you are right, I gave myself to early even though she reciprocated. Wrong. Giving gifts too early on is bad form. If you give gifts too early, its like youe trying to buy their affection. Women get this alot and they see it a mile away. Once you give a gift too early, you take away the mystery and risk them losing interest....because they know they dont have to earn your respect or love. You can hold off on the gifts until you establish being exclusive. Get it now? Read more on this here sight, and you will see what the truths really are about dating.
Author pdq Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 Thanks. I guess I will be using this site for now on.
looking4 green grass Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 If a man bought me something that thoughtful on a third date I'd take off RUNNING. He doesn't even really KNOW me yet. Why is he buying me stuff? 6 months to a year in the relationship, I would find it fabulous. It's all in the timing. It does sound like you put too much of yourself out there.
northstar1 Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 She loves Ballroom dancing and saw the 2004 version of "Shall We Dance" and liked it. So I thought I get her the 1996 Japanese version - which is so much better - as a first gift on our 3rd date. It is difficult to find in stores so I had to order it. I mentioned this gift in the last email because I wanted to leave a little splinter in the back of her mind. A token. She may never again meet a guy who is as thoughtful. I would like to think so. I want her to wonder what she is missing. I guess I get a little vindictive. > Oh Boy. Slow it down next time. One date at a time. She was probably dating someone else at the same time and clicked better with them. It happens to nearly everyone, so brush yourself off and try again. However, don't send a note like that to a girl who wrote you off. It looks needy and a shows lack of confidence. If she is closing it down after 2 dates, she doesn't need to give you a reason. And to be honest, if she lost interest, the gift wont' make think about what she's missing because she's already closed the door. Save your money bro for a girl who deserves it, and not on date 2 or 3. Good luck.
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