Inflikted Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I'm almost 21, now, and I'm... I'm not too happy about where I am, right now. See, I've never been in a relationship, never been on a date, and never so much as even flirted with a girl. And I know, people love to say "You don't need a relationship to be happy", and "You have to like yourself first". But I'm not saying that I "need" some one, nor am I saying that I'm unhappy with myself. But I really want to feel that deeper connection with some one, that comes with a relationship. I've come to realize, though, that there are two "hurdles" that I can't seem to get over... Hurdle #1 This is the really big one (it kind of scares me, even). See, I... I can't find any girls I want to pursue. Sure, I meet cute girls, girls that have nice personalities, etc., but I never feel anything for any of them (other than friendship). My whole life, there's only been one single girl, a childhood friend, that I've had feelings for. On rare occasions, I still get to talk to her, even. Of course, it's much too complicated of a situation, and there's a very good chance that I've blown any chance I may have had with her, hence why I've been trying so hard to open my eyes to other girls (unsuccessfully, as I've noted). I can't understand why it's so hard for me to feel an attraction to any girls I meet. It boggles my mind. It's like that part of my brain just crapped out, or something. Hurdle #2 I haven't even gotten to this one, yet, to be honest. This is the hurdle I'll hit after I get over hurdle #1 (if I can ever get over hurdle #1, I should say). After really reflecting on myself, I've come to realize, I really don't have anything to offer. I don't really have any career ambitions (I'm in college, and want to end up with a good job, but there's nothing I'm particularly passionate about); I'm not a very interesting person, I'm a pretty bad conversationalist; I'm not very clever or adventurous, so I can't imagine I'd be a very stimulating significant other (the fact that I'm also very introverted doesn't help matters); even on a more shallow level, I'm not very attractive physically. So what the heck is left? It seems like I naturally have every major flaw that women dislike in men. I know this seems to contradict how I said I'm not unhappy with myself, but to be honest, I'm not trying to beat myself up, I just recognize the many flaws that I have. I really don't know how to get over either of these "hurdles". I'm tired of being stuck in this "rut", but I just can't see things changing much for me in the future. So much of these problems are on a mental level, and they're going to be ridiculously difficult to really conquer, some of them probably just can't be worked out at all. I can't help but wonder if there's even any hope for me in the dating world. I'm lost.
GrayClouds Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 I'm almost 21, now, and I'm... I'm not too happy about where I am, right now. See, I've never been in a relationship, never been on a date, and never so much as even flirted with a girl. And I know, people love to say "You don't need a relationship to be happy", and "You have to like yourself first". But I'm not saying that I "need" some one, nor am I saying that I'm unhappy with myself. But I really want to feel that deeper connection with some one, that comes with a relationship. I've come to realize, though, that there are two "hurdles" that I can't seem to get over... Hurdle #1 This is the really big one (it kind of scares me, even). See, I... I can't find any girls I want to pursue. Sure, I meet cute girls, girls that have nice personalities, etc., but I never feel anything for any of them (other than friendship). My whole life, there's only been one single girl, a childhood friend, that I've had feelings for. On rare occasions, I still get to talk to her, even. Of course, it's much too complicated of a situation, and there's a very good chance that I've blown any chance I may have had with her, hence why I've been trying so hard to open my eyes to other girls (unsuccessfully, as I've noted). I can't understand why it's so hard for me to feel an attraction to any girls I meet. It boggles my mind. It's like that part of my brain just crapped out, or something. Hurdle #2 I haven't even gotten to this one, yet, to be honest. This is the hurdle I'll hit after I get over hurdle #1 (if I can ever get over hurdle #1, I should say). After really reflecting on myself, I've come to realize, I really don't have anything to offer. I don't really have any career ambitions (I'm in college, and want to end up with a good job, but there's nothing I'm particularly passionate about); I'm not a very interesting person, I'm a pretty bad conversationalist; I'm not very clever or adventurous, so I can't imagine I'd be a very stimulating significant other (the fact that I'm also very introverted doesn't help matters); even on a more shallow level, I'm not very attractive physically. So what the heck is left? It seems like I naturally have every major flaw that women dislike in men. I know this seems to contradict how I said I'm not unhappy with myself, but to be honest, I'm not trying to beat myself up, I just recognize the many flaws that I have. I really don't know how to get over either of these "hurdles". I'm tired of being stuck in this "rut", but I just can't see things changing much for me in the future. So much of these problems are on a mental level, and they're going to be ridiculously difficult to really conquer, some of them probably just can't be worked out at all. I can't help but wonder if there's even any hope for me in the dating world. I'm lost. Take care of hurdle #2 and hurdle #1 will take care of itself. How? Find your passion, try some hobbies, take some classes that you normally wouldn't, join some clubs. You dont have to love it all but in time you will find thinks that you like. The more things you try the more interesting you become. If you not happy with the physical you, change what you can. Go to the gym, start exercising. If you can afford it update your look, a new hair cut, some new clothes. Finally, being introverted does not mean you cant be social, it just takes more effort so put out the effort by just talking to people.
Author Inflikted Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 Find your passion, try some hobbies, take some classes that you normally wouldn't, join some clubs. You dont have to love it all but in time you will find thinks that you like. I've kinda been trying to do that in the last few years, though, but nothing really catches. If you not happy with the physical you, change what you can. Go to the gym, start exercising. If you can afford it update your look, a new hair cut, some new clothes. The things I'm unhappy with physically are things I can't change. In particular, I'm short; 5'2", 5'3" if I'm really lucky. Nearly all girls I meet are at least an inch or two taller, and honestly, that doesn't bother me at all, but it seems like a big no-no for girls to date a shorter guy. It doesn't help that I have this naturally boyish look to my face. I can't tell you how many times people have mistaken me for being in my early teens in the last year alone (one even thought I was under the age of 12 after just taking one look at me...). I suppose I can't expect a 21 year old girl to be attracted to a "12 year old boy". :/ Finally, being introverted does not mean you cant be social, it just takes more effort so put out the effort by just talking to people. I guess, but I just can't get comfortable in social situations, especially around people I'm not familiar with. I need a level of familiarity before I feel more comfortable about opening up a bit more; and heck, usually it takes me a while to open up even when there is a better level of familiarity.
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