I'm such an idiot...

[movingforward]

I made the HUGE and difficult decision to go NC with my AP yesterday (we we've been trying the 'friends' thing for about 4 months and it's been brutal). I sent him a goodbye email yesterday.

 

He emails me back today and draws me back in... and I stupidly took the bait. After exchanging about 10 emails, he decided to dump ME!!! WTF?

 

I can't believe I am so willing to give up my power so easily. I should never have responded to him. I feel even worse now than I did yesterday. The decision to go NC was hard enough, but now to have him end it on his terms? Unbelievable.

[ladydesigner]

Please do not feel bad, I TOTALLY KNOW WHERE YOU ARE AT (((big hugs))). My xOM broke things off with me a year ago. I just went NC 3 weeks ago as we did the whole friends thing this last year and sure enough he contacts me... and then I go and contact him back. So please forgive yourself and move on. It's a power struggle with who has the upper hand. My xOM liked having that over me and HE DID. When I went NC he responded selfishly with "Well...that was a sad and depressing email" and then went on to express how he has nothing but good times and memories with me. My response back (and this was so lame of me) was I'm not sure if I like having NC with you and maybe we could be better friends in the future. Stupid right? Well I haven't heard from him since because he got the ego feed from me that he needed.

 

I am going to maintain this NC if he emails me out of the blue (my email does not have a block function only a filter to the trash feature). I have to for my own sanity.

 

Just try and forget about who has the power. I know it is hard. That is the part I get caught up with too. It just plain stinks doesn't it?

 

Take care of yourself and forget about your AP they really are not worth the energy. Focus that energy on yourself.

[movingforward]

Please do not feel bad, I TOTALLY KNOW WHERE YOU ARE AT (((big hugs))). My xOM broke things off with me a year ago. I just went NC 3 weeks ago as we did the whole friends thing this last year and sure enough he contacts me... and then I go and contact him back. So please forgive yourself and move on. It's a power struggle with who has the upper hand. My xOM liked having that over me and HE DID. When I went NC he responded selfishly with "Well...that was a sad and depressing email" and then went on to express how he has nothing but good times and memories with me. My response back (and this was so lame of me) was I'm not sure if I like having NC with you and maybe we could be better friends in the future. Stupid right? Well I haven't heard from him since because he got the ego feed from me that he needed.

 

I am going to maintain this NC if he emails me out of the blue (my email does not have a block function only a filter to the trash feature). I have to for my own sanity.

 

Just try and forget about who has the power. I know it is hard. That is the part I get caught up with too. It just plain stinks doesn't it?

 

Take care of yourself and forget about your AP they really are not worth the energy. Focus that energy on yourself.

 

 

Thank you for your kind words... they help more than you know.

 

I am just amazed and annoyed at myself... I was really sad at going NC with him yesterday, but it wasn't horrible like this feels. This feels like I am back at the bottom of the pit again. He doesn't want me which is a huge kick in the stomach. I KNOW it's all a power struggle... The shot to the ego thing I hadn't thought about. That makes sense. He's all about playing the victim. So he plays the "oh, I think we can have a meaningful connection" thing, I follow along stupidly and BAM... "I have been clear that I can't give you what you want, I'm still the same person, Nothing has changed, You will never be happy, blah blah blah".

 

The friends thing is so bogus..... I can't believe I did (and still am to an extent) feeling like I will die if I don't have him in my life as a friend. NC is the way to go... I just wish it would have stayed on my terms. I can't tell you how badly I needed it to be like that.

[Luckyluss]

You may have lost your power when you started emailing him bcak, but at least now you know where you stand.So please don;t blame yourself and you STILL do have the power, the power to heal and make better decisions in the future.

I've been there too, giving my power away, but it'a all learning for what you don't want to repeat next. And sometimes going through the pain makes no sense at the moment, but it serves a bigger purpose in setting boundaries for yourself for the future.

Take care of yourself....

[VictoryisMine]

As we speak movingforward, i'm having an all-out war with my MM thru text.

 

My last text 15 mins ago was "she can have your schizophrenia narcissitic ass"

 

I know it hurts, and you know you will hear from your MM sometime soon, you know it.

 

It is unbelievable. Be strong.

[movingforward]

It's funny.... when I went NC with him yesterday I felt sad, but empowered too... like FINALLY I was making a decision based on what was right for me instead of making it out of fear. I was feeling good that I could move on with my own life and my family and make it what I know it can be. And I actually felt sorry for him that he had to go back to his miserable marriage and sad, pathetic life. NOW, I am back to obsessing about him, the whole "why doesn't he want me, how can he just turn away so easily?". It DOES matter who ends it. Now I realize it. And I foolishly gave it up.

 

Ultimately I KNOW I don't even want him. His marriage is horrible and his life is pathetic because of him, not his wife. My life would have been hell with him. But now that HE has made it clear that he doesn't want ME, it's clouding everything. I really screwed this one up.

[White Flower]

I made the HUGE and difficult decision to go NC with my AP yesterday (we we've been trying the 'friends' thing for about 4 months and it's been brutal). I sent him a goodbye email yesterday.

 

He emails me back today and draws me back in... and I stupidly took the bait. After exchanging about 10 emails, he decided to dump ME!!! WTF?

 

I can't believe I am so willing to give up my power so easily. I should never have responded to him. I feel even worse now than I did yesterday. The decision to go NC was hard enough, but now to have him end it on his terms? Unbelievable.

Sounds like he was toying with you. Just remember who started the NC and why. You're on your way.

 

Hugs.

[White Flower]

As we speak movingforward, i'm having an all-out war with my MM thru text.

 

My last text 15 mins ago was "she can have your schizophrenia narcissitic ass"

 

I know it hurts, and you know you will hear from your MM sometime soon, you know it.

 

It is unbelievable. Be strong.

Ha ha! I have thought about saying the same thing myself!!! But I rather suspect it is a form of Multiple Personality Disorder our MM should be diagnosed with. They are one person with them, and another entirely with the AP(s).

[movingforward]

I am actually starting to feel sorry for my APs wife. He is such a manipulative, jack*ss. Knowing how he is, she needs to walk on eggshells around him constantly. God forbid he is feeling unappreciated and put upon. He used to tell me that the biggest issues they had in their marriage was that he got angry to quickly and that she didn't appreciate him enough. Hello? Anyone else see that both of those things are about HIM?

 

I am done. I'm done crying over this person that isn't even worth my time. I don't even WANT a life with him. He is just so unbelievably good at pushing all of my buttons... he knows exactly what to say to reel me in and turn things around.

 

They say the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. I can't wait for indifference.

[whichwayisup]

Use this to make sure you stay in NC mode once and for all. Take back your power, don't give him ANY more of your attention, all that will do is feed his ego and make him feel power over you.

 

You are so right, crying over him isn't worth it.

 

Keep hating him, write letters (but don't ever send them) to vent it out of your system. IF you truly want this done forever, make yourself a promise never to break NC. If he contacts you - IGNORE him. Silence is best.

 

Delete his email address/block him or just close that account and create another one. BLock your calls, or if possible change your cell number.

[movingforward]

Use this to make sure you stay in NC mode once and for all. Take back your power, don't give him ANY more of your attention, all that will do is feed his ego and make him feel power over you.

 

You are so right, crying over him isn't worth it.

 

Keep hating him, write letters (but don't ever send them) to vent it out of your system. IF you truly want this done forever, make yourself a promise never to break NC. If he contacts you - IGNORE him. Silence is best.

 

Delete his email address/block him or just close that account and create another one. BLock your calls, or if possible change your cell number.

 

 

Thanks WWIU.... it helps to hear this.

 

Unfortunately, we left the last email exchange open-ended. I won't hear from him over the weekend, but probably will sometime next week. My plan is to ignore him. It really is my only choice. I can't keep falling apart over someone that isn't worth my time. I have a family that deserves me strong and 100% present. I can't waste another minute of my life waiting for him to throw me a bone. It's pathetic. I don't want to be pathetic another day.

[Devil Inside]

Couple things.

 

One, he is a jacka$$. You broke it off with him. The fact that he emailed you so that he could be the one to do it...what? Is this middle school...that is lame. Just shows you...you made the right decision to end it with this fool. No matter how it went down...you initiated NC and now you can maintain it...he can think what he wants...his ego obviously needs it.

 

Two, you know that feeling you had after it happened...after the contact. Like being kicked in the gut. Like you were circling the toilet into the hell of the anxiety and feelings of no self worth...that is what will happen every time you break NC. Even after months.

 

NC=no new pain.

[movingforward]

Couple things.

 

One, he is a jacka$$. You broke it off with him. The fact that he emailed you so that he could be the one to do it...what? Is this middle school...that is lame. Just shows you...you made the right decision to end it with this fool. No matter how it went down...you initiated NC and now you can maintain it...he can think what he wants...his ego obviously needs it.

 

Two, you know that feeling you had after it happened...after the contact. Like being kicked in the gut. Like you were circling the toilet into the hell of the anxiety and feelings of no self worth...that is what will happen every time you break NC. Even after months.

 

NC=no new pain.

 

You just made me laugh out loud! Thank you!

 

Everything you said about him is true. And I am amazed at how I didn't see his motives until I got slammed with his 'kiss off' email. I fell right back into my "please him" pattern. My therapist said it's almost funny how low his self esteem is based on his behaviors.

 

I am ready for the NC. I don't want to feel this anymore.

[whichwayisup]

Thanks WWIU.... it helps to hear this.

 

Unfortunately, we left the last email exchange open-ended. I won't hear from him over the weekend, but probably will sometime next week. My plan is to ignore him. It really is my only choice. I can't keep falling apart over someone that isn't worth my time. I have a family that deserves me strong and 100% present. I can't waste another minute of my life waiting for him to throw me a bone. It's pathetic. I don't want to be pathetic another day.

 

So, let it stay open ended.. Seriously.. Let him wonder. Do all that you can (change email addies etc) to avoid hearing from him again.

 

You wrote him a NC letter..With what expectation? That he wouldn't write back or were you hoping he would write you back so you could get closure? I just ask because I wonder how you would be feeling if he hadn't replied at all..

[movingforward]

So, let it stay open ended.. Seriously.. Let him wonder. Do all that you can (change email addies etc) to avoid hearing from him again.

 

You wrote him a NC letter..With what expectation? That he wouldn't write back or were you hoping he would write you back so you could get closure? I just ask because I wonder how you would be feeling if he hadn't replied at all..

 

 

Actually, as hard as the NC email was to send, my expectation was to stick to it. And when he did reply, I felt horrible because I was really hoping that he would have just left it as is -- mostly because I know myself and I don't have a track record of being strong with him. I wasn't looking for closure... I actually felt good about going NC on MY terms (it was the only thing that felt like it had been on my terms at all during the A). So, I would have felt better had he not responded. It was painful, but I felt I could get through it.