angelface78 Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Its been 3 months of NC and i just cant take it anymore. This is the most intense feeling of breaking NC that ive had!! I cant hold on anymore guys. I never had closure...i want to question him, i want to cuss his ass out for doing this to me. I want to confront him about that other girl. For those of you who dont know..we were engaged ..together 5 years. We broke up..cause of a dumb fight we had. I know he thought i was gonna call but i never did...then to get me to call him he started posting headlines about a girl. I still didnt call. Then i found out that he was seeing a girl...a 19 yr old that has a 2 year old. Shes not his type ive seen her myspace. I guess he figured he would mess around until i called but i never did. Then i added a guy on myspace who is interested in me. He finally initiated some form of contact he wrote to the guy telling him who he was..and questioning him .still he never called me! I know he does not love this girl!! I need to speak with him. Its been 3 months and i feel that he is NEVER going to call. I atleast want closure..to ask him how could he just move on so quickly as if i was nothing!! I feel that this is it..im breaking NC...keeping all this **** bottled up is killing me!! I need to tell him...how i feel!! People please help me. I am at work crying!! ;( He just posted a headline about her on myspace saying "i miss you" He does this for me to see..cause he never leaves her comments on her page only writes headlines for me to see. I hate him!! Thats it i need to speak to him guys...im sooo ****in stubborn and thick headed!!! I dont know how to let him go!! Hes a jerk who never deserved me...but i cant ****in let go!!!
caramel c Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Girlfriend! Please don't contact him!!! At LEAST wait until you've cooled off. Please, I beg you. Let it out, let it all out. I am sitting here with a shot of vodka and 2 eyes to read your words. I don't feel much better than you do right now and I want company.
Taucher Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 If you MUST contact dont do it now! Calm down a bit and then decide you aren't going to contact him. It sounds like he is trying to mess with you and you calling him or contacting him is giving him what he wants! And you don't want to give him what he wants, you want to control the situation and yourself. I KNOW how you feel. I have come close too, but your ex is giving you SOMETHING. He is not coping and he is showing that. You, on the other hand, are the STRONG one, and you will be up until you break NC. T
rp123 Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Its been 3 months of NC and i just cant take it anymore. This is the most intense feeling of breaking NC that ive had!! I cant hold on anymore guys. I never had closure...i want to question him, i want to cuss his ass out for doing this to me. I want to confront him about that other girl. For those of you who dont know..we were engaged ..together 5 years. We broke up..cause of a dumb fight we had. I know he thought i was gonna call but i never did...then to get me to call him he started posting headlines about a girl. I still didnt call. Then i found out that he was seeing a girl...a 19 yr old that has a 2 year old. Shes not his type ive seen her myspace. I guess he figured he would mess around until i called but i never did. Then i added a guy on myspace who is interested in me. He finally initiated some form of contact he wrote to the guy telling him who he was..and questioning him .still he never called me! I know he does not love this girl!! I need to speak with him. Its been 3 months and i feel that he is NEVER going to call. I atleast want closure..to ask him how could he just move on so quickly as if i was nothing!! I feel that this is it..im breaking NC...keeping all this **** bottled up is killing me!! I need to tell him...how i feel!! People please help me. I am at work crying!! ;( He just posted a headline about her on myspace saying "i miss you" He does this for me to see..cause he never leaves her comments on her page only writes headlines for me to see. I hate him!! Thats it i need to speak to him guys...im sooo ****in stubborn and thick headed!!! I dont know how to let him go!! Hes a jerk who never deserved me...but i cant ****in let go!!! Ok, so you've decided to break NC. Can you please just wait until tomorrow....You will be calmer, and things will seem different. One more day, you can do it!! R.
Exit Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 If this is just tearing you apart, get it over with. You probably won't get the answers or the satisfaction that you're looking for, but right now you're blaming that on the "NC". So go ahead and break it, you will still find yourself hurt and alone. You aren't letting go, you aren't moving on, you aren't forgiving or forgetting, so if this is the only thing you think will make you happy, then go for it.
4givrnt4gtr Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Well...... i would realy really really consider holding onto that NC for dear life.....but if you must. I did it too, I broke NC because I foolishly believed we could still be friends and that he wanted to say something to me so I wanted to give him that chance. Yeah it hurt like hell and my dignity is resting in peace at this point (which is why everyone is telling you to hold on to NC.....) but at least it served me to clearly see that what he was posting (he was doing something similar to you...which was posting parts of love song on his page) was not about me. It really really drop me to the ground. as i said i wish i had hold onto my dignity, but if that meant to also hold onto false ideas that he was posting all those things about me, I guess my dignity died serving a good purpose. now i can really move on and forget about the jerk. So, choose carefully, and good luck. Dont let yourself be dragged back into something that isnt good enough for you
Author angelface78 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 So you guys are giving me the green light to break NC then??? Guys!! ;(
JaggedRoad Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 No... it's more of a yellow light in this case.
EmptyPromises Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 no dont break it. you had a at the end of your post. you know yourself that that is the wrong thing to do.
Author angelface78 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 Guys i know if i call him hes going to cuss me out. i know it..but then if i dont call him tell me how am i going to get rid of all thse things i want to tell him. Heres the deal...for the past 3 summers he has broken up with me. He would always say he needed time then...come September he would look for me. My dumb ass always took him back. Well this summer he picked a dumb fight so he could go mess around again. Well the difference is this summer it was confirmed by his own sister. He was messing around with some girl and once i found out i decided not to sit around waiting anymore. The thing though is i never got closure. Never got the chance to confront him. I already know it will go bad if i call. So how do i cope with the fact that i didnt get closure???
logitech Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Write all the things yo want to say here. ALL of them. Allow yourself and others to read it. Then we can see where we go from there
Author angelface78 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 Ok i want to say that since the day of the breakup i went NC cold turkey. Like to this day i have not heard his voice. Its as if someone died. Usually from what i read on others posts there was some contact here and there after breakups. I didnt get that i went into NC right away. He tried to manipulate me to contact him by putting up headlines to make me mad, sad, jealous. Nothing worked i held onto NC and now its like i wonder... Will i ever get to tell him all the things i want to say? Listen I KNOW HES NOT HAPPY WITH THAT GIRL...HE IS USING HER TO GET OVER ME ;( I know i need to leave his good for nothing ass alone...wtf is wrong w me? Is it just my ego???
logitech Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 I could imagine since you had things left unsaid that it would eat at you. That is also the exact reason you shouldn't contact him. If you have seen my thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t201308/ my latest was me seeing her out on the town and then on my solo walk home I sent her an SMS. No good has come from it as it just leaves me hanging. Sure our situations are different but we all hurt the same.
Author angelface78 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 Damn guys...why is life so ****ed up?? I wont call ;( I guess im just gonna have to live with the fact that i never got closure. After 5 years of my life spent with this person..we broke up and now from one day to another hes a stranger. I know he has things to say to me also..but he will never call. To proud...proud is not my way..but i guess for once in my life i gotta have some self control ;( Do you guys think we will ever talk again?? is it possible that after 5 years together and breaking up cold turkey we will never ever speak again?
logitech Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Anything is possible and it really depends on the individuals. There is no closure to be had in discussing any of it either though I think. I am still finding out stuff now that burns me. I had the chances to talk, but there are always things that are left unsaid.
Author angelface78 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 youre right Logitech maybe it would do no good? How are you coping? Are you in NC?? I read your post that you guys have gone to eat and rollerbalde i think. So r you in NC??
mimiminx Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Don't call him. Don't let him see you weak. Write it out. He's making jabs at you for a reaction, be the bigger person and don't stoop to his level. I'm so sorry.. if you feel you need some answers or closure, I would really suggest writing. Write him a letter, saying EVERYTHING. But don't send it. It is very possible that someday you will get the answers you are looking for from him. But for now, you can't, you said he would cuss you out if you called him.. why would he do that?! He doesn't have the answers, I think you do. He's broken up with you several times before, came back after the summers were over?! Now he's with someone else?! What a jerk. HE doesn't need to give you closure, you need to give it to yourself. Just my opinion. If you were to call him in the state you're in, it might cause irreparable damage.. I wouldn't risk it.
Author angelface78 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 But how mimiminx?? How do i give myself that closure?? Yes he is a jerk...5 years w me...engaged and here we are 3 months later and hes with someone else. As if i never mattered.
mimiminx Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 By accepting things. Like I said, I would write it out. He may not have given you verbal closure, his actions have been the closure for you. I'm sorry that you're hurting. You didn't mean nothing to him, don't think that.
boogieboy Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Angel Im gonna state something that is going to hurt. I knew a guy who did the exact same thing your ex did. He kept breaking up with her because he was tired of her, and wasnt in love with her. Then got back together when he knew he could he would have somoene waiting for him. He is a manipulating bastard that gave you and engagement ring to keep you by his side so he can dump you again and again to go fool around. He hasnt been in love with you for years, this obviously wasnt all of a sudden, but you believed everything he said. Hes been completely lying to you for years, but you didnt break away for the first couple of dumpings, so here you are. I dont care what he told you, it was all lies. He's not dating these girls to get over you, he IS over you. Everything on his websites that he is posting has nothing to do with you, he is having fun with his new girls. You think hes not in love with her, but he probably wont really be ion love with anyone, because he can play the game like that. You got in bed with a snake, I advise you to not be seduced by a player next time around. I would say thats all the closure you need. There could be a number of reasons that he fell out of love with you, I would wager he was never in love with you, and kept you as a backup the entire time, or maybe just the last 3 years. Theres nothing you can say that he will care about, nothing you can say that will change anything. Getting off your chest might work, but you will get no answers from him. So I propose this to you: Like Minimix said, Try writing everything you want to say down first to vent. Type it into a word document and dont send it. Keep doing this every time you need to get out looping thoughts. If you get into 10 and 20 docs, then maybe you might have to confront him in person. The only way you will get real closure is by yourself, not him. I have a feeling if you approached him in person, he will manipulate you again, and tell you things you want to hear to rope you back into him.
Author angelface78 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 Boogieboy...when i added a guy on my myspace..a guy that is interested in me my ex wrote to him on myspace. He informed him who he is. That he is my ex of 5 years and ex fiance. He lied to the new guy telling him that i still call him (blatant lie.. ive been in NC 3 months) Why would he lie like that?? I agree with you on some things. He might not have been in love with me anymore..but that he is over me completely...I DONT BELIEVE IT!! Im not in denial...i agree with most of the things you said except the part about the headlines not being for me. They are for me to see. Just by certain things he says...he would not say these things if they were for her. I know this jerk i know his ways. Thanks for the advice though. I will not contact him. I will write things out like you suggested.
Taucher Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Damn guys...why is life so ****ed up?? I wont call ;( I guess im just gonna have to live with the fact that i never got closure. After 5 years of my life spent with this person..we broke up and now from one day to another hes a stranger. I know he has things to say to me also..but he will never call. To proud...proud is not my way..but i guess for once in my life i gotta have some self control ;( Do you guys think we will ever talk again?? is it possible that after 5 years together and breaking up cold turkey we will never ever speak again? Angelface, like you I was dumped after a 5 year relationship. I went NC 20 days ago. I fully do not expect to ever hear from her again. Not contacting her is killing me but I have not lost sight of the fact that it is the right thing to do. My ex is too proud, like your ex. Like you, I am not too proud, so not contacting is proving very hard. But I wont contact her. For you to contact him now would be to repeat the pattern of the previous 3 summers, when he left you and then came back. Shock him by showing you have had enough and you dont care. Dissapear for a bit. Don't forget, contacting him might give HIM closure. Dont give him that. Also, you say your ex is with someone else now? For me, that would be all the 'closure' I would need. I am feeling exactly the same as you right now. If I can do it, so can you. T
RedDevil66 Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Boogieboy...when i added a guy on my myspace..a guy that is interested in me my ex wrote to him on myspace. He informed him who he is. That he is my ex of 5 years and ex fiance. He lied to the new guy telling him that i still call him (blatant lie.. ive been in NC 3 months) Why would he lie like that?? I agree with you on some things. He might not have been in love with me anymore..but that he is over me completely...I DONT BELIEVE IT!! Im not in denial...i agree with most of the things you said except the part about the headlines not being for me. They are for me to see. Just by certain things he says...he would not say these things if they were for her. I know this jerk i know his ways. Thanks for the advice though. I will not contact him. I will write things out like you suggested. Why would he do that? Simple, he has control over you and is trying to keep the control over you and guess what, you're allowing it. You're 99% of the problem here by allowing this immature child to control you. We teach people who to treat us. You took him back every time he dumped you to go screw around?! Goodness, what you need to do is use the energy you're using on wanting closure to work on your lack of self worth. Do you know abuse victims, let's say men who rape and beat their kids. well these kids once taken away from the abuser actually in a sick way, miss the abuse. Their minds were so wrapped around the habit, they didnt know how to function in a healthy way. You are addicted to this drama and feel comfortable in this misery. When you want closure, you will find it and it won't be from him.
wondering_girl Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 hi angel, i'm sorry we're all going through this, me too girl, i'm so sad, angry, mad, any emotion you can possibly think of ... my bf of 4 years left me, NO CLOSURE, no NOTHING, complete utter silence. now, i sit here and i wonder wthell... we were together for 4 years, went through some stuff and this is how you treat me, like a pair of an old shoe, no decency to tell me hey, i don't like you anymore? seriously, wtf? now, we did have dinner about 2 wks ago and he barely said 3 words to me after i told him this is how i feel about us and he didn't even say anything, so i took that silence as the end of US. don't get me wrong sometimes it think he'll come around one day and realize what he did, but i just get sad as the days pass by when i don't get anything..... our "break" was over something petty as well, but just like you, i have SOO many things to say, SOO many unanswered questions, but since we broke up already i feel like what's the use? yes, i wanna know the reason why he backed away too but if he's that damn cruel then let him be, if ya wanna say your peace i suggest writing a letter when you're healed but i don't think you should call or you guys should meet up, it would hurt you more, i really don't wanna see his face anymore either. *HUGS* - these guys are JERKS. ugh. i can't believe it 5 years! me? 4 wtf...
boogieboy Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Boogieboy...when i added a guy on my myspace..a guy that is interested in me my ex wrote to him on myspace. He informed him who he is. That he is my ex of 5 years and ex fiance. He lied to the new guy telling him that i still call him (blatant lie.. ive been in NC 3 months) Why would he lie like that?? I agree with you on some things. He might not have been in love with me anymore..but that he is over me completely...I DONT BELIEVE IT!! Im not in denial...i agree with most of the things you said except the part about the headlines not being for me. They are for me to see. Just by certain things he says...he would not say these things if they were for her. I know this jerk i know his ways. Thanks for the advice though. I will not contact him. I will write things out like you suggested. Youre kind of in denial, but you wont realize it until your head is clear and you are over him, which will take a while. But from an outsiders point of view, the way he's treated you in the past cpuple of years, he lost it for you long ago, and since its over and cant be successfully rekindled, you shouldnt worry about what he puts on his page. Dont keep trying to keep that connection, it will delay your healing.
Recommended Posts