CP Boyfriend...Have I pushed him away again???..NC take 2!

[LostLozz]

Wow it really has been ages since I updated my post and I have so much to tell...sadly not all good, actually who am I kidding, it's just the same sorry state of affairs!

 

Needing help again from all you wise LS people. I have made a zillion mistakes and am still unsure will what I am doing now and if it is the right thing to do.

 

I definately thought that I was getting better but I was just fooling myself!

 

Okay so here goes. The following is an update from where I left off. I was so close to texting him on my 7th day of NC, but so very glad that I did not, because on the 8th day he made contact....

 

He text me asking how I was and how my new job was going. I wasn't supposed to start it for another 2 days and told him so. I told him that I had an interesting night the other night when I got sexually assaulted. He called me immediately and asked what happended and if I was ok. I told him that I was and we spoke for a further 10 minutes before I ended the conversation. Throughout the call I was making sure that I sounded rather distant to how I would normally be.

 

The following day I got a text from a guy that one of my friends was trying to set me up with. He was so funny and I thought he would be exactly what I needed to get over my ex. A nice distraction and maybe someone to make me feel good about myself again. I enjoyed speaking to him and we spoke for a period of 3 days, even arranged to go on a date that weekend. The only day suitable for us both was going to be that Sunday. Then on our final conversation I realised that he really wasn't going to be my type. He got quite saucy over the phone and it was then that it became crystal clear that we were not a compatiable pair. (No need to detail...trust me!) So feeling bummed that this distraction didn't quite work out, I stupidly broke NC the following day and contacted my ex by text, saying "Hi how are you?"

 

He responded a few texts before calling me. He asked me why I had decided to text him and I, being far too truthful said, "To be honest I miss you" (I know!!! What am I doing!) I also told him in this conversation that I had a date planned and that I wasn't sure what to do. He said that I would never know if I didn't give it a try. That hurt but I agreed with him.

He told me that his work colleague saw me the other day when I was all dolled up, ready to go out for the night. He asked me if I was ok after being sexually assaulted and I admitted that at the time I found it hard because I thought that it would never have happened if he were with me. He responded by saying "Damn right it wouldn't!" He told me that he was very angry when I told him and that no one helped me. This made me feel better because it showed that he still cared. We had a decent enough conversation and I told him some stuff that I wanted to say about our relationship. I told him that as much as I never thought that I would say this, I really think this break apart from one another has done me good. I needed to sort my head out and I realised that I too made mistakes and that he wasn't all to blame. He seemed shocked at this. I told him that I had changed and I feel better for it. I asked him if he had read the book yet and he told me that he hadn't. Just didn't have time. (What!!!! He has only bloody had it for a month and a half!!!!)

I then tried to end the conversation but he didn't want me to go. He said that he was enjoying talking to me again and I agreed to stay on the line and talk to him. He then invited me out for a drink on Sunday. I had already cancelled that date so I was free and of course I wanted to meet him. I agreed to meeting him.

I never thought the day would come that he would invite me out, but in hind sight I wonder if this is just based on the fact that he knew that I was going to be going on a date with another man.

The conversation also lead to some flirting, mainly by him. We spoke for over an hour before the conversation ended.

 

The following day I commented on a mutual friend's FB status and he did the same but his comments were directed to me. He was trying to wind me up and was joking around. That samee night because I felt that we were getting somewhere finally, I re-added him as a friend on FB and he accepted my friendship request.

 

(More to come just making sure this is saved)

[LostLozz]

The following day I commented on a mutual friend’s FB status and he did the same but was trying to wind me up jokingly. I played into his hands and commented back. The same night I thought I would add him again as a friend on FB. He accepted my friend request. (Stupid idea)

The next day I was on FB and so was he and I started talking to him on chat. He asked me more questions into my possible date and I told him that I cancelled because of certain things that the guy had said to me. He wanted to know why and I was very reluctant to do so, however ended up telling him pieces of what the guy had said.

Over chat he was laughing it off. I didn’t like the way the conversation was going so phoned him. He didn’t answer, so I wrote on chat, “Not answering your mobile”…he replied saying sorry I was making a cup of tea. Usually he writes BRB (be right back) but he didn’t that time.

It annoyed me because it was the second time that he has ignored my calls whilst I have been already talking to him. He called me and I could sense that something wasn’t quite right. He could sense the same and asked me what was wrong. I asked him why he kept wanting to know about this guy that I was planning to date and did it not even bother him. He said that of course it bothered him, we were together for 18 months.

I told him that I did not feel comfortable with discussing it with him and he told me to tell him to mind his own business then. I couldn’t do that. That is rude in my eyes.

Anyhow the conversation lead to me asking whether he ever saw us ever getting back together and he stuck to his same old answer. He can’t say yes and he can’t say no. He is non committal.

I told him that I didn’t want a relationship with him yet anyhow, because he has not changed. I told him that it annoyed me that he told me about this song that was supposed to resemble how he felt and that he wanted to change, but hadn’t even taken the time to read the book. I told him that he was just avoiding the issue. He agreed and said that he would read it.

Stupidly again I mentioned whether we could have sex and be friends. I don’t know why, apart from maybe because I am really missing sex, especially with him. He said that he wasn’t sure.

All through the conversation I felt that I was putting up this front that maybe he wanted to see or hear.

Maybe I hadn’t changed at all.

During the conversation I asked if he still wanted to meet up for the drink the following day and he said that he did. I was not expecting that at all. He couldn’t commit to anything real with me and he was still talking smutty down the phone. It annoyed me and I thought that he would just cancel on me the following day.

Strangely enough he didn’t do that. He text me as he said he would after work, and asked me where to meet him. We met at a pub mutual to where he stays with his brother and where I live. When I arrived at the pub I made sure that I didn’t overdress. In fact I under dressed. I put on an adidas jumper and matching trousers and trainers. I know he liked this outfit in the past, but really if I was thinking about this as a date then I would be thinking heels etc.

He on the other hand was wearing everything that I like on him. This fitted green quicksilver t-shirt that I bought for him and shows off his muscles and tattoo’s that I love. The Billabong jeans that I also bought and love, and a pair of vans. He looked hot but I wasn’t going to comment and show him that I thought he looked fine. He commented on my outfit though and asked if I had been at the gym that day. I told him that I hadn’t and was just running around after my son all day. (Complete lie! I had not long been out of the shower, all groomed and looking fab)…I knew he loved this outfit anyhow because he was forever staring at my ass in it.

Well the night went well and I didn’t bring ‘us’ up once, nor did he. We discussed our lives as they were now and other little things. It all went very well I thought and I felt as comfortable as I always had. I was still putting up this act that everything was cool and I am happy.

After we finished our drinks we walked along the high street heading for a cash machine. I think the plan was to get a bite to eat but we never made it. We were being silly and joking around. I told him that I pre-ordered a CD of a new band that he wanted and he wanted to know when the CD release date was. I said that I wasn’t going to tell him. I was teasing him and we ended up in each others arms. He was hugging me and it felt great. I was joking with him and said that I could see right up his nose because I am so short. He looked down at me seriously and I kissed him. We were then kissing passionately and our hands were everywhere.

We later ended up in his car and had a bit of fun but did not have sex. After chilling out and kissing some more we left each other and nothing more was said. I thought that maybe this was what he needed to see. A changed me. I still struggled not knowing what was going on in his head and that we were still not together but I also knew that he would not contact me. I thought the next time that I would have contact would be when I was at work in my new job, and I was right.

3 days later I saw him at work for the shortest period of time. He was friendly enough and said that he didn’t recognise me at first because of the different clothing that I now had to wear for work. I was friendly back and then I had to go. I was left confused as to what was going on.

2 days later I saw him again whilst at work and he was again being friendly with me. I did the same back. Still totally confused but I got on with my shift. I saw him again later and he looked pissed off. I text him asking why looking that way and he said that he wasn’t pissed off, just hungry and only just had his break. He asked me how I was and I said that I was good, and returned the question. He told me that he was fine and that he was reading the book and finding it hard going.

I was actually shocked and told him so. I also thanked him for reading it.

The following day I spoke briefly with him on FB chat, about pretty much nothing. The day after that, he commented on a few of my posts on FB and I did the same.

I really wanted to go NC again because I feel that we are talking a little bit too much now, whether it be by direct conversation or indirectly on FB, however today I fell right back in the trap. That CD that he wanted was released today and as a joke, I wrote on my FB status that I was rocking to it. Later on in the day he said that he had the CD and was rocking to it also. I commented on his post saying that he was a copy cat and that I got it first. He replied saying I told you about it and if it wasn’t for me then you’d be listening to RnB so SHHH!

I joked back that he always copies my taste in music and told him to SHHH!!!

It was only meant to be joking but it does sound really childish now that I’m writing it. He never commented back and instead deleted the three comments.

So I got angry. I am sick and tired of trying to get it right. I can’t be his friend, it’s just too hard.

I then went on to his FB and deleted any comments that I made on his wall. There was only one but I thought stuff you mate. I then decided to leave my profile status blank for a couple of days so that he didn’t know what I was up to and then deleted all comments that he had posted on my wall as well as removing some pics that a friend had tagged me into that are of us.

I am sure that he noticed this. This was on Monday and for the next two days if I was on FB and I saw that he was online also, I would go immediately offline as not to speak to him.

On Thursday I was at work and he was also working. We don’t actually work in the same buildings but he must have seen my car parked outside and so he ventured inside. I didn’t see him at first and was leaving the building when he was following me and shouting at me to get my attention. I was on the phone so didn’t realise what he was doing and just as I hung up I heard this voice shout “Oi! That’s bloody rude” said in a joking way. I turned around and automatically apologised not knowing that it was him. My face must have said it all. I didn’t want to see him and in my head I was annoyed that he broke my NC again and I had only gone 2 days! I was not happy and this apparently showed.

He asked me how I was and I said “Yeah I’m good, sorry I have to go, talk to you later”. I then left the building and he just stood there looking a little stunned. Moments later I was in the car park waiting to leave, but his vehicle was blocking it. I looked serious and didn’t make eye contact with him like I normally would. He knew that something was wrong.

About an hour later I received a text from him saying “You ok? Didn’t look too happy earlier”.

I decided not to reply until about 5 and a half hours later. The text was short and to the point. I said “Sorry, been a tad bit busy. I’m ok at, how’s you?”

About half hour later he calls me and I answered but I was still busy and not really in a position to talk. I knew that he would just want to find out if there was something wrong with me and why I was not talking to him or being my usual friendly self. Plus he can’t really tell how I am through a text.

It was a call that took no longer than a minute. He asked me how I was and I said I was good, had a busy day and was still at work. He started telling me what he was up to but then I said that I was still busy and would have to give him a call back if that‘s ok. (Far too polite for my own good). He said ok, speak to you later, and I ended the call.

That was at approximately 7pm on Thursday evening. It is now 5:30pm on Saturday evening and I still haven’t returned his call. Am I doing the right thing? I know that I need to walk away from him and can’t have him always popping in and out of my life when it suits him, but on the other hand, ultimately I still want to be with him and want him to come back to me but with a more substantial reason then just trying to be my mate.

What do I do now???

 

Surely If he had something important that he wanted to talk to me about, then he would call right? Or am I just pushing him away. I am so confused that I don't even know if I have made any progress at all.

 

I know he loves me. He told my best friend.

 

I feel like I am loosing the plot and need help as what to do next. I have not done well at all. Now that I break this down, I really have not changed one little bit. I am still here and he knows it.

 

Please help me people!!!

[LostLozz]

Well I have just gone onto FB after posting the above and he has now commented on my status that I put on today. Guess he is still trying to get in contact with me.

 

Please help you very wise LS people. I don't want to spend anymore time on this. Do I continue to walk away so that he thinks he is loosing me???

[leap83]

Oh LostLozz.. I don't know what to tell you as my mind is not clear either. I kind of skimmed through 2 of your posts because I have to go out now, but I will be back later on tonight or tomorrow morning. In all honesty, I don't know what to tell you as I don't know what to do myself right now. It's brutality and I feel your pain.

 

The question you need to ask yourself is whether you REALLY want him back or is it just because you feel lonely? Do you REALLY love him or not? Is he worth it? If you guys were back together, would it be the same or different?

 

In my opinion, you should sit him down and tell him you need time apart. Tell him you need some space to deal with everything and that you will contact him when you feel ready and when the time is right. Like that, it will help you heal and help him heal as well. Your heads will be much clearer and if you do decide to contact him again, it will be a tad bit different. So, I think you should give him space. Let him resolve his issues and figure out what he wants out of life and set his priorities straight. This doesn't need to be too long - give it a month or 2 and then send a quick "Hi how are you?" text or give him a quick call just to check up. Right now, you will probably end up pushing him away. So, talk with him first. Say you need time. If he's a respectful guy, he will give you all the time you need. If he's not, then I don't know what to tell you.

 

Btw, he is not going to think he's losing you if you're still in contact with him. You need time apart. That's when he might start to think that.

[LostLozz]

Leap83,

 

You have asked some pretty tough questions for me to answer. I know I love him, however I don't love the person that he is now. He used to be so attentive and warm. He cared for me deeply at one point and he made me so very happy. I just don't know who the person that he has become is. He now appears cold and distant. I am so sick and tired of wearing my heart on my sleeve and litteraly laying everything down on the table for him to digest. He never gives me the same peace of mind back. I never know what is going on in his head. I am not a mind reader, I don't know what the hell he wants from me but it is pretty clear that he still wants me in his life.

 

I miss what we had and I am probably still hoping that beautiful man that made me fall in love with him, will someday come back to me with arms wide open and begging to make everything right.

 

I am so angry at the pain he has caused me. I still cry at times when I think back to the way he made me feel. I sure as hell don't want that again and I definately do not want to have that man back. I was miserable and he made me so unhappy. He pushed me away time and time again and I just kept clinging on, hoping that if I loved him that little bit more, looked after him, and stopped moaning that he never had time for me, then maybe just maybe he would change.

 

The fact is I can't change him. Only he can change and want to change. I don't even think he wants to change. He still can't communicate with me, probably for fear that I would think that everything could be saved and we could start off where we left off. That is the last thing that I want. I don't want that relationship. I want a totally different one.

The stupid thing is, since we have had this time apart I have realisesd that I don't want what we first discussed. I am quite happy having my own life at the moment. I am not lonely. Of course I miss certain aspects of his company but I don't want things to go the same way. I have tried to tell him this but I don't even know if anything has sunk in with him. Like I say, he doesn't really talk. It's always me doing the talking.

 

The way my head is at the moment I want him to be thinking about what is going on in my head. For the first time I want to tell him nothing. He needs to work hard to establish that relationships are 50 - 50. I was forever trying to mind read. Now it's his turn. Each day I feel myself getting stronger and then out of the blue pops the ex to remind me that he is still around. I wish he could just have a bit of spine and bloody well talk to me!!!

[JaggedRoad]

Leap83,

 

You have asked some pretty tough questions for me to answer. I know I love him, however I don't love the person that he is now. He used to be so attentive and warm. He cared for me deeply at one point and he made me so very happy. I just don't know who the person that he has become is. He now appears cold and distant. I am so sick and tired of wearing my heart on my sleeve and litteraly laying everything down on the table for him to digest. He never gives me the same peace of mind back. I never know what is going on in his head. I am not a mind reader, I don't know what the hell he wants from me but it is pretty clear that he still wants me in his life.

 

I miss what we had and I am probably still hoping that beautiful man that made me fall in love with him, will someday come back to me with arms wide open and begging to make everything right.

 

I am so angry at the pain he has caused me. I still cry at times when I think back to the way he made me feel. I sure as hell don't want that again and I definately do not want to have that man back. I was miserable and he made me so unhappy. He pushed me away time and time again and I just kept clinging on, hoping that if I loved him that little bit more, looked after him, and stopped moaning that he never had time for me, then maybe just maybe he would change.

 

The fact is I can't change him. Only he can change and want to change. I don't even think he wants to change. He still can't communicate with me, probably for fear that I would think that everything could be saved and we could start off where we left off. That is the last thing that I want. I don't want that relationship. I want a totally different one.

The stupid thing is, since we have had this time apart I have realisesd that I don't want what we first discussed. I am quite happy having my own life at the moment. I am not lonely. Of course I miss certain aspects of his company but I don't want things to go the same way. I have tried to tell him this but I don't even know if anything has sunk in with him. Like I say, he doesn't really talk. It's always me doing the talking.

 

The way my head is at the moment I want him to be thinking about what is going on in my head. For the first time I want to tell him nothing. He needs to work hard to establish that relationships are 50 - 50. I was forever trying to mind read. Now it's his turn. Each day I feel myself getting stronger and then out of the blue pops the ex to remind me that he is still around. I wish he could just have a bit of spine and bloody well talk to me!!!

 

Your ex sounds like me :lmao:

[NoneoftheAbove]

Leap83,

 

You have asked some pretty tough questions for me to answer. I know I love him, however I don't love the person that he is now. He used to be so attentive and warm. He cared for me deeply at one point and he made me so very happy. I just don't know who the person that he has become is. He now appears cold and distant. I am so sick and tired of wearing my heart on my sleeve and litteraly laying everything down on the table for him to digest. He never gives me the same peace of mind back. I never know what is going on in his head. I am not a mind reader, I don't know what the hell he wants from me but it is pretty clear that he still wants me in his life.

 

I miss what we had and I am probably still hoping that beautiful man that made me fall in love with him, will someday come back to me with arms wide open and begging to make everything right.

 

I am so angry at the pain he has caused me. I still cry at times when I think back to the way he made me feel. I sure as hell don't want that again and I definately do not want to have that man back. I was miserable and he made me so unhappy. He pushed me away time and time again and I just kept clinging on, hoping that if I loved him that little bit more, looked after him, and stopped moaning that he never had time for me, then maybe just maybe he would change.

 

The fact is I can't change him. Only he can change and want to change. I don't even think he wants to change. He still can't communicate with me, probably for fear that I would think that everything could be saved and we could start off where we left off. That is the last thing that I want. I don't want that relationship. I want a totally different one.

The stupid thing is, since we have had this time apart I have realisesd that I don't want what we first discussed. I am quite happy having my own life at the moment. I am not lonely. Of course I miss certain aspects of his company but I don't want things to go the same way. I have tried to tell him this but I don't even know if anything has sunk in with him. Like I say, he doesn't really talk. It's always me doing the talking.

 

The way my head is at the moment I want him to be thinking about what is going on in my head. For the first time I want to tell him nothing. He needs to work hard to establish that relationships are 50 - 50. I was forever trying to mind read. Now it's his turn. Each day I feel myself getting stronger and then out of the blue pops the ex to remind me that he is still around. I wish he could just have a bit of spine and bloody well talk to me!!!

 

In similar situation with you.. It sucks, but one thing i know ONE DAY we ll be allright.

[wondering_girl]

hey babe - how are you? read your posts - seems like we're going through the same thing i just wanna get into his head and see what the HECK is going on in there - do you wanna be with me or not? what is it? me and my ex were together for 4 years and to make matters worse he pulls the silent treatment on me and nothing was ever said if it's over or what not but it's been a push-pull game for the past 2 months... we haven't had a decent conversation since he's silent but when something is going on he sends me a text asks me if i'm going? twice i went that has happened so like you said you get clues but don't know what's going on i'm sorry we're all going through this...

 

as far as what to do - i've consistently told him how i felt about our issue and the ball is in his court, i know it HURTS to know that we want to be with them... and i hate ME that after all this i still want to be with him ahh i'm here for YOU.... i'm having the hardest time to let go. i guess everyone is saying time but i'm so impatient.. i guess one day at a time.. let's all hang in there....

[leap83]

LostLozz,

 

Based on your response to me, the answer to what you need to do and want to do is in your post. It's pretty obvious that right now you don't want him in your life. Thus, do what makes you happy. Do you want to still keep him in your life though or not? The old guy is not coming back. Once they've changed, they've changed forever. I'm speaking from experience. Thus, don't sit around hoping for that. If you are happy with your life right now, why bring problems into it? If he doesn't make you happy, why make him a part of your life? If you don't think he's an amazing person and someone you could spend time with (even as a friend) and you sincerely miss every little bit of him, then why even bother trying to make it work? It won't work. You have to want him and have no doubts in your mind to be able to go back to someone or even rebuild a relationship from the bottom up. By the sounds of it, you're done with him. So, in all honesty, you shouldn't even be asking what you need to do because you already know the answer to that question.

 

I'm, for example, in a completely different situation. Over the past couple of weeks I have come to a realization that I love every bit of a man who is now my ex and that he literally is the second half of me. The fact that we're apart right now, makes it really hard for me but I know it's for the best - for both of us (we had some serious baggage going into the relationship). However, I firmly believe that he's the one for me and there is no doubt in my mind about him or us or what I'll do when I see him again (if I see him). So, completely different feelings but similar situation (except he didn't make me unhappy. He made me unhappy only at the end but that was because I was stubborn and had no understanding of what he was talking about. If I had the understanding, I would have probably suffered less and been happy that he decided to be an unselfish person in the relationship.)

 

So, the answer you're searching for, you already know.

[LostLozz]

Leap,

 

Who am I kidding. I am an emotional wreck. Your response got me really thinking. Of course I want him in my life. I love him totally and completely. He hurt me beyond belief and yes we had tons of baggage to get through but he has always been more than worth it. Maybe I just wasn't for him and that hurts.

 

I miss everything about him, although I don't miss the pain that he caused me. I read through my whole thread and I hope you don't mind me saying but you too have described that your feelings have changed. A few weeks back you were ready to write him off and start a fresh by possibly dating someone that you quite liked.

 

I am just frustrated with this whole thing and the anger supresses the sadness that I feel since we have parted ways. I get angry that he pops up everyu now and again and I get frustrated that he can't sort his head out and work out what he really wants so that I can let go. I know that I should let go already but I am desperately clinging to every piece of contact he gives me. This is my downfall. I alternate my emotions daily and I can't seem to just stay the same.

 

I even wrote on his FB status tonight because I felt guilty that I hadn't called him like I said I would. Stupid I know and now I have probably lost my footing again.

 

What do I do!!

[leap83]

Yes. I was willing to write him off a couple of weeks ago. My emotions swing back and forth and usually when I say something like that, I want to seem strong but I'm not. I'm weak as hell. Today there was an important match played with my team and we lost and I only want to talk with him because he knows how much that means to me. So, I'm contemplating in texting him right now because I feel like I need him and I don't really care. Most likely I will call him tonight.

 

I don't know what you should do. Hell... I don't even know what I should do. He removed ALL of the pics of his ex off Fb which is a good thing. But I don't know if he removed it because of me, himself or some other girl. I can't figure it out. Like today, all of the pics were there and when I came back from my tournament, they were gone. How do I know? My friend checked out something (he's selling a cat) and yeah... noticed it and told me. So... I don't know what should you do or I. However, I feel this urge to call him. So I'm not going to battle it anymore.

 

If you love him and you think it's worth it, don't pretend like you don't need him. You'll be stuck in the same situation like me. Don't bottle it up. Just let it out and do what you think is right. Btw, I think NC is such bull****. In all honesty, it only helps if you've been cheated on or something like that.... It doesn't help if it's a situation such as ours. It just makes things worse.

[LostLozz]

Hi Leap and eveyone else,

 

This is all such a mess isn't it. I feel like i have wasted the last two months of my life constantly thinking about what he is thinking and whether we will ever come back together again.

Maybe that is just it, I'm thinking too much.

 

I have been reading websites constantly and have come across one that I particularly liked. Its www.howtogetbackanexboyfriend.com

It explains the different stages that there are in trying to get a boyfriend back and what you should do in order to heal and not make things worse if you are hoping to reconcile.

 

It may help you LS people.

[leap83]

Well, at least you didn't talk with him like I did. It made things a bit worse and made me even more confused. I want to stop thinking. So I've got to do it. He recommended this book to me:

 

"How to stop worrying and start living" by Dale Carneige (sp?)

 

I'm going to get it and read it. Whether it helps... I don't know.

[wondering_girl]

hi everyone - i'm sorry we're all going through this

 

hi lost - our time frame is about the same - me and my ex never really broke up but i took his silence as that - but i get random texts when certain "events" are happening asking me if i wanna go, WTH? he just ignored me for a couple of weeks then you text me to go somewhere umm? anyhow i went with him once and he was still all rude, the second time i just didn't pick up his phone call and did not answered his text..... but i'm just like YOU i hang on to EVERY LITTLE contact that he gives me but this time, i didn't. and it felt eh i dunno - good and bad, i wanted to pick up the phone so bad but for what is he gonna make me cry again?

 

it's been two months since our issue and it's been a push pull back, silent treatment the whole ordeal, i know how you're feeling it's like what does he want from me right? and it's SOOOO HURTFUL- i miss him too, and like you said sometimes we don't want them sometimes we want them!!!! have you guys spoken lately? does he initiate contact or do you?

 

i'm here for YOU and i'm sorry we're going through this i just want him to realize what he's done but i can't MAKE him...........and i am very HURT that like you said guess he wasn't the one for me.....uggggh we were dating for 4 years.

Edited October 20, 2009 by wondering_girl

[leap83]

Maybe we all just need to let go and the moment we do, life will get better. I keep thinking I should let go completely. Fall off the face of the earth and make him wonder where the hell I am, and what I'm up to. I've read your link LostLozz and it makes sense, except we maintained some limited contact so that makes it a bit tougher. But I think I'm going to just let it be. I have more important stuff to worry about. It felt great talking with him. We were friendly. It was good. Nothing bad. That's a good thing. There's no reason for me to get all sad and depressed. So, I said this before, but I'm going to say it again and this time religiously follow the damn thing - I'm letting go forever. I don't need him to make me happy or to be happy. I'm letting go. And I hope you can do the same thing, for your sake. Don't do what I did before. It'll just confuse you more.

[Turista]

I understand the pain and confusion you are experiencing, but, if you're important to this guy, then it's up to him to get his $h!+ together and commit...

 

If he won't do that, then you're just setting yourself up for further heartbreak down the road by enabling this BS to continue. If he loves you, he'll change. If it's easier for him to lose you than to commit, he doesn't love you...

[LostLozz]

Hi peeps,

 

Thanks for your responses.

 

Just to update, I am feeling a little better today.

Whilst at work last night on my break I went onto Facebook using my iPhone and was able to go on FB Chat. He was on there and instead of logging off immediately I decided to say hello. I was seeing it from his perspective and thought that maybe he wouldn't intiate contact because for the first time I never called when I said I would.

So...I said Hello and he responded. I asked how he was and at some point said sorry for not calling the other night. I said I had a late night at work followed by an early start and knew that he was working also. At this stage there must have been something wrong with the FB Chat because I didn't get a response and I thought maybe he was pissed at me. So I left it a little while and asked if he was still there and he said that he was. I then said "Ok, Well I hope your alright. I'll let you go. Take care. Night night x". He responded saying "Oh ok. Night x" He then asked me if I was at work and I said that I was and that I probably should get back to work. I ended by saying "Catch up with you soon hopefully" and he said "Yeah I hope so".

 

When I had a look on there a little bit later it was then that I noticed that he did reply to my apology and asking how he was and he started telling me about how he has family staying with him at the moment. It must have looked so rude that I did not reply to this and instead said goodbye.

 

I really want to call him but I know that he is out with his team from work. He doesn't know that I know and was contemplating calling him for our catch up but I don't really want to bother him when he is out with his colleagues. Only problem is, I know there is a girl there that likes him and has caused problems for us in the past. I want to remind him of me but then again I don't.

 

I'm just going to leave it and maybe call him in a few days so that we can catch up and hopefully he may invite me out again. I know I shouldn't hope but I really can't help it either.

 

Hope you special Ladies are ok and not letting this bring you down too much. I'll keep you updated.

[LostLozz]

Hello peeps.

Well the time has finally come where I gained up enough courage to give him a call. Intially I wasn't planning to discuss 'us' but I just got sick of the small talk. I told him that I missed my best friend and he said the same and then I asked him to be honest with me. He could barely tell me his thoughts because he is useless at communication. Basically he remains sitting on the fence and will not budge an inch. He is non commital. When asked he cannot say yes or no to us getting back together. He is happy to remain on his own at the moment and does not want a relationship with anyone. He stated that there is definately no one else and that he still loves me. He loves me but not enough to be with me obviously. He has never asked me to wait but I have been clinging on to the hope of us getting back together, which has kept me in this limbo for so long now. I told him that I know that I have to let go now and I asked him if he wanted me to move on. He said that he does and he doesn't. Yet another answer that ge can't actually commit to!

I am sad, really really sad and have cried after the conversation ended. I asked him why he invited me out and why we did those things by being intimate and he said he doesn't know. He missed me. I just feel like I have lost my best friend for good. I have told him not to contact me and that I am letting go. He said ok.

 

I will slowly disappear from view. I will be asking for a transfer at work and then deactivate my facebook account. I want to do this when he least expects this and I just can slide away forever.

[leap83]

I'm sorry to hear that LostLozz. You feel like that now, but it gets better. Trust me. That's the thing that I was talking about - rushing things. It never ends good. I kind of let faith take this one into its hands and see where it goes. He probably feels mixed and confused about the whole thing. He probably doesn't know what he wants. He wants to be with you, but also knows that he can't make you happy right now or that he can't make that step of committing. It's pretty normal to feel that way. Everyone reaches that point in life at some point so it's quite normal. I wouldn't cut off all of the ties though. I believe you should go NC for now - until your feelings are gone. But later on, keep in touch with him. Be "friendly" with him. You never know what the future holds. Just because it didn't work out now, it doesn't mean it wouldn't have worked out in the future or that he wouldn't have been an amazing friend.

 

Be positive. Get your life back in order. Concentrate on the good things in life. If you have to write out these things and read them until you totally and completely feel good, then do it. I've done it. I hope you're feeling better.

[LostLozz]

Hi all...I have had a rollercoaster few days. My emotions were all over the place on Wednesday. I was completely gutted that I yet again placed my cards on the table just to have the same indecision from him almost 3 months ago.

 

Nothing had changed and it was obvious that he does not want me nor is willing to work on the issues that he had in order to make us work. He has still not finished the book and this fact hit me hard. He does not care about changing whatsoever.

 

So....I told myself to move on. I deleted the FB application on my iPhone so that I would not be tempted to go on there whilst I was at work. I had not updated my status since last Tuesday and this is quite unusual for me as I would normally update daily.

 

Instead I tried to forget about the way I was feeling and just get on with it. I pushed myself through Thursday and Friday at work and then on Friday evening I went out for the eveing with my Best friend, some close friends and her family. It was a really good night and I made myself forget about him. I was doing ok and thought that I would definately stick to NC and no Facebook.

 

Then on Saturday I was back at work on a late shift and I knew that my ex was also working. I knew that if I was able to get through just 6 hours of work without bumping into him, then I would be fine and I would not see or hear from him until maybe the next time that we bumped into each other at work, which wouldn't be at least till the 1st November because of our shifts.

 

Of course my luck is not that good. As previously I mentioned that I am a Police Officer and so is he. My colleague's and I work on a particular unit compared to him and his colleague's. We were dealing with someone that we arrested and was booking him into the police station. One of his colleague's was doing the same thing and asked me if we were back on yet. I told him that we were not and that I was now letting go. He outrightly said "What is he playing at...you two were great together!" I responded by saying that I thought so but I have done all that I can and am giving up with trying now. I asked him if my ex was also at the station and he said that he didn't think he was because he was partnered up with his girlfriend and they were out and about dealing with emergency calls.

 

So I relaxed a little and my collegues had gone into the main writing room whilst I helped book in the prisoner. All of a sudden my ex walked in. He must have seen how I reacted. I was so angry that he was there. I asked him to give me space by saying you will have to leave me alone now and he agreed by saying ok. I was so annoyed that he was there. He said hello and I said it back but I was not friendly. He asked me where my Sergeant was and I said I didn't know....The thing is he has absolutely nothing to do with my Sergeant. He has his own Sergeant and I can't even imagine why he would want to speak to him.

 

He then left the custody suite and walked away. There is no way that he didn't see how angry I was to see him. I really wanted to actually hide. I had found NC so hard over those past few days and WHAM!!... there he is again!!!!

 

After my colleague and I had finished in the custody suite we then went to the main writing room to complete our paperwork. He was also there. He just stared at me and I didn't falter. I stared straight back as if to say "What!!!" I was angry that he was in my face yet again. When he left he waved goodbye and I just gave him a slight nod as if to accept his goodbye. I then asked my Sergeant if my ex had spoken to him because he said that he was looking for him and he told me that he hadn't. He said that he had walked past my ex in the hall, said hello but that was it.

 

The only way I see it is that he saw the officers that work in my unit and decided that he would look for me. When he saw that I was less than impressed to see him, he made some lame excuse about looking for my Sergeant.

 

Then about two hours later I received a text. At first I didn't know who it was from because I deleted his number. The text said "Hi not sure what time your off or if you will use the M11 but its closed north bound. Just thought I would let you know." (This is the motorway that I would use to get home).

 

What is he playing at???? Why is he contacting me when I told him that I was letting go and that he would need to leave me be now???? I don't get it and I definately don't get him.

 

I probably shouldn't have but I replied half hour later by saying a simple "Thanks"

 

Why wont he leave me alone to move on???