Author bac Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 the ability to fall in love for both men and women comes down to age and maturity level. we all play games when we're young. when you're older and presumably more "mature" people are less willing to put up with the bull****. and neither sex has any more insight into how or why we fall in love. it just happens. thats what it basically comes down to. From my life experience, ability to fall in love decreases with age. The strongest love is in the begining of your life. First time you fall in love with a person, then you fall in love with sex. Older people have less testosterone and they are more selfish in general. As for selfish, I mean they tend to use other people for their benefits.
alphamale Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 From my life experience, ability to fall in love decreases with age. thats hogwash
Author bac Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 thats a pretty stupid reason to "fall in love"...but i think it is true for some women. the thing you're forgetting is that if you're having sex with him then he has already passed a number of tests. I fall in love not because of my own reasoning about great sex, but it happens unconsciously, as an instinct. I would love it was not like that, because it is harmful for me. I will just end up with a broken heart if I do so. But I can not do anything to prevent that no matter how hard I try to wash my brains against falling in love.
carhill Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 thats hogwash Indeed (I can hope, anyway)
Thaddeus Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 From my life experience, ability to fall in love decreases with age. The strongest love is in the begining of your life. First time you fall in love with a person, then you fall in love with sex. Older people have less testosterone and they are more selfish in general. As for selfish, I mean they tend to use other people for their benefits.Despite the ageist tone, there might be something to this. But I don't think it's for the reasons bac outlined. When young people experience anything for the first time, whether it's love or rage or fear or exaltation, those feelings are new (or at least relatively new, depending on the age) which is why they make such a distinct impression. As we get more experienced, the newness of the feelings begins to wear off and we become a bit more clear-headed about things.
alphamale Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Despite the ageist tone, there might be something to this. But I don't think it's for the reasons bac outlined. When young people experience anything for the first time, whether it's love or rage or fear or exaltation, those feelings are new (or at least relatively new, depending on the age) which is why they make such a distinct impression. As we get more experienced, the newness of the feelings begins to wear off and we become a bit more clear-headed about things. youth and love are both wasted on the young
gopher Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 thats hogwash Agreed....I'm 48 and have fallen in love with an amazing woman....and no she is not in her 20's and a super model. Although she looks amazing to me. Is she perfect? Of course not, but she is perfect for me. I've never felt this connection before, we are best friends as well as extremely passionate with each other. Just when I'd given up....I found her....I love and appreciate all of her, more than you can imagine.... Bac....you seem bitter about the idea of men falling in love, and do us a huge disservice by comparing all of us with the men who've come through your life.
pandagirl Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 From my life experience, ability to fall in love decreases with age. I think there is truth to this, only because the older we get the more experience and heartbreak we've endured making us more gun shy. Other than that, I don't think there is any gender specific answer about how men fall in love. I think both men and women fall in love the same way, which is: when the timing is right, when you are open to it, and when you are ready. It doesn't matter of the perfect person shows up at your door. If it's not what you're looking for at the time, there's no magic potion that will make you fall in love with that person.
OpenBook Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 I find it more than mildly amusing that there are all these women in here that apparently know the male psyche better than men themselves. I don't pretend to understand the male psyche at all. (I have no clue why they are the way they are.) I just know what works on them, as a female. There are something like 3 billion women in the world. The world is swimming in attractive, available women. Life's too short to play games. NEXT..! Thaddeus, it's ALL a game.
Thaddeus Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 it's ALL a game.Well, if that's how you approach it, that means that there will always be a winner and a loser. I reject the win/lose paradigm. But hey, if you figure it's working for ya...
shadowplay Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 But shadow, what you're saying is in direct conflict with your personal experiences with men. Weren't you the one saying that men are put off by you because they view you, erroneous or not, as being cold? That's a form of unavailability. I'm not saying I haven't had my own issues with emotional unavailability, but mine is the kind that tends to put off rather than attract men. A lot of men like women who are very friendly at first (so they feel like they have a chance) but become more guarded when men actively pursue them or they have trouble reaching a higher level of intimacy with people in general. There's this subtle emotional barrier that triggers the male desire to pursue and conquer. There's also a subgroup of men who like saving women that they perceive as needy (maybe Carhill fits in this category), but I don't think they're in the majority.
OpenBook Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Well, if that's how you approach it, that means that there will always be a winner and a loser. Not necessarily.
carhill Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 There's also a subgroup of men who like saving women that they perceive as needy (maybe Carhill fits in this category), but I don't think they're in the majority. Well, every building needs a janitor Regardless, definitely minority status; no disagreement there and happily so.
shadowplay Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 I find it more than mildly amusing that there are all these women in here that apparently know the male psyche better than men themselves. Personally, I've had it up to my proverbial eyebrows with narcissists, unavailable types (whether they're unavailable in reality or it's some sort of game) and those who insist on getting 100% of their man but are unwilling to give 100% of themselves. There are something like 3 billion women in the world. The world is swimming in attractive, available women. Life's too short to play games. NEXT..! I knew this would be the male response. You probably thought I meant a bitchy woman when I said "unavailable." That's not what I'm talking about at all. It's something far more subtle. Haven't you every known a woman who was very friendly, nice, outgoing and full of life, but somehow tantalizing distant? There's a slight barrier or coldness beneath the surface. The type of woman who might devote her life to saving kids in Africa but would have trouble being deeply intimate with anybody in her life. I've known a lot of girls like this and tons of men who have fallen for them. It always leaves me scratching my head. I think the problem is men misinterpret their friendliness as interest or a sign of warmth, and they assume the girl becomes distant later simply because they're not worthy of her affections. Look up manic pixie dream girl or watch 500 Days of Summer. This isn't a woman misinterpreting the male psyche. It's a known type that a lot of men fall for, particularly young, inexperienced men. The term was coined by a man.
shadowplay Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Well, every building needs a janitor Regardless, definitely minority status; no disagreement there and happily so. It seems like you've kind of outgrown this saviour tendency, though. Or so I hope. (I want you to be happy )
shadowplay Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 I'll add in response to what Thaddeus wrote that I don't think women of this type of are consciously playing games with men. It's my belief that the way people act in social environments has a lot to do with subconscious conditioning. If somebody is rewarded with admirers or friends for acting a certain way, they will probably continue to act that way. And if there's nothing malicious about their behavior, why shouldn't they? Natural temperament also plays a role, of course.
Trialbyfire Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 shadowplay, correct me if I'm getting the wrong impression, but you make women who men want, out to be shallow and manipulative types, and men, to be somewhat dumb and shallow bunnies. I honestly hope that you don't believe that most men can be manipulated into falling in love with women who fake being decent human beings. Don't both genders deserve a little more credit than that and due to the opening post topic, men in particular?
shadowplay Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 shadowplay, correct me if I'm getting the wrong impression, but you make women who men want, out to be shallow and manipulative types, and men, to be somewhat dumb and shallow bunnies. I honestly hope that you don't believe that most men can be manipulated into falling in love with women who fake being decent human beings. Don't both genders deserve a little more credit than that and due to the opening post topic, men in particular? You are getting the wrong impression. First off, I'm talking about one type that many men like, not all. As I wrote above, I don't think women of this type are being manipulative or consciously acting a certain way. Men who do fall for this type (again not all), and particularly younger men, do tend to be rather shallow in how they perceive women. A lot of people, gender aside, are guilty of losing their judgment when it comes to love and lust. Love is irrational, as people have pointed out.
Thaddeus Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 watch 500 Days of Summer. This isn't a woman misinterpreting the male psyche. It's a known type that a lot of men fall for, particularly young, inexperienced men. The term was coined by a man.It's a movie. (I haven't seen it, not even remotely interested in seeing it.) Here's a hint to distinguish fantasy (movies) from reality (real relationships): When an actor is being paid to parrot someone else's words, and there are production people and lighting people and all the rest standing around and the result is a product created to appeal to a mass audience, it's fantasy. Got it?
Trialbyfire Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 That's because emotions aren't rational, shadow. But, they're controllable and the average man and woman, when looking for love, control themselves on a subconscious level or on both conscious and subconscious levels, based on their own laundry list of criteria and comfort levels. Maybe I'm naive but the vast majority of couples, are two decent, reasonably intelligent human beings who click and fall in love. This means that there are many, many types of men and many, many types of women. The hard part is finding the right type for you, which leads me back to bac and attempting to find a way to "make" a man fall in love. It ain't gonna' happen with the wrong type of guy.
shadowplay Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 It's a movie. (I haven't seen it, not even remotely interested in seeing it.) Here's a hint to distinguish fantasy (movies) from reality (real relationships): When an actor is being paid to parrot someone else's words, and there are production people and lighting people and all the rest standing around and the result is a product created to appeal to a mass audience, it's fantasy. Got it? Are you really that dense? This character type wouldn't be such a ubiquitous muse to men in art throughout history if it didn't have a basis in reality, which it does. The reason I point to the movie manifestation is because it's something we can both recognize, since we don't know any of the same people in real life. As I wrote, I've known many women like this, and even more men who've fallen for them.
shadowplay Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 That's because emotions aren't rational, shadow. But, they're controllable and the average man and woman, when looking for love, control themselves on a subconscious level or on both conscious and subconscious levels, based on their own laundry list of criteria and comfort levels. Maybe I'm naive but the vast majority of couples, are two decent, reasonably intelligent human beings who click and fall in love. This means that there are many, many types of men and many, many types of women. The hard part is finding the right type for you, which leads me back to bac and attempting to find a way to "make" a man fall in love. It ain't gonna' happen with the wrong type of guy. I realize that there are many types that men fall for. I think I wrote that in my original post. I was describing the type that, in my experience, attracts the widest breadth of men. Not sure what you mean by "attempting to find a way to "make" a man fall in love." I don't think there's any conscious manipulation going on with this women. Nor do I have any desire to try to be like these women. I do think there are healthy behaviors that all people can employ to improve their ability to attract mates. "Why Men Like Bitches" gives a nice summation.
Kamille Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 While I understand perfectly what type of women Shadow is talking about, and even know the type of men who look for a manic pixie dream girl, I can tell you that men don't fall in love with the women they are drawn too because of their "pixie-ness". Because, let's face it, no woman is like that in real life, so the men who think they've landed themselves a manic pixie dream girl are soon disapointed to find out that no, the girl is a real life woman and she won't stay ethereal forever. And I wouldn't say these men have a very shallow view of women. They just have a very "exotic" view of themselves. These men are often artists who themselves are drawn to a bohemian lifestyle. In my experience, they're men who are in love with being in love, but absolute disasters at relationships. Basically, what I'm saying is, I think Shadow and I hang out in the same type of artsy crowds, so I know what she's talking about I've been mistaken on occasion for a manic pixie dream girl. Not that I'm one, just that it is a fantasy that some men project onto women, but in my experience it's impossible to establish a relationship with someone who only views you as a fantasy. And Shadow, in my experience, most men grow out of it - especially when they meet someone with whom they truly click.
carhill Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 The hard part is finding the right type for you, which leads me back to bac and attempting to find a way to "make" a man fall in love. It ain't gonna' happen with the wrong type of guy. IMO, she's suffering from some of the same issues I did, trying to mold circumstances and/or people to fit me or mold myself to fit with them. Through much trial and error, and a good psychologist, I found that acceptance of those realities is a far healthier choice. Accept and celebrate the differences and unfruitful potentials as being part of the path of life. It is still a path, regardless of what does or does not come along. If the OP projects her authentic self, I'm sure she will find the path fruitful
Trialbyfire Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 IMO, she's suffering from some of the same issues I did, trying to mold circumstances and/or people to fit me or mold myself to fit with them. Through much trial and error, and a good psychologist, I found that acceptance of those realities is a far healthier choice. Accept and celebrate the differences and unfruitful potentials as being part of the path of life. It is still a path, regardless of what does or does not come along. If the OP projects her authentic self, I'm sure she will find the path fruitful Good insight carhill.
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