carhill Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Why are there so many confirmed bachelors in the world? If people can't stop themselves from falling in love, these guys would be toast! Confirmed bachelors disconnect their emotions from their actions, as I explained. I know of one in particular who is a friend who fits that mold perfectly. He doesn't get close to anyone, not even men, and he's nearly my age. He's pushed away some really good people of late as we finally get tired of that. He constantly attracts women, beautiful, successful women, but has never had a real lasting relationship with one. One occasionally gets glimpses of his emotions, but then they are gone, like the cold winter wind. Anyway, that's a great example. Confirmed bachelor meets infatuated woman. He's distant, even if affectionate and sexual. She engages her emotions, perhaps inappropriately, and feels and falls in love. Once she sees the reality of who he is (this type is never authentic at the start), she has to process that love in a healthy way. This can all happen (and I've seen it happen to my male friend, and it's currently happening) without even 'dating'. It's an aura, an environment. People get hurt. The reverse has happened, to me. It has happened with single and attached women. Inappropriate with the attached women, yes, but the feelings were still there and had to be processed. You know, something just occurred to me...... I rarely if ever see you use experiences from your personal life to illustrate points, rather question everyone else's experiences and motivations. Why is that? This is exactly how my male friend operates. He rarely shares of himself. Hmmm....
Trialbyfire Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 You've forgotten the realm of unrequited love (not with an attached person) since your psychology isn't wired that way. It happens, more than you know. I've heard enough of it from female friends over the decades to know it happens for women. Again, they don't act on their feelings and/or process them to a healthier state. The same can apply to a man. Men are just more reluctant to talk about it, and feelings in general. Loss of face.To repost a clarification to my previously deleted post, if love isn't controllable, why would there be so many confirmed bachelors in the world? If confirmed bachelors are unable to control falling in love, they would be falling in love with at least one of the women they dated. Instead, most confirmed bachelors know the danger signs of a strong emotional attraction and will distance themselves before it becomes an issue. I'm focusing on men, since this is a "why men fall in love" thread. I would say the same thing happens with confirmed bachelorettes.
carhill Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 I know you have a great man and your family is an ideal one. That's really all I know and I've been here for a year and a half. Maybe the OP could benefit from the wisdom of those ideal males. I know I could.
Trialbyfire Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Ideal for me, isn't ideal for someone else. Everyone has positive and negative triggers, where some have some of those wires crossed, as well. I like what I have. Not everyone will like what I have. And if you refer to my post that begins with "Of what I've noticed", this is from personal experience of past and present relationships and third party observations, of how men fall or don't fall in love.
OpenBook Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Men fall in love with us when they can't have us. It's as simple as that. Makes no fruckin' sense though. You'd think they would take First Available, since they are so lazy by nature on the relationship front.
carhill Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Men, what do you think of what makes you fall in love with a female? I've noticed that a nice body, a bitchy attitude, and withholding sex go a long way
oasis Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Men fall in love with us when they can't have us. It's as simple as that. Makes no fruckin' sense though. You'd think they would take First Available, since they are so lazy by nature on the relationship front. I totally agree with this.
Sam Spade Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Men fall in love with us when they can't have us. It's as simple as that. Makes no fruckin' sense though. You'd think they would take First Available, since they are so lazy by nature on the relationship front. Whatever .
carhill Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 IDK, I've noticed a lifetime of unavailable and/or uninterested women and have only 'fallen in love' with two (and they were both emotionally unavailable, cr@p) YMMV
Author bac Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 To repost a clarification to my previously deleted post, if love isn't controllable, why would there be so many confirmed bachelors in the world? If confirmed bachelors are unable to control falling in love, they would be falling in love with at least one of the women they dated. Instead, most confirmed bachelors know the danger signs of a strong emotional attraction and will distance themselves before it becomes an issue. I disagree that bachelors do it on puporse. They have no idea how to fall in love because they do not have a chip in their brains. Men's brains are wired by sex and they lack chips of emotions. Men have a poor idea of what falling in love means. I am sure many men just do not have it at all. They believe that falling in love is a predictable result of chasing/shopping for the right girl. Females' brains are wired on emotions and they lack chips of sex. Many women have never had an orgasm in their life and have no idea how to have it. If you tell men about it, they would never believe that it is a common thing. And, if you say a woman, that some men do not even understand what falling in love means, women would not believe it as well. Because for females falling in love(feelings and emotions) comes as naturally as to men comes the ability to masturbate and have orgasm.
Trialbyfire Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 bac, to clarify, I'm talking about confirmed bachelors v. bachelors. A confirmed bachelor has already made the decision to never attach to anyone, on a conscious level. A bachelor is one who just isn't attached, for any number of reasons where not meeting the right person, is more prevalent. Almost every single person is born with the inherent capacity to love. The ability to love is then honed or destroyed, with foundational years and experiences.
alphamale Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Men, what do you think of what makes you fall in love with a female? i really don't know but thats what makes it so interesting and subjective
Kamille Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 i really don't know but thats what makes it so interesting and subjective And rewarding when it happens. Men fall in love with us when they can't have us. It's as simple as that. Makes no fruckin' sense though. You'd think they would take First Available, since they are so lazy by nature on the relationship front. I disagree. Men are far from lazy on the relationship front, which is precisely why it's important not to settle for a man who won't make any effort to meet a woman halfway. I decide how I want to be treated in a relationship, and if it doesn't meet my needs, then it is up to me to either bring it up, review my expectations or leave. Men have a poor idea of what falling in love means. I disagree that this is specific to men or that men have a poor idea what falling in love means. We all differ in what we think love means and what we want out of a partner. I think the men who view finding a partner more as a "shopping" thing are likely looking for someone who is drama free, grounded, balanced. Believing that men are somehow deficient when it comes to love might lend a woman in a great many unsatisfactory relationships. It isn't true. Men are perfectly capable of love. As has been mentioned, however, you cannot "make" a man fall in love. In such cases, women often assume the problem lies with their partner, instead of ending the relationship and meeting someone who can love them the way they deserve to be loved.
shadowplay Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Every guy is different, and falls for different things. That said, in my experience the type of woman who will get the widest range of guys falling for her is a variant of the "manic pixie dream girl" prototype. 1. attractive 2. self confident and slightly narcissistic 3. has a lot of friends/admirers, which inflates her value in the eyes of the man. 4. busy, busy, busy. a woman who is always on the go and engaged in a ton of activities. 5. unavailable in some way which can include any of the following: a) not interested in the guy or loses interest early on b) interested but doesn't see her boyfriend very often because of her busy schedule. c) somewhat emotionally distant in that she rarely reveals any vulnerability, even to her partner. this kind of woman attracts a few main types: 1) the young, inexperienced, beta males who tend to put unavailable women on pedestals because of their low self esteem. 2) the commitment phobes who are also entranced by her unavailability for obvious reasons. 3) the narcissists who are looking for a trophy girlfriend and somebody who isn't so easily impressed with them. Basically the bottom line is unavailable. Most (but not all) men like women who are unavailable in some form or another.
Kamille Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Or men like women who won't rely on them to fullfill their every emotional needs.
shadowplay Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Or men like women who won't rely on them to fullfill their every emotional needs. that's true too, but I think you're talking about the other extreme. There's a wide range of women between the two that some men will overlook because they're "pining for" the unavailable types.
alphamale Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 that's true too, but I think you're talking about the other extreme. There's a wide range of women between the two that some men will overlook because they're "pedestalizing" the unavailable types. infatuation and love are two different things
shadowplay Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 infatuation and love are two different things They are, but the line is fuzzier between falling in love and infatuation. A lot of people, especially men in my observation, have trouble telling the difference. What might seem like the falling in love stage looks like infatuation later if nothing materializes from it or if they go unreciprocated. Conversely the same feelings will seem like falling in love if they outlive the honeymoon and are reciprocated.
alphamale Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 They are, but the line is fuzzier between falling in love and infatuation. A lot of people, especially men in my observation, have trouble telling the difference. most people have trouble telling the difference, including women. how else would you explain all the bizarre relationships in existence? also keep in mind that its mostly women who start relationships AND end them
Trialbyfire Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 But shadow, what you're saying is in direct conflict with your personal experiences with men. Weren't you the one saying that men are put off by you because they view you, erroneous or not, as being cold? That's a form of unavailability.
Thaddeus Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 I find it more than mildly amusing that there are all these women in here that apparently know the male psyche better than men themselves. Personally, I've had it up to my proverbial eyebrows with narcissists, unavailable types (whether they're unavailable in reality or it's some sort of game) and those who insist on getting 100% of their man but are unwilling to give 100% of themselves. There are something like 3 billion women in the world. The world is swimming in attractive, available women. Life's too short to play games. NEXT..!
carhill Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 There are something like 3 billion women in the world. The world is swimming in attractive, available women. Life's too short to play games. NEXT..! I'm a man and I approve this message
alphamale Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 the ability to fall in love for both men and women comes down to age and maturity level. we all play games when we're young. when you're older and presumably more "mature" people are less willing to put up with the bull****. and neither sex has any more insight into how or why we fall in love. it just happens. thats what it basically comes down to.
Author bac Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 Interestingly, men typically claim that they are more rational and logical than females are. But men do not understand themselves pretty much. It looks like they have no idea of how it happens to them that they fall in love. I am a female and I know for sure how I can fall in love with any man. It is so simple. If sex is wonderful, I will fall in love. As for a man, it is simple as well. If sex is wonderful, he just have an orgasm.
alphamale Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 I am a female and I know for sure how I can fall in love with any man. It is so simple. If sex is wonderful, I will fall in love. thats a pretty stupid reason to "fall in love"...but i think it is true for some women. the thing you're forgetting is that if you're having sex with him then he has already passed a number of tests.
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