bac Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 From what I understand about men, some men can fall in love, but some are not able to fall in love. I am talking about the situations when men have real relationships with sex. Is it like some men have emotional potential in their brains for that? So they are prone to fall in love and, therefore, they do that when they meet someone who seems right for falling in love. In other words, falling in love is their sexual fantasy and they want it to happen. Is it like the men who are not able to fall in love lack a chip of ability for intimacy in their brains? In other words, it is some kind of inborn emotional inability. And they do not have any fantasies of falling in love. As a female, I can not even imagine that having no such fantasies is possible. Is it possible? What things make men fall in love with a female? From my experience, obviously, it is not a great sex, not a love of a female for him, not a beauty of her, not a special age. Men, what do you think of what makes you fall in love with a female?
samspade Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I think you might actually be talking about two different types of men. There is the guy who falls in love immediately with a woman he's just met. Essentially, he has fallen in love with the IDEA of falling in love with her. Unfortunately, he is likely to place her on a pedestal, and chase her at the expense of all other options. He has confused infatuation with love, and in his blindness, has embarked on a desperate mission to convert her. He is doomed to heartbreak. The other guy is a man with options. Although he is capable of falling in love, he is less likely to feel that way so soon. Why? Because he doesn't need to. He will only surrender that much trust if and when he's met a woman who has earned it. And that comes from the experience of dating many women. So while many of those women he's been through and dumped may rationalize that he's incapable of falling in love, the truth is, he's just not desperate enough to fall in love with HER. In summary, every man has the potential to fall in love. It's the ones who protect their hearts and are willing to be patient and shop around who are less likely to jump in - and less likely to be disappointed.
Thaddeus Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I think this is an excellent question. What makes a man fall in love? I think it's a combination of physical attractiveness, mutual interests and a general sense of well-being when a man is with his woman. What KEEPS a man in love? Number one is sex. Full stop. After that, there are a number of components, not much different than the combination referenced above. There are those (both men and women) who, for whatever reason, just can't seem to be able to fall in love. Some might say it's due to childhood trauma, previous relationship drama or any number of things. But since "love" is primarily a biochemical state that happens inside the brain and is largely out of our conscious control, I imagine 99% of the population regardless of gender certainly has the ability to fall in love. There is one primary gender difference, though. A man can fall in love, fall out of love and fall back in love with the same person. A woman, on the other hand, may fall in love and fall out of love, but very seldom - I've never seen it, personally - will fall back in love with the same person. No idea why that's the case, but it seems to be true.
Hkizzle Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I think you might actually be talking about two different types of men. There is the guy who falls in love immediately with a woman he's just met. Essentially, he has fallen in love with the IDEA of falling in love with her. Unfortunately, he is likely to place her on a pedestal, and chase her at the expense of all other options. He has confused infatuation with love, and in his blindness, has embarked on a desperate mission to convert her. He is doomed to heartbreak. The other guy is a man with options. Although he is capable of falling in love, he is less likely to feel that way so soon. Why? Because he doesn't need to. He will only surrender that much trust if and when he's met a woman who has earned it. And that comes from the experience of dating many women. So while many of those women he's been through and dumped may rationalize that he's incapable of falling in love, the truth is, he's just not desperate enough to fall in love with HER. In summary, every man has the potential to fall in love. It's the ones who protect their hearts and are willing to be patient and shop around who are less likely to jump in - and less likely to be disappointed. I will go with Samspade's answer over Thaddeus's although thaddeus always gives good answers. But I will disagree with Samspade over one thing. I don't think every man has the potential to fall in love. Maybe at birth, but some men become so messed up over time they become total aholes, narcissitical, and just unable to connect with a woman properly.
Author bac Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 I think you might actually be talking about two different types of men. There is the guy who falls in love immediately with a woman he's just met. Essentially, he has fallen in love with the IDEA of falling in love with her. Unfortunately, he is likely to place her on a pedestal, and chase her at the expense of all other options. He has confused infatuation with love, and in his blindness, has embarked on a desperate mission to convert her. He is doomed to heartbreak. The other guy is a man with options. Although he is capable of falling in love, he is less likely to feel that way so soon. Why? Because he doesn't need to. He will only surrender that much trust if and when he's met a woman who has earned it. And that comes from the experience of dating many women. So while many of those women he's been through and dumped may rationalize that he's incapable of falling in love, the truth is, he's just not desperate enough to fall in love with HER. I think you might actually be talking about two different types of men. When I said falling in love I meant just feelings and emotions. As a female, I do not think that falling in love is a rational choice based on reasoning. Sorting out options has nothing to do with falling in love. Sorting out options is a rational thing during shopping. If you have a list of qualities of a perfect girl and you are looking for her, it is just SHOPPING for a woman. Love has nothing to do with lists of qualities. First you fall in love, then you start to see that girl differently than all other people. Because you in love with her, you see her perfect, beautiful, kind, sexy and special. When I mentioned the men who could not fall in love, I meant the men who are shopping for the right person. Falling in love has nothing to do with a rational choice, it is an unconcious thing which is sometimes irrational. It is not the same as looking for a wife. Because getting married is a rational, practical choice for most people. As for looking for a wife, it is often kind of shopping.
Kamille Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 A man will fall in love with a woman who expects no less of him. If you're looking for love Bac, don't ever settle for less.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Bac, I have to disagree with your statements about falling in love. Guys DO tend to be more rational before allowing themselves to fall in love. I've seen it. It's not that they're "shopping for the perfect partner," it's that they're making sure they are making the right choice. I get the impression that guys are actually MUCH more afraid of getting hurt. They DO "see her perfect, beautiful, kind, sexy and special" BEFORE falling in love with her. Guys are much more calculated about it. But even so - I notice a man as "special" before I fall in love with him. I start to fall in love with all the little aspects, all the little puzzle pieces, before I fall for the whole picture. When I notice that I adore and love ALL the little pieces is when I know I'm doomed. LOL
boogieboy Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 When I said falling in love I meant just feelings and emotions. As a female, I do not think that falling in love is a rational choice based on reasoning. Sorting out options has nothing to do with falling in love. Sorting out options is a rational thing during shopping. If you have a list of qualities of a perfect girl and you are looking for her, it is just SHOPPING for a woman. Love has nothing to do with lists of qualities. First you fall in love, then you start to see that girl differently than all other people. Because you in love with her, you see her perfect, beautiful, kind, sexy and special. When I mentioned the men who could not fall in love, I meant the men who are shopping for the right person. Falling in love has nothing to do with a rational choice, it is an unconcious thing which is sometimes irrational. It is not the same as looking for a wife. Because getting married is a rational, practical choice for most people. As for looking for a wife, it is often kind of shopping. Yeah but your projecting your womans idea of falling in love where you want it, thinking men should fall in love the same way you do. Its not like that. Men are analytical and rational, while women are emotional first. Guys arent irrational or let unconcious feelings jump in too often. Guys rationally put the idea together of what he likes about a woman and sometimes he falls in love with her. Actually its mostly infatuation first. Sometimes it just happens, but guys to do think about it first. I know I dont like for it to happen before i think about it. So if youre wondering about why a guy you liked didnt fall in love with YOU in particular, its because there was someone out there he liked better, and he had options.
Author bac Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 So if youre wondering about why a guy you liked didnt fall in love with YOU in particular, its because there was someone out there he liked better, and he had options. There is always someone out there who is better. On any young woman there are many women younger. On any beautiful woman there are many women even more beautiful. Everyone has options. For example, on this forum, some guys in 20s stated that they felt in love with 10-yrs older women. I am sure they have options to look for something better, but they do not want. Why?
boogieboy Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 There is always someone out there who is better. On any young woman there are many women younger. On any beautiful woman there are many women even more beautiful. Everyone has options. For example, on this forum, some guys in 20s stated that they felt in love with 10-yrs older women. I am sure they have options to look for something better, but they do not want. Why? You only look for something better when youre not satisfied with what you have presently. Has nothing to do with age.
bhweller Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Bac, I have to disagree with your statements about falling in love. Guys DO tend to be more rational before allowing themselves to fall in love. I've seen it. It's not that they're "shopping for the perfect partner," it's that they're making sure they are making the right choice. I get the impression that guys are actually MUCH more afraid of getting hurt. They DO "see her perfect, beautiful, kind, sexy and special" BEFORE falling in love with her. Guys are much more calculated about it. But even so - I notice a man as "special" before I fall in love with him. I start to fall in love with all the little aspects, all the little puzzle pieces, before I fall for the whole picture. When I notice that I adore and love ALL the little pieces is when I know I'm doomed. LOL I am sorry, not trying to be a troll, but your post shows that you do not know what men are thinking, and you might benefit by hearing from a man. There are two main types of men in the dating arena, the ones who are looking for love and the ones who are the true confirmed bachelor type. If a woman goes out with a guy a few times, its fun, they have sex, and the man just doesn't pursue her, it almost always means that he is just the true bachelor type. He wasn't looking for love and he wants it to end before there is any drama. This type will do their shopping for women, but its mostly about looks, having fun, and of course having sex. the men looking for love will do their shopping, but they will stop that immediately as soon as a sweet affectionate acting girl decides to go out with him more than a couple times. At that point it is up to the girl whether or not she wants something serious, because the love seeker guy is on her hook already.
Author bac Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 You only look for something better when youre not satisfied with what you have presently. Has nothing to do with age. Satisfaction is not about the real need, it is about the attitude. Normally, people take for granted what they already have. And they tend to look for more and more to satisfy themselves even better.
boogieboy Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Satisfaction is not about the real need, it is about the attitude. Normally, people take for granted what they already have. And they tend to look for more and more to satisfy themselves even better. Eh, then maybe I should rephrase. When someone isnt "doing it" for you and you fall out of love, you look for someone better.
Sam Spade Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Haha, so mostly *women* invaded the thread to explan how *guys* fall in love , typical - "No, no, that's how you should feel and act when around us :p" Bhweller and Thaddeus have the closest to reality explanations, however, IMO.
gypsy_nicky Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 so there's only two ways for our sex to fall in love??? I don't think so.
Kamille Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Haha, so mostly *women* invaded the thread to explan how *guys* fall in love , typical - "No, no, that's how you should feel and act when around us :p" Bhweller and Thaddeus have the closest to reality explanations, however, IMO. Didn't realize two women made it an invasion!
Author bac Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 Food...... That and intimacy...... I have tried with food. Men do not care for food and I have just wasted my time and money to feed them their favorite foods.
carhill Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 You forgot the intimacy part. Food is the love part. You can have love without intimacy. I've become a master at it, out of necessity.
Trialbyfire Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Of what I've noticed in men, they fall in lust, then get infatuated, then, sometimes, in love. Many times, it never exceeds the second step although it's their belief that they do, since infatuation, can spike up their emotions. Bac, falling in love is irrational. I've yet to meet a single person who can pinpoint exactly what laundry list of characteristics, cause them to fall in love with someone. For that matter, men are individuals, with individual laundry lists of characteristics. Some prefer women who are very frou-frou, others prefer someone more pragmatic. Some men NEED and will create drama in a relationship, others run like the wind when drama ensues and worse yet, some create drama, then run like the wind when it happens. Love is controllable, in that you can stop yourself from falling in love for whatever your reasons. I just don't believe you can position yourself, to "make" someone fall in love with you. I will state that some of the guys do their own gender, a strong disservice. While sex is an important ingredient in viable, long-term relationships, it's not the only foundation block that causes a man to stay in love. But a man will more likely remain in a relationship, if the sex is good, rather than for many other reasons. This doesn't mean he's still in love or ever had been in love. It just means he can continue to get his rocks off with someone he's comfortable with, which translates to having no respect for his partner.
carhill Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Maybe a better way of stating it is you can't control the emotions of falling in love but can control the actions and behaviors associated with those emotions....
carhill Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Hey, I'm in control mode so I figured I'd throw that in
Trialbyfire Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Maybe a better way of stating it is you can't control the emotions of falling in love but can control the actions and behaviors associated with those emotions....Everyone knows the warning signals of being attracted to someone else. When this happens, if the person distances themselves, they can stop from falling in love. Otherwise, everyone would either be an OW, OM or cheater.
wuggle Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Everyone knows the warning signals of being attracted to someone else. Again I disagree with what is IMO another sweeping generalisation.
carhill Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Otherwise, everyone would either be an OW, OM or cheater. You've forgotten the realm of unrequited love (not with an attached person) since your psychology isn't wired that way. It happens, more than you know. I've heard enough of it from female friends over the decades to know it happens for women. Again, they don't act on their feelings and/or process them to a healthier state. The same can apply to a man. Men are just more reluctant to talk about it, and feelings in general. Loss of face.
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