westrock Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 confindent men are usually the "bad boys"....non confident men are usually the "nice guys" the key is to find one who is in between, and they are rare indeed Most "bad boys" only appear confident, but most are actually insecure.
loveslife Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Ya know, Hkizzle, it's occurred to me that maybe you should try hanging out in a different circle and go to different places now that you want different things than you've wanted before. Nice girls who are looking for nice guys don't generally go to clubs. IME. They do more interesting things. And it seems like the women you know are really messed up. They're in abusive relationships, single mothers, women who like bad boys, etc. And sometimes the things you say the women you know have said are just so alien to me. I don't know anyone who would say those things. I guess I've been thinking for a while that the sampling of people you know are not going to get you what you're looking for now.
alphamale Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Most "bad boys" only appear confident, but most are actually insecure. so what?!? this is america, the land of superficiality
loveslife Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Most "bad boys" only appear confident, but most are actually insecure. Very true. A secure man doesn't need to trick a woman into doing anything.
donnamaybe Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Lol, I just find it interesting that no woman ever even mentions the word confident, that's all! Well, the "nice" guy I had mentioned who was interested in me but not I in him now HAS a gal who is just fine with him being a doormat. But she's one sandwich short of a picnic, so they make a fine couple. So there probably ARE some women who don't care about confidence and just want someone they can boss around who will pay their way.
eiithan Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 This is where the argument starts to go sideways, because basically it comes down to semantics. The "nice guy" is often defined by either being a doormat or being a manipulator (search for "covert contracts"). I highly doubt that our friend donnamaybe's man is a "nice guy" in one of those senses. It sounds, at least how she describes him, as a honorable man that's willing to extend himself without expecting anything in return. That's light-years away from the "nice guy" described above and in materials like No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover. While I agree that it is a matter of semantics, I did bring it up because it was juxtaposed against "bad boys" and I felt that perhaps some women posting on this thread have different ideas about what constitutes a nice guy. Not having read No More Mr Nice Guy, in fact I have been quite confused whenever the subject of nice guy came up. Thanks for the definition by the way :-)
Island Girl Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Ok I'll bite. Whenever a woman's with a man she will pretty much always justify her choice. I have never heard a woman say "my man is an ahole" because when she comes to her conclusion she will dump the guy. Hence loads of women with bad boys say their bad boy bfs are nice simply because they are emotionally attracted. I haven't read through the entire thread -- but was struck by this. Hkizzle - my man was King Playa before we got together. I was the female version. Somehow when we met we connected and STUCK. And I mean stuck. Stuck in a way that most people can't fathom. He is nice. He is wonderful to me. HOWEVER what saves him from being discarded, by me, as others have been is as much as he loves me and is devoted to me, etc. He is not a doormat. Not ever. Not in anyway. I know full well if I were to treat him like crap he'd call me on it and if I continued - he'd walk. And you know what? So would I. I am not his doormat either. ** I think when you were being the "nice guy" and getting turned down at the club you were being a persona you aren't comfortable with. That air about you would be unattractive. ** When you were being "gay" you were probably laughing inside -- at your little game -- and that air about you would be disarming and engaging. ** Being the Player Jerk is something you know how to do given that is your former self so it isn't surprising at all that you'd be confident with that. I'm sure it is comfortable like putting on a worn T-shirt. As far as this "women do not want nice guys" there is so much more to it than nice or not nice. It isn't about being a bad boy -- because if you aren't a bad boy it will not come off well. Woman can tell if you are comfortable so a guy needs to be true to himself. True to his own nature and confident in what he has to offer. A confident guy - whether deemed nice, a jerk, a playa, whatever - who is comfortable with himself is attractive. But he should also maintain a back bone and not allow anyone to walk all over him or when a woman says jump ask "how high?" THAT is what is not attractive. THAT is what no woman will ever really want or be happy with.
Author Hkizzle Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 Very true. A secure man doesn't need to trick a woman into doing anything. That's besides the point. All he needs to do is trick her and can ruin her confidence and life. It's like a flu virus. Don't need to respect it, but it still does damage.
Art_Critic Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 WOMEN ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO NICE GUYS! I don't think that is true.. I have always been a nice guy and never had any trouble pulling women..ever.. till I was in my late 30's and divorced, women used to ask me out for dates and I didn't have to go searching for them.. I do know that when I was younger my maturity level affected the "niceness" of my nice guy image. As I got older I also got wiser.. but the nice guy is still there..
Island Girl Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 So there probably ARE some women who don't care about confidence and just want someone they can boss around who will pay their way. There are -- thank GAWD they are few and far between. They make me just ill.
alphamale Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I have always been a nice guy and never had any trouble pulling women..ever.. till I was in my late 30's and divorced, women used to ask me out for dates and I didn't have to go searching for them... thats cause you're rich
loveslife Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 As far as this "women do not want nice guys" there is so much more to it than nice or not nice. I think this point is generally overlooked entirely in threads like this one.
loveslife Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 That's besides the point. All he needs to do is trick her and can ruin her confidence and life. It's like a flu virus. Don't need to respect it, but it still does damage. It's only beside the point depending on the point one is trying to make.
Art_Critic Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 thats cause you're rich I would think that money helped that much.. form the outside looking in I looked like any other smuck.. But.... Owning a business does have the perceived outside look of having money.. There have been women that dated me for my toys, but mostly I don't think it changed anything.. I always used to say that if I can talk to a woman that she is mine.. all it used to take is a nice conversation and she was hooked...
Author Hkizzle Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 Ya know, Hkizzle, it's occurred to me that maybe you should try hanging out in a different circle and go to different places now that you want different things than you've wanted before. Nice girls who are looking for nice guys don't generally go to clubs. IME. They do more interesting things. And it seems like the women you know are really messed up. They're in abusive relationships, single mothers, women who like bad boys, etc. And sometimes the things you say the women you know have said are just so alien to me. I don't know anyone who would say those things. I guess I've been thinking for a while that the sampling of people you know are not going to get you what you're looking for now. Actually, I am interacting with Normal women. Just that I've been doing A LOT of digging for problems women have since I've been writing a book. I mean for example if somewhere between 5-10% of women have dated abusive men at some point in their lives that's a lot already! A lot of girls of course don't talk to me about their problems since they've got none. But I would say 1/3 of women gravitate towards bad men.
loveslife Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Yeah, the more I think about it the more it is clear to me that your environment is a really toxic one. Find some kind people to hang out with and I think your attitude and view of people will greatly improve.
Art_Critic Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I meant to say wouldn't I wouldn't think that money helped that much.. from the outside looking in I looked like any other smuck..
stace79 Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Actually, I am interacting with Normal women. Just that I've been doing A LOT of digging for problems women have since I've been writing a book. I mean for example if somewhere between 5-10% of women have dated abusive men at some point in their lives that's a lot already! A lot of girls of course don't talk to me about their problems since they've got none. But I would say 1/3 of women gravitate towards bad men. Oh geez, that will be the most misguided book EVER. What ACTUAL research are you doing besides just talking to people? Have you ever even had a stats class in college? And, you still haven't responded to my argument.
Author Hkizzle Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 As far as this "women do not want nice guys" there is so much more to it than nice or not nice. It isn't about being a bad boy -- because if you aren't a bad boy it will not come off well. Woman can tell if you are comfortable so a guy needs to be true to himself. True to his own nature and confident in what he has to offer. A confident guy - whether deemed nice, a jerk, a playa, whatever - who is comfortable with himself is attractive. But he should also maintain a back bone and not allow anyone to walk all over him or when a woman says jump ask "how high?" THAT is what is not attractive. THAT is what no woman will ever really want or be happy with. Right, spot on! You're one of the few women that actually admit to this. If more women actually understood this about themselves and admitted it, they wouldn't be in a friggin "my man stopped calling, what do I do?"
Author Hkizzle Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 Oh geez, that will be the most misguided book EVER. What ACTUAL research are you doing besides just talking to people? Have you ever even had a stats class in college? And, you still haven't responded to my argument. Well, of course I am not going to report the results from the female side. I was just going to explain the male behaviors. For me to get a cross segment of the female population across socio economic classes, and that's statistically significant I would need to have a team. I was getting info from women just to see what's been affecting them and what they find important, so I can then tell them why men think and do the things they do, and how to spot it. The 5-10% of women that have dated abusive men btw can be found on the internet, for US and some other countries. This thread is research too. Drunk research, lol.
Waitress Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Right, spot on! You're one of the few women that actually admit to this. If more women actually understood this about themselves and admitted it, they wouldn't be in a friggin "my man stopped calling, what do I do?" Island Girl, the great misogynist Hkizzle just approved of what you said! That's like receiving a gold star. :lmao::lmao:
Island Girl Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Right, spot on! You're one of the few women that actually admit to this. If more women actually understood this about themselves and admitted it, they wouldn't be in a friggin "my man stopped calling, what do I do?" Thanks. Please explain the comment: if women knew this - or admitted it they wouldn't be in a friggin "my man stopped calling, what do I do?" Because I am not following. Sorry HK Island Girl, the great misogynist Hkizzle just approved of what you said! That's like receiving a gold star. :lmao::lmao: I'm loved. I've always been really good with men. HA!
C-i-C-u Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 And still no response. Ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lmao: SO f'ing predictable! Perhaps it's mere boredom that keeps them away. Maybe it's becaue you immediately didn't go for the "nice" guy. You intentionally went for the jerk first and he knew you were interested and you both used eachother. So when you broke up-regardless of who did it-you both went on your ways. You looked for another jerk and another girl looking for a jerk found him. It wasn't until you had had your fill that you decided to give a chance to a nice guy. And I don't mean what samspade means. A nice guy is not the way he described. A nice guy is something comfortable in his skin who does not play social roles to get that p ussy. The only problem is that once women start paying any attention to him they have already had sex with more men than what can be counted using all fingers. It's just what I don't get. You won't either so I will just shut up and go back to my solitude.
Author Hkizzle Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 Thanks. Please explain the comment: if women knew this - or admitted it they wouldn't be in a friggin "my man stopped calling, what do I do?" Because I am not following. Sorry HK I'm loved. I've always been really good with men. HA! Lol I love it how the girl above you called my a misogynist. I don't even know what they word means, you Americans are so friggin "sex wars" sensitive. I started a thread for interesting discussion, I have no hate for women. This is part of my research. Stop the sex wars insecurity, I find it no where else in the world. sorry, back to my point. Many women fall for jerks without understand BOTH jerks AND themselves enough. If they really understood what they truly wanted then they wouldn't go for any confident man that comes along to fill their void. They would be able to identify and spot the nice and confident guys. Instead they go for whoever creates the chemisty and then months later, come of this board asking why their boyfriend has stopped calling?
donnamaybe Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Maybe it's becaue you immediately didn't go for the "nice" guy. You intentionally went for the jerk first and he knew you were interested and you both used eachother. So when you broke up-regardless of who did it-you both went on your ways. You looked for another jerk and another girl looking for a jerk found him. It wasn't until you had had your fill that you decided to give a chance to a nice guy. And I don't mean what samspade means. A nice guy is not the way he described. A nice guy is something comfortable in his skin who does not play social roles to get that p ussy. The only problem is that once women start paying any attention to him they have already had sex with more men than what can be counted using all fingers. It's just what I don't get. You won't either so I will just shut up and go back to my solitude. Nice little novel - out of your very vivid imagination. Yes, please go back to your well earned solitude.
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