melyssa Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I don't even know where to start.. My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years. Our relationship seemed to have been rushed when we first met, but that's in the past now. I had our daughter on December 1st, 2007 and a lot of my friends told me to be prepared that my sex drive that I use to have would now be gone. They were right. But, after she got older I got it back because I wasn't so stressed or exhausted. Now, my husband and I constantly bicker over something... We don't cuddle anymore, we haven't had sex in god.. Months! If I'm watching tv he'll be on the computer, or visa versa. We hardly spend any time together. It seems like the romance and the spark we once had when we first got together is completely gone. I sometimes feel like maybe he isn't attracted to me what so ever. Which I wouldn't blame him... I was a heavyset girl to begin with, but after having my daughter.. Bleh, it's worse. But if I say something about my weight he says he still loves me and I'm as beautiful as before. I just don't know what to do.. Everytime he tries to kiss on me, or "get me going" I just push him off and yell for him to stop. I feel so bad because sometimes I just get so angry and we end up fighting. I don't want him to cheat on me because I won't put out, but I'm starting to wonder if things would be better if he did... Any ideas on how I can reclaim the love we once had? or is it just lost hope?
Shoshana Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I had our daughter on December 1st, 2007 and a lot of my friends told me to be prepared that my sex drive that I use to have would now be gone. They were right. But, after she got older I got it back because I wasn't so stressed or exhausted. . . . Everytime he tries to kiss on me, or "get me going" I just push him off and yell for him to stop. If you have your sex drive back, why do you stop him when he tries to be intimate with you? If it's not a sex drive issue, then I am going to suggest that you have some kind of resentment you're holding onto which is making you not want intimacy from your husband. Counseling would go a long way towards helping with that. You also alluded to the fact that you feel unattractive. Even if your husband is WILDLY attracted to you - and he may be! - if you truly feel unattractive, you're sending a vibe that is going to inadvertently make him avoid you. Do yourself a big favor - fall in love with yourself! If you don't like the way you feel, make a commitment to yourself to start treating your body and your spirit better. Go for walks, get some exercise, eat foods that are good for your body, read things that are positive, find yourself spiritually. I guarantee that once you begin to see the beauty in yourself, you will be radiant! Just my two cents. Best of luck to you...
hopeful1980 Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 During those times when you are doing separate things, why don't you just go over to him and cuddle with him? Somebody has to make the first move and since you want things to change it may as well be you. Be the change you want to see in the marriage and see if he doesn't respond in a positive way.
Lauriebell82 Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 You sometimes wish he would cheat on you? Ugh, you two need to talk. I think you may be rejecting him sexually because you unconsciously are trying to drive him away. Do you think that would be easier then trying to work things out? Why don't you sit down and tell him everything you just told us? Marriage is about communication. He is still saying he loves you, therefore if he really does he will be willing to sit down and talk about this. IMO the divorce rate is so high because couples no longer care about sitting down and talking about issues. It's like it's now "till fights do us part." It's sad. Give it a try, you two might end up working out a solution!
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