It"s long, but read though; I'm an alcoholic!!!

[H0ney]

Hello everyone,

 

I need help. I have not reached out to anyone close to me yet because I am scared. I thought I would start here. It's a pretty long, but very interesting (I assure you) story I have to share and I greatly need some help........ I'll try to give you the cliff-notes version Please keep reading!! I need replies..

 

I am a 22 year old woman. Some background info to start: While all my peers in high school were going to parties and getting "SO WASTED", I was the innocent one too involved in sports and worried about school to care about drinking- in fact, I looked DOWN on them all....

 

I had my first sip of alcohol on spring break of my senior year- after that I would drink 1-2 times a YEAR! When I was 18-19 I was playing college volleyball and dating a guy who did not drink because his dad was an alcoholic.

 

Well, him and I broke up. I was single for a while and focused on school. Then I met Jeff. Jeff and I had a great relationship right off the bat, and were best friends. during the week we would study and workout, and on the weekend we would go to parties, like any other college kids; not a big deal, right?

 

Well, about 6 months after Jeff and I had been dating, I moved out and got my own apartment (I was 20). It was one of the most exciting milestones of my life, but, looking back I really wish it had never happened.

 

Because you see, Jeff and I recently broke up in March.... spent 4 months apart, then got back together (for only 2 months) and broke up again for good about 3 days ago. we had dated almost 3 years, he was my first love, my very, very best friend.

 

I saw making a future life with him, a family. But attraction towards him was lacking on my part....We were sooo good together other than that. But most of all, alcohol was our demise, as pathetic as it is. I try hard not to blame him, but honestly he really is the one who pretty much who introduced me to the "college way of life" ......... and alcohol.

 

 

Jeff an I always had a relationship kind of based off drinking. It's pathetic I know. We were best buds but he would always stay at my place and we'd go out to the bar-or if we didn't go out, we would drink at home.

 

 

THIS IS WHERE I NEED HELP:

After Jeff and I broke up, I literally hit rock bottom. ****in' rock bottom!!! I WAS a student (@ one point), but failed all my classes. The girl who knew she was going somewhere... now had/has no idea. Not only did I fail every class, I literally drank everyday. I had no $ saved and I'm a waitress- so i literally walked out of work everyday with my 20.00 and knew it was $6.15 to buy a pint of the cheapest rum and a 16oz coke zero @ the nearest liquor store. I knew I could afford my booze and maybe some gas/food

 

When I say I drank everyday, I'm talking like a 5th a day (+ a few beers even). There were nights I literally woke up naked wondering who I had sex with..........(ive been STD tested by now dont lecture me!!)(and please don't lecture me, I hate myself for everything and I'm much safer now).

 

 

I mean seriously though my goal every night for 4 months straight was to get as f*cked up as possible............. because I hated my life.I was really at rock bottom for sure.

 

I'm much smarter now but at the same time, I still rely on alcohol to get me through. I can't go a day without drinking at least a pint. help me.

 

 

I just need advice.. because no one in my family will understand. i am a girl who comes from your typical white middle-class family....ugh

 

 

 

I realize now how stupid I was being but I still drink in the morning/afternoon/night/ before work/after work, whenever!! I have a problem. I don't know how to fix it.

[GrayClouds]

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You are asking for help, and that is a positive sign. Find an AA group n your area. If there is more then one then try them all for awhile until one feels right for you. Ask for there help.

 

Try finding a therapist that work at reduce rates, the college you attended may be able to help you with that.

 

Good luck, it will be hard but you can get beyond this.

[Tayla]

when this poster comes back, then maybe I'll give some helpful reference.

Leary about first time posters. Hopefully this one is genuine and sticks around.